by Suzi Love
“Browbeat?” Max raised an eyebrow at Alice, though inwardly amused that she’d seen his attempt at flirtation as browbeating.
Alice had the grace to blush. “Perhaps browbeat was too harsh, Your Grace, because I’m certain you meant well, Your Grace, with you instructions on how I should behave, Your Grace.” She dropped a curtsy.
“Three Your Graces in one sentence make me feel like a bishop, an old one at that, rather than your betrothed. And we agreed that you could address me by my given name.”
“Oh, yes, Your Grace. I mean, Maximus.”
Max inwardly groaned. Recently, he’d come to resent being addressed so formally by those closest to him and especially when his baptism name was spoken with such deferential reverence. The cheeky informality Carina applied by shortening his name to Max, as his mother had called him long ago, fitted his new persona far better.
Lord Johnston helped his wife from her chair and escorted her to the door. “A few moments alone is acceptable.” He ignored Freddie’s disgust. “Perhaps you can ease any worries Alice harbors over your wedding. Though I’m positive it’s merely pre-marriage jitters.”
Freddie glared at Max. “Alice is a sensitive woman, so please don’t upset her.”
Max dipped his head.
“I’ll wait in the corridor, Alice,” Freddie murmured. “Call if you need me.”
Max rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to beat her, Featherstone. She’s perfectly safe.”
When he and Alice were alone, Max paced around the room, taking care to stay a good distance away so he didn’t frighten her. “We should discuss our forthcoming marriage.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
“Max!” Alice jumped. Despite her thinking him an ogre, he rarely raised his voice with anyone, and especially not with a lady, so it baffled him why she’d reverted to her habit of twisting her handkerchief into knots. Thankfully, she undid the soggy of mass of linen and dabbed at her tear-streaked face. He took a chance and dropped to the settee beside her, offering her his pristine white linen and pleased when she accepted the monogrammed square to dry herself.
“I’d like a truthful answer, Alice.” She nodded. “Do you wish to marry me?”
“Mama said it was my duty because Papa and your grandfather had signed the contracts many years ago and it would be wrong to change it now, and I don’t want my parents to be upset. I know it was pointless to see Freddie last night, but I wanted to ask ...”
“Ask Freddie what?” Max used his kindest voice and even patted Alice’s hand, though he recognized the irony as the gesture placed him firmly as a father figure and not a husband, and definitely not her lover.
“What I should do to please you.”
He choked on his own laughter. “You asked Featherstone for advice on us?”
She nodded. “He’s the wisest man I’ve ever known.”
This time, he couldn’t contain his mirth. Good Lord, he was treating their problem as irreverently as Carina treated their so-called friendship. “I’m certain Featherstone, Freddie, is a fount of information. What did he advise?”
“He suggested that you might postpone joining me in bed until I became more accustomed to your ways and felt more at ease.”
Max couldn’t believe his ears. The interfering pup was suggesting to a duke that he not bed his duchess, though, in truth, he understood Featherstone’s rationale. Given time, and a great deal of patience from said duke, Alice might accept him into her bed, at least for the requisite number of visits to beget her with his child, without screaming the roof down.
Perhaps, then, Alice could be coaxed into conceiving a second child. Though swiving his duchess had suddenly become responsibility rather than pleasure and, for Alice, the fulfillment of a horrifying duty. His future looked bleak and unpleasant. Ploughing his wife without any satisfaction, while using an endless line of interchangeable ladybirds to relieve his lust had become an insufferable burden.
Christ Almighty, he wasn’t even thirty years old, and he had no desire to couple with a woman who thought it her duty to lie beneath him in a duchess’s luxurious bed and ensure that a lineage of dubious merit continued for a few more centuries. “No!”
Alice startled and stared at him blankly. “So you’ll insist upon consummating our marriage on our wedding night?”
“No, no, I didn’t mean that.” He shook his head. “I’m no more eager to take your innocence than you are to surrender it to me.”
Her were as wide as saucers and she twisted his kerchief around her fingers this time. “Please, Your Grace, give me another chance. I’ll try to be a good wife and learn what you want and what you like and...”
Max’s laugh was full-bellied and so out of character that Alice stared at him as if he turned into someone else, a man who laughed and smiled. When his mirth had settled to chuckles and he’d regained his composure, he said, “I imagine Featherstone will be eager to teach you how to please a man between the sheets. How to engage a duke.”
At that he doubled over with laughter and clutched his aching stomach. After he’d wiped the irreverent tears from his eyes, he patted her hand. His decision was made so easily that he was stunned that he’d taken so long to think rationally. He mentally tossed the last of his grandfather’s dictates into the flames and began his new strategies.
‘Are you quite well? You’re laughing and I’ve never seen you do so before.”
“We’re free, Alice. Both of us, because I’ll not marry you.”
Color drained from her face. “You’re rejecting me over my foolish behavior.”
“No, we’re rejecting each other. Thanks to your cleverness, we’ve realized in time that we don’t suit and staying together would make us both unhappy.”
“But my parents…They’ll be angry that I was unable to hold onto a duke, especially after all their arrangements.”
