“How far have you gone with your story” the lady suddenly voiced out, her hand smoothly controlling the steering.
“Just a page completed” I added.
“Would you read me aloud, if you don’t mind” she urged.
“Sure”.
I began to read out the line which I have written, in some lines she smiled whereas in some she laughed briefly. Even she commented on Anannya.
“Oh! So, the main theme lies with Anannya..Isn’t it” she muttered looking for seconds at me.
I nodded my head.
“You loved her very much” she asked softly keeping her conscious alert.
“Yes! I did..but she walked off from my life” I sighed.
“It’s ok there’s always a better..that’s why things happens” she added wisely. I nodded again. “We would be stopping at a motel somewhere on the way....is it fine with you”.
“Surely..I have got no problem with that” I said.
I glanced at my wrist watch. It’s 7:00pm evening. In every turn she took, I thought I could drive like her. She was so much professional in handling a car, wished I could always ride in her car. In any moment she did used to glance at me and passed a brief smile. In return I would just shook my head with shyness glimmering on my face.
“You know..I have a three years old son”.
“That’s wonderful”.
“He’s is the only reason, I have been working hard” she added.
“How about your husband”.
“He’s a crook...I just left him a year ago”.
“That’s really bad” .
”But..I’m doing fine without him. I ‘m an independent working woman”.
“I appreciate that” my lips pressed slightly with short glance at her.
“So, do you know where she is now”.
“Who” I inquired to know in little shock.
“Of course I’m talking about your love, Anannya”.
“I don’t know where she is now. She’s will be happy. She found someone better, I believe. Yes! I do think about her a lot but I’m helpless if she doesn’t love me...it’s fine. Let her have her freedom....but yes I do still love her” I said in depressive tone.
“I know how bad it feels when heart gets broken” she muttered softly.
“I was ready to do anything for her but she never spaced me, neither she let me do anything. Maybe she never loved me from heart”.
“It’s hard to love a women. They are mystery to understand” she said.
“Even after confessing on my knees, she never tended to know me”.
“Was she so cruel at heart”.
“I don’t know....I begged before her, I didn’t bother to care about my self esteem and dignity..just for her I did. But she ignored out me and just left me all alone” my voice deeply sad.
She turned the steering and took left towards a roadside motel. She braked the car and stopped. “Let your destiny be made by you...You’ve loved her truly from heart she knows. Someday if she realizes she may come to you and if not just move on” she said smiling out at me.
She clunk her door and got outside. So, I did. We headed to occupy a chair for the snacks. She slid one and handed me the other. We sat and ordered according to our choice.
“I would look forward at the time of publishing of your book”.
“Surely..I would love to have you” I added.
“What about Anannya..would you let her know” she asked.
“Yeah! Perhaps I may. As this book I’m writing dedicating to her” I said in deep tone of heavy voice.
The waiter served us with our orders. She was really very responsive and communicative.
“I know Man’s heart is very fragile, if they fall in love it’s so deep inside that it can’t be explain in words”.
“So, you still love your husband”.
“Yeah! I do..but he’s nice man. Sometime he does which is not supposed to do...maybe it’s my fault I let him down”.
“Does he comes and visits you”.
“Sometimes in a week” she added softly.
We completed our snacks. And planned to move now. The bill was kept on the table.
“I really want to say something..but I don’t know how will I handle my broken heart” I said as we were walking back to the car.
“You may fill light, if you mutter out the heavy pieces of pain out” she said.
“I just can’t forget Anannya..it’s so much concrete and pasted strongly in my heart” my voice trembled in deep emotions.
“I can feel the chronic pain you’ve been going through” she added as she opened the door of the car.
“Every promise I decided I would fulfil to her..but before it began she ended with no final reasons and answers left behind”.
We were inside the car by now, she started the engine and I closed my side door. I slightly lifted the window glass to save myself from rusty winds that blew with high speed.
“C’mon life is meant to live” she rubbed her hand at my back.
She released the clutch and we started to move out of the motel area.
“I do really love her a lot..that’s why I can’t forget her name and face”.
“Just follow your heart what it says..you’ll find the right person someday” she said. I nodded.
She began to accelerate faster. I thought not to wait anymore, as I reach Pune. Some few more hours I have to travel to reach to my final destination. To be honest, my college was outskirts of Pune. In fact, it was in Satara district of Maharashtra. I had to come to Satara. Just a three hours journey from Pune.
“It feels like I really want to see her. My eyes do cries for her” with my pulsating tone.
“Look...if your love is true it will happen no matter what it takes.. God is there to save your love” she said trying to raise the peak of hope in me.
