by Edie Claire
Thane’s stomach cramped so painfully he let out an audible groan. He hadn’t had an ulcer since his undergrad days in Okanagan when he’d lived on black coffee and junk food. How could another one erode itself in a day? Why the hell did he even care so much? Why could he not just write off this pale, writhing man as not worth the grief and go along his merry way? If it weren’t for Stanley Buchanan’s damnable theatrics, Thane could be cuddled up in front of a warm fire with Mei Lin right now. Wonderful, beautiful, sexy Mei Lin, with whom he’d had zero time alone since realizing he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything—
“Th-Thane?”
He froze. The pale man in the bed had indeed been writhing. Now he had spoken. He had twisted onto his side and was staring directly at his visitor. His eyes were wide open and his skin had regained some color.
“Yeah,” Stanley’s hoarse voice croaked. His dry lips curved into a grin. “I’m talking to you. I’d know you anywhere, Son.”
Thane bent forward. He felt like standing up, but if he did the man would be talking to his waistline. He could think of no response, so he made none.
Stanley continued to smile. His eyes were shot with red as much as they were blue, but his dark pupils danced with glee. “I’ve missed you.”
Thane cleared his throat, loudly. His face felt hot. “Likewise,” he croaked in return. They stared at each another for a long time. Stanley’s expression didn’t waver. He looked so… happy. “I… uh… I’m glad you’re awake,” Thane offered awkwardly. “Jason’s here.”
If it was possible, Stanley looked even happier. “Bring him.”
Thane moved to the door, opened it, yelled, and then realized he probably shouldn’t have done that in a hospital where other patients were sleeping. Oh well. He returned to find that Stanley had squiggled around enough to stare at him while he was standing. “You’re feeling better?”
Stanley made a shrugging motion, as if the subject was of no importance. His grin turned slightly wicked. “Mei Lin likes you.”
“You think so?” Thane replied, bemused. His face felt like it was on fire. “And how would you know?”
Stanley made a gurgling noise that was probably a chuckle. “I know women.”
Thane heard himself chuckle back. “Well, I hope you’re right. I like her, too.”
“Good.” Stanley beamed. He was still beaming when Jason burst through the doorway and appeared at Thane’s side. Stanley adjusted his gaze and smiled broadly. “Jason,” he announced. “I’ve missed you too, my boy. You look just like me, you know. Like I used to look, anyway. You’re making the most of it, I hope.”
Jason blinked. Thane wondered if he was having the same “hot eyes” problem.
Stanley’s gaze shifted to take in each man in turn. “Yep. Handsome devils, the both of you. I knew it.” He looked thoroughly pleased with himself. Then his expression turned more sentimental. “You were good boys, always. I’m so sorry. Sorry I wasn’t there. I wish I could have been. But I couldn’t.”
“We know,” Thane proffered, realizing even as he said the words that he didn’t entirely believe them. There must have been some other way. If he’d been allowed, maybe he could have helped his parents to find it. But thinking that way served no purpose.
“Well, you can be here now,” Jason said with some belligerence. “So don’t give us any more of this ‘I’m not worthy’ crap. You’re getting better and we’re working this out. You owe us that much, don’t you think?”
Stanley’s smile faded a moment as he appraised his younger son. Thane wondered how much of his brother’s personality had been apparent by the age of ten. Did Stanley know what the rest of the family already knew — that Jason didn’t anger easily, and that he only used that particular, chilling tone when defending something he really cared about?
Stanley stared at both his sons for a long time. When he spoke again, his tone was even. “I’m not worthy. That’s the truth. But if the two of you want me to stick around a while, I’ll do my best to oblige.”
“You promise?” Jason demanded. Thane could see a definite wetness around his brother’s eyes now. He was glad he wasn’t the only one.
Stanley nodded once. Then his brow creased. “I can’t promise there won’t be any danger to you. Probably not much, after all this time, but—”
“You think we want to hear about that?” Jason interrupted. “We’re grown men, for God’s sake! We can take care of ourselves. Those idiots in Chicago are probably all gumming their food by now. And look at this guy—” he jerked an elbow toward Thane. “He look defenseless to you?”