“Believe me, my dear, that scandals are soon forgotten, even those involving dukes. The important thing is that we can follow our heart’s desires. You and your beloved Freddie are free to be married.”
“Oh, how wonderful!” She flung her arms around his shoulders and hugged him. “But our separation will cause so much talk. Won’t you be devastated?”
“I’ll survive. People don’t question a duke, no matter how bizarre his actions.”
“And the best part is that you can now propose to the woman you love.”
Max was stunned. “The woman I love?”
Alice patted his hand this time, giving him the impression she was far wiser than he in matters of the heart, which she was. “Women understand better than men and despite you trying to hide your feelings, I knew that you loved Carina, and not me.”
“Carina and I are close friends.”
She shook her head and gave him an understanding smile. “You do love her, though you mightn’t be ready to admit it, and I’d be thrilled if you found the same happiness that I’ll find with a certain gentleman. One I’m eager to marry, if he’ll have me.”
Max smiled. “Your certain gentlemen will be delighted. It’s best if I explain to your parents that our decision is mutually acceptable, and that I wish to pay for your wedding with Featherstone. If I stand at the altar with Freddie, no one will dare object, or mention the change of groom.”
Alice launched herself at him and kissed him full on the lips. “Oh, Max, Max, you’re a truly wonderful man.”
He chuckled. “That’s the first time you’ve called me by my Christian name.”
They chattered comfortably, friends at last, until Max summoned the courage to quiz Alice. “Do you think I might have a chance─” He pushed down the large lump that blocked his throat. Asking for advice, or assistance, was difficult. “If I were to ask Carina…”
“Yes, Max.” Alice’s eyes shone with female wisdom. “Take a chance and ask Carina, because you both deserve to be happy. Don’t think of marriage as tradition and heritage, but as a chance to be with the woman you love.”
Together,
they faced Alice’s parents, and Max was astounded at Alice’s calm composure when she automatically led her mother to a sofa and fetched smelling salts. Featherstone looked stunned, overcome and grateful all at once that his wish was about to come true and he could marry Alice. But he rose to the occasion admirably and handled Alice’s hysterical mother with aplomb, admonishing her for upsetting her daughter and earning Alice’s undying gratitude.
Before he said his farewells, Max arranged a meeting with Freddie at his fencing academy the next morning, where he promised to give Freddie a few pointers. Electing to act as advisor to a younger man was a novel experience, but one Max envisaged as enjoyable for both teacher and pupil. He’d had little time for male bonding, as friendships had been discouraged because they drained a man’s reserves of time and money. Now, he looked forward to the simple pleasures he’d been denied.
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m free, Carina.” Max said, within minutes of rushing into his house and into the drawing room where she was waiting. Though it was stepping over the line of propriety, she’d wanted to be here when he returned and hear news of Alice.
“I’m now unattached and begging you to please, please be my wife.” He took her hands and smiled, and she saw his sincerity. “Alice’s future is with Freddie, who incidentally adores her, but you already knew that. Before you came back, my life was sterile and hollow and I can’t, I won’t, go back to that miserable existence. People look at me and see titles and lineage, but I want to be more. To be a good husband and a doting father to our children. Help me prove that this Stirkton is a man of substance, and a man with a heart and soul.”
His words were like a knife’s twist to her gut and she was wavered, mind spinning, not knowing which way to jump. Heaven knew, she ached to say yes. Longed to grab hold of Max’s offering with both hands and cling to the idea of a happy future together. But there were too many questions that needed answering and people who threatened their existence.
“I’ll never be your ideal wife, Max. Your grandfather would turn over in his grave hearing you propose to me, an outspoken widow with a shady past.”
“You could already be carrying my babe, perhaps a Meacham heir.”
“I’m neither stupid nor naïve, so I understood how risky it was giving in to our passion with no thought to the consequences.” She touched her stomach. I’ve imagined, many times, that your seed is growing inside me and giving me a precious babe.”
Max grimaced. “I’m entirely to blame for taking those risks, and for that I apologize. You’re not a courtesan, and know little about preventing conception, yet I didn’t wear a sheath and didn’t spill outside your body. Deep down, I wanted to impregnate you because then I could claim you as mine and have legitimate reasons for keeping you close.”
“You’ve always been cautious and calculated, and yet you wanted me to carry your babe and out of wedlock. Why?”
“I didn’t examine my reasons. Only that I was compelled to spill myself inside you, high and often, and provide myself with a legitimate excuse for claiming you as mine.”
“Huh! Putting your stamp on me, the way a protector claims an expensive ladybird after he’s paid a considerable amount of money for her. Parading women as trophies so their friends can see their enhanced status and die from envy.”
“You’re wrong. Even at first, I didn’t think of you as a bought woman. I pictured you round and ripe with my babe in your belly and saw you as the woman I wanted to shelter and protect forever.”
“While giving no thought to how society would shun me if I bore you a child at the same time you were bedding another woman, your publicly acclaimed duchess. The ultimate irony would have been you juggling two pregnant women at the same time.”
“Dammit, I thought Alice would make a good duchess, but you’re the one who said she considered me a monster.”
