"Hi, Mom." I walked up and bent down to kiss her cheek.
"Hi, sweetheart." She reached up to pat my cheek and gave me a warm smile.
"Can you come into the family room for a moment?"
"What's going on?" she asked with a perplexed expression.
"You'll see, Mom."
She raised one brow as she pulled a pan off the burner, eying me suspiciously.
"It's nothing bad." I raised my hands in a placating gesture. "I swear."
"Alright." She nodded, and I ushered her ahead of me.
I followed her into the family room, where Joe and Tony were playing pool. Natalie and Baba were standing next to Diana and fussing over the baby. T.J. and Michael were crawling around on the floor with their toy cars, making growling engine noises.
"Hey, everybody," I called out. All eyes turned toward me, and for the first time, I felt nervous about telling my family about the pregnancy. "Um." I faltered for a moment, but Natalie walked over to me with a smile and took my hand. I felt a little calmer from the contact. I squeezed her hand in gratefulness and gave her a small nod. "I have something to tell everyone, so I'm...I'm just going to throw it out there." I put an arm around Natalie and pulled her in close to my side. "I...um...I..." Shit, what the hell was my problem? I finally just blurted it out in a rush. "Natalie is pregnant and we're due in July."
There was a brief moment of absolute silence as everyone's mouth dropped open. For a second, I was afraid that this wasn't going to go as well I'd thought, and I braced for a negative reaction. However, when I glanced at Mom, a huge smile was spreading across her face. She stepped in front of me, and looked up at me as her eyes were welling with tears. She wrapped her arms around both Natalie and me, and hugged us tightly.
"Congratulations," she whispered softly near my ear. She leaned back and put a hand on both our cheeks, smiling up at us warmly as tears fell from her eyes. "I'm so happy for both of you. Welcome to the family, Natalie."
Natalie let out a small sob and started crying right along with my mother. The next thing I knew, Mom, Baba, and Diana surrounded Natalie, hugging and fussing over her excitedly. Joe and Tony approached me with grins and hugs, as they congratulated me. I felt completely emotionally overwhelmed, but in the best way possible.
Diana turned toward me and met my eyes with an unsure smile. I felt myself stiffen uncomfortably as she approached and put her arms around me.
"I'm so happy for you," she said, then spoke more quietly. "And I'm sorry."
I pulled away and gave her a curt nod, but didn't say anything. I smiled at her, but I was fairly sure it never reached my eyes. This moment that should have been happy was suddenly colored by the hurt and anger I still felt for my sister. I looked away from my sister's pained expression. That was when I saw Mom eying both of us suspiciously. Great, now Mom knew something was off with us.
Natalie moved closer to my mother and asked her something about dinner, drawing her attention from Diana and me. Natalie glanced at me with a nod. She was an angel for trying to distract Mom, but I knew it was too late.
When Mom went back into the kitchen, Tony, Joe, and I went to play pool like we normally did. I was glad that it made keeping my distance from Diana seem unintentional. Natalie sat with Diana and Baba, chatting and looking at little Maria. At one point, I glanced over to see Natalie holding the baby, and my breath caught. She looked so beautiful, and I couldn't wait until that was our baby that she was holding. I was staring helplessly at her when Joe elbowed me.
"Hey, Dad," he said in amusement. "It's your turn." He grinned at me as I smiled back and mumbled an apology before continuing the game.
Several times, I felt eyes on me and glanced over to see Diana watching me with a sad look on her face. It made guilt twinge inside me, but not enough to make me acknowledge her or make my anger go away. I planned on avoiding her as much as I could for the rest of the afternoon. Unfortunately, my sister had other ideas. When I came out of the bathroom just before dinner, she cornered me in the hall.
"Are you going to ignore me the whole time we're here?" she asked in a low, yet irritated tone.
"I'm not ignoring you," I grumbled back as I crossed my arms over my chest defensively.
"Yeah, right," she growled out. "And you haven't been leaving me hanging for almost a week either as payback. If your goal was to make me suffer, then it worked."
