by K. S. Adkins
“Even if there was no order, you can’t beat her ass, Rome,” she says easily. “You wouldn’t have anyway, you’re not the kind of man that hits women. Bottom line, she stole a lot from you and essentially she took from me too. I don’t like being taken from. Who knows where we’d be right now if she hadn’t done this to you? She was jealous, fine, but what she did was wrong. Sometimes wrong hurts.”
“Sometimes it lands you in the emergency room,” I point out while smiling at her.
“She’ll be back to being a menace in no time, but she will think twice before coming near you again.”
“Excuse me, doctor?” a woman says coming to the table.
“Tasha,” says Kandace standing up to hug her. “How are you, honey?”
“Better,” she says quietly returning the hug. “Thanks to you.”
“Rome, this is Tasha, a friend of mine.”
“Hey,” I offer sensing she didn’t want the attention, I knew how that felt.
“Hey,” she whispers back.
“Are you working here?” she asks Tasha.
“Yes, I’m back in school too. I just wanted to wait until you finished eating to say thank you.”
And Kandace being Kandace didn’t make her work for it. “You’re welcome,” she says simply. Then as if asking for permission, opens her arms again and Tasha fell into them. Letting the women have a moment, I tried looking everywhere but at them but couldn’t help it. Kandace was a nurturing person, a healer. Whatever she did for this woman, was big. Throughout dinner, I caught men looking at her but instead of feeling threatened I took their interest as a compliment. My woman was gorgeous, she was taken and she was no longer a secret. Kandace was my greatest accomplishment. Taking a seat she wipes her eyes and leans into me again. “Tasha’s husband almost beat her to death,” she explains softly. “When she came in she was barely breathing.”
“Fuck. Then what happened?”
“This hadn’t been the first time so doing as I said I would, I called the police and had him arrested. It took three hours to stop the internal bleeding and stabilize her. I went to the trial to testify to make sure he won’t be getting out, ever.”
“You got a thing about courtrooms,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m proud of you, Kandace.”
“She’s one of the lucky ones, Rome. Most don’t get out alive. Tasha was very brave. She had to testify against him and it wasn’t pretty. She needed someone in there that was on her side, that’s all.”
That’s when we started discussing some of the shit she’s seen and the woman has seen some nasty shit. It wasn’t a topic I wanted her to stay on for long. Paying the bill and heading out to valet, I did ask her about the acceptance into Doctors without Borders and her answer blew my mind. “Some goals don’t have an expiration date,” she says kissing me. “I’m happy where I am right now, it’s an open offer and I’ve got time to make a decision. I’ve waited a long time for you, Rome. I’m not looking to be apart from you.”
“Ten fucking years,” I groan not caring we were in a car. “I missed this, you, for ten God damn years, Kandace.”
“You were worth the wait, baby.”
“You’re awfully quiet today,” I say nudging him. “Is everything okay?”
“Saw you dancing on Saturday,” he says staring at his notes.
“Not surprising I didn’t see you,” I respond. Although, it wouldn’t matter if I did see him. Even if I had, it’s not like he’d speak to me with other people around.
“I was with people, just saying I saw you.” He snaps at me.
“Okay?” I prompt completely confused about where this was going.
“Shaking your ass like that invites trouble,” he says with a tone I don’t much care for.
Leaning in and giving it back for once I whisper, “I know.”
Slamming his book shut and snagging his pack he pushes away from the table never once looking back at me. I wanted to say giving him shit felt good, but it didn’t. Hurting Roman wasn’t me. He may sting me with his zingers out of fear, or whatever his issues were, but I knew better. Grabbing my own stuff, I catch up to him outside, but of course, trying to get on Roman’s level always blew up in my face.
“Hey,” I say nudging him. His loyal fan club was close, so for me seconds counted. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” I tell him honestly. “Next time you see me say hello.” With his crew closing in I started to turn away out of self-preservation but he wouldn’t let me off easy.
“It’s hard not to see you,” he says commenting on my height. Believe me it wasn’t what he said it was how he said it. “Some shit can’t be unseen.”
“There’s the Roman I know and love,” I say dryly. “This ass,” I say lightly slapping it for effect, “looks great from every angle. Be sure to watch it when I walk away.”
Once we were back at my place, he was quiet.
Rome was a thinker and most of the time he didn’t share what he was thinking and I suspected he was pondering things I’d never understand. But as we sat on the couch, we didn’t bother with the television or any music. Instead, we held onto each other and I waited for him to make the next move. I felt that he had things he wanted to say but never in a million years did I think it would be this.
“I have some shit I need to say to you.” Gone was pensive Rome and in its place was the man filled with anger. Righteous anger, so much so I could taste it.
“Okay,” I tell him crossing my legs. This was a defense mechanism for me, just in case he threw me for a loop I was in a position to take it.
“I’m pissed off,” he says. “I have too much---“
“I’m here,” I tell him interrupting which I knew better than to do. He was so worked up that it was killing me to see him like this. “It’s okay to tell me what you’re feeling, whatever it is.”
