by Angie Bates
“We could take a vote,” suggested Lyndz.
“We don’t need to vote.” Frankie stood up.
Here we go, I thought drearily.
I almost fell over with shock when she said, “I say we help Emma out. No matter how smelly she is!” she added with an evil grin.
I stared at her. “Seriously?”
“Kirstin believes we’re super cool. Let’s keep it that way.”
Frankie’s change of heart took my breath away.
“We’ll call it Operation Pretend Friend,” suggested Rosie.
“Coo-ell,” everyone giggled.
“So when does it start?” said Lyndz.
“O800 hours tomorrow.” Frankie sounded like a soldier in a movie.
“It’s not going to be easy,” Lyndz warned.
“Yeah, we’re constantly going to have to watch what we say.” Kenny looked genuinely alarmed. “We don’t actually have to be nice to Emma, do we?”
“Nice as pie,” Frankie said sweetly. “Your face muscles will ache from all that fake smiling.”
“It might be fun,” said Rosie in a brave voice.
Kenny gave a yelp of laughter. “You sound like my mum when she’s taking me to the dentist.”
“At least dentists give you laughing gas,” sighed Lyndz. “We’ve got to face Emma stone cold sober. What? What did I say?”
We’d gone into total hysterics. We kept trying to explain we weren’t laughing at her, but that just sent us off into more mad hoots of laughter, and eventually Lyndz was laughing equally helplessly, though she had no idea what she was laughing at. We laughed until we were totally exhausted, then Kenny said weakly, “Oh, no! Stone cold sober!” And off we went again.
Thursday night is Mum’s evening to go to her Keep Fit class and Andy and I were left in charge of the littlies. My stepdad is really easy to talk to, so I found myself telling him about Operation Pretend Friend, while I helped him bath the babies.
“Sounds dodgy to me,” he said bluntly. “Lying has a nasty habit of getting out of control: ‘Oh, what a tangled web we weave!’ and all that.”
“It’s not really lying,” I protested. “More like play acting. It’s in a good cause.”
“Sorry, princess, I don’t think good can come out of lies. I really admire you though, for trying to help your little mate.”
“But she’s not my little mate,” I wailed. “I HATE Emma. At least I used to. Now I’m just confused!”
“Here, put a nappy on him quick before anything leaks out,” Andy commanded, passing me a very pink, clean Joe. He heaved an exasperated sigh. “Too late!”
When Joe and Hannah were finally tucked up in their little cots, Andy went to find Callum and tell him a story. It’s the same one he tells my brother every night. Well, it’s not exactly a story. Andy recites a long list of all the tools he uses on the building site, in a really peaceful, singsong voice, and eventually Callum goes glassy eyed and falls asleep.
I left Andy murmuring about hammers and pliers and escaped into the rosy pink privacy of my room. I was feeling abnormally stressed so I took my jumpers out of my wardrobe and refolded them really slowly, to calm myself down.
I hated to admit it but my down-to-earth stepdad had a point. I’d been so fixated on my rescue mission that I hadn’t really thought about the consequences. I was trying to stop Emma getting hurt. But if the truth came out, someone else might get hurt – like Kirstin, or even me!
I suddenly felt sick. Suppose Andy was right and Operation Pretend Friend backfired? Our safari trip would be ruined. My mates would think it was my fault. What’s more, they’d be right.
I made Andy recite that weird little rhyme about liars again the other day. It goes: ‘Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive’. I don’t know who wrote it, but boy, that guy totally knew what he was talking about!!
Our safari trip started out as a treat. But when the neighbourhood tweetie birds woke me at dawn on Friday, I felt like our class outing was suddenly looming over me like an especially threatening nightmare.
Complicated worries went round my brain. What if we let something slip and Kirstin found out what we were up to? She probably wouldn’t realise we were trying to help Emma. She’d just think we were trying to make a fool of her! Omigosh, I thought, this trip is going to be harder work than school!!
I was so nervous that I was up and washed and dressed before the twins even made a squeak.
On the way to school Mum literally threatened to tie me to the roof-rack if I didn’t calm down. “Calm DOWN, sweetie! You’re not going to miss the coach.”
