by Ana Stone
“Maybe, maybe not,” GW commented then held up his hands as Sydney started to argue again. “Syd, we’ve been over this so much that all we’re doing now is going around in circles so let me just suggest that you look at this from his point of view. Here’s some dude who might be the master-mind of one of the worst act of terrorism in this country’s history who wants to take you on some cruise for the weekend. If the situations were reversed you can’t honestly tell me that you wouldn’t be just a little bit worried.”
“I understand that and I agree. I can only tell you what I told Blake. I’m convinced that Adrian won’t hurt me. Besides, I thought you and Blake wanted me to try and get information from him while I was steering him toward my father?”
“If this thing in Alabama pans out we may not need any of that.”
Sydney shook her head. “Somehow I just can’t believe that Adrian would be stupid enough to do something like that. He’s a smart man, GW, and he knows that the FBI was investigating Tyler - plus the fact that I’m involved with Blake. Do you really think he’d take a chance on exposing himself by doing something so foolish? It just doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t fit the impression I have of the man.”
“But the fact remains that two large shipments of ammonium nitrate are headed for Huntsville. And when you add that to the latest information, you come up with . . .”
“What information?” she interrupted him.
GW’s eyes widened fractionally for a split second then he pressed his lips together and looked down at the coffee cup he twirled in his hands on the smooth surface of the table. “I, uh, I’m not at liberty to discuss this case without clearance.”
“Not at liberty?” she sputtered in surprise then pinned him with a suspicious look. “What’s going on? Why are you suddenly holding out on me? I thought−”
“Maybe you haven’t.” It was his turn to interrupt her. “Thought about it, I mean. Syd, in case you’ve forgotten, this is an FBI investigation and as such neither I nor Blake can discuss certain aspects with people outside the department. Not even you. It has nothing to do with you personally. It’s just policy.”
“Policy,” she repeated the word as if it left a nasty taste in her mouth. In a way it did. When Blake got to her apartment the night before and they got into the argument about her planned trip with Adrian he had started spouting policy to her. She’d accused him of using ‘policy’ for his personal means and the argument had escalated.
As she silently observed GW she thought about her argument with Blake. He’d accused her of being interested in Adrian. He said that she must be more interested or involved than she was admitting or she wouldn’t be so adamant about going on the cruise. She had denied having feelings for Adrian but did not admit that spending time with him had become personally consequential. She didn’t want to admit that to anyone.
“Okay.” She ended the silence that hung thick in the air. “Then can you tell me what you’ve uncovered about Adrian? I overheard Blake on the phone last night when you were talking saying something about double-checking the possible connections between Adrian and extremist groups. Did you find out−“
“You happened to overhear?” GW looked at her dubiously.
“Well…“ She looked down in embarrassment. “Okay, fine, I was eavesdropping. That’s not the point. Did you−”
“Whoa!” GW made a slashing motion with one hand in front of his throat. “Cut! Call me psychic or call me crazy but I’m picking up some peculiar vibes here. All these questions−it’s not about the investigation at all, is it? This is personal. In fact, this is what you’ve been waiting on, isn’t it, Syd?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
GW scoffed at her indignant tone. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I was there, remember? I know your secrets and I know how your mind works. You’ve finally found it, haven’t you?”
Sydney jumped up so fast that she overturned her chair. “That’s ridiculous!” she insisted, turning away to right the chair so that he could not see her face.
“Is it?”
“Yes!” She could not look at him. “You know I gave up on−that I forgot all about that a long time ago.”
“I know you tried to.” He stood and started around the table to her. “But I don’t believe for a minute that you ever really let go of it. And I think this Zayne guy is just what you’ve been waiting on. He represents just the kind of mystery that− “
“GW, just let it go!” She snapped and walked around him to go into the living room and stand in front of the picture window with her back to him.
He followed her but took a seat on the couch. “You’ve already started, haven’t you?”
Sydney tensed at his words and immediately started to lie to him. But when she turned and looked at him she felt her intent to lie fade. She should have known that she wouldn’t be able to hide this from GW.
“Yes,” she admitted quietly.
“And?”
“And you’re right.” She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. “GW, it’s like the words just flow without effort. I don’t even have to think about it. It just happens and− “
“And what?” he gave her a verbal prod.
“And it feels so good!” She could not contain herself longer. “I feel like . . . like I’ve found myself again−like after all these years of hiding in the shadows I can finally step out into the sunlight.”
GW nodded in silence and Sydney waited for him to comment. GW knew better than anyone what she was talking about. He was the only one who could understand. And he knew that this was something she had wanted since she was old enough to hold a book in her hands. Her biggest desire in life had always been to become a writer; to create stories that would allow people to lose themselves in another world, the way books had always done for her.
She had fully intended to see that dream become a reality when she entered college and she knew that it would have happened if it hadn’t not been for Daniel Boorman. Daniel was a professor of philosophy. She became involved with him during her sophomore year in college.