Stanley smiled again. “Not hardly.”
“Damn straight!” Jason proclaimed. Then, Thane noticed, he smiled a little.
“So, we’re agreed,” Thane proclaimed, his heart lightening. “First step is, you get better and get the hell out of here. Hospitals give me the creeps.”
Stanley jumped slightly, as if he’d remembered something. “You see the bear?” he demanded.
“No,” Thane replied. “Not yet, anyway. Did you?”
“No,” Stanley answered, even as tiny lights began to dance in his eyes. “But I’m gonna. I’m going to see that glacier cub if—” He stopped himself, then swung his gaze to Jason. “If it almost kills me.”
Jason’s eyes were definitely wet now. In solidarity, Thane wiped his own face with his sleeve.
“We’ll see it together, then,” Jason proclaimed in his normal, mellow voice. “It could take years. But we’ll do it.”
“All of us,” Thane reiterated. “The three Buchanans.”
Stanley looked back at Thane with a grin of pure wickedness. “And maybe more.”
***
Mei Lin was sure she was going to expire from anxiety. When Thane had yelled for Jason, it was impossible to tell if the news was good or bad. But only two people were allowed in the CCU rooms at a time, and she couldn’t have stopped Jason’s going even if she’d wanted to. A nurse aide had come up to her and Ri in the waiting room a few moments later and explained that Stanley had regained consciousness and was talking, but that it would be best if he and his sons had some privacy for a while. Since no higher authority would tell them anything, Mei Lin and Ri couldn’t help but wonder if the words Stanley was saying were expected to be his last.
When, nearly a half hour later, the brothers’ loud voices could be heard traveling down the hallway towards her, Mei Lin felt giddy with relief. Why, they almost sounded like they were laughing!
“Is he all right?” she demanded, meeting them at the door.
Thane smiled and pulled her to him. “He’s going to be. Don’t worry. He wants to see you, but we were told only five more minutes or so. Then they’re going to make him stop babbling so he can rest.”
“He did get jabbery there for a while, didn’t he?” Jason said merrily.
Mei Lin couldn’t see their expressions because her face was still buried in Thane’s chest, but the mirth in their voices delighted her. Stanley would make it after all. Thank God! She reveled in Thane’s embrace, wondering again how it could be that — in such a short period of time — his touch could come to feel so completely, incredibly right. Even now, as he released her, she was reluctant to let the feeling go. “Go on,” he told her, his smile bright. “He really does want to see you.”
Mei Lin threw an apologetic glance back at Ri, her wonderful sister who had left her summer marine biology research in Resurrection Bay to fly to Gustavus for a surprise visit, only to wind up holding Mei Lin’s hand through a rescue operation and a miserable overnight hospital vigil. Poor Ri had had only two nights to spare and would have to fly out of Juneau later today. But she waved away her sister’s apology with a smile. I owe you one, Mei Lin’s answering look promised.
Mei Lin was halfway out the door when she heard Jason swear. She turned to see him frowning down at his cell. “What?” Thane asked.
“Mom. She’s been blowing up my phone for days,” Jason explained with
an exasperated voice. “I don’t know what her deal is. She wanted to tell you something in person — something so important that she was going to drive to Tofino until I told her you weren’t there anymore. Then when I told her I was coming up here myself, she lost it — started giving me all kinds of crazy about why I shouldn’t come. She called again yesterday right in the middle of everything and I just put it on silent. Apparently, she’s kept trying. Has she been on you, too?”
Mei Lin waited while Thane checked his own phone. It took him some time to find it, since it was buried in his pack. “Hell if I know,” he said with a shrug, tossing it back where it came from. “My battery’s dead.”
