by M. Sembera
Answering, I said, “He knows I was going to ask you to come over.”
Looking sad, he shared, “I don’t think he wants me here.”
Still trying to make him feel better, I encouraged, “He’s just mad right now. You know how he is. He’ll get over it. It doesn’t matter anyway because I want you here.”
Finally, a smile spread across Jacksons face, making me happy too.
We watched movies and joked around all day, until it was time for Hert to come home.
Jackson looked at the clock and said, “I think I’m going to take off, Hert should be home any minute now.”
Disappointed, I tried reasoning with him, “You don’t have to leave just because he’s coming home. I don’t want to be the reason ya’ll aren’t getting along.”
Clarifying Jackson let me know, “Hert and I aren’t friends, Ren. I mean I don’t have a problem with him and we happen to be friends with the same people, just not each other. Now he thinks of me as someone that put you in danger and I’d rather not be here.”
Knowing I couldn’t change his mind, I replied, “Alright, you’ll be around when Em comes home though. Right?”
Nodding, he confirmed, “See ya later Ren,” and left.
It only took a few minutes after Jackson left for Hert to get home. Ready to reprimand him for how he acted this morning, I stood in the kitchen waiting for him to walk in the door.
As soon as Hert came in the door, he proclaimed, “Hey Renni, how was your day? I got something for you.”
Determined to chastise him, I fussed, “Wait I’m mad at you!”
Shaking his head and smiling, he replied, “Why are you mad?”
Baffled, I explained, “Jackson is not to blame and you cannot tell me who my friends are. Leaving me without saying goodbye is not acceptable.”
Walking closer, putting his hands on my shoulders, he said, “I was being a jerk. I didn’t want to leave you this morning but I had to. Now I’m off for two days so we can do whatever you want.”
Still not over his actions, I stated, “You know Jacks was here. He came over and spent the day with me.”
Sliding his hands down my arms, ending with my hands in his, he informed, “I figured if you called, he would come over. Is that why you asked him to come over, because you’re mad at me? Did you have a nice time?”
Answering with a nod, I squeezed Hert’s hands, stepping closer, “Not as nice as when you’re home.”
Leaning down he kissed me.
Stopping suddenly, he exclaimed, “I almost forgot, I have something for you.”
I sat down on a bar stool watching him hang up his jacket.
Removing a box from his jacket pocket, Hert walked over to me placing it in my hand. It was tiffany blue, with a white ribbon tied around it.
Looking up at him, I asked, “What is it?”
Hert softly answered, “Open it.”
Untying the ribbon, I opened the box. Inside I found a narrow platinum bangle with the words ‘I Love You', engraved all the way around. He picked it up out of the box, sliding it over my hand and onto my wrist.
Smiling, Hert asked, “Do you like it?”
Nodding at him, I smiled. Tugging the front of his shirt, I pulled Hert closer to me, placing my hand on the back of his neck and kissing him.
Smiling, he pulled away and asked, “Do you want me to take you to dinner?”
I smiled back, replying, “I’m not hungry.”
Trying again, he rubbed my belly asking, “What if I make you dinner then?”
I answered, “No, I’m fine.”
Changing the topic, Hert offered, “Why don’t we go sit on the couch.”
Hopping off the bar stool, I walked behind holding his hand.
Hert sat down first, pulling me onto his lap asking, “Since Roberts is coming back tomorrow do you want to get married as soon as we can or would you rather do some planning and actually set a date?”
Weighing my options, I asked, “Which would you prefer?”
Brushing his fingers across my cheek, Hert answered, “It doesn’t matter to me. As long as when it’s all said and done, you’re Mrs. Herterand.”
As thrilling as it was for Hert to refer to me as Mrs. Herterand, another thought rushed into my mind. Emerson was returning tomorrow and this was our last night alone. The thought made my heart pound as if an invisible clock was ticking down the hours. Gazing into Hert’s blue eyes, I wanted to make the most of our evening.
