Mortified, I look away.
“Kissable lips?” There is a lightness in his voice, and I force myself to look at him again. He’s grinning, and I look away quickly, feel heat rush to my face.
I press my hand into the sand, trying to distract myself. But he’s so close…too close. I’m too distracted. And I obviously don’t trust myself to speak anymore. I mean, why the hell did I say that? Kissable lips. Must be his eyes, I decide. Them looking Untamed. Making me giddy, making me say stupid stuff.
“So,” Red says after a few minutes. He turns to look at me. “I haven’t explained the meanings behind my tattoos to you yet. I think you’ll like it. Want to know?”
“Uh, okay.”
In one quick movement, he pulls his shirt off over his head.
For a moment, I don’t know where to look. His arms have a lot of tattoos, but his chest is covered in them, more so than I remembered. A lot more. And not just his chest and arms either—his whole upper body is a canvas to the ornate designs.
“So, this one.” He points at the eagle. “That’s all about flying and freedom. You know, being able to travel in this world and having all the freedom you can have, but being free.” I nod. To me, that’s what the butterfly on my mother’s necklace represents. “These lines here, these darker lines that sort of clip its wings—that’s about restriction. The things you have to do to be free.”
“Like being undercover?”
He nods. “Exactly.”
“So I’m free and flying, but also got to stick to the rules. See these circles here?” He points toward his left shoulder where a cluster of blue circles have been etched. The shapes overlap each other, and some are darker than others. “These represent the different lives.”
“What? Reincarnation?” I lean closer, squinting a little.
He laughs. “No. The different sections of my life. A circle for when I lived with my mum, at D’Elinous. A circle for the conversion attack. A circle for my undercover work.”
“So what are the other circles for?”
The look in his eyes seems to get deeper as he makes direct eye contact with me. “Future parts of my life,” he says. “Important things.”
A strange, bubbly feeling pulls through me as he explains the importance of his other tattoos. I smile, and I look away for a moment, feel like I should at least try to calm my racing heart.
“I really wanted you to know about them,” he says. “I know you like stories.”
Stories. I think back to the ones Caia-Lu used to tell. The one she used to tell most was “The Dragon and the Elf,” because it was mine and Elf’s favorite, and we’d even act it out. I was always the dragon, and my brother was the elf. It’s how he got his nickname, because for several months he insisted he was the elf in the story and would only answer to Elf.
“Yeah,” I say. “Nothing to do with you wanting to strip off in front of me.”
He grins, then leans back a little. “Well, maybe a bit.”
“So, are they permanent? Your tattoos?”
“Of course.”
“So they’re not temporary…like with the Enhanced?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve never had them do any alterations or modifications on me, just like I’ve never taken a real augmenter. Nearly did once by mistake though.”
“What?”
He smiles, coyly. “It was a close one. My undercover partner realized and stopped me. Thank the Gods.” He points at his chest. “Anyway, I got these three years ago. Before I joined the undercover stuff.”
“Before?” I stare at his tattoos, following the swirls of blue and gray ink as they create the eagle’s wings that spread over the hard planes of his chest and drip feathers across the muscles of his stomach. More heat floods me. “What were you doing? Where were you?”
Gods, so much time has passed. There’s so much stuff we don’t know about each other.
“Here and there,” he says, and I realize I’m staring at him, at his tattoos, his muscles, imagining what they’d feel like under my fingertips.
“What kind of answer’s that?” I manage to get the words out, but only with difficulty.
“Mostly traveling. Looking.”
“Looking?” I tear my eyes from his tattoos, up to his face. His full lips…and those eyes!
I try to shake myself. It’s just Red. My friend.
“Looking for other Untamed. I found a few others.” His expression changes. “But I can’t say much, for—”
“For the safety of both of us,” I finish for him, smiling.
He smiles back. “You looked so beautiful, you know.”
“Looked?” I raise my eyebrows.
