“I’ll bet Luke Swensen’s fit to be tied if he still can’t open his store,” Ellie said.
“Oh, he found a way around that. He left a blackboard and chalk on his boardwalk. People can leave their order and then come back later to pick it up.”
“And his wife is well?”
“Completely. I’m staying with you the rest of the day,” Kate informed her. “I know how weak I felt that first day, and Caleb said you had the fever longer than most. I’m caring for the baby and doing all the cooking, so you just find a place to take it easy.”
Ellie wasn’t as strong as she’d hoped, so Kate’s offer was a blessing. “This is so good of you.”
“You came to my house to help,” she replied. “You risked getting the fever yourself to help my family. Caleb says once you get it, you can’t get it again, so I’m perfectly safe. You’re the good one.”
Ellie placed Nate on a quilt someone had laid on the floor, gave him a string of spools and sat down beside him before her shaky knees gave out. “I think I’ll stay right here for a while.”
Benjamin and J.J. clomped in the back door. “Any of those cinnamon rolls left, Ma?” asked J.J.
Ben spotted Ellie and grinned.
“There’s a few under that napkin on the table. Leave one for Ellie.”
“Glad you’re better, J.J.,” Ellie said.
“You too, Mrs. Chaney.”
The name gave her a start. She had never actually thought of herself as Mrs. Chaney.
The boys sat at the table and Kate poured them glasses of milk. “We’re going to ride on over to the creek this afternoon,” J.J. said. “Maybe we’ll bring back some fish for supper.”
“Make sure that’s all right with Ellie,” his mother replied.
Ellie was so pleased to see her brother with a friend, she could only nod. Like her, he’d never been accepted in the community they came from, nor had he had the time or the opportunity to do all the things young people should do. He’d had Ellie and Flynn and that was it, until the county had separated them.
It was pleasing yet painful to see him growing and establishing a new life. She’d always dreamed of this for him—for her small family. The Jenkinses were a shining example of a real family, and Ben’s spending time around them delighted her.
“Where’s your brother?” she asked.
Ben set his glass down. “Out back makin’ a fort out of the firewood. He’s still a little kid, Ellie. Please don’t say I have to take him along.”
“I wasn’t going to say that at all. I was just wondering where he was.”
He flashed her a grateful smile. “Thanks.”
The boys finished eating and ran out the back door.
“Your brothers are fine young men.” Kate wiped her hands on a flour sack towel.
“Thank you. I think J.J. is quite special, too. He’s certainly a big help to Caleb.”
“He has a mind of his own, that one.” She sat in the chair her son had vacated. “He’s determined to save enough to send himself to college. His daddy and I sure don’t have the money, but he works several jobs and is so determined, I can see him doing it.”
“I can, too.” Since coming to Newton, but especially since meeting Caleb, Ellie had begun to think a person’s dreams really could come true.
She had realized something frightening the night she’d fallen sick. The sudden insight had been incorporated in her fever and fatigue, but now she sorted the thoughts and recalled her discovery.
Caleb had become important to her in a way she couldn’t recognize. The tortured beliefs of her childhood jaded every thought and relationship she’d ever had. Since meeting him, she’d learned that he wasn’t the only good person in the world. Far from it. But he was nearly the first decent human being she’d encountered.
She felt more than appreciation.
She’d believed all along that association with him would prevent others from pitying her…even ease the sense of ridicule embedded within her. His innate goodness revealed her inadequacies, however. She felt unworthy.
Loving him pointed out the impossibility of their relationship ever developing past this tenuous and wonderful new friendship.
She was incapable, and he deserved more.
A loud meow caught her attention. She got up and found the cat sitting on the back porch, flicking his tail expectantly and gazing up at the door. She slipped out the door and scooped up the cat. His purr rumbled against her midriff as she settled on the step and petted him.
She had been foolish to think she could escape the inevitable—the physical aspect of marriage. What kind of marriage had she visualized? She’d imagined Caleb going to another woman for his pleasures, but she doubted now he’d do that. Just because other men did things didn’t necessarily mean Caleb did them, too.