"So let me see if I'm understanding this right." I leaned into her space and leveled a glare at her. "You betray me and go behind my back, then get angry when I need some space to deal with it. That's rich. I'm sorry that I didn't realize everything revolved around you. I'll try to remember that next time. My bad." I moved around her to walk back out to the family room.
"You're a fucking asshole," Diana snarled behind me in a harsh tone.
I stopped and pressed my lips together as my breathing became harsh and heavy with suppressed rage. I closed my eyes as I tried to rein in my temper. This wasn't the place for a blow up.
"And a dick."
I turned as the rage seethed inside me. Diana actually shrunk back a little as I stepped closer to her and got in her face. "Are you trying to piss me off again? Is that what you want? To have a screaming match in front of our entire family, including your own kids? Because I'll gladly give it to you. I haven't talked to you all week because I'm still fucking pissed. I didn't want to say something to you that I would regret, but at this point I don't give a shit. You can have a fight if that's what you fucking want."
"I...I don't want to fight, David," she said sheepishly. "I just want you to talk to me about this."
"Well, you could have fucking fooled me," I snapped out sarcastically, then turned and left her standing there. No matter how much she wanted to talk about our father and what she had done, I wasn't ready, and I wasn't sure how long it would take for me to get there. She'd just have to wait.
I stalked through the house to the dining room where everyone else was taking a seat for lunch. I sat next to Natalie and tried to calm myself down. She took my hand under the table, and I glanced over to meet her eyes. She raised her brows questioningly. I shook my head stiffly, letting her know I wasn't willing to tell her what was wrong right now. She pursed her lips, but let it go with a nod.
A moment later, Diana came in with a deep frown and wouldn't even look in my direction as she sat next to Tony, which unfortunately put her right across the table from me. I caught myself glaring at her, and wrested my eyes away since it wasn't helping me calm down. Natalie squeezed my hand and gave me a sympathetic look. I nodded and looked away to see Mom placing a serving dish in the middle of the table and frowning as she looked back and forth between Diana and me. Mom always noticed when my sister and I were at odds. It was only a matter of time before she confronted us about it. Hopefully, it wasn't today.
Unfortunately, the underlying tension between Diana and me bled out around the table throughout the meal. It quickly became apparent that Diana and I were completely avoiding talking to or even looking at each other. I kept noticing the concerned looks that were passing between everyone else at the table. Eventually, an uncomfortable silence fell and the only sound was the clinking of silverware on plates as everyone continued eating despite the tension in the room.
"Alright," Mom finally blurted out in exasperation as she dropped her fork on her now empty plate with a loud clatter. "This is ridiculous. Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on between you two?" All eyes turned toward Mom as she glanced back and forth between Diana and me.
I glared across the table at Diana, daring her to tell Mom what she had done. She narrowed her eyes at me stubbornly as she pressed her lips together. Silence stretched on for several long moments.
"Okay," Joe announced suddenly as he stood up. "Why don't the rest of us head to the family room to let our food settle a bit before we have dessert." The relief in the room was palpable as everyone but Mom, Diana and me fled the room gratefully and quickly; Natalie included.
She gave me a worried glance before walking out with everyone else.
"Well?" Mom asked irritably. "Is one of you going to tell me or not? Because I'll keep us here waiting all day if that's what it takes." She meant it too. Every bit of stubbornness Diana and I inherited; we got from Mom.
"Why don't you enlighten her, Diana?" I said snidely as I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms with a hard stare at my sister. This was all her fault anyway. She should be the one to share with our mother what she had done to me. Diana glared at me angrily, but then her face flushed in shame and embarrassment as Mom turned a glare on her daughter.
"I'm waiting," Mom prompted impatiently in that quietly intense tone that filled me with fear as a child. It still kind of did. "Someone better talk. Now."
"I...I...um..." Diana began as she stared down at her half eaten plate of food. "I contacted our father," she mumbled quietly.
"You what?" Mom's brows shot up in shocked surprise.
"I gave him David's phone number." She finally looked up and glared back at me. "After Dad called him, David called me and acted like an asshole over it. He's refused to talk to me for almost a week now."
