by Xondra Day
Dearest Father,
As I sit here, penning this letter, my heart is filled with much sadness and regret. After much thinking on my part, I’ve decided that I have no choice but to leave this place and my past behind.
I assure you that I will be fine. Please do not worry about me.
Your Daughter,
Kate
By then she had already made arrangements to come to Joe. So, early in the morning hours, she’d slipped the note onto her father’s desk in the library, taking her leave via the back door of the house before any of the servants had a chance to stir.
“Hello?”
Goodness! Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.
“Ryan, I didn’t hear you come in. I figured you’d still be in town.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just had some brief business to take care of, then I made my way back.” He held a package wrapped in brown paper in his right hand.
“We could have waited for you. There was no need for you to walk all that way. And in this heat, it isn’t good.”
He nodded. “It’s only bad from noon on. I can handle it. I’m used to it.” There was a slight coolness to his voice.
“You don’t like me very much do you?” questioned Kate. Right after she said those words, she wished she hadn’t. But she was never one for going through back doors. She preferred people to be up front and honest, and thus she lived by those rules herself.
He hesitated. “No. That’s not it at all. It’s just that for so long it’s only been Joe and I.”
“And I’m like an intruder of sorts,” added Kate. “Ryan, I want us to get along. I want you to like me. I think that’s important to Joe. He obviously thinks highly of you.”
Ryan stepped forward, placing the package he’d been holding onto the table. “I don’t dislike you, Kate.” He motioned to the package. “I bought that for you, and for Joe. But I guess it’s more for you than him. It’s a wedding present.”
Clasping her hands to her chest, Kate was touched and no words would come. She moved toward the table, reaching out gingerly to touch the package, her fingers lingering on the simple paper. “Ryan, that’s very kind and most thoughtful of you.”
“It’s nothing, really.” He shuffled awkwardly from side to side. “You may open it.”
Pulling at the paper, Kate smiled as she revealed the item contained within. “It’s beautiful,” she said, her voice just above a whisper. Before her now lay a small porcelain trinket box, delicately adorned with tiny painted flowers.
“It’s for trinkets,” said Ryan.
“It’s perfect, Ryan, and thank you for it. I’ll always cherish it.”
“I best get to work. I’m assuming Joe is already out there, hard at it?”
“Yes. He left right away just after we returned.” Kate paused for a moment. “Ryan, this may be a stupid question, but what should I be doing?”
Ryan surveyed the room. “The place could use a cleaning. We’ll be back a bit after noon for something to eat. Sandwiches would be good. Can you cook?”
“I can.” She was now thankful for her hours spent as a girl watching the cook whip up meals in the kitchen.
“You’ll get the hang of it all. The pantry is well stocked, and if you need to, just ask questions.”
Kate heaved a sigh of relief. She now felt more at ease. “I just don’t want to fudge anything up.”
Ryan smiled. “Kate, life is a learning experience and one that never stops. Just you remember that.”
“I will.” She watched Ryan walk away. But before he got past the door she felt the need to thank him once again. “Thank you, Ryan, for everything.” She looked to the trinket box.
“Don’t mention it. It was nothing.” He nodded to her before making a quick exit.
Standing there full of mixed emotions and just slightly anxious, Kate’s mind flittered to what it meant to be a good wife and the duties that subsequently went along with the same. She had an hour or so to kill before the two men would be back to eat. She best start with that.
The pantry. Now where would a pantry be? The word itself and its meaning weren’t unknown to her. A small doorway just off the kitchen, closed off with a red-and-white gingham curtain, revealed a neat little room lined with shelves and, lo and behold, foodstuffs.
* * * *
He’d gone and done it now!
Joe stood tall, looking over the fields he had planted along with Ryan earlier the spring. Everything was coming along fine and good. But yet, inside he was fighting a war with himself, not knowing if marrying Kate had been the right thing to do.
Already the day had turned humid, the air thick with moisture. It was a good thing, they needed rain desperately.
“The barn is clean. I just checked it before coming out here.” It was Ryan.
Joe couldn’t bear to look at him. He felt like a cad, he’d hurt Ryan, and that was never intended. Even today, while he and Kate married, he could see it in Ryan’s eyes as he watched them tie the knot.
He nodded, not able to make eye contact. “It looks like rain, possibly a storm.” His gaze moved upward toward the sky. The sky was relatively clear with some overcast, but it was the air and once again the humidity that keened his senses. “I thought you were in town?”
“I was,” answered Ryan. “I stopped into the mercantile to buy something, a gift.”
“A gift?”
“For you and Kate—a wedding gift.”
Joe glanced at Ryan and then quickly looked to the fields again. “You didn’t have to do that. This is difficult for both of us and you don’t have to pretend to be okay with it.”
“I’m not pretending anything, Joe. But I’m making an effort. I did some thinking on my walk back from town. It isn’t fair to take my frustrations out on Kate. She’s innocent in this. She couldn’t and didn’t know what she was walking into. If she did, I don’t think she would have come.”
