by K. S. Adkins
“A third world country?”
“Most likely,” she says tapping her temple. “To be able to help, teach others and learn about culture abroad would be huge for me, a dream.”
I didn’t voice it but I secretly hoped she was never accepted. Yeah, it made me a dick that I wanted my dreams but she shouldn’t have hers. So fucking what, my dream was a two-hour plane ride, hers was four hundred shots in the ass so you didn’t die from the water and bug diseases.
It was like my biggest nightmare coming back to haunt me. Picking her shit up off the porch, I grabbed the mail last and the thick envelope that literally fucking said ‘Doctors without Borders’ was like lead in my hand. She’s had ten years and she hadn’t done it yet? This letter was an offer to go to Sierra Leone not someplace local or at least Cancun where there was a beach. Jesus, she was going to leave me.
I just fucking found her again and I was going to lose her to do-gooder doctors. Tossing her mail down I reach out my arm handing her the letter.
She glances at it then up at me. “Why did you open this?”
“You talked about this,” I say dodging the question. “I remembered when I saw the envelope. You leaving, then?”
“I’ve had about seven seconds to process this,” she says looking back down at it again. “It’s a big opportunity for me.”
“Why go there? You’re already helping people here,” I point out. “You don’t even speak their language and you’re white as snow, you’ll burn.” Thinking of anything I can to keep her here, I continue babbling. “What about your job, food and communicating with family? What about me?” I end on a whisper.
“Rome,” she says shaking her head. “Stop.”
“I’m just saying, it’s not smart.”
“The native tongue is English,” she says crossing her arms over her chest. “In the instances I may need it, I took classes to speak Krio. Sunblock is gold for pasty people like myself and we’ll have food and limited communication with friends and family. This is a very noble cause to be a part of, why can’t you support me?”
“Because I don’t want you to go!”
Closing her eyes she drops the letter, stands up, walks over and then wraps her arms around me. Not knowing what else to do, I just held on.
“This is something I have to think about,” she says running her hands up and down my back. “But I don’t need to think about it right now.”
For the rest of the night we didn’t bring it up again. She set the letter on her desk, whipped us up some food and we settled in with her in my lap first, followed by my cock buried deep second. My ass she was leaving, Kandace was never leaving me again. The first time was my fault, I’ll be God damned if there’s a second.
My life was a series of routines. Since meeting Roman, he made it a point to disrupt every last one of them. After having lunch with my brother, I met up with a study group and the plan was to quiz each other before our test. I struggled with this particular topic and I wanted to get it right. I had to get it right.
Just as I was about to give my answer a football flew into the circle knocking over drinks which coincidentally went all over the paper I was due to turn in, today. “I can’t believe I missed that,” he says stepping into the circle thereby crunching papers and damaging books. “Huh, must have been distracted.”
“Oh,” I snap. “Was someone bent over? Wait, I forgot how long a toddler’s attention span lasted.”
“Three to five minutes, even less for a kid under three years old.” He says smiling.
Speechless I couldn’t think of anything to say so I said nothing. Instead, he watched me pack up my bag and wet papers then proceeded to follow me inside of the building. Rounding on him, I’d finally had it.
“You are fucking up my routine, Roman. This paper is due in two hours. To toss a ball instead of cram must be a fucking joy but I do not have that luxury!”
Ignoring me, he pulls his phone out and says, “Need a favor, get over to the chem lab and grab these wet papers from the tall chick. Retype it the right way and get it done and back to her within the hour. She’ll be in the caf with me waiting.” Hanging up he looks at me like I should kneeling in front of him to worship. “There,” he says. “Problem solved.”
Speechless I watch as a young kid, likely a freshman literally runs up to me, snatches my paper and takes off like a shot. “Let’s go, Teach, you got an hour to kill. I’ll let you buy me coffee and say thank you.”