“That’s my point,” he grates. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling. How am I supposed to tell you what the fuck I’m feeling?”
“You said you’re pissed off, what’s the first word that comes to mind when you think of why you’re pissed off?”
“Failure.”
“I can understand that,”
Jack-knifing off the couch, he throws his hands up and yells loud, “Bullshit. What in the fuck have you ever failed at?”
His anger wasn’t what caught me off guard it was the menacing vibe coming off of him that was. Staying silent because I wasn’t certain if I should voice it, he growls down at me, “Exactly.”
Looking up at him, I tell him the absolute truth. “I failed once,” I whisper ringing my hands when anxiety started to take me over.
“Oh yeah what? A test?”
“You,” I say staring down at my swollen hands and the reminder of my failure. “I didn’t save you. I failed you, Rome.”
Then the menacing vibe was gone and Rome had me standing up and in his arms where he held me tight. “Fuck, Kandace,” he says very choked up. “That’s on me, not you. I should have listened. All of this is my fault.”
“No,” I tell him firmly. “It’s her fault. She did this and you suffered for it. You’ve been given a second chance. We’ve been given a second chance.”
“I can’t lose you,” he says on a sob. “On the inside, behind those bars I cried for you. For what I said and did to you out of fear. I can’t take those years back. I want those fucking years back, Kandace.”
“Sit down,” I tell him when the memory hit me. “I’ll be right back.”
Running upstairs, I reached into the top shelf of my closet and pulled down the shoe box I had filled with memories of him. Bringing it with me, I hand it to him and take a seat next to him.
“What is it?” he asks moving it around unsure what to do with it.
“Here,” I say reaching for it. I had the letters arranged chronologically by date. Pulling out the first letter I ever wrote, I began reading it to him.
Hello Roman,
It’s Kandace, your tutor and sometimes nemesis.
Quite the opposite actually, I hold you in the highest regard and I will now and forever be your biggest fan.
Kandace AKA Teach
“Come here,” he says low. “Now Kandace.”
“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say my name,” I tell him setting the letter down and crawling over. “I’ll never get tired of saying it,” he says unbuttoning my blouse. “You never left me, did you?” he asks removing my bra.
“No,” I tell him allowing it. “I didn’t.”
Taking me to my back he holds his weight up on one strong elbow while he undresses me with the other. Needing all of his weight, I pull him on top of me and a gently pull the end of his braids. Kissing the hell out of each other, he breaks the kiss to tell me “Need you naked.”
“Rome,” I say trying to get his attention off my tits and back to my face. “Rome,” I say again this time more urgently.
“What, Doc?” he groans.
“I love you.”
I’ve never told a man that I loved him before so I didn’t know protocol. But this was Rome and he does things his own way in his own time. His eyes though, they turned an even deeper shade of blue and he didn’t blink. At this point, I’m positive he also wasn’t breathing. Wrapping his arms under me he rests his head on my chest but says nothing. All I could do was run my hands over his head and wait.
And wait.
And wait…
This girl was everything to me.
She didn’t see the way they looked at her with envy because that shit didn’t matter to her. Guy, girl, didn’t matter. But she was so God damn humble, she was clueless. Kandace knew she was smart, that she was going to be somebody, so all of this college drama bullshit meant nothing to her. That’s what she wanted me to see, she wanted me to see beyond the bullshit to what’s important. Now that ball is not my life and prison is, I realize I had it all wrong.
She was important.
Always was.
There are times in a man’s life where words will fail him. My grandpa told me that. He also said a woman’s love was the strongest force on the planet. He said that when you know a woman’s love there wasn’t shit that could touch you. No sword that could cut you, no flame that could burn you.
My grandpa said that a woman’s love was the Lord’s way of keeping a broken man whole. He would know. My grandpa from what I’d been told was as broken as they came until he met my grandma. When I played ball, I played for them. The only two people that sacrificed everything to see me succeed, until Kandace.
With my head on her chest, the tears fell from my eyes and each one felt like it had a sin attached to it. Men cry, at least I do. It’s the only way I knew to purge the hate from my system. In prison I cried every night. At first, I cried for losing my career. Then it was for the embarrassment I brought to my grandma’s doorstep. Knowing her sacrifice was for nothing gutted me. Then in quiet moments when guys would have their females visit, I cried knowing I continuously hurt the one female who gave a damn. Yeah, I did a lot of crying in prison. I had shit else to do.
But right now, with her running her fingers over my braids I was crying over all of it. No, I didn’t rape Michelle. I don’t even remember fucking her nasty ass. But that doesn’t change the fact that I spent my adult years behind bars because of it. I was denied touch, happiness and a future. That kind of life has a way of knocking the arrogance out of you. No one in that hole gave a fuck that I played ball, that I should have been somebody. I was a piece of shit just like they were. They were all innocent just like I was.