“When you stormed into my office, fueled up like an avenging angel. Gods, you were brave, Keelie, marching in there.”
I smile sweetly. “You know, you could’ve let me get the keys and leave. I was only going to take the one truck.”
“I’ve got an appearance to maintain.” He spreads his arms out wide and his muscles and tattoos ripple. The eagle looks like it’s going to fly. “But out here, we have no illusions to keep up. Out here, we can be ourselves.”
He breathes deeply, then he turns toward me properly. I feel the jolt that only true, strong emotion can instigate. It runs through my body, grabs every part of me.
And I stare at him. At Red. My Red.
Back from the dead.
He lifts up his hand slowly, and my hand lifts to meet his, like it’s automatic, instinct. Our fingers entangle, and I keep my eyes on him. His lips part slightly. His touch gets a little hotter, then he lets go of my hand and runs his fingertips down the inside of my arm, slowly. The touch sends delicious chills spiraling through me.
When he gets to my elbow, he stops, looks at me. And he’s leaning forward, closer. And I’ve leaned closer too. So close.
“I really want to kiss you, Keelie.”
My breath catches in my throat.
Red leans forward more, closing half of the small distance between us. “Would that be okay? Just a small kiss….”
I nod, smiling, and he kisses my smile. My hands go to his shoulders, feeling his cool skin. And a thousand fireworks explode in my body as I kiss him back.
It is everything that our office kiss wasn’t. It’s fire and ice and darkness and feeling and intensity. It’s everything in me becoming alive and meeting him.
The need to press myself against him—to feel all of him—rises like a stormy tide, so quickly, surprising me. And every bit of control in me disappears, like an elastic band has been cut, and it’s now useless to resist.
I kiss him, roughly, hard. His teeth graze against my bottom lip, and I gasp.
I want him, and the sudden urgency within me shocks me. I haven’t felt like this before… With Nico, it’s—
Don’t think about him.
My body yearns for Red’s, and it’s like a tap has been turned. Desire floods me. I press myself as close as I can, knowing where this will lead. His hands lift my hair away from my neck, then slip down to my waist, and my hands press against his back, his bare back, feeling the way his muscles move as we kiss. As we kiss deeper and deeper.
I push him down onto the sand, lean over him, kissing him. Then he flips us over, so he’s on top of me, and I’m drowning in him as he kisses my neck. I can’t breathe. I’m losing myself, and, just when I’m sure that I’m lost, Red pulls back. He looks at me, and we’re both breathless, both breathing raggedly.
And it’s Red. The boy I grew up with. The boy who knows me better than anyone—even Elf.
He slides his hands all over me, and then his fingers are undoing the buttons on my jeans. I feel breathless, and exhilaration takes over and—
Something screeches behind us.
We spring up. My heart pounds.
A spirit hovers ten feet from us.
I suck in air too quickly, then shake my head. Mustn’t look at it. Looking at spirits is dangerous, makes them think you’re challenging them. My un
cle challenged one—a really bad one—and it destroyed him in seconds. But I can’t look away—because what if it attacks? And we need warning and…but this spirit is still. It’s staying there. Hovering. Not coming closer. Not screeching anymore either. Just…watching us? Watching us with many eyes. Many, many eyes. I start to feel sick, and I know I’m looking at it too much—fascinated by its gelatinous-looking tentacles that are semi-translucent yet still seem to radiant a bronze color. And what even is it? Like, really?
I glance at Red, my heart pounding. As subtly as I can, I do my jeans back up. Might need to run fast in a minute. “What’s it doing?”
“I don’t know.” His voice is low, tense.
We watch the spirit for a long, long time, and a cold wind wraps around us. And it’s strange, watching it while trying not to look at it, not to accidentally challenge it. I press my lips together slowly. I wonder if it could work with the Watcher Doll. I imagine myself capturing the spirit and putting it inside the Watcher Doll, making the token active so it can help protect us.