After he got over the letter, the rest of the night went well. We ate, we reminisced and we even laughed. Seeing him laugh was the highlight of my evening. In school he almost always had perma-smile but years of confinement altered him. Now when he laughed, it was a deep rumbling sound which seemed to surprise him when it happened. Falling asleep on his chest was a memory I’d keep close forever when it seems like I’ve waited that long for it to happen.
He left about an hour ago to shower, and after doing dishes I did the same. He gave me his grandmother’s address and I had about a half hour before I had to be there. Yes, I was nervous because to me, this felt like a couple thing and our relationship felt too new to be defined yet. The fact was, Rome was still running hot and cold.
Putting the address in my phone, I look myself over in the mirror. Good God I looked like shit. Running back upstairs, I shed the good girl outfit and throw on skinny jeans, a loose blouse and zip up my boots. So much better! The drive over was quick and according to my phone, she lived 3.3 miles from me. In a pinch I could jog it.
Parking out front and taking the steps slowly, I wasn’t even able to knock when the door flew open. “Kandace!” she says with a knowing smile. “Come and hug me, child.”
Without a thought, that’s exactly what I did. “Hello Clara,” pulling her tight, I realized how much I missed her. “It’s so good to see you.” It had been so long since I’d seen her that I didn’t want to let go. This woman stood by Rome when no one else would. That first day in the courtroom when I silently took a seat next to her and we joined hands a bond was formed. One I’d never forgotten.
Just when we break apart with Clara holding my arms open to look me over, Rome comes out of the door next to hers and stops dead in his tracks. “You know her, grandma?” he asks looking shocked then very upset.
“Inside,” she orders us both. Closing the door behind us, she grabs me for another hug which I reciprocated. “Have you gotten taller?” she asks looking up at me.
“No ma’am,” I laugh. “I think you’ve just gotten shorter.”
Rome, bless his heart, looked ready to pass out. “Hi Rome,” walking over to him I give him a fierce hug that he doesn’t return, which I won’t lie, stung.
“How?” he asks looking back and forth.
“Let me,” Clara says ushering us too our seats. “I met Kandace at your preliminary hearing. I was struggling and she sat next to me and held my hand. I’ve met her fathers, too. We kept in touch during the trial and for a while after your sentencing but we haven’t spoken in some time. I let her go so she could get on with her life,” she says smiling at me. “Kandace was my rock, Rome.”
“Jesus Christ,” he says looking like he was sucker punched.
“Jesus Christ is right,” she says. “But watch how you speak about your savior, son.”
“You did it,” she says turning her attention back to me. “A full-fledged doctor!”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say with a smile. “I’m an ER physician at the Henry Ford.”
“I knew you could do it. How are your fathers?”
“Very well,” I tell her proudly. “If you asked them they are one case away from saving the city.”
“Just like they tried saving my boy.”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “Like that.” Remembering how Rome turned their offer down thinking they were out to make his life worse instead of better. I regretted not paying him a visit to at least ask him to consider but I chickened out. I should have been stronger, for him.
“K
andace,” Rome says standing up. “My place is next door, I want you to see it, now.”
“Go,” she says patting my hand. “Lunch will be ready when you two get back. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Yes ma’am,” I tell her standing up to go with Rome. The second we were behind his door I guarantee Clara heard every word. She had to because Rome had lost his damn mind.
She was on a date. I didn’t like that she dated. If she fucked each date that meant since I’ve met her she’s fucked…Can’t go there. I know the guy too. He’s decent but he wasn’t me. He didn’t know she hated the club scene or that she hummed when she studied. Calling his roommate, I ask where he took her and the guy had no problem telling me. On a mission to save her, I rolled up to Cass Café and walked in like I owned the place. I didn’t see him but I saw her. Alone in a booth with a coffee in her hand staring out the window looking miserable. Sliding in across from her, I take her mug and steal a sip. She didn’t bitch me out or even turn her head.
“He left,” she whispers. “Because you called his roommate, which prompted the roommate to call my date, he left.”
“Then he’s a dick.”