I stayed silence for some time, so did she. We barely uttered words from mouth. She was completely into the steering, whereas I was lost in the thought of Anannya. For certain time I felt like I was going lunatic. Was that a good sign of behaviour of me. Why am I so down...just a love was all I needed. Yes definitely from the girl I love. Why the name Anannya, I never forget..everything ends in love when such fusion of question aroused. My eyes were filled in deep frozen tears. As the car moved on I could just look outside through the window. So confine in her thoughts that it began to haunt me. Deep inside it burnt me. I don’t know if I’m the only one in this world who is being in journey of love. So , much to say that even the pain of love began to fade away. Soaked into the red blood where all the inner emotions and feelings and the heart now laid empty. I began to feel like a person made of clay, just like a man made model. Felt like I was a victim of innocent love but love never responded me in life. Neither I could say I’m a man with broken heart nor I could mend myself. All my limits began to shatter me down. The broken symptoms of tragic love laid scattered all over me. No more words to say nor I could write anymore. Felt like my heart touched it’s limit of love and feelings for her. Would be enough to justify me, I believe it wouldn’t, yet I hold lots more for her. Perhaps which she would never know now.
My vision of love has now changed before my eyes. I began to realize the true protocol about love. It mattered most when the person we love misses in life. That’s when the love begins to exist but until that it’s nothing more than a two mere person.
“Are you lost somewhere” she spoke out suddenly.
“No..I was thinking how the life cheated me in love”.
“Nothing cheats in life it’s the game of destiny” she answered handling the steering wheel.
“How far yet to reach” I asked.
“Just an hour more” she said.
“I don’t know how I should thank you but I’m really very grateful to you for saving my life”. “That’s no problem...I got a good friend huh!!! And I discovered a writer” she pretended to laugh and ended up smiling.
“I’m yet to be”.
She changed the gear and slowed down the speed behind a truck. I could see the long line of traffic line, mostly those of trucks filled with goods.
“In everyone’s life someone comes and changes you forever” she said looking at me.
My lips were pressed and nodded my head.
“I should thank her that means” I said.
“Of course you should thank Anannya”.
“Well, then this book I write dedicating to her” I said raising my eye brow.
She projected a smile and with a blink of eye she glanced.
“You got to turn it into a book huh!” she said.
“Surely it’s three hundred pages diary and will come out as good Novel” I said enthusiastically. She could overtake few trucks.
“You’re lucky boy” she said.
“Why do you think that” I urged to know.
“You got save, on the other hand very soon you’re going to be popular”.
I jerked my head, lifted my shoulder making myself comfortable in the seat.
“I don’t need popularity..I just want to write it that’s all”.
“That’s quiet humble” she squinted.
I was still having the diary holding in my hand, placed over my lap. I thought of pausing to write till I reach my college. There I shall continue the rest to pen down. She hardly blew horn of the car, so expert in overtaking that even males would fail to do that, as I believed as per the experience, sitting beside her.
“So, do you have anyone in life now” she drew her attention back to me.
“No..I fine being single now. Perhaps, now I’m here to chase my dreams rather than chasing any opposite sex”.
She smiled “That’s so fantastic and ridiculous thought. I’m impressed”.
She flashed out both the head lights. The darkness began to cover in. Even the time hour began to get shortened from the destination. By now we have crossed many number of vehicles behind us. I must really say she was excellent in driving.
“So, as you reach you’d be moving ahead” she asked.
“Yeah!..I need to move else I would late”.
“Better don’t forget me” she said softly.
“Definitely..never. I owe you”.
She glimpsed silently and ruptured out a brief smile on her face. I happened to take a notice of that. Perhaps she thought it was left hidden from my eyes. We were almost into the Pune city. She said she would be dropping me up to the station. She finally changed her direction of the steering wheel towards Swargate bus Depo. She gave me her home address. I’ve been very rare to Koregaon park, that’s where she stays. So, finally we reached the spot. She halted the car for minutes. Perhaps she didn’t feel like coming out of the car. So, I had to do the real stuff of getting out myself. Few seconds before I was out, she happened to exchange words.
“Anytime you come to Pune, do visit me alright”.
I smiled and nodded and opened the door. I gently landed my feet onto the ground. She was peeping me out through the window of my side.
“Take care” she said waving her hand at me.
“Bye” I waved her my hand, my voice lived shortly.
Eighteen
.................
Maybe it was the parting time for me, that’s the reason slight deep heart touch moment roused within me. She then released the clutch and drove away. I stood watching her under the street light shadow that fell on me. Her car finally disappeared before my eyes. I took my step to look for the bus that was moving towards Satara. Finally, I could grab a seat, though it was not the window accessible. But I was quiet comfortable enough to sustain the three hours journey. I was seated quietly into my seat. Beside me an old man, as per his looks he was more than thirty five plus. He opened the window glass as our bus started to move on. The most simple man I’ve ever seen. His attire so simple like a normal and well educated man should be. He was a quiet type person. Neither he bothered to speak a word out. I had to join his silence. But I felt the peace after the terrific escape. When a man is silent, it is known to be said that he’s in path that misled him into worst of his life, that could possibly be enduring the despair and sorrow. Such was the rise of extreme desolation, that engulfed since the time Anannya went away from my life.