Only I know that’s wrong. Watcher Dolls don’t contain spirits. They just provide the link between a Seer and the spirits. Spirit boxes actually imprison spirits, and they’re really dangerous. No one likes to be trapped.
Go home. The words flit toward us, as if they’re in the air.
“Did you hear that?” I look at Red, sideways.
He nods, his face pale. “Guess it doesn’t like us being together.” He attempts a laugh, but it doesn’t sound natural.
The spirit hisses suddenly, and I jump back against the rock.
Go home!
Then it disappears. Just…just like that. Vanished into thin air.
“Has it gone?” I look around, take a step forward, adrenaline at the ready as I search for it. But I can’t see it. It’s really just gone? I let out a shaky laugh. And—Gods—we’ve seen a spirit, looked at a spirit, and we’re alive. It didn’t rip us to shreds like one did my uncle.
“Keelie… I’d better go,” Red says, and his words sound strange, and he doesn’t look like he wants to say them. He takes hold of my shoulders gently and stares at me, his lips parted slightly.
I stare at him. “What? Because of that spirit? We can’t let that thing dictate what we do.”
He bites his bottom lip with his perfect front teeth, and my breathing speeds up a little. I want to lean in again, to slide my arms around him, to feel his body against mine.
“I have work to do.”
“Now?” I whisper, and I hook a finger on his belt and look at him in my most meaningful way.
He nods. “I can’t risk being caught.”
I let go of him. Take a step back. “Of course.” What was I thinking anyway? Were we really going to have sex out here if that spirit hadn’t disturbed us? But I know the answer: yes. Because the idea of it is sending thrills through me, and I’m sure Red knows it.
“Tomorrow,” he whispers, a certain glint in his eyes as he picks up his shirt. “Meet me, tomorrow. I can be here mid morning. I have to see you again, Keelie. I can’t stay away. I need you.”
I need you.
No one’s ever said that to me before. Especially not a man. And it was Red. Red who said it. And it sounds crazy, but I feel connected to him. So connected.
I meet back up with Bea, and I can’t stop smiling when we get back to Nbutai. There’s so much pent-up emotion and energy inside me. So much stuff I wanted to do with Red. But didn’t.
Because he left.
But he needs me. And tomorrow can’t come soon enough.
“You look happy,” Five says, falling into step with me as I walk through the village. Bea’s already headed off to get Mila’s breakfast and prepare for her lessons. “Where’ve you been?”
“Just out.” I even nearly feel like stopping and petting one of the dogs.
“Out?” Five raises her eyebrows. “Nico found you then?”
I stop. “What? He was looking for me?”
And suddenly my heart goes crazy. What if he saw me and Red together? What if—
But no. I’m being silly. He wouldn’t have gone that far out. He doesn’t like walking, prefers staying in the village. I’m the explorer out of the two of us. I’m the adventurous one.
Five nods. “About two hours ago. Super early for him. You really didn’t find him? Were you gathering with Bea?”
“Yeah.” Something like that.
Guilt seeps in. It’s like a black mist inside me, and I know I deserve it. And part of me tries to tell me that it’s okay—because I know Red from before, because we’re connected. Only it doesn’t make it okay, I know that. My head knows that.
But my heart doesn’t.
I think of what Bea said.
I need to break up with Nico. Sooner rather than later. I don’t want to be one of those girls who cheats on her boyfriend. I close my eyes for a moment, remember how upset Aunt Ramna was when she’d discovered her husband had been having an affair.
No.
I’m not like that.
Five’s chattering away to me, but I barely hear her. I mumble that I need to find Nico.
He’s in his hut. I realize it as soon as I’m standing outside it, even though the drape is pulled close.
I take a deep breath, then call out his name and push the cover back.
There’s a candle burning inside, and Nico’s sitting on his bed—a low mattress, of sorts. He smiles when he sees me, but the flickering candlelight adds a sense of ominosity to his appearance.