Mei Lin headed back into the hallway, her anxiety increasing again. Thane’s mother had known all along that Stanley was alive. She had been a part of the deception — arguably, the more active part, since she’d been the one left behind to tell the lies. Margot Buchanan had a good reason to do what she did. But would Thane forgive her as easily as he appeared to have forgiven his father?
For some reason, she feared not. Which was probably why she had mentioned Margot as little as possible when she’d explained what she knew to the brothers. At the time they were too stunned over their father’s actions to give much thought to the role their mother had played. But they would think about it. And when they did, thorny questions were bound to follow.
She slipped into Stanley’s room. He was awake and seemed to be expecting her, and she crossed immediately to his bedside and took his hand. He looked drawn and weak as a kitten, but she smiled anyway, having feared far worse. Her eyes flooded with tears, and she made no attempt to control them. She could cry if she wanted to. She wasn’t Stanley’s nurse anymore; she was simply his friend.
“There’s my girl,” he said indulgently, pressing her hand. “I’m sorry I’ve ruined all the good progress you were making.” He gave a nod towards his wounded leg, which at the moment was covered with blankets. “If it’s gone septic, it’s my own fault. Truth is, I tricked you. I stopped the antibiotic days ago — soon as I found out Thane was in town.”
Mei Lin drew in a shuddering breath. “Stanley! But why?”
He shook his head and looked away. “Because I’m a coward. There’s no other excuse for me. I was convinced the boys would hate me. I hated myself for what happened — why shouldn’t they? I couldn’t imagine any other reaction. And I… well, I just couldn’t face it. I wanted to remember them happy. Thane in particular. Did you know, when he was little and I’d come home, his eyes would light up like candles? I wanted to keep that with me. The thought of seeing that same face all grown up and filled with hate… I couldn’t bear it.” He shivered a little; Mei Lin could feel the vibration in his hand. “I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t. I wanted to run away. So, I did.”
“That was cowardly,” Mei Lin agreed, even as she cradled his hand gently. “But we all make mistakes. You’ve done plenty of brave things, too. Trying to do what was best for your family in an impossible situation was one of them.”
He sniffled. “I don’t think I’ll ever really feel right about leaving them. Never mind that I would do it again.”
“I understand,” Mei Lin assured. “And I believe they do, too.”
He turned his head to look at her, and the misery on his face slowly eased into a smile. “I couldn’t believe it, you know. When I saw them. I thought I’d just go look for the bear — keep looking until the end of me. I’m not sure what happened, really. I remember renting the kayak and paddling off… but everything after that gets hazy. I remember that I was cold, and that I could hear Thane calling to me, but I couldn’t move. I thought I might already be dead. Next thing I know, he’s looking at me. His face is right there. It’s a man’s face, but… there were those same candle lights, twinkling at me! I couldn’t believe it. Then Jason was there, too… like a younger me. My sons were men. Fine-looking men. And the expression in their eyes… well, I could only think I was in heaven.” He chuckled to himself. “And believe me, thinking that was as big a surprise as anything!”
Mei Lin laughed with him. “Do you remember what you said to them then? You only managed two words: ‘handsome devils.’”
He laughed out loud. “Well, they are, aren’t they?” His lips screwed into a smirk. “But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?”
Mei Lin made no reply. She merely smiled, then wiped away tears with her free hand.
“No, I can see that I don’t,” Stanley continued smugly. “Love’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? At least so I’ve been told.” His expression clouded. “By the way, you didn’t happen to mention to the boys what I told you about their mother… how she refused to let me take them into the witness protection program?”
Mei Lin shook her head. “I didn’t say anything about her. You didn’t tell me much anyway, and… I figured the details should come from you. Or her.”
He nodded. “Good. I told them it was my decision. That’s all they need to know.”
Mei Lin tensed. “They’re going to want more details eventually, Stanley. They’re going to feel a real need to understand what happened. The kind of marriage you had… well, that’s an important part of the story. What happened doesn’t completely make sense without it.”
