by Joy Eileen
Renee's fingers dug into my thigh as I clapped along with everyone else.
"What is it?" I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.
Anna, the coach’s wife, stood up from her chair in the front row and waved to the people around her. She blew Coach Rutching a kiss, which he reciprocated. Bruno shook Coach Hamm's hand and descended the stairs to join his glowing wife.
"I need to get out of here," Renee hissed in my ear. Her fingers still pinched the fuck out of my thigh.
"Do you have to pee? Are you going to throw up?" My head finally turned to make sure I wasn't going to get spewed on.
"I might," she answered, her face ten shades paler than her normal hue.
Grabbing her hand, I yanked her to her feet. Coach Hamm stopped his introduction of Renee and turned to find out what everyone in the audience was watching.
"I haven't got done introducing you yet, Renee," Coach Hamm teased. He didn't even bother looking at me, already used to my weird behavior.
"I'm not going to college. I'm pregnant and I’m going to marry my boyfriend when he gets back from the marines," she shouted before sprinting out of the auditorium, never letting go of my hand.
"I can't believe you announced your baby like, well, me. You've been hanging out with me too much."
My breath wheezed in and out as Renee paced back and forth by my car. Not expecting to run tonight, those extra tacos I ate made it hard to move during our getaway.
"Please tell me I didn't just announce I was pregnant and not going to school. And that I made up some fake boyfriend." She rubbed her forehead as if to erase her actions.
"Do you want me to lie to you? I never understand what people want me to say when they say that. I mean, you know you did it. Unless you had some weird out of body experience and blacked out. Did you black out?"
Renee giggled and leaned against my car. "No, I didn't black out. I just couldn't handle it anymore."
"Is Coach Rutching the father?"
Her chin fell to her chest, admitting defeat. Seeing the panic and anger mixed on her face when Coach Hamm announced Bruno's spawn, it was easy to guess why Renee acted the way she did.
"You can't tell anyone. He doesn’t know. That’s why I made up the fake boyfriend."
"Nene, you're a minor. You're on his high school team. It's illegal. He should have to take responsibility. He should be thrown in jail."
"I know. I know. Please don't say anything. I’m so embarrassed and his wife’s pregnant. What was I thinking? He never had feelings for me. I don’t want him to know ever."
She was pleading with me and I couldn't tell her no. Renee had become my best friend and I didn’t want to lose her.
"I won't say anything. I promise. What are we going to do now?"
"I have no idea."
"Renee," Mrs. Thorne’s voice whisper-shouted as she stomped toward us.
Renee’s father was close on her heels.
"I'm sorry," Renee said when they reached us.
"What the hell do you mean you're not going to school?" Her mother shrieked.
"Didn't you hear me? I'm pregnant."
"You can get rid of it and we can put this whole ugly scenario behind us." Her father's quick words dug deep in my stomach and I couldn't imagine what Renee was going through.
"I don't think I want to get an abortion. I don’t even know if I can. I’m already in my second trimester."
My parents lingered behind, not interfering.
"Of course you want to get an abortion. I’m sure the option’s still available. You want to go to college. Everything changed when you started hanging out with her." Renee's mom pointed at me and I giggled.
It was the worst thing to possibly do, I knew that. But when I was in uncomfortable situations I couldn't help but do the worst possible thing. It was ingrained in me.
"How can you laugh at this?" Her dad fumed.
"Stop, it's not Kenna's fault.” Renee put her arm around my shoulders.
"It can’t be my fault. I don't even have a penis," I argued.
My mom moved next to me and placed her hand over my mouth. "She doesn't do well in awkward situations."
I resisted the urge to lick her palm.
"If you don't abort the baby, you’re not welcome in our house. You’ll go to college and make something out of yourself. You will not be an embarrassment to your family." Her dad reached out for her, but Renee stood firm.
"I'm sorry. I'll come get my stuff tomorrow."
"It’ll be packed and in the front lawn at nine. If you don't pick it up by ten we’ll throw away whatever’s left." Renee's mom curled her lip and turned away.
Her father trotted behind her.
Renee's knees went out and she crumbled to the asphalt sobbing. My mom released my mouth and crouched down, hugging her as my dad came over and put his arm around my shoulders.
"Can I come in?" Renee asked, knocking on my door.
"Of course."
Renee crawled in bed, taking up most of it. I’d learned she was a blanket hog and started putting extra blankets on the side so I wouldn't freeze.
"Your parents are amazing people."
I smiled as I pulled at the blanket slowly creeping off my body. "They are. What did my mom say?"
"It was incredible. She told me she’d stay at home with the baby while I went to school."
"We're going to have a baby." I gave up trying to get the covers from her and wrapped the one on the side of the bed around me.
"I can't take advantage of your family like that. I'll figure something out."
"Stop. My parents are willing to help you. As I see it, you don't have any other option but to take their hospitality and just say thank you."
"Kenna, you have quite the way of pep talking people."
We giggled into the darkness and Renee turned over to face me. "I'm scared."
"Of course you are. Having a baby’s a scary thing, especially as a teenager. The amount of pain you’ll feel during labor." I shuddered.
