It was torture not knowing why she’d taken off for three entire days without any memory of where she’d gone or what had happened. Was she really capable of that kind of bloodshed? O’Deldar had told her there would be blood on her hands and that she should try not to focus on what’s right or wrong as she walked down a path of nettles––or words to that effect. She shuddered, greatly disturbed by his prophetic message. How had he known? Had he seen some sort of black stain on her soul?
A deep sense of sadness overwhelmed her as Eustace came to mind. How could she ever face her father if she’d actually killed someone? He had worked so hard to shelter her, keep her innocent. There’d be no hiding it from him. All he’d have to do is take one look at her to know she was changed, and not just because her skin still gleamed with a weird fiery light and her heart glowed through her clothes like Iron Man’s mini arc reactor. There was a time when having superhuman strength and supernatural looks would’ve been the coolest thing ever, but not if those powers were turning her into Mr. Hyde. She wondered how long the visible signs would last. The thought of never being able to return home gnawed at her. She missed Eustace. And it scared her that she couldn’t remember his face as clearly as she used to.
Leaning against the railing, she gazed out at the green garden burgeoning with clouds of pink and white spring blossoms. As she surrendered her troubles to the beautiful scenery, her spirits began to lift little by little. Movement caught her eye. Two men strolled the garden’s winding path––one large and barrel-chested, the other, not quite as tall, but young and lean. Her breath caught in her throat when the sunlight hit his bronzed, golden locks.
Fate gripped the railing, dizzy with disbelief. Then he turned as if she’d called out to him. A wide smile spread over Finn’s upturned face. Her heart pounded wildly in response as he launched into the air and landed next to her on the terrace.
Grabbing hold of her by the waist, he drifted upward as he whirled her out over space. For a second she wondered if she was dreaming, but the feel of his arms around her was too real. She gave into the moment, drinking in the masculine scent of his skin and the warm odor of his leather coat. As she melted against him, a blissful calm came over her. When he set her back down on the balcony she placed her hands on each side of his face, taking in every detail––the robust color of his skin, his moist lips and the green of his irises flaming bright with excitement. There wasn’t a trace of inner turmoil in his eyes. He seemed freed of the darkness he’d been fighting. By all appearances Rudwor’s enforced convalescence had worked miracles.
“You’re okay,” she said, barely able to catch her breath.
“I am at that.” His gaze roved over every curve of her face. “You goring me in the ribs was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me.”
Guilt knifed her in the chest.
Seeing her reaction, he laughed. “I’ll tell you all about it later tonight,” he said, his voice low and husky. As his lips brushed against her cheek, she closed her eyes, expecting a kiss, but he let her go.
She opened her eyes in shock. “Tonight? Why not now? You can’t leave––you just got here.”
He leaped over the railing, landing below the balcony. “I’ve got a few things to arrange, love. Don’t worry, I’m not going far,” he said, looking up at her with a mischievous smile.
Too stunned to speak, she watched him rejoin Rudwor in the middle of the garden and stroll away in the opposite direction.
She left her bedchamber in a daze, walking the wide hallway aimlessly.
“You alright? You’re lookin’ flushed.”
Stopping near the banister, Fate focused in on Gerdie coming up the stairs with Valesca. They hadn’t seen much of each other over the last few months. Fate had been busy training, while Gerdie, having taken a strong liking to the addled princess, had been working with the healers, referring to her grandmother’s notebook to combine magic with herbal treatments. They’d made some progress. Valesca seemed less absorbed with her imaginary world of late.
“I’m fine. Better than fine. Finn’s back,” Fate said breathlessly, her excitement building as the reality of his return sank in.
Gerdie’s eyes rounded with surprise. “How’d he look?” she asked as Fate moved past her and descended the stairs.
“He looked perfect,” she murmured, hovering a few inches off the floor as she slowly floated in no particular direction.