She still had no clue what his mother had been getting at the day of their wedding. Matthew and Laura’s touches had disturbed her since she’d first seen them together. But try as she might she just couldn’t conjure up a mental picture of Matthew huffing and puffing away on top of Laura, and her actually enjoying it.
Ellie didn’t want to think about it.
But she needed to.
She blinked away a similar blurred image of Caleb’s sister. And Kate Jenkins. Good women actually participate willingly?
Well, they must, or there wouldn’t be so many children. She closed her eyes and recalled the reverent way Caleb had kissed her.
Just because Winston had forced her and hurt her, didn’t mean Caleb would. He hadn’t. He was good and kind and gentle.
Ellie possessed the knowledge of that fact.
Now she would have to come to understand it in her heart.
She had to if she wanted to keep this family and her dream.
By the next week it became evident that the disease had passed without a full-blown epidemic. Caleb was indeed Newton’s hero. He had patients lined up on his stairs every morning when he arrived for work, and he’d hired Benjamin as his assistant.
Benjamin sterilized the instruments, cleaned the office, counted supplies and made trips to the druggist. One afternoon after everyone had gone, he finished wiping the tables while Caleb made notes in patients’ files.
“It’s payday.” Caleb took two silver dollars from the desk drawer and handed them to his new helper. “You’ve earned every penny.”
Benjamin’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and a lock of sandy hair fell over one brow.
“Once school starts, your studies will come before this work. But I believe you can do both.”
“I can,” Benjamin said. He turned the coins over in his palm. “Never had this much money all to myself before. I feel like I should give it to Ellie for food or somethin’.” His tone sounded as though he were thinking out loud.
“It’s yours. You worked for it.” It wasn’t uncommon for children to help out their families, but Caleb could afford to provide—and wanted to provide for them. “Ellie has everything she needs.”
The boy looked up. The blue eyes Caleb had always seen as icy now seemed more open. The sister and brothers were just so damned vulnerable. Sometimes Caleb felt as if he was kicking a puppy when he spoke sternly or made a gesture that he knew was misinterpreted.
Just this afternoon, Benjamin had flinched when Caleb had reached over his head for a glass jar.
“I promised you I wouldn’t hurt your sister,” he said, wishing he knew what lay behind those mistrusting eyes. “I want to take care of her, too.”
“There’s different kinds of hurtin’,” the boy said. “She’s still hurtin’. It just ain’t anything you did to her.”
For the first time Caleb felt that a rickety bridge had been strung between the two of them. “What can I do about it?” he asked, sincere in his desire to know.
Benjamin closed his fingers over the coins momentarily, then dropped them into his pocket. “I dunno.”
“If I knew what to do or say to fix things for her, I’d do it now—this mi
nute.”
Benjamin held his jaw so that a muscle flexed. He looked aside thoughtfully. “Some things can’t be fixed. Not like Ellie’s busted arm or those stitches you sewed into that fella’s hand today. Time just knits those hurts right up, don’t it?”
Caleb nodded.
“Ellie’s hurt is like a bone that keeps breakin’ fresh every day.”
Caleb tried very hard to understand. He also kept his lips firmly clamped so he didn’t scare off this first tiny offering of trust. He just nodded.
“It has to stop breakin’ before it can be fixed.”
He might never have a better opportunity to ask, so Caleb forced himself to plunge ahead. “Does the hurt have something to do with a baby?”
Chapter Thirteen
A look of near panic passed behind Benjamin’s blue eyes. The lad worked his throat a few times, swallowed and took on a look of resignation. Didn’t he believe Caleb could help her? Or maybe he thought Caleb would beat her if he found out.
“I can’t talk about that with ya,” Ben said finally. “Ellie trusts me.”
“I understand that.” The last thing Caleb wanted was to cause friction between Ellie and her brothers. But he’d become obsessed with his lack of knowledge and the wondering. “She can trust me, too.”