“Mum, I’m totally calm!” I lied. “I’m just really excited. This is, like, the happiest day of my life.”
I cowered behind the school gate and took a deep breath. I’m happy happy happy, I told myself bravely. I must look happy happy happy.
And like an actor bounding out of the wings, I ran into the playground, waving and smiling brightly.
My old sleepover mates were there already, chatting incredibly animatedly to our two new members. Kirstin was wearing cool casuals, just right for a day out, with a World Wildlife baseball cap perched on the back of her head. Poor Emma. She was proudly wearing a little top and combats, but they were in really eye-watering colours, like you only see on poisonous frogs. Plus she’d pulled her ponytail so tight it’s a wonder it hadn’t cut off her blood supply.
“Hi, guys,” I gushed. “Are we totally excited or what?”
Frankie rolled her eyes at me. “Oh, we’re beyond excited, Flissie. Way, way beyond.”
Rosie nudged her. “Behave.”
I gave Kirstin and Emma my most dazzling smile. “I was buzzing all night, weren’t you? I couldn’t sleep a wink.”
“Oh, I know what you mean,” said Emma at once.
“I slept like a log,” Kirstin grinned. “But I went to Africa last summer, where we slept outdoors in all sorts of conditions. Plus we camp in the Australian outback loads. Safaris are always fun, wherever you have them.”
Frankie was impressed. “You’ve been to Africa? You’re only our age.”
Kirstin pulled a face. “Mum and Dad are biologists. Right now we’re living in the outback, but they’re constantly dragging me all over the world.”
“I wish my parents took me to exotic locations,” Lyndz sighed.
“You wouldn’t have time for sleepovers,” Rosie pointed out.
“I would,” Lyndz giggled. “I’d take you all with me, and we’d have a fabulous sleepover at the Taj Mahal.”
“Now that IS a cool idea,” laughed Kirstin.
Wow, I thought. It might have been sticky at first but Operation Pretend Friend was working. It was more than working. It was going like a dream!
“Where do you go to school?” Frankie was asking Kirstin.
“I don’t,” grinned Kirstin. “I just hook up to the School of the Air.”
So it wasn’t called the Air School after all. Know-all Emma didn’t know as much as she liked to make out.
Mrs Weaver clapped her hands. “Quiet everyone. Yes, that includes you, Francesca.”
Frankie was still chatting to Kirstin so she didn’t hear. Lyndz smacked her bum with her baseball cap. Frankie swung round in surprise to see everyone looking at her. “Oops!” she giggled. “Looks like I pulled a Fliss. Sorry, Mrs Weaver. It’s just that Kirstin’s been on an actual safari in Africa. Plus she’s being educated on the Internet.”
Mrs Weaver was looking tired already and we weren’t even on the coach yet. “Perhaps she’d like to tell us about it another time. Now I want you all to make an orderly line by the coach.”
But Kenny had other ideas. “We’ve got to get the seat at the back,” she hissed. She started elbowing her way to the front. Her aggressive tactics worked and we managed to bag the sacred back seat.
“Emma! Emma! You and Kirstin grab the seat in front of us,” Frankie called. “Let’s keep all the Sleepover Club girls together.”
> Emma forced a smile. “OK, Frankie, good idea!”
“Don’t overdo it, Spaceman!” I told Frankie.
“I’m an actress,” she said smugly. “I’m playing the part of Emma’s loyal sleepover buddy.”
The coach started to move and everyone cheered.
“I really owe your mum,” Rosie whispered in my ear. “I’d be missing this if it wasn’t for her.”
Kirstin and Emma were taking it in turns to read each other bits of historical info from their booklets. Kirstin was impressed that she was going to see a real castle. “You’ve got so much history in this country,” she said.
“Aren’t all you Australians descended from criminals?” Danny McCloud asked rudely, obviously hoping to get a rise out of her.
She laughed. “That’s right! But you know what I’ll never understand? You dozy Poms sent your criminals to live in paradise, and you all stayed home in the rain. How weird is that?”