“He’s a dick who didn’t want your leftovers,” she says quietly. Then looking up at me she guts me. “That’s how you’ll be remembered here, Roman. That’s how girls that spread for you are thought of, as scraps.”
Getting up to leave I stop her by pulling her to me. “You are not them,” I promise her.
“No, you’re right,” she says sadly. “I’m not. I’ll never be that far up on the food chain, will I?”
She walked out on me after that and I let her. Then I paid her date a visit and broke his jaw and his roommate’s nose for being a fucking snitch. No one called her leftovers.
Hot anger.
That’s what I was calling it. Sweat was pouring down my back, my palms were clammy and it was hard to swallow. Kandace had history with my God damn grandma and didn’t say shit to me about it. Kandace sat in that hot courtroom comforting my grandma because of my fuck up. My grandma already loved Kandace and that pissed me off too.
I wanted them to meet, hit it off and start fresh. Everything came back to that, everything. I realized right then that I would never be able to get past being a convict. Nothing in my life would ever be clean.
“You fucking lied to me!” Crossing her arms over her chest she stays completely silent. That pissed me off too because I felt like fighting. “You rag on me for keeping you as a secret and you pull some shit like this on me?” Looking bored, she lets a sigh out and that sent my rage into the red zone.
“Are you done?” she asks moving toward the door to leave.
Grabbing her shoulders to get her attention back on me was all I wanted. I would never hurt her, but I didn’t like being ignored either. Without blinking her arms shot up, latching on to my wrists and baring down. Letting out a howl, I was on my knees with her applying so much pressure I thought my shit would break. Anger gone, I let my head drop in shame.
“You have some issues to work through,” she says letting go. “I’m going back over there to have lunch with Clara. If you can manage acting twenty nine versus nineteen, you are welcome to join us. And for the record, I tried telling you last night but wait for it… you didn’t listen.”
Walking to the door and opening it she turns and says, “You said you became a man in prison, act like it.” Closing the door behind her, I heard it when she opened the other door and sat down. From down here on the floor I decided to give them the time they needed to catch up. Fuck, my grandma probably knew her better than I did. Where Kandace is concerned I realized she was right, I was acting like a nineteen year old. Christ, even though we’re grown when I look at her I still see that naive eighteen year old, when she’s not. Far from it, she’s a grown woman who comforted my grandma when I couldn’t.
About ten minutes went by before she came back. Standing over me, she taps me on the shoulder and tells me, “Your lunch is getting cold, Rome.”
“I’m trying,” She of course knew what I meant, even if I didn’t. Kneeling down next to me, she runs her fingers over my braids and kisses my cheek.
“The key is to never stop trying,” she says extending her hand to help me up. Taking it, I pull her into my arms and inhale her. “I just want new memories,” I tell her not letting go.
“Have you ever brought someone home to have lunch with Clara?” she asks.
“God, no.”
“Well,” she says taking my hand and pulling me toward the door. “I like that I’m the first. Let’s start with lunch.”
Then like nothing ever happened, the three of us sat down to lunch and talked about everything but my time in prison. It was what I needed, what my grandma needed too. Watching them hug broke something open inside of me. They held on to each other and spoke words I couldn’t hear. Before they broke apart Kandace leaned down and said “Yes ma’am,” which seemed to make my grandma glow.
Walking over to me, she takes both hands and cradles my face. Kissing me softly on the lips, I span her waist with my hands wanting her closer. “Give me your phone,” she says quietly. Not even caring why, I reach into my pocket to grab it. Placing it in her hand I watch her type then hand it back. “Call me after work,” she says with a smile.
With that, she waved to us both on her way out.
That night at work, it was Bishop who cornered me asking about all things Kandace. I didn’t want to tell him because yeah, she was still my secret but I trusted Bishop with her so I caught him up. “The wrist lock,” he says rubbing his own arms. “Kandace taught the girls her version and that shit is effective.”
“I won’t be jacking off anytime soon,” I comment rotating my sore hand. “If you got the Doc, you don’t need to.” He says wagging his eyebrows.
