The workers here at Nirvana had stories to tell too, and most of them liked the fact that they were far away from civilization.
Ben looked at Maverick, who was leaning against the fence. The thirty-something cowboy wore his past on his harsh expression. He’d lost his wife to an illness six years ago. Further down he saw Jace, who grew up in a home with only his dad, who was an alcoholic. All of the men knew what it was like to lose, but Ben didn’t know all of their stories. Some weren’t as loose-lipped as others.
Ben started working as a ranch hand at Nirvana four years ago. Little did he know when he signed onto the job it would require more than tending horses and stacking bales of hay. It required healing, slowly and gradually. There was something about the countryside that made a person search for answers.
His main duty was to tend the horses, but he also liked to call himself the ‘friend’ of many women over the years. Sex between heartbreaks and hands was against the rules, although Ben knew that sometimes on a rare occasion the workers found themselves in situations where human nature took its natural course. For Ben, he didn’t like mixing personal and professional.
He laughed. To each his own.
He removed his hat and rubbed his forehead.
“I’m ready for the new heartbreaks,” Dade said as he took a seat on the top rail. “Ready to see people besides all you ugly men.”
Ben shook his head. “When aren’t you ready.”
Dade was the youngest cowboy and had more charm than he knew what to do with. His dimples alone made the ladies swoon, and his naïve, country boy innocence made him a danger to himself at times. He hadn’t quite earned his spurs yet, so to speak. He was a kid in a candy store. Chase, the owner, used Dade for transporting and errands. Ben knew Dade was in a hurry to advance on the proverbial ladder to success, to become a ranch hand, but the kid didn’t understand that everything looked better from afar.
“Maybe I’ll join you fellas in the ranks soon. I’m ready to do more than meet and greet.” Dade’s eyes twinkled with hope. “I want to teach riding lessons. I could also do crossbow lessons.”
“That’s up to the boss.” Ben wished he had half of Dade’s unabashed excitement. Once upon a time, Ben couldn’t wait for a new season, new opportunities. With age comes maturity. And disappointment.
He liked to keep the line between professional and personal drawn. He considered himself a man with a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a boost to a woman’s bruised ego. But he never allowed his emotions to get involved—or his dick. Some of the men joked that Ben didn’t have any emotions and that’s why he was good as a hand at Nirvana. He didn’t succumb to every pretty woman who batted her eyelashes—and boy did the ladies get out here in the country and get horny. Unfortunately, after an article was published in a prestigious magazine liking Nirvana to “a cowboy orgy” Chase was on a warpath. It was an unfair and unjust article by a journalist who hadn’t even visited Nirvana. Sure, some lines were crossed at times, but nothing more than what happened at any other R&R anywhere in the world.
“I second that, Dade. I’m ready to get this show on the road. I can’t wait for riding lessons.” Jared winked and pounded Dade on the back.
“You keep joking like that and we’re going to start believing you can’t keep your dick in your pants, Jared. And Chase is going to send you packing. It must be the bad boy image and the tattoos that have all the ladies falling.” Maverick chuckled.
“Did I hear the mention of ladies?” Dodge asked as he strolled up and took a seat on a bale of hay. Dodge was an ex-football player turned cowboy. After an injury to his knee during a game, he could no longer play. Ben believed the man was still sore, inside and out, over the defeat.
“We were in the middle of pointing out Jared’s talent with the women.” Ben put emphasis on the word ‘talent’. “I’m sure there’s at least one in the new batch who can’t resist his appeal.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Jared scrubbed his jaw. “A little flirting never hurt anyone.” Jared blew on the back of his knuckles and rubbed them down his plaid shirt.
“We’re hands. Not lovers. Most of these women wouldn’t even look twice at us out on the street. But loneliness can turn a frog into a prince.” Dodge shook his head.