Nothing stored in my heart neither in my mind, all time I thought about her. Even now along with the every move of my life I think about her endlessly. The extreme pain of my life I’ve been enduring like a coast of sea with salty dunes residing along it’s shore. The bus began to move out from Pune city. The man beside me, selfless to utter a word but I liked his silent nature. So, did I enveloped in silent world for the travelling hours. When the memories began to flash back, felt like a screen running before my eyes. When those smiles of her shimmered out I just managed to put a brief smile on my own. Her every words and memory I could carry all through my life and perhaps it will be forever. I haven’t learn how to love but in my life the first best thing I was taught was how to love, every reason goes to Anannya. I held my every deep heart feelings and emotions so strong that I could never let it go, even if she doesn’t exist in my life now. I slid the window glass, cool breeze began to blew in, that touched smoothly and made me feel the charm in air that it carried. How am I suppose to live by now, I made no way out of it. When love doesn’t seem to show me a way, except for the endurance of life’s lesson. Still heart beats for Anannya. Maybe this life wouldn’t let me have her, but I did prayed everywhere I went every temple I visited. The next life we will flourish again to start with forever. I never knew how to rule my life, but now it feels everything empty before my eyes, surrendering myself into the hand of God. Whatever lasted in my past did made the history of my life and now I was scripting down in pages of my diary. Wherever she may be, with whom ever she may be I always felt her very close to my heart. No matter if we are apart yet something always connected me to her. And now I have been framing my life with only her memories. Every dreams and wishes are washed away into vast ocean of chronic grief and sufferings of heart. I knew now, I was too far away from her life. The only thing remained now was the spell of destiny. If ever she happened to come before my eyes, surely we shall smile and laugh. But if the wish remains a wish, it shall remain quiet forever. I shall not stop smiling, in fact she was my every reason who taught me to laugh and enjoy the moments of life. I shall always have the gratitude feelings for her in every walk of my life. That’s the reason I’m always proud to take her name Anannya in loud voice. One who gave me more than what I could want, that’s the kind of soul she was. I would never defy the depth feelings of her heart which she reciprocated during the days we were together. I know now how to show love, every credit of such changes in me goes to her. And that’s the reason she was my favourite in whole of my life. I don’t call her an angel, neither something sophisticated but yes she was something more than a human soul which she always liked to hear from my mouth.
She never pretended to be best among other but she was the enigma among all. All these things were rumbling in my head. Even my sight began to grew dimmer and I could see things blurred. Only one thing I could feel the air that touched my uncovered skin. Even I could feel the little jerk that came due to speed motion of the bus. I leaned my back smoothly, even my head rested at its back support of the seat. The old man beside hardly bothered to talk or glance outside through the window. I turned my face to look at him. His face so stiff, that it didn’t even make a movement from his usual posture. He kept continuing to look forward. I found him very possessive. But, that had nothing to do with me. I had my view out of the window. Although it was quiet difficult to get the view as I couldn’t have the window seat, rather the man beside had it. But he wasn’t so interested to give a slight look out of the window. Nothing I thought more than resting. I closed my eyes with deep breath inhaling sharply. Is it possible to stop thinking about the person you love, that was a dilemma that roused within me. Even if I gathered courage to do
so, it is easily broken by those vile feelings which were hard to keep them away. Somehow there’s nothing I could do but to stay with them. Many a times I felt I’ve committed a crime falling in love. And now I can’t just let her go out of my mind. Is it the same with her. If it would be we would never be apart for so long, but it’s not the way I thought. I knew Anannya is happy with her life. By now she must have found someone in her life. It just simply says she doesn’t love me anymore. But, I do even now maybe forever. Was it fault loving her, I began to doubt my heart. No, it was she who could not take my heavenly love. Perhaps it was so much that she couldn’t able to handle it’s fragrance. Though she never said any wrong about it. I always felt I loved her like nobody could ever do, and I still do which will remain forever. Sometimes I felt she gave less chance to me to show my love, I don’t mind for that yet, I feel I’m unsatisfied cause I could show her the immense dedication which I had for her. Lastly, I only prayed let she feel my love in her terms. Was I so impotent about our love, it never figured me out. But, things do happen to change as time passes. And today I feel the pride of loving a girl like her in one part of my life. No matter, she will remember and have that strong feel for me at some corner of her heart. When the destiny doesn’t seem to work together, I have only learn to let it go. Knowing the fact only fate would decide who would be bonding with me for the rest of my life. What love gave and taught me in this life perhaps I shall keep in as print of my life for the glory of my days. And of course Anannya specially the best soul I have ever come across. I shall guide the light of our love into heaven, there shall our love be eternal and immortal. Every time pulse of heart calls out her name and that shall be preserve for the heavenly love that bonded us for the moment we had as one.
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