•
When Fate entered the private garden, Finn’s heart leaped into his throat. Dressed in an elegant gold satin gown, she outshone the brilliant copper flame of the sunset sky behind her. As much as he’d fought against it, he’d thought of her the entire time he’d been away, unable to keep from nurturing every recollection of her. But his memories paled miserably in the presence of this vision before him. And now with the goddess energy lighting her from within, she’d been transformed into an otherworldly creature he found even more entrancing. Which only made what he had to tell her so much harder than he’d expected.
He swallowed, pushing that part of his evening plans to the very end. It was important they first find comfortable ground. Stepping forward, he extended his arm to her. “I’ll take it from here,” he said to the servant who’d escorted her in.
Fate smiled nervously, her gaze flicking over the elaborate table set for two, the paper lanterns hanging from the trees and servants standing in attendance. “What’s all this?”
“Just a little something to show how much I missed you,” he said as he pulled out her chair. She slipped into her seat in one smooth graceful motion. His mouth went dry seeing how differently she moved, like a cat. Breathing deep to center himself, his nose filled with the scent of jasmine and vanilla feathering off her skin. He went hot all over, his mind hazing with desire. Before he knew it, he was pressing his mouth against her ear. “You look amazing.”
Shivering, she tilted her head back, exposing the slender curve of her neck, her lips parted in anticipation and eyes half closed.
A wild, all consuming need to possess her erupted from the depths of his being. He went rigid with fear as it clawed its way up out of the darkness into the light, this terrible shadow thing that fed on his strongest emotions and twisted them into the vilest of urges. Reeling backward and tripping, Finn regained his footing and walked stiff-legged to the opposite chair and sat down. Squeezing his eyes shut, he silently recited the mantra he’d been taught by the monks of Almsdeep. The victor need not fight. The victor need not fight.
The dark uproar receded, shrinking in size as he repeated the calming mantra.
“Finn? What’s wrong?”
He opened his eyes to her troubled expression. “Nothing, love,” he said, quickly averting his gaze to the treetops. He hated lying to her. Rudwor had warned him it was too soon to be alone with her. He should’ve listened but missing her had become a physical ache he could no longer bear. God, I want to hold her.
“This is nice, but you really didn’t have to go to all this trouble,” she said, her tone uncomfortable. “I would’ve been perfectly happy just spending the day with you.”
Finn forced his gaze back to her. She sat facing the sunset. The autumn hue of the sky’s light deepened the red-brown of her eyes while the wind caught in her hair, fluttering wavy strands near her inviting mouth. He was stricken by her beauty, made defenseless once again.
He had to do something or he’d lose control altogether. Don’t look into her eyes. Dropping his gaze to her throat, he stared hard at her necklace, following the chain down to the slim gold bar resting over her radiant heart center. He gulped when he recognized it. “Is that the Rod of Aeternitis?”
Her hand moved to cover it. “What? Why would you call it that?”
“Because that’s what it is. And the last time I saw it, O’Deldar was wearing it.”
She blanched, a wild panic showing in her eyes. “Are you sure? I-I don’t remember seeing it on him.”
His mind raced. Why did she look s
o guilty? “Do you have any idea what the Rod is and the kind of power it will unleash in the Orb?”
“Gerdie told me that everything that was ever created by the Orb was incomplete without the Rod. Did you know that?” she said, heat flushing back into her cheeks like a sudden fever.
He frowned in confusion. “So you do know about the Rod?”
“I think that’s the reason you haven’t been able to overcome the poison’s influence,” she said, rushing over his question. “We can fix you with the Rod. We can make you whole.”
He shook his head. She wasn’t making any sense. Had Brune’s spell taken over again? “Fate, do you know where you are?” he asked, searching her face for that telltale vacant look.
She frowned at him like he’d lost his mind. “Are you serious?”
The last time he’d seen her under the spell’s influence, she’d been completely out to lunch. She was certainly present at the moment. “It’s time you knew that Brune’s had you under a spell this whole time. That’s why you’re here. She sent you into the Book of Fables to get that Rod.”