Everyone thought this was hilarious.
“She told you, Danny!” Ryan grinned.
Kirstin winked at me and went back to reading about Gawdy Castle. I don’t know how people can read in a coach, I don’t actually like coaches that much. Especially at the back. It’s well bumpy.
We were just halfway to the safari park when Martin Ainsley, this weedy new boy, threw up all over the boy who was sitting next to him.
Frankie clutched her nose. “That smells so-o rank!”
Kenny tried to see what was happening. “Urgh, it’s got yellow lumps,” she reported. “What on earth did Martin have for breakfast?”
“Don’t be gross.” I tried to pull her back on to her seat.
“I’m not gross. I’m taking a clinical interest. I’m going to be a doctor, remember?”
“Then maybe you should help clean it up,” Frankie suggested.
I’m really brave about sick since Mum had the twins, but I was still relieved when we finally saw the sign for Gawdy Park.
We drove along beside a high stone wall for what seemed like miles. Behind the wall were tall trees, some just coming into leaf. At last, behind the trees, we saw the weathered battlements of an ancient castle.
“Yikes, is this castle haunted? It sure looks haunted to me,” Kirstin said excitedly.
“It’s really just an old museum,” said Emma. “Don’t expect too much.”
Kenny rolled her eyes. “The trouble with Emma is she’s SO boring,” she whispered.
“No imagination,” Frankie agreed. “A ghost could walk right past her picking its nose and she wouldn’t even notice.”
We drove through the gates and pulled into the huge car park.
The only disadvantage about sitting at the back is that you’re always last off. Plus Mrs Weaver slowed us down loads by making us listen to her long list of dos and don’ts. By the time we’d got out into the fresh air, Kenny was jiggling frantically up and down. “Oooh, I need a wee!”
“Have you seen the queue outside the loos?” Frankie moaned. “You’ll be waiting for ever. Can’t you hold on?”
“If you don’t mind it coming out of my ears,” Kenny said.
“I’m just worried you’ll find this really boring,” I heard Emma saying. “I mean you go to all these exciting places.”
“Are you kidding!” said Kirstin. “Do you know how many fourteenth-century castles there are in Australia?” She made a zero with her finger and thumb.
“None?” guessed Emma.
“Exactly, none. This is a first for me.”
“But no one lives in the castle any more,” Emma said anxiously.
“You mean I won’t actually see knights in armour! Shame!” Kirstin punched Emma’s shoulder lightly. “Relax! Just being with you guys is the best treat.”
But I thought Emma was right to warn Kirstin not to expect too much. I stared around in bewilderment. “So where are all the animals?”
Emma gave a snort of laughter. “You surely didn’t expect to see them in the car park, you stupid—” She caught herself just in time. “I mean, you funny thing!” she said hastily.
I didn’t take it too personally. Emma had been a member of the Sleepover Club for less than three hours. She’d been half of the Gruesome Twosome for years. Being spiteful was such a habit, I don’t think she even knew she was doing it.
Kenny emerged from the loos at last and we all surged up the path to the massive gates which separated the castle grounds from the actual safari park.
“It said in the booklet there’s a maze in the grounds,” said Kirstin excitedly. “I’ve always wanted to get lost in a maze.”
Danny tapped his forehead. “Strange girl. She wants to get lost.”
“You look worried,” Rosie whispered in my ear.
“I was just wishing everyone could get along together,” I whispered. “Like, why do we have to be Emma’s pretend friends? Why can’t we be her mates for real?”
Rosie smiled. “Even real mates don’t get on ALL the time!”
“That’s true,” I agreed. “Remember that time we—”
Just then a ranger in jeans and an orange Gawdy Park body warmer came round the corner, closely followed by an elephant.
Everyone gasped. Obviously we’d all seen elephants on TV. But nothing compares with actually meeting one face to face. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an elephant close up, but they’re MASSIVE. This one’s legs were like small trees and it had more wrinkles than my grandma.
Then I started going, “Oh, oh, oh!” I was so overexcited, they were truly the only words I could get out.
