Reclaiming Love (Tainted Love Book 2)

by Lily Zante

  “You’re observant,” she deduced.

  “I like what I see.” His words didn’t follow on from her comment, and she considered it his most daring confession so far. She dared to hope. A hot chill sprinkled along her arms. She slanted him a look. “You like what you see?” She repeated his words back to him. “What do you see?”

  He leaned in a little and pushed his cup out of the way. “You want me to tell you?”

  She nodded her head enthusiastically, feeling a rush of adrenaline course through her, unable to decide if what she felt was a magnified feeling of boldness, or sheer adventure.

  “I see someone who is…I think, a little shy. Someone…” He looked away as if searching for the right words. “Someone who is probably more outspoken than she lets on, someone soft, yet hard inside, true to herself, loyal, hardworking, a good employee. I bet your boss values you.” He looked at her, as if to check he was on the right path. She said nothing but continued to listen, tilting her head a little, agreeing with what he’d said, and wondering how easy she was to read.

  “Am I right so far?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, are you?” she asked, giving nothing away.

  He continued with a smile, as if she’d just told him he was correct. “Someone who works out, but it’s not a big deal if she misses a couple of sessions here and there, because she doesn’t take it too seriously. Someone who’s more like a wallflower, but she could be off the wall, if she let herself. Someone—” And now he paused with his lips pursed together, as if unsure whether to continue.

  “Go on,” she encouraged him, fascinated by his insight and scared to reveal any more of herself.

  “Someone who seems sad to me lately. Sadder than I’ve seen her in a long time.”

  Tears welled up when he touched her truth, and he stopped the moment he saw her watery eyes.

  “Melissa, I’m sorry.” He retracted, rubbing his face.

  She shook her head, looked up, willing with all her might that she could dry the tears before he noticed. She turned her face away, determined to compose herself quickly. “I’m not upset.” She gave him a smile her heart didn’t feel.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of that to hurt you.” He held his hands out, as if he wanted to comfort her, but drew them back as quickly, unsure of the boundaries. Then he looked away, and she quickly dabbed at the edges of her eyes.

  She felt foolish for dissolving into desperation like this before him and hated that she’d come undone this suddenly by his words. She’d been reduced to a mushy heap by the wrecking ball that was Matt.

  Noah looked at her with worried eyes. A few times he shifted in his chair as if he was going to come over, but he stayed where he was and for that she was grateful. She didn’t need for him to tell her how awful he felt. She could read the evidence of it on his face. Even though he was almost a stranger, she already felt a connection to him. She felt him.

  “I didn’t mean to—”

  “You didn’t.” She’d regained a modicum of self-decorum. “You didn’t do anything. It was me. I was a bit of a mess this morning.”

  “I should have listened.” He hated himself, she could tell from the way he said it. “You probably wish you’d gone to the gym now, instead of running into me.”

  “I was running from the gym,” she confessed. “And I’m glad I ran into you.” She meant it.

  He gave her a searching glance, and she got the impression that he had questions, but she also sensed that he wasn’t going to push for any answers either.

  “Stuff happens, sometimes,” he said it not lightly, not like verbal make-you-feel-better-bullshit. He said it like he knew about that kind of stuff—stuff that happened and scarred you. Somehow, the way he said it, she knew he was speaking from deep down. “I’m sorry I upset you.” He held out his hand to stop her, as she was about to interject again and tell him it wasn’t his fault. “My words stirred up something and for that I’m truly sorry.”

  She shrugged, letting him say what he felt he needed to say.

  “I’m glad we met today,” she told him. It suddenly dawned on her, in that moment, that her tears were those of relief.

  Of finding someone who could read her so clearly, without her having to spell it all out.

  Chapter 12

  He felt more than awful for what he’d done to her.

  The one chance he finally had to spend more than a passing moment with this girl, and he’d gone and reduced her to tears. How could he have been so careless?

  She’d reassured him that she was going through things and that it wasn’t his fault. But the truth remained: he’d had the luck of meeting her unexpectedly again this morning, and instead of using that time to connect, he’d ended up making her cry. He’d sensed something was up from the moment he set eyes on her. After that he’d tried to steer the conversation to safer waters—they’d talked about their places of work, what she did and what he did.

  Their offices were a fifteen-minute walk apart. He didn’t need to tell her that he could have stayed on the bus for another stop that would have taken him right outside his workplace. That ever since he’d started running into her, he always walked the extra stop.

  She had no idea. The air of vulnerability and a kind of fragility she exuded, whatever the cause of it, turned her into the kind of girl nobody would notice only because she didn’t stand out in a crowd. Until one noticed her understated, quiet glam—as he had—and then it was impossible to forget that face.

  At least that was how it had been for Noah—meeting Melissa. He looked over his shoulder and saw her walk toward the crossing, gave her one last parting glance, waited to see if she’d look back at him when she stopped at the crossing.

  She didn’t.

  He looked ahead and continued walking. Bit by bit, these little glimpses of her, stolen moments now and then, all these things gave him something to look forward to. They helped him forget and made him instead look ahead. To dare to dream of newer things. To bury the past.