“I suppose not.” Ryan was right. No woman in her right mind would have walked into this. “Anyway, I’m sure Kate appreciated the gift. It was a good gesture on your behalf.”
“Like I said, I hold no ill will toward her. She’s not to fault for anything.” Ryan moved to his side. “Storm’s on the way. I can feel it.”
Joe nodded. “Is it always going to be like this?”
Ryan shrugged. “Maybe. Things will never be the same. I no longer have the man I love.”
Ryan’s words cut deep, and Joe winced upon hearing them. “You still have me.”
“No.”
“Yes, you do. I will always be there for you. That will never change as long as I have breath in my body.” He grabbed Ryan and pulled him close, looking into his eyes, eyes filled with sadness. “We’re a part of each other whether we like it or not.”
Ryan pushed against him. “You have a wife, Joe. Kate is where your heart should be from this day onward. Now please, let me go. I don’t like the look of the sky, and I think we best get things done before the storm’s upon us.”
He released Ryan.
* * * *
Once her sensibilities kicked in, Kate changed into something more practical and then set about cleaning.
She started with the floor, sweeping it, and then proceeded to dust and rearrange things more to her liking. She didn’t dare make any drastic changes since she still felt somewhat like a stranger.
After that much was completed, she went back to the pantry and selected two cans of beans and a loaf of bread. She guessed one of the two men had a hand in baking that. Perhaps she would get them to teach her. She was a quick and studious learner, the top of her class back when she attended boarding school.
Ah yes, boarding school. She’d spent more time there than she did at home when she was a girl, only going home for Christmas and of course the summer. But even at home she didn’t feel like she fit in, love didn’t come easy for either of her parents, and, well, that much really explained itself.
Her mother had
always been more hung up on her societal commitments rather than her children. Nannies raised her, they were the ones who saw to her needs, they tucked her into bed at night and when she needed a shoulder to cry on, it was them that provided one.
Kate added wood to the cook stove, opening the two cans of beans. While waiting for them to warm, she set the table, put on a pot of fresh coffee, and sliced bread, piling it high onto a plate.
When she heard them outside on the steps, relief washed over her. Being left alone for too long left her open to her memories of Darcy, her father, and the past.
The two men entered, each taking time to remove their hats.
“Whatever it is, it smells downright good,” said Joe, taking his place at the table.
She smiled. “It’s nothing much, just beans. I’m afraid I’m not the most experienced in the kitchen.”
Joe nodded. “Everything just takes time.”
Ryan sat opposite of Joe and thanked her when she served him. After she served Joe, she took her seat and gingerly picked at her food.
“There is a storm coming,” said Joe. “A bad one.”
“Oh my, nothing to worry about I hope?” She clasped one hand to her chest in concern.
“Just lots of rain, I figure, and some thunder and lightning. The river may get a little high, but naw, it’s nothing to worry yourself about. The crops could use the rain.”
“Of course,” she said, nodding.
And then a huge crash of thunder boomed overhead, shaking the house.
“It’s started sooner than I thought.” Ryan was at one of two front windows looking outside at the sky, which had fallen dark. “This is going to be one humdinger.”
Joe was at the other window. “It’s a good thing we brought the horses into the barn.”
Kate sat there, looking to both, as another crash rang out, followed by a bright flash of lightening. “Coffee anyone?” she asked. “It’s fresh.” Her appetite had gone. Storms of any sort made her nervous, and out here on the wide-open prairie she felt vulnerable and foreign.
“After we’re done,” said Joe. Both men returned to the table and resumed eating.
For the rest of the day, it rained like she had never seen before. At times, she thought they’d be washed clear into the river, never to be seen again.
To pass time, Kate washed the dishes and continued on with the organization of her new household, while the two men sat and twiddled their thumbs. It was painfully obvious that neither was used to sitting around.
“Is there anything I can help with?” asked Joe, coming to her side while she sifted through the pantry, rearranging things more to her liking. “There isn’t much to do with the rain and all.” Overhead, the heavy drops pounded the roof. “Ryan is checking on the horses and livestock. I think it’s safe to say we can write the day off.”
“I have not been here long but I can guess the farm is a lot of work. For two men, it’s a big undertaking.” Kate examined a can of peaches and then, looking at the shelves, decided to keep them together on the third shelf.
“Indeed. I’ve thought about hiring more help but I can’t rightfully justify the cost. Money is always tight, though I don’t expect for you to understand that being from the city.”
She braced her hands on the shelving. She’d wondered when Joe would start asking about her past. Of course he had a right to know, but some things she wouldn’t divulge, not now and perhaps never.
“Not everyone from the city is rich, Joe, if that’s what you are implying. You would be surprised if you were to walk into some of the poorer areas.” She knew this to be fact, she’d volunteered at more than one soup kitchen in her spare time. She’d witnessed the desperation of many, both young and old. It was a sad situation that never seemed to get any better. And the children, they were the ones who stuck out in her mind. Many a night she had lain awake with their forlorn faces running through her mind.
“I guess so. I’ve never had much use for the city or the life that comes with it. I just saw your clothes, and, well, you are refined.”