I growled low in my throat as I leaned toward my sister. "You went behind my back and gave him my number when I never wanted to talk to him at all. You betrayed me. What you did was selfish and self-serving, so don't you dare turn this around on me. I never asked for any of this."
"I'm selfish?" she snarled back with blazing eyes. "You're the one who thinks you get the final say in this. What I want doesn't fucking matter to you at all."
"Well, it's nice to see that the apology you gave me on Monday was a bunch of fucking bullshit." My voice rose in anger as I bit out each word harshly. Diana took in a breath to lay into me again.
"Stop!" Mom snapped out as she slapped a hand down on the table. Diana and I both jumped and looked at our mother guiltily. "I will not have you two yelling obscenities at each other in my house."
Diana and I both mumbled apologies to our mother. I was so angry that I had practically forgotten where we were.
"Now, is that true, Diana?" Mom turned her hard stare on her daughter. "Did you give out your brother's number to your father behind his back?"
"Yes," she said sheepishly. "But what choice did I have? If I had asked him about finding our dad, he would have shut me down and refused even to consider it."
"Damn right, I would have," I snarled.
"David," Mom said sharply. I snapped my mouth shut as I continued glaring at Diana.
"See?" Diana pointed at me. "Why does he get to decide for both of us?"
"Why do you get to decide for both of us?" I asked Diana in exasperation. "You already decided for me without even asking. You gave my personal information out to some stranger who abandoned us, who didn't give a shit about us at all. How is that okay?" My voice began to quaver with emotion. "Why would you even want to meet the man who didn't think we were good enough to stick around for? Why?"
"I...I wanted to know why he left us," Diana said tremulously as tears welled up in her eyes. "I just...I want to understand. Why weren't we good enough for him?" Tears started dripping down my sisters face, and I felt a couple of my own fall from my eyes. We stared at each other for several long moments. We were both in the same pain. We just dealt with it differently. I knew now that she hadn't meant to hurt me, and any anger I felt for her faded away.
Mom let out a deep tired sounding breath. "He didn't abandon you," she whispered quietly. Diana and I whipped our heads toward Mom. "I told him to leave."
"What?" I asked sharply, my mind reeling from her statement.
"Jeff was a drug addict, and I think maybe a dealer too," Mom continued in a subdued tone. "He was running around with some really bad people. It was only a matter of time before his bad choices caught up with him. I couldn't take the chance of his lifestyle hurting either of you, so I told him if he really loved me, then he would leave, so his kids wouldn't get caught up in it. He left because of me."
"Why...why didn't you ever tell us that?" Diana asked softly, her eyes wide as she stared incredulously at Mom.
"It was the hardest and most painful thing I ever had to do. I...I didn't want to talk about it. It was easier just to let you think he had taken off. I...I didn't want you to blame me for taking your father away from you." Mom took a shuddering breath as tears began to pour from her eyes. "I didn't know that you blamed yourselves, or I would have told you a long time ago. I'm so sorry." She buried her face in her hands and wept quietly. Seeing her in so much pain broke my heart.
"Mom?" My voice was thick with emotion as I moved over to the chair next to her. I touched her arm, and she looked up at me with tears streaming down her face. "It's okay. We don't blame you for it at all."
"No, Mom," Diana added as she sat down on the other side of our mother. "You were just protecting us."
I scooted my chair in next to Mom and wrapped my arms around her. Diana moved her chair in closer from the other side, and I pulled her into the embrace too. My mind was still awash with confusion and shock, but there was one thing I was certain of. My mother was amazing. I knew that she had given up a lot over the years to take care of us, but I had no idea what she had truly sacrificed for us, and with a jolt, I realized something else. Our father sacrificed just as much. He gave up a relationship with his kids and the girl he loved to keep us safe. Isn't that what any good father would do? The revelation changed everything that I had ever thought about myself, where I came from, and my future as a father myself. Suddenly, the idea of meeting my Dad didn't seem so repellent anymore.
"I'm sorry, Diana," I whispered. "So very sorry for how I acted."