Most of them were still there, yet I was with a beautiful woman. Starting fresh was possible for me and I had to play it right.
“Rome,” she whispers. “If I made you uncomfortable, I apologize.”
Looking up at her I don’t even bother removing my hands to wipe my face. I wasn’t ashamed to cry in front of her, I was ashamed of the way I had treated her and had wanted her to love me since I was a kid. Kandace caring about me was a dream, a dream I never wanted to wake from.
“I’ve loved---“ I start but then the tears clog my throat. “I’ve loved you since I saw your picture in the tutoring section on the forum. That’s why I picked you. Because, I already knew.”
That’s when her tears started to run down her perfectly pale face. Resting my head back on her chest, I let her cry it out and wonder how in the hell I got so lucky. It took her a few but she finished with a deep inhale and I felt her body relax. “Take me upstairs,” she whispers.
Once I was on my own two feet, I did what I always dreamt of doing again.
Carrying her.
Laying her down, I peel the blouse and bra off and just stare. Need was pounding through me but you don’t just nail the woman that loves you, you go slow, make it good for her. Maybe figure out where that God damn sneaky g-spot was. Sliding her pants down, I toss them over my shoulder and work on my own. Sitting up to remove my shirt, she touches my chest softly but it felt a-fucking-mazing.
“Did this hurt?” she asks tracing the ink.
“Yeah,” I moan. “But I wanted to feel something, pain worked.”
“Whoever did it was good,” she says kissing my stomach. “Real good.”
“Lay down,” I tell her. “Open your arms to me.”
Doing as she was told, she opened her arms wide and I came home. With one hand between her legs and my mouth on her right nipple, I knew if heaven existed it was wherever she was. Her smiles were real, her hands were real and those moans… fuck yeah, those were real. Backing up, she cries out for me but I shh her by spreading her and kissing her between her legs. Her back arched up like she was electrocuted, her legs tightened and her scream was loud.
Not bothering with finesse, I went in fast and deep. Using my fingers to keep her open, my tongue waged a full scaled assault on her pussy. When her legs went over my shoulders my dick took on a pulse and I knew I was running out of time.
“Come,” I order her. “On my tongue, fucking do it.”
“Finger me,” she begs. “I’ll only come if you add your fingers.”
Done, I think to myself and head back in. Everything about her got brighter. I didn’t mind the instruction because the truth was, I needed it. Since the day I started fucking it wasn’t about them it was about me. Bend them over, let them ride but nothing ever like this. This is was what it was all about and Kandace knew what she wanted.
As for me, I wanted to find that fucking g-spot.
Sinking a second finger in and hooking it she lets out a wail, grabs my forearms and screams, “Found it!” before she growls. ”Do not fucking stop!”
Until a few months ago I had to do as I was told. I had to ask to take a piss, for a book, a phone call and a blanket. But this kind of order I didn’t mind taking. When she came she screamed for me first, Jesus second and before she finished riding it out, I moved her legs back, spread them apart and slid home.
Pounding into her I couldn’t believe how easily I could work her. I guess all those years they were really faking it because now I knew this was what it was supposed to feel like. I knew I wasn’t going to last, it was too strong and I was going to burst. “Fuck,” I groan into her throat. Licking the salt from her skin the urge to bite down was overwhelming. But I had to do it. She was mine, she loved me.
I wanted any mother fuckers thinking otherwise to know she was taken.
When I did it, she cupped my head and moaned deep. Arching her back while I fuck her, she wraps her legs around me and it was game o
ver. “Harder,” she begs me. “Pound me harder, Rome, please.”
With seconds to spare I was nailing her so hard the frame made one loud crack before it broke and neither one of us stopped once it did. “I’m coming again,” she says digging her nails in my ass. “Oh God, I’m gonna blow,” I yell out and then it happened.
We came together.
With her wrapped around me, hands in my hair, I rest my head on her chest again and tell her, “I love you, Teach,” before passing out.
I wanted to scream at him and ask why them and not me? Why am I not good enough for you? Why is it so easy to be cruel to me? But I never will. Pride keeps me from setting myself up for failure and humiliation. But I swear to God the way he looks at me sometimes… He never looks at them like that. Right now my date isn’t looking at me like that either. He’s too busy eye-fucking the cheerleader Roman plans to be fucking and it was all too much for me.
Not even bothering with a goodbye or a fuck you, I grab my coat to leave. I didn’t want to come here, I hated clubs but it was a first date and I didn’t want to come off as uppity.
“Hold up, Teach,” he says taking my elbow and he doesn’t smell like him, he smells like desperate female.
“What?” I snap.
“Easy,” he says holding his hands up. “The fuck are you doing here with that asshole anyway?”
“I honestly have no idea,” I tell him.
“You don’t belong here,” he says quietly. How depressing was it that he knew me so fucking well?
“And you do?” I counter.
“This is what I know,” he says looking slightly embarrassed.
“God, my heart breaks for you, Roman. For once stop following the crowd, turn the volume on your dick down and think!”