“There are limits to everything, boys.” Chase sauntered over. Salt and peppered hair, pale eyes and a harsh jawline, he had a power about him that warned others that he wasn’t one to mess with. But he was a helluva good boss—the best—and was always fair and easy to talk to. “And Jared, I think sometimes your boundaries are blurred. Good thing that hasn’t become a problem yet. You’re a damn good worker. I’d hate to lose you because you can’t see the lines. Remember, it’s my reputation on the line if you fuck up, so don’t.”
“Has a heartbreak complained?” Jared lifted one thick brow.
“No, on the contrary.” Chase removed his hat and hooked it on the post. “So far, all of the women gush about that purdy tattoo you have on your left cheek. No one seems to mind that you like to skinny dip.”
Jared smiled ear-to-ear and patted one pocket of his worn jeans. “The bull never lets anyone down.”
Laughter bellowed from the men. The cowboys had become Ben’s friends…more than that though. They were his family, something he’d lost before he came here. They didn’t always get along, and sometimes they were known to throw punches, but they respected each other. Ben knew they had his back, and he had theirs. There was something soothing about the ranch and he was glad to be a part of the change that happened to others—but lately he felt that he was missing something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
“On a more serious note, keep in mind, we’re here to offer peace, cater to the guests, teach some skills, not make it worse for them when they leave. If one of the heartbreaks falls in love, it’s your head that’ll roll.” Chase propped his foot on the bottom rail. He was a large, muscled man and the wood creaked under his brawny frame. Before he bought the ranch he was famous, but he took a dirt bath off a mean bull, was hurt pretty bad and retired. He had the scars to prove how tough and rough he’d been. “Now let’s go over the details before the heartbreaks arrive. As you’ve all heard, Townsend is no longer on staff here—“
“What’d he do, break client privilege?” Dodge laughed.
Chase shook his head. “No, he took another job. Plain and simple, nothing sinister involved.”
“He was way too edgy anyway,” Jace added. “A good pussy would have eased his uptight ass—“
“Let’s stop right there.” Chase sighed. “We’re getting off track and if you boys plan on having one last evening out before the heartbreaks arrive tomorrow, we’d better get this meeting over with. I want you all home and in bed at a reasonable hour. You need your beauty sleep so you can be real purdy for the ladies. And if you want to let the horse out of the corral, this would be the time to get it out of your system. Ain’t one of you that can’t go two weeks without lovin’, no matter what you say.” Chase directed his gaze at Jared who smiled. Chase shook his head and looked at each cowboy. “We have a new life skills coach, she’ll be here this evening. Her name is Sofie.”
“She? Won’t that upset the testosterone thing we’ve got going on here?” Dade asked.
“I think it sounds exactly like what we need. And what the heartbreaks need,” Ben said. “And from what I hear, we’re lucky to get her. She was a coach to celebrities a while back.”
Chase nodded. “I happen to agree. That’s why I hired her. You boys’ll have to keep your pants on outside of your cabins. Pull back on the cursing and rubbing of crotches. Show some respect. We don’t want to send her packing before she even gets started.”
“I finished up the repairs on her cabin yesterday. New wood flooring, curtains. Made it look more girly like you asked, boss.” Jace was an exceptional carpenter and handled all of the repairs at the ranch.
“Sounds great. I took a look earlier and it meets my
satisfaction. Can’t say I know much about what a woman fancies in home decoration, but she can change what she doesn’t like.” Chase’s jaw tightened and he rubbed his temple.
Ben noticed that Chase was a little tense. Ben considered the man a good friend and wondered if the article still bothered him. Maybe they’d get a chance to talk.
“How many new cattle did we get, boss?” Maverick asked.
“A dozen head. We also have new horses for the heartbreaks to ride, as you know. Thanks to Ben, he’s made new saddles for a few of the Paints. Ben got the new cart since his bit the dust.” The men nodded and mumbled recognition to Ben then turned their attention back to Chase. “You’ve all been assigned your new duties. I think we should plan to make this the best season of all. We have five new heartbreaks who’ll be arriving throughout the day tomorrow. While they’re here we give them privacy. Anything they need, we get it for them. Let’s make them feel welcome. Motley has a new menu for you boys, too. He’s on a health food kick.” Moans were heard from the group. Chase handed a folder to each of them. “Take a quick glance over the bios so you’ll know the ladies’ names. Any questions?”