He singled her out the first day of class, addressing his words to her as if they were alone in the vast auditorium instead of surrounded by over a hundred other students. She was flattered by his attention and intrigued with him. He was thirty-eight years old, worldly, intense and gorgeous in a brooding sort of way. Before fall semester ended they became lovers. By the middle of the next semester the trouble had already started.
During the time Sydney hadn’t understood it. Daniel became increasingly possessive and would fly into a rage if he so much as saw her talking to another man. At first, she dismissed his irrationality, thinking it was kind of romantic and passionate. But his jealousy and possessiveness grew steadily to reach a point where she began to feel like a prisoner of his affections; constantly under surveillance and on guard not to do or say anything that would set him off.
It all came to a head the final week of exams of her junior year. As she stood there, looking out of the window of the living room in her apartment she let her thoughts travel back to that time.
She and GW sat on the living room floor of their apartment, cramming for an exam, surrounded by books, notes and discarded fast food bags and containers. Sydney got up to answer a knock at the door to find Daniel standing outside. He started to speak but GW yelled out, “Hey, Syd? Do you have the notes from McFarland’s lecture on−”
GW never got to finish his question. Daniel’s face turned red as a beet and he shoved Sydney backwards with an enraged scream. She stumbled backwards and before she could get her balance Daniel had rushed in and attacked GW.
Sydney screamed and ran at him, trying to pull him off GW, who was pinned on the floor while Daniel pounded on him. “Daniel, stop!” She tried to get hold of his arm and stop him. “Leave him alone!”
Daniel snarled and punched GW in the left temple. Sydney saw GW’s eyes roll back and she screamed, thinking
that he was dead. Daniel grabbed her and pushed her as hard as he could. She fell over the coffee table and he dove on top of her.
“I won’t share you! You’re mine, do you hear me? Mine!”
“We weren’t doing anything!” She screamed as he raised his hand to hit her. “Daniel, no!”
But he did not listen to her. Sydney fought him with every ounce of strength she had as he started to hit her repeatedly. She managed to dislodge him and scrambled on all fours away from him. Unfortunately, she was not fast enough. He grabbed her around the waist and slung her. She collided with the dinette table and scrambled to right herself despite the feeling that her back was broken from impacting with the corner of the table.
Daniel was on her before she could stand, forcing her face down on the table like he was trying to drown her in the wood. Sydney kicked at him and tore at his hands with her nails but could not break free.
Sudden, overwhelming fear consumed her as she felt something cold and hard press against her temple. “I’ll see you dead before I see you with another man,” Daniel sobbed his words as he pressed the gun to her head.
“Daniel, I haven’t been with anyone else,” she insisted in a trembling voice. “Please, you have to believe me. I love you. I wouldn’t −”
GW regained consciousness and groaned. Daniel jerked around to look at him, keeping the gun jammed against Sydney’s head. “Hey, man, that ain’t no answer!” She heard GW say weakly.
“Shut up!” Daniel screamed at him, grabbed Sydney and pulled her up in front of him. She looked at GW and saw her own fear mirrored in his dark eyes.
“Please, Daniel,” she begged him. “Just put the gun down and we can talk. We can− “
“Shut up!”
Sydney felt like she was going to throw up she was so afraid. She knew she was going to die. But Daniel had other plans. He wrapped his hand in her hair and shoved her closer to GW. “So, you want my woman. Is that right, nigger?”
GW shook his head. “No, man. We’re just friends. I don’t−”
“Don’t lie to me!” Daniel screamed and pushed Sydney again. “I’ve seen the way you look at her.”
“Daniel please,” Sydney cried.
He pushed her again and grabbed the phone to jerk it loose from the wall. “Tie him up!” he yelled at Sydney as he held the cord in front of her.
She took the cord but didn’t move. He tapped the gun against the side of her head hard enough to make lights dance in front of her eyes and she yelped then took a hesitant step toward GW.
“Syd?” GW’s voice brought her back to the present. “Where were you?”
She shook her head and took a seat beside him. “In hell.”
“You mean Daniel.”
She nodded and looked down at her hands in her lap. That night had been as close to being in hell as she could imagine. After Daniel made her tie GW up with the phone cord he had raped her repeatedly, threatening to kill her if she resisted him.
Sydney had never imagined that she could be so afraid or so humiliated. Knowing that GW was watching the things Daniel was doing made want to disappear. When Daniel finished he lay across her bruised body and cried. Then he abruptly jumped up and ran out of the apartment.
Sydney crawled over to GW and untied him then he took her to the hospital. They were both examined and the police were called. After all the photographs and examinations and interviews she was admitted to the hospital. GW was released but stayed there with her, holding her hand. The police came to her hospital room the next morning. When they went to pick up Daniel for rape they had found him dead. He’d shot himself.
That was the moment that Sydney gave up her dreams of becoming a writer. She couldn’t understand what would drive a man to do the things that Daniel did but she couldn’t find it in her heart to hate him. He had obviously been a tortured person. She decided she’d switch majors and the next fall she entered the pre-med program, determined to one day understand what made people like Daniel do the things they did.