“Truth,” I tell him with a smile. Then checking the time I decided I’d waited long enough to call her. When I got her voicemail I knew she was still at work and gave text messaging a shot.
Me: Busty night?
Her: Every night is a busty night
Me: I meant busty
Me: Shot, I meant busty
Her: Lol!
Handing the phone to Bishop with pure frustration, he starts laughing and tosses it to Jules. “Damn you, auto correct!” she yells with a fist in the air.
“The fuck does l-o-l mean?” I ask them both.
“Relax,” says Bishop handing it back over. “For some reason she thinks you’re funny. It means she’s laughing out loud.”
“Oh,” I mumble embarrassed that I should be aware of what it means but wasn’t. Hell, my grandma was teaching me about computers because I was so far behind.
“Auto correct is the best worst thing ever. She knew what you meant, trust me.” He says winking then she text me back again and I wanted to sit in a corner to talk to her for hours. With this, I could say anything I wanted but I couldn’t seem to get spelling the words right.
Her: How do you like texting?
Me: I suck a tit
Her: Ha! Maybe we should try sexting?
Looking over at Bishop, I scroll down to her last text and he just shakes his head. “Lucky fucker,” he sighs. “I’m not helping you out on this one.”
Me: Sexting?
Her: it’s dirty talk in text messages
Me: I’m downloaded
Me: I mean I’m down
Me: You go first
That’s how I learned what sexting meant and when I wasn’t fucking it up, I’m pretty sure she loved it too. Let me also say she was good at it. Really really good at it. The proof was behind my zipper all night.
“I saw Rome talking to you,” she says picking me apart with her eyes. “I don’t like it.”
“I don’t give a shit what you like, Michelle,” I point out. “If I were you, I’d tread lightly because if you continue to eye fuck me I’m going to think you’re into me.”
“He doesn’t want you,” she says flipping her h
air. “I’m next, bitch, so step off.”
“Step off?” I laugh. “If I so much as raise my leg I’d be stepping ‘on’, you twit. You’re next? Well so is she,” I say pointing to some random by the bike rack. “Her too,” I offer at a passerby. “Hell, even that’s a possibility,” I motion with my thumb to the dog peeing on the tree. “Are you current on your vaccinations?” I ask with a concerned look on my face.
“Whore!” she screams stomping away. Shrugging it off, I drop my pack and take a seat in the grass.
“The fuck did she want?” he asks leaning over me.
“You apparently,” I offer.
“Jealous, Teach?” he taunts me.
“No, I’m afraid I’m not. But she never did tell me if she was current on her shots and it’s worth a discussion if you plan to nail her.” Standing in front of me now, I swore he looked pissed off but I needed to focus on my assignment not his face.
“I’ll never measure up, will I?” he grates out.
“Actually you already do,” I tell him bluntly. “Maybe one day you’ll keep your dick in your pants long enough to see it too.”
The next two weeks with Rome were ah-mazing. My wildest dreams couldn’t have imagined this. Between the hours I pulled at the hospital and the hours with him, I should have been exhausted but was far from it. No, I was rejuvenated. For once, I veered away from my routine and I liked the spontaneity of it. Venessa called and asked… okay no, she demanded I come to Lush to sing tonight or she’d lynch me. Valuing my life and the chance to see Rome, I actually dressed up a bit and went in to sing.
When I got there he gave me his usual nod that held heat, which of course made me wet. While Venessa was explaining how she’d advertised for my appearance, I only half listened because Rome winking and rubbing his dick was stealing my focus. Venessa wanted me to sing, I’d sing if it meant Rome was to be my muse and I could keep staring at him.
We were adults now but sometimes it felt like we were kids again. Being silly, telling jokes and sexting with him meant everything to me. Falling for him wasn’t a hardship considering I’ve had these feelings for ten years. Now old feelings I thought I’d buried, rose up and took on a new meaning. Having him in my life now, shitty circumstances aside, was fate. I could feel it and I liked how it felt.