“Are you making this up?” she said, expressing genuine surprise.
“Course not. The last time we saw O’Deldar, you went positively mental when he showed us the Rod. You weren’t you. You nearly attacked him to get it, but he subdued you and gave you an antidote to Brune’s spell. I know I should’ve told you but it seemed prudent at the time not to.” A queasy feeling throbbed in his gut as he leaned forward. “How did you manage to get it from him?”
“Why didn't you tell me?” she snapped. “Don’t you think I had a right to know that I’m being used? That I’ve been made to do awful, unforgivable things…” The anger in her eyes flared for only a second. A haunted look of guilt had moved in.
“Like what?” he asked, the sick knot in his stomach tightening. “Fate? Tell me how you got the Rod. I know O’Deldar didn’t just hand it over.”
Her face reddened as the rapid beat of her heart burned bright behind her breastbone. “I…I used my Words of Making,” she said, pressing her lips together defensively.
He could tell she was lying but he didn’t want to push it. She obviously wasn’t ready to confess the truth yet. He understood that kind of angst.
“I suppose now you expect me to give it back,” she said in a challenging tone.
“No, you have to keep it now. Whatever O’Deldar did to interrupt the spell isn’t working anymore. He said you’d die trying to get the Rod.”
Clutching at the necklace, she fell against the back of her chair, the stressed lines of her face smoothing with relief.
“When we get back to the bookstore, you mustn’t give it to Brune,” he warned. “O’Deldar was quite clear on that.”
She nodded, narrowing her gaze on the horizon. “No worries there. Brune’s not getting anything from me but a thorough ass kicking for everything she’s put me through.”
“Aye, she deserves it,” he agreed, still unused to this new tough attitude.
One of the servants cleared his throat, indicating to Finn a tray of food he must’ve been holding off on serving during their tense conversation.
“Thanks, mate,” Finn said, gesturing for him to set down the first course and signaling for the servants to let them eat in private.
Fate took a small bite of pheasant and set her fork down. “So is there a reason you couldn’t spend the day with me after we’ve been apart for two months?”
“Uh, about that,” he said, caught off guard by her directness. Another change he’d have to get used to. “I was hoping to talk about that later in the evening, but…”
She sat stiff as if bracing for bad news.
He shifted in his chair, feeling her tension flowing into him. The shield he’d learned to put around himself to keep from being a sponge for her emotions was thinning the longer he was near her. He quickly visualized the Sovereign Symbols he’d been given by the monks, breathing easier as the buffer rapidly fell back into place. Resting his elbows on the table, he smiled, though a bit forced, to help put her at ease. “There’s so much I want to tell you, to help you understand.”
“Understand what?” Her shining heart was beating fast, betraying her mounting anxiety.
“Why I need to limit my time around you for a while,” he said, unable to keep the smile going. Just saying the words brought on the worst kind of sadness. But he couldn’t go on fooling himself either. It was plain to see he needed more time to master everything he’d learned during his stay at Almsdeep. Once he was more practiced, he could then be around her without worry.
Pain raked across her face. “This is all because I made you remember where you came from, isn’t it?”
“No,” he was quick to say. The memory of that terrible night came slamming back. Shame clouded his mind, making him lose focus. “I’ll admit the pure shock of finding out my origins all over again made it easier to give in to the darkness.”
“That was never my intent,” she said as tears filled her eyes. “You just seemed so lost at the time with your memory fading. I only wanted to help you find a little peace in something familiar to you. I never meant to push you further into the poison’s grip.”
He smiled sadly. “I know, love. And I need you to know that every despicable thing I said and did that horrible night was not me. It was this thing inside me feeding on the despair I felt over not being real, not knowing what I was or where I belonged.”
She stared at him with a desperate look that tore at him. “I know that wasn’t you that night and I don’t blame you for what happened. You have to know you’re more real than what I ever imagined. And as for where you belong…you belong with me.”