The boy shrugged.
They’d only known Caleb a short time, of course. Ben hadn’t been able to trust his own father. How could he have faith in a near…stranger? “A person has to earn trust, doesn’t he?”
Ben nodded. “Don’t give up.”
“I don’t plan to. Thanks, Ben.”
Ben jingled the coins in his pocket and gave Caleb a lopsided grin.
The sight of Caleb and Benjamin walking down the street toward home warmed Ellie’s heart and brought a lump to her throat. Caleb carried his bag, and Ben kicked at stones.
They spotted Ellie holding the baby on the shaded porch, and Benjamin loped ahead. He ruffled Nate’s hair. “Hey,” he said to her.
“How was your day?”
“I got paid.” He proudly took out two coins and showed her.
“I remember what it felt like the first time I got paid at the Arcade.” She smiled at the memory. “I couldn’t wait to buy you and Flynn something special.”
“You brought us peppermint sticks and socks the first time,” he said. “And the second time you gave us each a whole set of new clothes. I still like those clothes the best.”
Caleb climbed the stairs. “Your brother’s the best assistant I ever had.”
“He’s the only assistant you’ve ever had.”
Sharing a laugh, they moved into the house where the smells of supper permeated the hall.
Ellie’s heart abounded with appreciation and hope. Her daily tasks were such a pleasure she was sure they couldn’t be called work. Her surroundings were beautiful, the supplies plentiful, and her brothers ate and laughed and filled out more each day. Nate had grown every bit as precious and dear to her as Ben and Flynn, and Caleb’s presence was the crowning cap of pleasure.
Each day revealed something new she admired about the man she’d married. She noticed the way he held his head and the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and each thing that grew dear and familiar confirmed what she’d discovered.
She loved him.
Not just out of appreciation. Yes, he was kind and generous and giving, but those qualities weren’t what triggered these feelings.
Not out of admiration or respect either.
The reason was something more. Some intangible, unexplainable spark that glowed inside her when he smiled, flickered and bounced when she discovered him looking at her just so, and heated to a whole new warmth she couldn’t anticipate when their hands or arms brushed.
She often thought of that kiss he’d given her, the soul-deep sweetness and rightness of it, and envisioned it happening again. As one week passed into the next and none of the other Newton citizens came down with the fever, Caleb’s practice continued to flourish.
Each night he arrived home tired, but obviously satisfied, and he passed the evenings spending time with his son and Ellie and her brothers. On Sunday they attended church as a family, where Ellie accepted the praise and attention of the citizens who’d heard she’d helped Caleb during the scarlet fever outbreak.
“I didn’t really do much,” she said to a woman who’d stopped them after they’d shaken hands with the preacher.
“Clella Douglas says you helped birth her new grandson, and Kate Jenkins claims you tended her and her family like they was your own.”
“I just wanted to help Caleb. He knew what to do and I only followed directions.”
“Perhaps you’d join us for tea one morning soon,” Mabel Connely said, waving a hankie that wafted the unmistakable scent of mothballs beneath her double chin.
“I…I…” Ellie was so taken aback, she didn’t know how to respond. She glanced over at Nate on Caleb’s arm. “I have the children to watch,” she said finally.
“School will be starting in another week,” Caleb said after they’d moved away from the gathering. “We could find someone to watch Nate for an hour or two while you joined the ladies for tea.”
“I wouldn’t know what to wear,” she said. It had taken her an hour to select and press a plain skirt and blouse for church this morning. When they’d arrived, she’d looked around and seen the dresses the other women had worn and had felt uncomfortably out of place. “I wouldn’t know what to say to them either.”
“With Mabel, all you have to do is listen.”
She walked beside him to the buggy, Ben and Flynn lagging a few steps behind. He drove the team away from town and Ellie relaxed, enjoying the cooler weather, but nervous about taking the boys to the Chaneys’ ranch.