She nodded. “Poor Alice. Knowing she wasn’t loved and that you only wanted what she represents: virginity, innocence, and good-breeding. You and her parents traded the girl like a commodity to be bought and sold, without thought to the contents.”
“Thank you for reminding me of my more loathsome traits. But though you’ve had good reason to despise my conduct in the past, I’ve changed.”
“But can you open your heart and let someone love you? Because if you can’t love, and be loved, I can’t marry you.”
“Give me time to prove myself. We’ve located almost every woman from my past and, between my cousin and me, we’re making amends and giving them a new life. A better life than they came from. So please, let me prove I can be a good husband.”
“You’re a duke and you should be choosing someone more suitable, another young girl to replace Alice. Because I’m not young, pure or unjaded. Right now, you’re suffering from wounded pride, but I won’t be your second best choice for a wife.”
“My love, you’re good, kind and generous and you survived where most young girls would have surrendered. You emerged from a ghastly marriage as a strong and wonderful lady who I truly admire.”
“Yet you’ve never exonerated me of my husband’s murder.”
“You didn’t kill him. But even if you had it wouldn’t matter, because I know more than anyone how much he deserved to die. If the Earl still lived, I’d take great pleasure in sending him to hell with my own hands, squeezing the breath out of him and stopping him from spying on any other women, or men.”
She snorted. “I never knew you were so blood thirsty. But thank you for believing in me.” She frowned. “What about Alice? Are you disappointed to have lost her?”
He shook his head. “I’m relieved that we parted amicably, because I wouldn’t have been able to proceed along that path anyway.”
“Why not?”
“You, my sweet, are being deliberately obtuse. After sharing so much with you, I realized what truly mattered between a man and woman and I wouldn’t have been able to settle for less. Not for Alice, and not with any other woman. You have to believe me.”
“What you’re saying is so contrary to everything you believed. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, one man and one woman, and it would rip my heart from my chest if I learned that you were still dallying with other women.”
He lightly shook her hands and spoke directly into her eyes. “With you in my life, I’ll never want anyone else.”
“I want to say yes to you, I really do. But there are other considerations and people who depend upon me, and until that’s all sorted, I can’t give you an answer.”
“Then tell me this: do you love me?”
Carina looked into eyes so very familiar and so very dear, heard the quaver in his voice and saw the vulnerability behind the question. Max was pleading for her reassurance, which was laughable considering that her feelings refused to stay hidden, and despite him knowing that his kisses made her knees give way, and that making love with him made her body melt and her heart race. This man, her duke, made her feel more precious than all the jewels in his family’s extensive collection.
Each evening, heedless of other ballroom guests, Max’s greetings had been enthusiastic, as if her presence tipped his world back onto its correct axis. Being the focus of a powerful man was intoxicating, while saving him from noisily squawking debutantes whenever he shot her beseeching looks, strengthened her sense of purpose. In some respects, Max had already won their silent war. She craved his touch, yearned for his mouth meeting hers, and longed to feel him slide into her body and ease her loneliness and pain.
She laid her palm on his cheek. “You know I love you, and with all my heart.”
Max sagged with relief. Despite knowing it was best, Alice’s rejection had still stung his pride, though left his heart untouched. Carina’s rejection would have torn his heart into two pieces and reduced his past, and his future, to a pile of meaningless thoughts and useless actions. He needed her, desperately, to anchor him and help him achieve his goals.
Carina’s eyes were as dark and green as
a stormy sea. “But can you let go of the past and learn to love yourself, and to love me?”
No one had dared ask him personal questions and he’d never explained his feelings, but he couldn’t bear to lose her love. So how did he speak of something intangible, like love, or swear a lifetime’s commitment when he’d no experience with any of it? He wouldn’t lie, yet his knowledge of love wouldn’t fill a thimble.
“My feelings are self-evident. I want you to be my wife.”
“You also asked for Alice’s hand in marriage, yet you’ve said you didn’t love her.
This proposal might be exactly the same; a way to tidy up your messy life without exerting any effort on your part.”
Max frowned. “What more do you want from me? Poetic words, me down on one knee and sprouting nonsensical notions of romance?”
She shook her head. “Not poetry, but I want you to say you love me, out loud, and mean every damn word.”
“Our marriage will be a hell of a lot better than most, because we’re friends and lovers. Isn’t that enough?”
Carina shook her head. “I’ve had a loveless marriage and I won’t have another.”
“Do not compare that sham with the Earl to the union I’m offering. Tell me it’s different. Tell me you love sharing my bed.”
A solitary tear ran down her cheek. She’d told him she didn’t cry, yet he’d driven her to tears for a second time.
“You’re a wonderful lover: giving, passionate and considerate, and I love every minute with you. But don’t you see? Without mutual love, I’d resent that you couldn’t open yourself to me and return my love.”
“You’d have me and my protection for you and your sisters.”
“I love you for that, but if you can’t openly admit your love, I’m scared you never will. And I want our children to grow up in a warm and loving home and not a cold mausoleum.”
“I’ve been changing things within my household ever since my grandfather died.”
“I’m truly happy that you became close to William during your years of searching and making amends, but for now it must be goodbye.”