Hert seemed tense as I suggested, “Why don’t we wait for Emerson to get back? Then we can decide.”
After a moment he asked, “Are you having second thoughts?”
Understanding how eager Hert was to have me as his wife, I answered, “No! I am not having second thoughts! I just thought that since we already know we will after Em gets back…um, well, he’s coming back, tomorrow.”
With a bewildered look, Hert replied, “I know. That’s why I thought it would be a good idea to have everything figured out tonight.”
Frustrated he wasn’t catching on, I clarified, “Tonight is the last night he will be gone. After tonight, he will be home before considering the look on his face and elaborating, “This is our last night. Alone.”
Hert’s eyes widened as he slowly asked, “What did you want to do instead?”
Realizing I hadn’t thought that far ahead, I shrugged my shoulders.
Leaning me towards him, Hert kissed me softly saying, “Well, when you decide let me know.”
I laid my head on his chest.
I knew what I wanted to do but I also knew it would end up frustrating us both because I was intent on waiting until we were married to finish what we had started so many times.
Deciding to be considerate, I asked, “What would you like to do?”
Hert lifted me off of his lap and onto the couch. Standing up he shook his head and started to walk away.
Trying to stop him, I asked, “What did I say?”
Without turning he replied, “Nothing, I’m going to go shower.”
Reminding myself, Hert had been making a habit of walking away before he said anything that might hurt me, I let him go. I sat here debating then took off up the stairs.
Swinging my door open, I rushed into my room. Flipping through the clothes in my closet, I found a little black dress. I ripped it off the hanger and pulled it on. It showed way more cleavage than I had intended but I wasn’t trying to be modest. Quickly pulling my hair into a loose up do, I rushed across the hall. Shaking my hands and taking a deep breath, I knocked on Hert’s door.
Glancing down at my new bracelet, I heard him say, “Come in.”
I turned the knob and walked in.
Hert appeared unsteady, hoping it was the dress I informed, “I decided what I want to do tonight.”
His voice was shaky, “Yes?”
Slightly self-conscious when I noticed Hert eyeing my dress, I walked over to him.
Smiling, I asked, “Would you like to go on a date with me?”
Hert smiled back, replying, “Of course, where do you want to go?”
I suggested, “To see a movie?”
Laughing, he asked, “Aren’t you a little overdressed?”
Brushing his comment off, I said, “I thought I should wear it while I still could.”
Leaving his room, I started down the stairs when Hert stepped to the top and said, “Hey, Renni,” as I turned looking up at him, he continued, “I’m glad you did.”
Turning back around almost downstairs, I thought, ‘I bet you are’.
My little black dress had nothing on Hert as he walked down the stairs. I immediately started thinking of reasons to stay home.
With a curious tone, he asked, “What brought this on?”
Pleased, I knew exactly what to say, I replied, “It occurred to me if we are getting married; we should go on at least one date first.”
Hert had a certain inspiration about him as he instructed, “Wait here,” and walked out the back door.
At the theater, Hert bought us popcorn to share. Sitting next to him out in public on a real date thrilled me. He placed his arm around me as the movie began. I leaned my head on Hert’s shoulder and slid my fingers in between his. The movie was over before I knew it and we headed to the car.
Opening the door for me again, Hert asked, “Do you want to get something to eat or are you ready to go home?”
Ready to have him back home and all to myself I stated, “Home.”
Smiling, he replied, “Okay, home it is.”
On the way home Hert loosely held my hand gently rubbing his thumb against my wrist.
It was silent almost all the way home, until Hert asked, “So what do you want to do when we get home? It’s still early.”
An incredible idea hit me and I replied, “Excuse me Sir, but this is only our first date. What makes you think I will invite you in?”
It took him a second of uncertainty before he responded, “Well Miss, I assume after I walk you to your door, you will invite me in for a drink. That would be the hospitable thing to do.”