She’d spent two days drilling them with napkins and silverware, serving them pretend meals and drinks and making sure they were comfortable with table etiquette.
Caleb’s sister and brother-in-law had reached the ranch ahead of them, and Matthew and Denzil already had a game of horseshoes under way. The two men stopped and watched them approach.
“You remember Benjamin and Flynn from our wedding,” Caleb said to his father.
“Sure do.” Matthew looked the boys over. Waiting for his reaction, Ellie’s heart did a crazy flip in her chest. “Heard you were a mighty sick fella,” he said to Flynn.
Flynn nodded.
Matthew looked over at Ellie. “You too.”
“And Nate,” she told him.
He took the baby from Caleb’s arms and held him, fondly patting his padded bottom. Ellie suspected she saw the sheen of tears in his eyes, but he blinked and it was gone. “Good thing your daddy went to medical school and got so smart,” he said to Nate.
Nate babbled and reached for his grandfather’s nose.
Matthew grinned.
Caleb looked from his father to Ellie and then back, his warm brown eyes acknowledging his father’s acceptance. As much as he’d hoped for his son to work the ranch someday, Matthew had come to terms with Caleb’s desires and was even proud of him. Who wouldn’t be? Matthew’s admission had to please Caleb.
Ellie touched his arm without thinking, finding the flesh and muscle warm and firm through the thin fabric. She surprised herself by touching him so easily, and even more by the reaction of her senses. Touching him gave her the urge to move closer, to press against him, to inhale the scent of him. Sometimes she thought she’d just like him to hold her and not ever let go.
“You men any good at pitching horseshoes?” Matthew asked, eyeing the boys.
“Dunno,” Flynn replied. “Ain’t never tried it.”
Matthew moved to hand Nate back to Caleb, and Ellie released Caleb reluctantly. “Well, let’s check those throwin’ arms and see.”
Ben glanced over at Ellie uncertainly.
She gave him an encouraging nod and he followed Matthew and Flynn over to the stack of iron shoes. Flynn was already asking Denzil quest
ions and pointing to the stakes in the ground several yards away.
“They’ll be fine. Let’s see what’s for dinner.” Caleb walked Ellie into the kitchen, where Mildred immediately whisked Nate away and Laura gave her son a hug. Ellie watched their embrace with longing welling in her chest. Caleb’s mother loved him—and was free to show him. The poignant moment hung suspended.
The smell of roasting beef filled the air. Potatoes bubbled in a kettle on the stove. Patricia sliced bread on a cutting board, the knife sawing through the crust.
Mildred chanted a little song to Nate that she’d probably sung to Caleb and Patricia and her own children.
Laura released her son and he stepped toward his sister to snatch a slice of bread. Laura’s eyes met Ellie’s, and Ellie quickly disguised her longing.
With a swish of skirts, the woman stepped over to Ellie and took both of her hands. “Your cast is gone!”
Ellie nodded.
Laura’s warm smile created fine lines at the corners of her eyes. “I was just terrified when I heard you and the children were sick.” She blinked back tears.
“It was scary,” Ellie agreed.
Laura enveloped her in a lavender-scented hug. Ellie had embraced her brothers, who were smaller and bonier, but she had never had a woman hold her like this. At first it felt awkward and she didn’t know how to respond, but remembering how much it hurt her when Benjamin hadn’t returned her embrace that time at the Heaths’, she placed her arms around Laura’s narrow shoulders and returned the hug.
The woman smelled powdery and feminine. Her silky silver hair brushed Ellie’s cheek. At the soft, motherly squeeze, Ellie’s eyes smarted and a newfound kinship and fondness blossomed.
Laura pulled away and laid her palm along Ellie’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re well.”
Ellie realized then that Laura had lost one daughter-in-law, and that she must have been terribly afraid for Ellie as well as for her grandson. It was difficult to imagine anyone caring about her that much, but Laura was Caleb’s mother after all, and Caleb had learned his warm loving nature somewhere. His parents were obviously wonderful examples.
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