Silence.
“Since no one is speaking up, I’ll take that as we’re all briefed and ready. Now, enjoy your evening, boys, and be safe. If I have to come and bail any of you out of jail, I’ll dock pay for a month. Got that?”
Nods and mumbles of understanding came from the men.
The meeting was adjourned and the cowboys filed out, ready to head to the hangout in town where they always gathered the night before the heartbreaks visited.
“Hey, Chase. Got a moment?” Ben said.
“Not much more than a minute.”
“You doing okay?”
“You know how hectic things get around here before our guests arrive. If it’s not one thing, it’s another.” Ben sensed there was more but he didn’t pressure Chase. “I should be asking you if you’re holding up. You don’t seem yourself,” Chase said.
“Can’t say things are much different, but you know I always give each day one-hundred percent.”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking, man.” Chase scrubbed his jaw. “Men come into this job feeling like they’re on top of the world, but we all know it comes with burn out. Some reach that stage quicker than others. You’ve gotta face the fact that maybe your time to move on is coming. Time to go out in the world. Step back into real life.”
“Is that your way of telling me you want me to pack up and head out?” Ben leaned on his elbows.
“Hell, don’t mince my words. You’re the best cowboy we have here. It’ll be hard to find a cowboy to fill those boots of yours, that is if you decide to leave. See how this season goes and make a decision.” He pushed off the fence. “If you need to talk, stop in my office. Ya hear?”
Ben nodded and sat down on a hay bale.
Eventually, Ben opened the folder and skimmed each heartbreak’s brief information. Part of the registration process was that participants filled out a basic form and were asked a series of questions. Each registrant was required to send in a recent profile picture with their packet of material.
He flipped through the professional headshots of the women until he came to one. He took the photo out from the small stack.
He found her bio. Cara. Thirty. A Texas resident. Loves animals and vintage clothing.
The brunette with the pale complexion had the biggest, saddest blue eyes he’d ever seen. She didn’t quite look into the camera lens as she took the selfie. Was she shy and uncomfortable? These days, women, and men, were selfie crazy, but not this woman. He found her coyness refreshing.
Something in her expression reminded him of his past. He’d buried that part of him, but with the slightest reminder, those memories dashed to the forefront of his existence like a jackhammer in his head.
He didn’t like taking a stroll down memory lane. When old emotions were kindled, he’d go out and work his ass off on the land. It worked better than a good drunk did.
Closing the folder, he grabbed it up, wedged it under his arm and stood.
“Hey, Ben. Are you coming tonight?” Maverick asked from the barn door.
Ben opened his mouth, ready to say no, but then he thought better of it. All of his work was done and he needed to get away, not sit around thinking of the past. “Yes.”
“We’re leaving in thirty.”
“Okay. Meet you in the parking lot.”
Maverick disappeared and Ben inhaled the sweet scent of freshly mowed grass and hay. He looked up and his thoughts rushed back to the woman, Cara. Her eyes were as light as the sky and as mesmerizing.
He walked toward his cabin at the end of staff row. Once inside, he tossed the folder onto his full sized bed and strode inside the small bathroom to splash his face with cold water. When he came back, his gaze automatically shifted to the binder.
What the hell was wrong with him?
What did he recognize in this Cara woman’s eyes that reminded him of the pain he’d suffered years ago?
Hell, he had his own story to tell.
Laura, his teenage sister, had gone riding one morning, something she did all of the time, and was thrown from her horse’s back. Ben would never know for sure what happened while she was riding, but when he found her later, she was lifeless. The image of her body would be branded in his brain forever.
The guilt was a plague.