"Stop," she cut me off before I could go into statistic mode. "Do you think it's okay to accept your parents’ help? I mean, I can go to community college to get my AA and transfer into grad school later."
"I think accepting my parents’ help is the only smart thing to do. I know my dad’s looking for a receptionist at the office. He wanted me to work for him, but with softball and school I won't have any time."
"Your mom mentioned that. Do you think I should listen to my parents and abort the baby?"
My brain scrambled with statistics and I tried to sort through them to find the most logical answer.
"Your opinion. No stats. What do you think in your heart?"
"I think it’s your decision. If you decide to have an abortion you need to be completely at peace with the decision. If you have one, you can still go to college and not lose your scholarship. But, if you can't come to terms with it and end up ruining your college career and your life because you are swamped with guilt, you would have had the abortion in vain.
“I don't think either decision’s wrong. You just need to be fully committed to the one you make and never regret your choice. I also think a lot of girls in your position wouldn't really have the option of keeping the baby.
“My parents, and me of course, are willing to help you. Not everyone has the luxury of support, so if you do keep the baby it would show you're willing to accept what you have around you and appreciate it."
"You should speak without using statistics more often."
"But statistics are facts. Opinions can deceive."
"I can't believe I'm going to raise my baby with you."
"I'm going to be the best aunt ever."
"I know you are. And I'm going to be the best aunt to your kids when you and Trip get together."
I reached up and patted the poster right above my head and smiled.
Darn skippy he’s going to be mine.
Chapter Three
Fast pitch five years.
"Norah Grace, what time is it?"
I tried to grab the little kangaroo jumping on my bed, but she kept squirming away.
“It's six forty-five, which gives you plenty of time to get panacakes done before seven eleven, which is the ideal time to eat breakfast. I looked it up."
"Why did I teach you the voice recognition on your tablet?" I groaned, crawling out of bed.
I bent to pull my San Diego Pappies’ sleep pants down my legs. Norah took this as an invitation to jump on my back, knocking the air out from me.
"Come on, Aunt Kenna, we’re going to miss the ideal breakfast time."
"Let me use the restroom, squishy face. I promise I’ll have a pancake in front of you before seven eleven."
Norah snaked off me as I headed toward the bathroom.
"Go to the kitchen and don't touch anything. I'll be out there in less than five minutes. Be quiet and don't wake up your mom."
Norah stared at me with her big brown eyes, taking in my every word.
Norah tip-toed into the kitchen while I went blurry eyed into the bathroom, making sure I didn't go over my allotted five minutes.
In our tiny kitchen, Norah vibrated with anticipation. She’d watched a cooking show with Grandma Grace and was anxious to try out her new recipe.
"Should I wake up Mommy?"
"No, let her sleep. She's working too hard lately." I rested my forehead against the cabinet as I pressed the on button, waiting for the coffee maker to distribute my life force.
"Yeah, she has been busy. She's a good mommy."
"She's the best. Okay, squishy face, let's make these pancakes and then you can go wake up Mommy."
"Grandpa said her website is going to explode. I think we should put her computer somewhere away from us so we don't get shrapnel."
"The website isn't going to really explode. Grandpa meant people are going to love the clothes your mommy makes so much everyone's going to want them."
“Yep, and then Mommy’s going to be famous.”
Norah chattered away about what she’d do when her mommy was famous while I constructed her pancake.
"Here, squishy, try out our masterpiece." I placed her pink plate on the island in front of her so she could eat and talk to me while I finished cooking.
"These are delicious. I knew that chef knew what she was talking about," Norah said, chewing happily. “I’m glad Mommy’s website isn’t going to really explode.”
Renee worked her butt off and graduated with her AA in less than two years. She began making Norah's clothes on the side as something to do. The moms in Norah's preschool inquired about them, and then began ordering from her. With Norah about to become a kindergartner, Renee was about to have an even bigger market.
My parents convinced her to make a website and now Renee was swamped with orders for her little girl line, Norah Girl.
Me, I was in my last year of college and more than ready for the end. Some girls were falling into fits of depression as their softball career came to a close and others worked to get accepted to play international and stressed out.
I was done.
Not having to ice my shoulder, no more practices, being able to spend more time with Norah, and help out Renee was exactly what I was ready for.
Nope, I’m not going to miss softball at all.
I wasn't going to play softball after my bachelors degree, or so I thought. The dean and my softball coach made me a deal where I could finish grad school and get my PHD through SDU if I continued to play. I was stuck, but I was so close to being done.
"Squish, let’s go see if your momma wants breakfast."
“Let me finish this first,” Norah said, sipping her chocolate milk.
Kissing her on the head, I made my way down the hallway.
"Pancakes are done if you're interested." I snuggled in next to Renee, my eyelids growing heavy. What I wouldn't give to get another hour of sleep.
"I'm getting up," Renee mumbled, burrowing further into her blanket, wrapping it around her tighter.
Little feet came padding down the hallway, making us groan. Norah jumped on the bed, digging until she uncovered Renee's face and kissed it all over.