Taking on a lenient tone, I said, “Is that right? Well I wouldn’t want to be rude. However, you are presuming you will leave me with a good impression at the door.”
Hert’s voice was smooth as he enlightened, “I have never had any complaints.”
With a sultry edge, I assured, “That’s nice but I’m not easily impressed.”
A smirk crossed his face as Hert pulled in front of the house. Getting out, he walked around and opened my door. He held his hand out to me. Taking his hand we walked to the front door.
Excited and nervous, anticipating Hert’s strategy for getting invited in was giving me butterflies.
Still holding my hand, Hert started, “Thank you, for coming out with me tonight. I had a good time. Did you?”
Slightly smiling, I answered, “Yes. I did.”
Looking down at me, Hert put his hands on my waist and affectionately whispered, “You look beautiful, I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful.”
Losing myself I couldn’t respond. Moving one of his hands to my chin Hert leaned in and tenderly kissed me. As he turned to walk away, I couldn’t help myself.
Unable to resist, I asked “Would you like to come inside?”
His victorious grin was unmistakable as he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and said, “See!”
I had to smile as I opened the door.
Inside I admitted, “Okay, you were right. You want that drink now?”
Amused he said, “No thanks, but I would like my soon to be wife to come sit with me.”
Beaming, I sat down on the couch next to him.
Tucking my legs under my dress, I teased, “You know you’re pretty good at that. Exactly how many times have you been invited in for drinks?”
Appearing cautious, Hert answered, “Let’s just say this wasn’t the first time but it is the last time and I have never told anyone else they were beautiful.”
Intently searching his eyes, I asked, “Really?”
In a whispery voice he confirmed, “I meant what I said. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you.”
Hert’s statement took my breath away.
Placing my hands on the sides of Hert face, I was caught in his eyes. There was an indescribable urgency in them. Sliding my hands down to my lap, I rested my head on his shoulder. Hert’s fingers repeatedly trailed from my cheek down my neck, making me sad. It was hurting my heart knowing I was making Hert wait when I had so easily given into HIM. I felt cruel being pregnant and having marriage stand between us. Speculating on whether I was willing to compromise what little integrity I had left, I felt my eyes begin to well with tears.
Hert quietly asked, “Are you okay?”
Nodding I got up and walked up stairs to my room.
Lying down on top of my comforter, I struggled with my decision. Hert walked into my room and straight to my bed, lying on his side next to me.
He implored, “Talk to me, Renni,” as his fingers brushed across my forehead.
How could I? There was nothing to say. Reaching up I traced his lips with my finger. Hert seemed as conflicted as I was, stopping my hand and pressing it to his cheek. My eyes granted silent permission as he slowly outlined the front of my dress with his fingers. Leaning in Hert kissed my cheek and down my neck. The feeling rushing through me was incredible as he made his way to my collar bone.
When I breathed, “Hert,” he quickly looked up. Turning toward him, I said, “I love you,” and pulled myself as close to him as I could manage.
Hert’s kisses started off slow and then became more forceful as I started to unbutton his shirt. Wrapping my leg around him, I felt his hand move up the length of it.
I was ready to give myself to him, until he pulled away and blurted, “Wait!”
Grabbing frantically at him, I informed, “I don’t want to wait. I’m tired of waiting.”
Trying to catch his breath, Hert said, “No Renni, wait! I heard something.”
Startled I sat up.
Serious, he ordered, “Stay there,” and left the room.
Panicking, I grabbed a pillow hugging it tight.
Almost running, he was back in my room.
“What was it?” I asked.
I noticed he had a t-shirt in his hand as he explained, “Change your clothes, Roberts is back.”
Standing on my bed, I argued, “You have to be kidding me! He said tomorrow night!”
Quickly changing shirts, he said, “Well he’s here now!”
Hert opened my drawer and tossed me a pair of jeans. Climbing off the bed I yanked my jeans on.
Pulling my dress off over my head, I blurted, “I need a shirt!”