  He didn’t like sharing his past with anyone. His parents worried about him. Bree’s parents could see there was more that hid under his strong, fabricated exterior. But he still didn’t want to talk about it. The moments with Melissa helped him forget.

  He’d dressed smartly and she’d noticed. He was still trying to gauge if she liked him or not, or was making polite talk. He no longer knew how to tell whether there was a “vibe” or not. He’d spent so long buried in his wall of misery, preferring to cut himself off from the need to interact with others, especially if there was a danger of it leading to anything. But now he’d met a girl he liked, and he no longer knew how to tell whether the feeling was reciprocated.

  Melissa worked out, and she counted calories.

  Bree had over-exercised and starved herself. He was better trained now and more alert to the signs to the extent that he was always on the lookout. Was he falling for the same kind of girl twice? Was he hardwired to attract a certain type of partner?

  Was he mistaking Melissa for Bree?

  He frowned, so deep in thought, trying to reason with himself. Melissa was no Bree. They were different and yet the same.

  He wasn’t attracted to Melissa because she reminded him of Bree. And he knew nothing about Melissa except her sadness. The always pervasive sense of something being not right had been more visible this morning than ever before. He’d probed a little too deeply and touched a real nerve somewhere.

  But what was her truth? Her story?

  He shook his head. He had a meeting with Rory first thing. And it wouldn’t do to be inattentive when having a meeting with the Chief Security Officer of Black Diamond, a company that created and offered industry-leading security to companies that needed to defend their networks and infrastructure. Rory had high hopes for him, and with the chance to lead a growing team of security specialists, Noah’s star was now on the rise.

  Rory had told him to recruit two new people, because the amount of work this S
an Francisco based startup had begun to attract indicated a busy year ahead.

  Hence the smart suit. He’d shortlisted a couple of candidates and interviews were due to be held after the start of January, but he needed to go through the burgeoning list of applications they’d already received, even in the five days that the new positions had been advertised.

  Noah walked into Black Diamond offices, trying to turn his attention to work. But his mind was still full of Melissa. Now, more than ever, he was intrigued by the cause of her upset. Something she didn’t want to talk about—and he understood that perfectly. Nor would he ask her.

  Just because they were starting to talk more, and he felt some kind of connection to her, it still didn’t yet give him any right to her innermost world or her thoughts.

  He’d been a part of Bree’s world and she’d kept it all hidden from him too. He hadn’t even known of her sickness until the final months, and when he found out, he wondered how he could have failed to see it. The guilt, believing he could have saved her if he’d looked harder, listened more, read between the lines, never left him. Almost a year after and he still blamed himself. Her parents told him it wasn’t his fault, that she hid it so well, it was only towards the end that they had started to notice—and they lived with her. It still didn’t help assuage his feelings.

  As he walked out of the elevator, weighed down by guilt, his cell rang. He answered it quickly. “The room’s available from next week. Let me know if you want it. You’ll have to move in over Christmas.”

  “Thanks Paul, let me think about it.” He tucked the cell phone away. His well-meaning friend was subtly trying to get him to move out and move on.

  He and Bree had talked about moving in together, long before she had pushed him away. Theirs had been pie-in-the-sky dreams with nothing concrete underpinning them; they hadn’t even looked for places to rent. This had been before her sickness became known to him, but she had ditched him before then.

  Then she’d gone. And his plans had stopped. Life stopped. He was still living but not going anywhere. Not moving on.

  Maybe now it was time to start healing and to forgive himself.

  Moving into that shared accommodation with Paul would be a step in the right direction.

  Chapter 13

  She’d been thinking of Noah for most of the day. Even during her busiest time, typing minutes, assembling brochures, submitting expense claims, she’d replayed their conversation and the whole scene from this morning over and over in her head.

  Not only had he been a welcome sight first thing in the morning, he now provided a distraction for her that was much needed.

  Each time she thought of Matt, regret trampled all over her.

  Noah seemed the opposite. He was light to Matt’s darkness. But then in the beginning, before she’d really gotten to know him, she’d thought Matt was the best thing ever.

  Maybe she was just lousy at reading guys.

  Heather had seen through Matt straightaway. So why hadn’t she? Maybe she was taking this little infatuation too far. What was the point of looking further when she hadn’t officially declared her present relationship over?

  Things with Heather were still awkward, and they had avoided seeing one another in the morning as she left for work. She didn’t relish the thought of walking into her home. No more than she looked forward to bumping into Matt. So far she hadn’t bumped into him at work either. Nor had he sent her any emails or texts. For that she was thankful. Each time she heard the faint ding of the elevator in the distance, her heart stopped, as she wondered if he’d stepped onto their floor. Where once she’d enjoyed looking forward to his visits, now she dreaded the thought of seeing him again.

  She needed to finish it. But something told her it wasn’t going to be as easy as speaking the words out loud.

  Concentrate, Melissa. She attempted another read through of the report she’d typed up for Nadine. At this rate she’d never catch any errors and Nadine wanted to submit it to Mr. Zimmerman and the senior management for tomorrow’s meeting. The Flight people would be in, which meant Nadine wanted everything one hundred and ten percent perfect.