Laura had asked him to go riding with her that tragic morning, but he’d been too busy with work. He told her to wait until later, but stubborn and headstrong, she’d decided to go alone. The blame had eaten him alive for so long. If he’d gone with her, she’d still be alive, he was certain.
His chest tightened and he dropped onto the bed, the springs squeaked under his weight. He’d left his parents’ home with only a small bag of his belongings and a heart full of sadness. He’d hitchhiked his way across Wyoming, and by chance met Maverick at a roadside diner. He told Ben about Nirvana and the opportunities.
Seeing that he had nothing to lose and nowhere else to go, he joined Maverick. Ben had expected that when he arrived at Nirvana, Chase would send Ben packing. Instead, Chase had invited him to stay. They were expanding and needed hardworking cowboys.
In time, Ben had been able to bury some of his pain and guilt. He’d found a place here at Nirvana and hadn’t been home but a few times since he’d left.
There were moments when Ben hated to admit the truth, but he was lonely. Not a loneliness of solitude because he was always surrounded by great people, even women outside of Nirvana on occasion, but one that came with not having someone to laugh with or share life’s issues with—like what his parents shared. They loved each other dearly.
Ben hoped that one day he’d find his soul mate, but he was starting to think he didn’t have one—not that he’d find the one here on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. Women came and went. They used the ranch as a stepping-stone into their future or to getaway, not to find Mr. Right. No woman would want a cowboy who didn’t even own his own ranch.
Chase’s words of wisdom came to Ben’s mind. He needed to make some personal decisions. At times over the past year, he thought about leaving Nirvana. But where would he go?
He could go back home to his family’s ranch, but he knew it wouldn’t be the same. Although his mom and dad never placed the guilt on his shoulders for Laura’s death, they didn’t need to. Seeing their sadness had killed Ben.
He could buy a piece of land and call it home…but that could be a problem. Though they were paid here on the ranch, part of their salary was for lodging and food, and when it came to actual money, Ben hadn’t saved up a lot.
Another option was to apply for a job in a saddle shop. He loved working with leather, making belts and saddles. It was something he did when no heartbreaks were at the ranch. He’d discovered his love for leather one winter season. The ranch was quiet and covered in a blanket of snow, the silence was deafening. He had cabin feve
r and needed something to do with his time—with his hands. He found a book in Maverick’s small library and read up on how to work with leather. He bought the supplies, learned the trade, and was hooked.
Sometimes he thought it was all a dream, to deliberate doing more, leaving. To think there was more outside of the ranch was a risk. He’d built a safety net here and he could think of far worse places to be. So he guessed he should consider himself lucky that he had landed here at the bleakest time of his life.
Ben considered himself a likeable guy. He was kind, gentle, and honest—Laura told him he was a perfect gentleman. What would she think of him now if she could see him?
She’d probably tell him that he’d never find a suitable woman and have a family while he was working another man’s land. He chuckled. Although he wasn’t in any hurry to leave Nirvana, there were long, cold nights that he longed for someone to hold. Someone to make love with.
He got up from the bed and walked to the window, staring out but seeing nothing. He loved sex, and despite the belief that he shouldn’t have any problems in that area, he didn’t have sex very often. Working on the ranch wasn’t what some people thought. They weren’t gigolos, or cowboys for hire. They did want to make the guests happy, just like the staff at a hotel. In fact, there weren’t many women who visited the ranch that he found himself attracted to. A lot of the heartbreaks were divorced socialites who just wanted to get away and be left alone for a while. He wasn’t in their league—rich or refined enough for their tastes. They lived in a different world than him.
How did this newest heartbreak, Cara, fit with the rest?
Something he saw in Cara’s eyes told him she’d suffered more than he could understand. She carried a lot of sadness and her eyes were a window into her grief.
He could offer her friendship.
He went to his closet, grabbed the first shirt he came to and dragged it on. He could use a beer.
Secret Pressure (Rhinestone Cowgirls Book 4) Page 16