He grabbed a shirt out of my closet and walked it over to me smiling. I relaxed for a minute realizing I was standing in front of him without a shirt on.
Handing it to me he shared, “It’s unfair how sexy you are.”
Unable to stop from grinning, I instructed, “Go downstairs, I’ll be there in a minute.”
When he left I went into the bathroom, washing my face and ran a brush through my hair. I grabbed some socks and pulled my hair into a ponytail.
Downstairs in the kitchen, I sat down at the table, putting my socks on. Hert and Emerson walked in the back door carrying Em’s luggage.
His face lit up as he exclaimed, “Hey sweetie!”
Getting up out of my chair, I said, “Hey,” and hugged him before asking, “I thought you were coming back tomorrow night?” trying to sound like this was a pleasant surprise.
Smiling, Em explained, “Yah, I wasn’t thinking about the time change.”
“Did you have a good flight?”
Grabbing his luggage, Emerson replied, “It was okay. I need sleep. I’m going to take these to my room; I’ll be back down in a little bit.”
Hert stepped forward and asked, “You need some help?”
Yawning, Em answered, “I got it.”
As we heard the suitcases being pulled up the stairs, Hert walked close to me and placed his arm on my shoulders.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I complained, “Well, Em has the worst timing. Ever!”
Squeezing me a little, he agreed, “Yep! Wanna start looking for a church in the morning?”
In complete agreement with him, I answered, “Definitely.”
Walking to the living room, we waited for Emerson to come back down.
Hert sat on the couch pulling, me onto his lap.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and said, �
�I’m sorry about tonight.”
Kissing my cheek, Hert offered, “It wasn’t your fault just bad timing. That’s all.”
Smiling, I said, “I know that. I meant sorry for both of us.”
Pressing his forehead to mine, Hert asked, “How sorry?”
Wanting to sound sensual, I replied, “Very.”
Lightly kissing me he explained, “Oh you should be. You missed out on the experience of a lifetime.”
I laughed as he nodded with a giant grin on his face.
Hearing Emerson’s voice from the balcony we both looked up, “Hey I have to get some sleep. I’ll catch up with ya’ll tomorrow.”
We replied in unison, “Okay, 'night.”
Looking at each other and realizing we said the same thing at the same time, we laughed together.
Hert placed his hand on my belly and asked, “How hard do you think it will be to find a church to get married in?”
Not giving it much thought I answered, “Not very,” before keeping with the subject and asking, “Other than Jackson, Em, and their parents, who do you want to invite?”
Appearing puzzled, he stated, “Well, who else is there?”
I felt sorry for bringing it up when I was compelled to ask, “Do you think your mother could come? I mean don’t you think she wants to see you get married?”
Hert was visibly pained as he explained, “I don’t think they will let her leave.”
Pressing, I asked, “But maybe if it’s just for like an hour they would…”
Cutting me off he stressed, “Just let it go, okay.”
Placing my hands on the sides of his face, I kissed him over and over saying, “Don’t be upset,” then after a minute, I continued, “I just thought it might be nice if one of our parents could be there. Since…”
Hert stopped me this time saying, “I’m sorry Renni. I know. I just don’t think she will want to.”
I rested my head on Hert’s shoulder hoping he would reconsider.
Hert and I were fifteen when his parents got divorced. About a year after, Hert’s father drank himself to death. Six months later his mother tried to kill herself and was institutionalized. The psychiatrist said she had a breakdown. She was treated with medication and seemed to be getting better. Three months after she was released Hert came home from school and found her overdosed on pain killers. She never fully recovered and after trying to stab a nurse in the hospital, she was sent back to the institution. By the time she was permanently committed, Hert was seventeen. Emerson’s parents signed for him to get an apartment. He sold their house and got a part time job while he finished high school. There were a few more failed suicide attempts before they decided to keep her sedated for her own safety. She had spent the last eight years trying to join the man she couldn’t live with. It was difficult for him, losing his father like that and then having his mother lose her mind.