“GW.” She looked over at him. “I think I made a big mistake. I should never have gone to medical school. Don’t get me wrong, psychiatry helps some people and it pays the bills, but there’s just no− no passion or excitement. Sometimes I feel as cold and clinical as a hospital room and I’m just so tired of feeling that way.”
He took her hand in both of his. “So, are you just going to chuck your practice and write or what?”
“I don’t think I can afford to do that.” She was grateful that he had not said anything more about the past. “But I have to continue this book. And to do that, I have to get inside Adrian’s head. That’s where the secrets are− and where this book is. I can’t just let it go. Not now.”
He shook his head and gave her a somber look. “I always figured that one day you’d return to writing. I guess you should. You’re good at it. But this thing with Adrian - I’ll be honest, it concerns me. If what we suspect is right he’s a very dangerous man. He could make Daniel look like a boy scout in comparison, if you get my drift.”
“I know. But I know he won’t hurt me, GW.”
“How can you know that?”
“I just do. Adrian’s accustomed to getting what he wants and when he finds something he can’t have it’s like an obsession. He has to have it. I think maybe that’s how it is with me. Because I haven’t caved in and fallen all over him, it makes him want me. And don’t forget, he knows that I’m seeing Blake - and with a personality like Adrian’s, if he knows someone else wants something, it makes that something that much more desirable. So, if my estimation is correct, he’ll be determined to win me over so that he can flaunt it in Blake’s face. He wouldn’t even consider harming me because that would deprive him of his victory.”
“Maybe,” GW conceded. “But what happens if he wins? If your assessment holds, then it’s possible the object of his obsession won’t be so desirable once he has it.”
“By then I’ll be out of reach,” she said determinedly. “I don’t have any intention on giving in to him. I just need to spend some time with him so I can get inside his head and figure out what makes him tick.”
“All this for a book?”
“No. For my liberation from old ghosts and bad memories. I want to be free of it, GW - Daniel, Evan - all the mistakes. I want to be happy.”
“And I want you to be.” He squeezed her hand. “I think you and Blake can have a good thing if you can get over this hump with Zayne. But you’re going to have to be honest with Blake, Syd. He deserves to know why you’re being so stubborn about this.”
“I don’t know if I can talk about it to him,” she admitted. “GW, I’ve never even told my parents. No one knows besides you and the police.”
“Well, if you want to get rid of the ghosts you’re going to have to stop carrying them around with you. And Blake’s a smart, compassionate guy. Give him a chance.”
“What if he can’t handle it?”
“Then you didn’t have much to begin with.”
She nodded and put her arms around him. “Have I ever told you how much you mean to me?”
“You don’t have to,” he gave her a hug. “I know.”
She pulled back with a smile. “So, does this mean you’re going to support me?”
“Do I have a choice? I’ve gotta get going. Listen, do me a favor and take the laptop and your cell with you so we can stay in touch while your sailing uncharted waters with Zayne, okay?”
“All right. Oh! By the way, Dad wanted to know if you’d come by for drinks and dinner tonight? He wants to talk to you about this ‘bribery’ thing. He doesn’t think a hundred thousand is enough to buy his vote.”
GW laughed. “No, probably not. Not even if it is only make-believe. Okay, I’ll give him a call. You be careful, okay?”
“I promise,” she assured him as she walked him to the door. “Don’t worry. Everything will be just fine.”
GW left and Sydney returned to the dining room to clear away the cof
fee cups. She wished she was as confident as she tried to make GW believe. Not that she thought Adrian would do anything to hurt her. She really didn’t believe he would do that. But she did think he would try to get her to sleep with him and she had to find a way around that without making him angry. Determined she’d find away, she pushed aside her doubts and fears and went into the bedroom to start packing for her trip.
Blake put out his cigarette and got out of the car. It seemed like he’d smoked more the past couple of weeks than he had in the previous year. He knew that it was just his anxiety over this case. Worrying about Sydney didn’t make matters any easier. Last night they’d gotten into a heated argument. In the end they compromised and agreed to table the discussion both of them were less tense. Blake fully intended to continue the discussion as soon as possible. He was still dead set against her going off on a cruise with Adrian Zayne.
That she would even entertain the idea was inconceivable to him. She knew as well as anyone what Zayne was capable of. He drugged her, for God’s sake! He thought angrily as he entered headquarters and took the elevator up. Why would she even consider isolating herself with him like that for three days? Surely she can’t be so caught up in the excitement of being part of an FBI investigation that she can’t see the danger?
Blake knew from past experience that people could sometimes get over enthusiastic and caught up when they were involved with an investigation. People generally had the idea that being with the FBI was one thrilling adventure after another; days and nights filled with danger and intrigue. They didn’t see all the work that went into making a case come together.
But then the danger’s always been the lure for you, too, a voice inside his mind reminded him. He had always known that he was in large part a thrill junkie. Put him in a dangerous situation and he seemed to be more alive than at any other time.
I wonder if that’s how it is with Syd? Is it possible that she’s like me and I just didn’t see it because of that cool facade of hers? His thoughts were interrupted by Matt Donaldson as he stepped off the elevator.