“Yani’s out,” Nico says, grinning. That look in his eye. The look I know well. Very well. “He’s not going to be back for a while now, though I thought we’d have had longer—where were you?”
“Had longer?” I stare at him.
“For you and me to spend some time together,” he says, and he says it so simply. He stands up and takes me in his arms, and it’s awkward. “Where were you anyway?”
I scrunch up my nose. “Out with Bea. Um, Nico—”
He kisses me.
Kissing Nico is different to kissing Red. Very different. I shouldn’t be comparing them, but I am. I can’t help it. I thought before that Nico knew me, really knew me, but now it’s obvious that we’re not right together. It’s Red I’m supposed to be with. I only really kissed Nico that very first time because it just seemed that I was expected to do it—and others had told me they thought we’d be good together. And then it just sort of went from there.
And now we’ve been sort of together for three years. Well, he even thinks we’re together—no sort of about it, not for him. And how didn’t I notice how boring being with him is? How did I think that that was it? Red set every part of me alight—and we were only kissing.
Nico pulls me down onto his bed, so I’m lying down. His hands roam over me, and, when at last his lips leave mine and move to my neck, I feel something like relief.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
Bea’s right. I need to end things.
“You seem different.” Nico lifts his head up and looks down at me, then moves so he’s lying next to me.
“Different?” I’m breathing hard, but not because of him. Because of the guilt.
But what do I tell him? I can hardly say I’ve met someone else. I’ve got to keep Red a secret.
But isn’t he going to notice you disappearing each morning anyway? Someone’s going to notice.
Yet I’ve still got to end things. Before, I didn’t think me and Red were going to get together. But we have.
“Nico, I’m sorry.”
He doesn’t flinch.
“It’s all right,” he says. His voice is neutral. “I know.”
I sit up. “What?”
“It’s your time of the month. That’s why you’re not into it. It’s okay.”
I stare at him. I’m not on my period, but something tells me I shouldn’t say that. Because that would give him hope.
I take a deep breath. “Nico.” I grip my hands together,
hard. “I—I think we need to take a break.”
A break? Like that isn’t giving him hope.
For a moment, he doesn’t react. He just stares at me, his eyes all big and puppy-like. Then he pats his blond hair, almost self-consciously, and makes a strange noise at the back of his throat, kind of like a squawk.
“A break?”
I nod.
“Oh.”
I get up quickly, my heart fluttering.
There. It’s done.
Except it’s not.
A break is temporary.
And what I want is forever. With Red.
Unease clouds me as I stumble out of Nico’s hut.
It’s amazing how quickly euphoria can be replaced by guilt. Earlier, when I was with Red, everything was perfect. But now it’s all a haze. Nico walked past earlier, eyes red-rimmed. I felt the guilt load up inside me, like another portion had been added to my weight.
But what was I supposed to do? Not end things?
Only I haven’t even done that. Not properly.
But maybe he knows. Maybe he’s guessed.
I wipe the side of my face with my hand, feeling irritable. Marouska scolds me twice as I stir the soup—for not stirring it properly and letting it stick to the pan—and Corin asks me if I’m okay. I nod, but half an hour or so later, when I’m staring into the fading sky, he comes back, says he’s heard about me and Nico.
“What made you do it?” he asks.
Red.
My shoulders tighten. I shrug, try to loosen them. Or maybe I’m shrugging to his question, I don’t know. But I don’t want to be here discussing Nico. I want to be out there…with Red. Every part of me aches for him, and I know it sounds stupid, but that’s how I feel. I really do.
“Well,” Corin says after a long time in which I haven’t replied. “I always thought you two were an odd match.”
“You did?” I turn and look at him. I’m sitting near the fire, my long-empty soup bowl at my feet.
Corin nods. “You’re so full of life, and you’ve got ambition. You’re reckless. You love raids. He’s just…not. They say opposites attract, but…” He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
A Dangerous Game Page 12