  “Hi.” Her insides shrank at the sound of that voice. She glanced up. The sight of Matt removed all traces of expression from her face. He looked wary, cautious, and without his usual hint of haughty arrogance.

  “Hi.”

  “I didn’t see you all day.” Matt waited, hands by his sides, a looped up cable in one hand.

  “I’ve been busy.” Her body tensed in her chair.

  “I’m sorry…about yesterday.” It was only because she saw the whites of his knuckles that she noticed he gripped the cable tightly. She trailed her gaze from his hands to his face. “I’d never hurt you, Mel.”

  You already did.

  She said nothing, because she didn’t want an argument or a debate. He’d come to declare his side of things so that she’d see things his way—that was how he normally operated.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked, putting down the cable on her desk and leaning towards her. She felt her knees quake, as fear washed over her. She moved back a little in her chair.

  “I’m busy. I have to check something for Nadine.” She silently willed him to go away.

  “Mel, I’m sorry.” His eyes softened. “I wish we didn’t argue. Let me make it up to you.” He leaned in further so that his thighs rested against the edge of the desk.

  “Can we talk about it another time? I have to get this to Nadine—”

  “Or else,” he said. “I know. I know she’s a pain in the butt.”

  “She isn’t. She’s a perfectionist, and she’s my boss. So I’d rather you didn’t bad mouth her to me.”

  He appeared to scrutinize her carefully. She’d normally let things pass, all of his snarky comments and hurtful remarks, whether they were about her or someone else. For some reason, the way he spoke about Nadine caught her at a bad moment and she wasn’t ready to hear crap from him.

  “Can I see you tonight? We could go out for a drink or something?” The pleading in his voice caught her off guard and she considered going with him—to have that talk now rather than later. Her hesitation seemed to throw him. She glanced back at him, knowing the familiar pattern. He’d want to make up, and she’d give in. And then after a while, he’d say or do something else that pissed her off. If there was to be a break, it had to come from her. What she needed was some distance.

  “Not tonight. It’s been a busy day.” She never wanted to be in that situation with him ever again.

  “I’m away tomorrow, and for the rest of a week, on a course. We’ll be staying there so I won’t see you for a while.”

  Her heart leapt with joy and she tried not to bring to the surface the smile that lurked beneath.

  “We can catch up when you’re back,” she said easily.

  He looked disappointed. “I was hoping we could catch up tonight. Just dinner. I promise. A week seems like a long time to go without seeing you. Please, Mel. I’m sensing things are a bit weird between us.” It wasn’t in his nature to beg, so she gave him her full attention.

  “Sometimes I wish you’d listen to what I say. Instead of railroading me into doing whatever it is that you want.” Normally she would have given in to him by now, but this time her steadfast response, while it surprised him, surprised her even more. Something inside her had shifted, infinitesimally.

  “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” Words she’d heard before, she thought.

  “I can’t see you tonight and if you mean what you say, you won’t force me. I’ll see you next week sometime.”

  The veins in his neck raised up. “If that’s what you want.”

  “It’s what I’m asking.”

  By then, she’d be getting ready to go home for Christmas. But he didn’t need to know that.

  “Have it your way.”

  She watched him walk away, feeling a sense of relief that things in her life were about to get back to normal
.

  Chapter 14

  She felt free and knew that it was a definite sign of the chains she needed to break. If the idea of Matt being away for a week gave her a sense of freedom, then it was clearly proof that the relationship was toxic.

  She and Heather had reached a truce over the weekend and had even made dinner together yesterday before talking about the coming week and work. She was going home next week for Christmas and Heather would be away too.

  They had a week to make good on their recent disagreement and with Matt out of the picture, and all conversation about him forbidden, it was easy enough for their friendship to slowly revert back to normal.

  For Melissa, this was the fourth day she had come to work early, taking her time as she hung around outside the coffee shop each morning in a bid to catch sight of Noah.

  She wanted to see him again—and with Matt being away there would be no danger of getting caught. Not that she was doing anything she needed to feel guilty about. After all, she and Noah were nothing more than coffee buddies.

  She wasn’t ending things with Matt to clear the way for Noah, because she didn’t know how Noah felt. She wasn’t entirely sure she knew how she felt. She knew only that each time she saw him she spent the rest of the day thinking about him.

  But the week that could have afforded her more time to see him soon melted away. Monday melted into Tuesday, by Wednesday she was beginning to lose hope and by Thursday she’d given up the idea completely. She was also by now completely fed up of having a blueberry muffin three days in a row.

  Her attempts to catch him, as casually as she could without making it so obvious she’d done nothing but lookout for him, had only resulted in her piling on the calories.

  Picking up her skinny latte she started to walk towards the door.

  “Hey, Melissa.” He was in the line, patiently waiting as she made her way out. He looked happy enough to see her too and her heart did that woozy, fluttering thing it always seemed to when Noah was around. But her hopes crashed down just as fast. Mr. Zimmerman had called a staff meeting first thing in the morning—she couldn’t stay any longer even if she wanted to.