"Your lips are sticky." Renee tried to escape, but Norah was determined.
Norah cuddled in the middle of us, still giggling. "Are you and Aunt Kenna less beans?"
"It's lesbians and where did you hear that?" Renee asked as I giggled next to Norah.
"Melissa's mom, Claudette, said you guys were closet less beans."
"Melissa's mom's having an affair with her gardener and has no right to talk," I said, making Renee roll her eyes.
"What is a lesbian?" Norah asked, looking between us.
"It's where two women love each other as girlfriend and girlfriend," I explained.
"You two love each other," Norah pointed out.
"Yes, but I don't love her like a girlfriend."
"Is that because all your love is for Uncle Trip?" Norah asked innocently.
"Of course. Your Uncle Trip’s the only one for me."
"He should come to your office to get better," Norah said with the certainty only a child could have.
A stiff smile lifted my lips. Renee reached over and patted me on the head. Trip was a sore subject in my world. He was all over the news, not unusual except lately it had nothing to do with baseball. Trip got in a horrible accident. The pictures and the reports were terrifying.
Trip must have some damn good luck to come out of his crumpled car with reports of cracked ribs and shoulder surgery.
Trip had yet to confirm or deny the reason he was driving so recklessly on the curvy road. But the rumors were he was escaping the husband of one of his recent conquests.
I was almost ready to drop him from my husband list. There were plenty of other men on the planet who’d be begging to marry me.
Stupid Trip better step up soon.
Renee snorted, reading my face before she stumbled out of bed. Norah jumped on her back.
"Come on, kiddo, let's go try these pancakes. Don't fall asleep, Kenna. You have practice in thirty minutes."
"Don't fall asleep, Kenna," I mocked under my breath, contemplating crawling into the spot Renee just abandoned.
"We heard you. Get ready, Aunt Kenna. We’re going to play catch after practice, remember?"
"I'm up. Stop hassling me."
"We do it because we love you," came the answer from my favorite four-year-old.
"Huddle up, team," Coach Mae called, bringing us to attention.
I stretched my shoulder in the corner, trying to avoid the gossip floating around. When I went to college I had this stupid notion the girls would be more mature. All the petty stuff would be left behind in high school and I’d be free of drama.
I had no problem admitting I was wrong.
When I walked in the locker room there was a buzz of excitement running between the girls, so I retreated immediately. Something had them in a state of mania and I wanted nothing to do with it.
One more season.
It wouldn't have even been one more season if I hadn't been so damn loyal. It wasn’t as if I played. Hoffer was the starting pitcher. I made sure I didn’t try as hard, so I could ride the bench and save what was left of my shoulder.
"Calm down, girls." At Coach Mae’s words the energy simmered down. "Raine, get over here. This has more to do with you and Hoffer."
Claire Hoffer, the first string pitcher, rolled her eyes at me as I made my way over to the team.
Why do I put myself in these awkward positions? It's not as if I need more awkward in my life.
"As I'm sure some of you have heard, Coach Hans is out for the season. He dislocated his shoulder yesterday."
The tittering got higher and I swore Claire bounced on her cleats at the news.
I’m in a team of dicks. Why they were so happy our pitching coach was out for the season was beyond me.
Sure his breath smelled like garlic, but he was nice enough. I mean, only Claire and I dealt with him for the most part.
"I asked one of my old players to come and help out with the season while Coach Hans recovers." Coach Mae smiled as the excitement grew.
Massive giggles erupted around me, and I stepped back. I didn’t want to breathe whatever they were on. No giggling for me.
"From your response it seems most of you know who I'm talking about. He’ll be treated as your coach. Which means he and the team will follow the rules as normal. So hands off, ladies, you know the rules.”
The team exploded into nervous giggles as my stomach flipped over.
“I expect you girls to be on your best behavior. Even though he’ll only be with us for a short time I expect you to treat him as any other staff member."
Wait. What? There was no way she could mean…
"Coach Butler, is there anything you’d like to add?"
Coach Mae's eyes traveled to the back of the room. My team twirled around in an impressive synchronized move. The bottom of my cleats were glued to the locker room floor. If I didn't turn around maybe it wouldn't be true. But then he spoke.
"I'm delighted to be here. As for the rules, I'm sure we won't have a problem adhering to them, will we, ladies? I want to help you have the best season you can have."
There it was. His deep southern drawl washed over my back, causing tiny quakes under my skin. My shoulders tensed, ruining all the stretches I’d just done.
Trip Butler was behind me. He was my coach. He was behind me. And he was off-limits.
"Turn around, Raine," Claire whispered in my ear.
The nastiness in her voice was the solvent I needed to unglue my feet. It felt like I was moving rocks as I turned around and spotted him. His leg was propped on the bench in the middle of the locker room in the sexiest pose ever. My knees locked as I realized I was standing less than eight feet from the man I had claimed to be my future husband since I was in junior high.
His slinged arm did nothing to diminish his masculinity. He wore a white T-shirt and gray sweats with the Pappies’ logo on the side. His face had a shadow of a beard showcasing his plump lips and white teeth he was flashing at us.