"So am I," she whimpered as she lifted her head to look at me over Mom's bowed head. She looked just as rattled as I felt inside.
"I changed my mind," I said softly. "I want to meet our dad."
Her eyes widened in surprise as she nodded jerkily, tears still sliding down her cheeks.
"I'll go with you," Mom said as she lifted her head to look back and forth between Diana and me.
"Are you sure, Mom?" Diana asked her with worried eyes.
She nodded. "I think...I think we all need this."
"We do," I said with certainty as suddenly everything became crystal clear.
This was what I needed to let go of my fear of being a bad father, and to move forward with Natalie and our baby. This was what I had been seeking my entire life, but had never even admitted I needed. This would truly bring me closure.
***********
I felt Natalie come up behind me and wrap her arms around my waist. I sighed into her embrace and laid my hands over hers.
"Are you ready to go?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah," I answered but didn't make any attempt to move.
I was standing in front of the picture window in my living room. I had been standing here for a while now, staring unseeing at the darkness outside as I waited for Natalie to finish getting ready. It was Thursday, and we were going over to Diana's house tonight to meet my dad. It had been a long week waiting for this, and I wished we could have done it sooner, but Dad lived several hours away, and he couldn't get off work until today. My God, it sounded weird just thinking the word "dad", let alone saying it out loud. None of this felt real yet.
"We need to get going, my love." Natalie hugged me tighter, her face pressed against the back of my neck.
"I know, sweetheart," I whispered. I turned in her arms and wrapped her up in mine. I studied her gorgeous face, admiring her stunning green eyes, her arching brows, and her full plush lips. I pressed a soft kiss against them, relishing the contact for a moment before pulling away. She smiled at me with warm eyes.
We spent every night in each other's arms this week, even on Monday and Tuesday when she insisted that she needed to spend a few nights at her apartment. I didn't argue with her. I just showed up at her door each night and stayed until morning. I didn't want to sleep without her. I slept better w
ith her next to me, and since she didn't complain or turn me away either time, I suspected that was the case for her too. I took that as a good sign that I could get her to move in with me soon, but I wasn't going to get pushy. She just might push back.
"Let's go, sweetheart." I stepped out of our embrace. I grabbed our coats from the hooks by the door and helped Natalie put hers on. I pulled on mine, then took her hand and led her out the door to my car. We drove in silence for a few minutes before Natalie spoke.
"David, are you still okay with this?" She looked concerned as I glanced over at her. "You've been really quiet tonight. I'm sure everyone would understand if you changed your mind."
"No, Natalie." I reached and took her hand. "I haven't changed my mind. I'm just trying to prepare myself mentally for this. What the hell am I going to say to him? What the hell is he going to say to me?"
"You'll be fine, my love." She squeezed my hand firmly "You talk to crazy people everyday. This is nothing compared to that."
"True," I said with an amused smile. "Damn, I love you, Natalie." I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed her palm. "Ty moe povitrya," I added with a whisper.
"I love you, too." She gave me a soft affectionate smile. We lapsed into silence for a few more minutes, then suddenly she asked, "Are you going to teach our kid Ukrainian?"
"Do you want me too?" I asked curiously.
"I'd like our child to know about their heritage," she said thoughtfully. "And maybe you could teach me too?"
"I'd love to teach both of you, sweetheart."
"How about right now? I want to learn how to say 'you are my air'."
"Alright."
I spent the rest of the drive trying to teach Natalie the proper pronunciation of "ty moe povitrya". It was a welcome distraction. Her inflections were terrible though, but she was so excited and proud of herself that I didn't have the heart to tell her how awful she still sounded after a few dozen attempts. I was saved from any further linguistic torture as we pulled up to my sister's house.
Tony answered the door and let us in when we rang the doorbell. He greeted us warmly, yet in a somewhat subdued manner. The house was oddly quiet as we followed him to the living room, probably because the kids were with Baba at Mom's house. Diana decided not to have Dad meet the kids yet. I think she wanted to get a feel for what kind of man he was first. I think I would have done the same thing.
You Are My Life: Breathless Book 3 Page 20