She raised one brow. “Are you asking me for my story? We all have a story to tell, so I guess you are entitled to know mine now that we are husband and wife. It’s only fair.”
Kate felt Joe’s hands rest upon her shoulders. She turned to him and smiled. “Let’s sit.”
“I don’t mean to pry,” explained Joe. “But I am a bit curious as to why you would actually come here to marry me. I mean no offense, but you look to have your pick of any man. And, well, I’m not really—” He stopped. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sure you could have done much better than me.”
“That’s just a matter of opinion. Love is a fickle thing and often you find it where it’s least expected.
“I’ve led a privileged life. I never wanted for much. That much is true. I have my reasons for coming here, and I have no regrets in doing so. I really don’t know what else to say other than if you have questions, feel free to ask.” She didn’t dare bring up Darcy. That memory itself was still far too painful.
Chapter Six
Supper that evening was quiet. Ryan sat at his usual place and glanced back and forth at Joe and Kate between bites.
“That’s some rain, eh?” It wasn’t the best way to kick-start a conversation, especially since the said topic had already been bled dry throughout the day. But anything was better than nothing. It wasn’t hard to sense tension in the air.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Kate smiled. She stood from the table and motioned to the stove where a pot of coffee sat waiting for them. “Coffee anyone?”
Both men nodded at the same time.
After coffee, it wasn’t long and it was time to settle into bed. Early to bed and early to rise was the motto around these parts, and it was a well-set routine.
In bed, Ryan did his best to avoid thinking what may or may not be going on in the other bedroom. And while the idea of Joe being married was sinking in, he still didn’t have to like it.
Turning onto his side, he faced the wall and closed his eyes, begging for sleep to soon overtake him, the only sound being the rain pounding the rooftop overhead.
* * * *
Kate stood before the lone bureau in the bedroom. She ran one finger across the trinket box. Inside she was nervous, scared in fact. Both were silly emotions considering she was well aware of what was to come next, being a new bride and this being her wedding night. She wasn’t a virgin, she wasn’t inexperienced, but yet she felt as if she were all that and more.
Through the dim light, she turned to see Joe sitting there on the edge of the bed. He looked up, smiling at her. She was quick to return one. She motioned to the buttons on the back of her dress. “Could you?” she asked.
Standing behind her she felt his fingers work the buttons, unfastening them one by one.
“Sorry,” he said, his voice low as he struggled with one button. “I’m a bit clumsy and my fingers seem so large compared to these tiny buttons.”
“It’s okay. You can just imagine how hard it is to dress sometimes. It’s very impractical to have them located back there. But fashion being what it is, who am I to question it?”
“I don’t know anything about fashion or things like that, but I do know that you smell really good.”
His comment had taken her aback. She couldn’t help but giggle, just a bit. “It’s just a bit of scent. I don’t like anything too strong. His hands slid the garment down over her shoulders, underneath her corset came into view.
She turned to him and allowed the dress she’d been wearing to fall to the floor. Her hands now traced down each of his shoulders, feeling the firm muscle under the home-spun cotton.
Together, they moved to the bed. Joe pulled back the bedclothes and then looked at her as if waiting for direction.
“Could you?” she asked, needing help undressing. Of course she could have done it herself, but this way was much more fun. “Just loosen it a bit for me.”
“Of course.”
“Now I can breathe. That thing can be most uncomfortable.”
Joe sat on the edge of the bed and watched her with a curious eye. “Then why do you wear it?”
Kate tossed the contraption, as she often called it in secret, to the end of the bed. “Good question. It’s a combination of fashion and just proper dressing. I’ve not really put much thought into it before.”
“Forgive me asking such a silly thing. You must think I’m just some dumb country boy.”
She sat next to him. “I think nothing of the sort.”
“I’m not the most experienced.” He flashed her a sheepish grin. “This is kind of new to me.”
“Then we can both do our best to put each other at ease.” Just clad in her under things, Kate slid under the bedclothes, patting the empty spot next to her. “I promise I don’t bite.”
* * * *
And there he was, alone, with Kate watching and waiting for him to make the next move. Her eyes following him as he first shed his shirt and subsequently his trousers. Standing there in just his long johns, he could hear his heart pounding, his pulse racing. It was his first time all over again and then some. It didn’t help matters to know that Ryan lay just on the other side of the wall. Ryan who he loved and desperately didn’t want to hurt, yet he knew the damage had been done.
Sliding in bed next to Kate, his nervousness subsided. Her fingers touched his bare chest, grazing his nipples, and they stiffened under her touch.
“Coming here, I wondered what would be on the other side of that ad and I can say I’m very pleased.” She pressed her body against him, her smooth, soft skin gliding against him. She looked up, her chin now pressing against his chest while with one hand she pulled her hair down, well over her shoulders, in a lush golden wave.
“I can say the same. Having that attraction there is definitely a bonus, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be. But once I saw you that first day, I knew it would all come together even if we did get off to an abrupt start.” He touched her hair, reveling at its silken texture.