His face hardened. “I’ll figure it out. They’re old enough to understand that we were practically divorced at the time. But it’s better if they think I never even considered testifying and going into hiding as a family. They can’t know it was their mother who refused. I don’t blame her, mind you — but they might. And I can’t bear thinking that by returning from the dead, I’ve put a wedge between her and them. They’ve forgiven me so much already, what’s one more sin in my column?”
“But it’s just another lie,” Mei Lin argued. “Don’t you think—”
“Please, Mei Lin,” he interrupted. “Let me do this. Didn’t you just say that telling my story was my place?”
She nodded miserably. He didn’t understand — no doubt couldn’t understand, what a painful position he was putting her in. Keeping such a secret would mean lying to Thane. Even if he never realized what she knew, never asked her a thing about it, it would still be a lie of omission, because she knew he would want to know. The thought of saddling their future with such a deception made her feel sick inside. What she and Thane had together was so good, so honest! Their openness was a part of who they were. But what else could she do? It was not her secret to tell.
“Thank you,” Stanley said sincerely. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since I saw them — how to make things work without hurting anybody. I had this glimpse of heaven, you see… at least until my leg started hurting.” He turned to her. “You think I’ll lose it?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “The doctors haven’t talked to me.”
Remarkably, Stanley laughed. “Well, it would serve me right, I suppose. But you know, it hardly matters. I have my boys back, Mei Lin. My men.”
“Yes, you do,” she choked out. She could barely see. She wiped her face again. “Everything’s going to be okay, Stanley. You just have to focus on getting better.”
He nodded. “I made that decision already. As bad as my leg hurt — and my head too, come to think of it — once I’d seen them, I knew I wanted to live. I had to see them again. I wouldn’t let myself leave them… again.”
“You won’t,” Mei Lin agreed. She straightened her spine. “Because you’re going to get better. Not only from this, but you’re going to treat that cancer, too.”
He looked at her speculatively. “That sounds like an order. I might even consider following it. If it came from a nurse practitioner.”
“It will,” she answered firmly. “So get ready.”
He grinned. “All right. But I won’t be one of your hospice patients, missy. A little surgery, a little chemo… Hell, I figure I can swing another decade.”
She grinned right back at him. “I know you can.”
Chapter 31
&
nbsp; Doug held open the door of the main entrance to the hospital, and Margot hastened inside. It was early morning, but the sun had been up for hours already. She knew, because she’d barely slept a wink all night. They had flown from Vancouver to Juneau yesterday, but to her consternation she hadn’t been able to contact either of her sons all afternoon. Since she didn’t know exactly where they’d gotten to, she and Doug had settled into a motel in Juneau until one or the other deigned to answer her. The next to last thing she had expected was to receive a text from Jason in the wee hours of the morning explaining that both of them were in a hospital waiting room. The last thing she had expected when she called back was to be told that the patient they were visiting was their father.
“The CCU is that way,” Doug pointed out helpfully as she stared at the directional signs without seeing them. She still couldn’t believe it. Stanley and the boys had run into each other. It was incredible. It was ridiculous. She still didn’t understand how it had happened. Jason had been in no mood to explain it to her in the middle of the night and Jason never explained anything adequately anyway. All she knew was that Stanley had been out hunting for one of those silly blue bears again and that this time he had nearly died in the process. The last part in itself was no news — Stan was always nearly dying in the process of something.
She stormed down the hall and swung open the door to the CCU waiting room. She had let Doug get a few more hours of sleep before waking him up and rushing over, but the uncertainty of the situation had been killing her. God only knew what Stanley had told Thane and Jason. What were they thinking had happened all those years ago? How much did they know of her role in it?
She was terrified.
The waiting area was smaller than she’d expected. The only people sitting in the uncomfortable-looking upholstered chairs were two twenty-something women. Thane and Jason weren’t there. Margot felt like screaming, but to her surprise one of the women stood up and smiled. “Are you Margot Tremain?” she asked. She was Asian, with pretty dark eyes that floated over Margot’s shoulder as her husband followed her into the room. “And Doug?”