Between the tree-trunk legs of the enormous elephant I’d spotted four small, tottery, grey feet. My friends saw them at exactly the same moment.
“It’s got a baby!” I gasped. “Ohh, look at its darling ears!!”
“And that cute little trunk!” cooed Frankie.
“I want one!” said Lyndz.
“Don’t be stupid, what would you do with a trunk?” Kenny teased.
“I meant I want a baby elephant, idiot,” Lyndz told her.
“Watch her,” I told Kirstin. “Lyndz kidnapped a baby pig one time.”
“You never told me about that!” Kirstin said to Emma.
Emma blushed. “Didn’t I?”
“She’s probably used to Lyndz nicking animals, aren’t you, Emma?” I said quickly. “She’s a total klepto.”
“I AM not,” said Lyndz indignantly. “I’m a friend to Nature, that’s what I am.”
“Keep moving everyone!” Mrs Weaver told the class. “We’ve got an extremely tight schedule.”
“Those gates are awesome,” said Frankie as we finally stood waiting for the rangers to let us in.
“Why do they make them so big?” asked someone.
The park gates literally towered over us, making me feel like a little doll’s house doll.
“They have to stop the animals getting out,” Rosie said.
“What have they got in there? Dinosaurs?” asked Danny anxiously.
I felt excitement prickling in the pit of my stomach.
“In a few moments we’ll be going on a tour of the safari park in the estate Landrovers. You must stay inside the Landrover unless the ranger tells you otherwise. Is that understood?”
Everyone nodded dutifully.
“You may not open the windows and you may certainly not lean out, Danny McCloud!” Mrs Weaver said sharply. “You must follow the ranger’s instructions at all times. Those are dangerous wild animals on the other side of those gates. They are not, repeat not, cuddly pets. In a few moments you’ll meet the rangers who’ll be taking us on our safari,” Mrs Weaver explained. “After lunch we’ll go on a tour of the castle and grounds.”
“Excellent! Wonder what’s for lunch?” said Kenny greedily.
Frankie went into victim mode. “I hope they’ve got stuff for vegetarians. It would be so-o unfair if they—”
But I never heard what Frankie thought would be so unfair, because at that moment the electric gates
swung open and I heard the unmistakable, spine-tingling roar of a lion.
“Have you seen this humungous list of animals we’re supposed to spot?” Frankie waved a sheet of paper in my face. “I can’t BELIEVE how many types of animals there are. I think I’m going to fall off my bones with excitement if we see a lion!”
“That would be interesting,” grinned Kenny. “I wonder what Frankie would actually look like with no bones?” she said to herself.
As you can tell, Kenny has the WEIRDEST mind.
We’d been on safari for twenty minutes, and so far the animals were keeping well out of our way. We tried to get ourselves in the right safari spirit but it’s not easy when you’re all squashed into a Gawdy Park Landrover.
When I say, “all” I mean all the Sleepover Club members, real and fake, plus, (GULP) Mrs Weaver. I know!! We weren’t too thrilled about that either. We were really depressed when she insisted on coming with us.
“We’ll look like teacher’s pets,” Frankie hissed.
“What’s wrong with that?” Emma hissed back.
Kenny gave her a withering look. “You’re actually a Martian, aren’t you, Emma. But don’t worry, you’ll soon learn our earthling ways!”
Emma sucked in her breath but whatever she was going to say, she quickly thought better of it.
The Landrover went on bumping its way up a long, steep hill.
When we reached the top, the ranger stopped, so we could see Gawdy Park spread out below like a crumpled green and brown bedspread. Microscopic animals were moving around in the distance. I couldn’t exactly see what they were, but they could have been cows and I would have still been amazed.
The ranger pointed out some deer grazing down by the river. “And you might just be able to make out a herd of elephants among those trees,” he grinned.
“Why aren’t those other elephants with them?” Lyndz asked him.
“The mum and baby? The littl’un got an infection and the vet wants to keep an eye on her.”
“Poor thing!” gasped Lyndz. “I hope she’ll be all right.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” said Mrs Weaver briskly. “So, Kirstin, is this anything like being on a real safari?”