She reached across the table, touching the tips of his fingers with hers. An electric current raced between them. It was all he could do to keep from throwing the table aside and taking her in his arms.
“Finn,” she said breathlessly, “you have no idea how painful it was for me to write about you everyday for all those years––the one person I wanted to be with more than anything. To fall more deeply in love with you, not be able to touch you, talk to you and have you respond to me? It was maddening.”
He gripped the sides of the table, wrestling with the dark presence rearing its ugly black head again. He’d been waiting for her to open up to him for so long and now that she was baring her soul like never before, he couldn’t risk a single move in her direction for fear of what he might do. His need to be with her, skin to skin, soul to soul was overpowering.
She held still, waiting for him to say something, do something. The hopeful, expectant look in her eyes killed him.
“God knows you should harbor only hatred toward me, and I’m grateful you don’t,” he said, his eyes closed as he pulled his awareness inward and focused on the speech he’d rehearsed a hundred times in his head. “And as far as my origins are concerned, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now, and it’s what I do from this time forward that defines who and what I am. Rudwor has helped me realize that. My time with him has been a true gift. He’s been like the father I always wished I’d had. He’s been helping me deal with the guilt and shame that’s been eating me alive. And without the guidance of the monks of Almsdeep, I wouldn’t know how to hold back the darkness.” He glanced up at the dusky sky, avoiding her gaze. “You have no idea how close I was to losing the battle. I was ready to stay with the Bane, to become one of them if they didn’t kill me first. I felt it was all I deserved after what I did to you.”
Feeling stronger now, he looked at her. She was staring down at her lap, her forehead creased with disappointment. He hated letting her down. But he’d rather have her angry with him than abused by his hands ever again. “I’m in a better place now. I’ve even learned to shield myself from sensing your every emotion. Well, pretty much. It’s easier when I only have my own feelings to contend with, but I still fear losing control. That must never happen again. Right now as it stands, being too close to you is having an
effect on me. My mind fogs and something wild claws its way out––something I’m not strong enough to tame. At least not yet. That’s why we need space from each other until I’ve got a better grip on this. Then we can move onto The Bloodthirsty Oak and I’ll do everything within my power to rid myself of this demon once and for all. Or die trying.” He waited for her to respond but she remained silent and deflated. “Is any of this making sense to you?”
She straightened and faced him. It took a moment for her cold, remote gaze to set in. The light of her heart was subdued now, the beat steady. There was an eerie calmness that shouldn’t be there.
His heart thudded with panic. “Please say something.” She stood up, meeting his gaze head on but staring right through him. He’d seen that look before, the warrior stare when she’d been under Murauda’s thrall. “I understand. I’ll leave you alone,” she said, her voice flat.
As she rounded the table, he stood up so fast his chair fell over. He caught her by the wrist. “Don’t…don’t leave like this.”
Twisting her wrist, she wrenched free of his grasp and pushed him back with startling strength. “This is your choice, Finn, not mine. But you can’t expect to have it both ways.”
Too dumbstruck to speak, he pressed a fist over the pain in his chest, his heart shriveling with each stride she took away from him.
Chapter 31
THE NEXT FOUR WEEKS after Fate had drawn the line in the sand between them were excruciating. Every time she replayed that final moment in her mind––which was a lot––she crumbled inside. But what was she to do? Short of standing naked before Finn, she’d poured her heart out under the assumption he felt exactly the same. And what had he done? He’d shut down and rattled off a bunch of flimsy reasons they shouldn’t be together, not even asking how she felt about it. She couldn’t understand why he felt the need to protect her. She wasn’t the weakling she used to be. Couldn’t he see that?
Still, she regretted having closed the door on him, but what hurt most was that he’d left it closed. Several days after that disastrous night, he’d sent a note. She’d ripped it open, expecting a change of heart, or at least some hint that he missed her as much as she did him. But it had been an impersonal message saying he’d be ready to move onto the next fable after Rudwor’s coronation in a month.
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