by M. Sembera
She continued explaining the head size and appearance of vital organs. Looking at the monitor, I instantly fell in love. Hert lifted my hand and held it tight.
We answered in unison when she asked, “Do ya’ll want to know the sex?”
With a slight laugh, she informed, “Okay, it looks like ya’ll are having a girl. I will print out a picture and we are done here.”
She handed me some tissues to wipe the gel off my stomach and handed Hert the picture.
I smiled and said, “Thank you,” as we walked out.
Neither one of us said a word until we got inside the car.
My mind was running wild with bows, little dresses, and pink.
Looking over at Hert, I said, “We are having a girl.”
Immediately his hands were on my face and his lips were pressed against mine.
As I smiled he said, “Did you see the picture? Look what it says.”
Holding the picture, I looked it over noticing the words HERTERAND, GIRL were printed across the top. Hert’s eyes where happy and proud, as if the words printed on the tiny picture made it official.
As he placed one hand on my belly and the other on my cheek, he declared, “My girls!”
I felt as if I were floating. We pulled out of the hospital parking lot.
Driving to The Store, I leaned my head on Hert’s shoulder staring at her picture. Shopping didn’t sound as good anymore. I wanted to be home alone with Hert.
When we parked, I asked, “Do you mind if I just run in a pick up one thing? I really just want to go home.”
Nodding, he replied, “Okay, what are you going to get?”
Trying to hurry, I shared, “Just a book of names. I’ll be right back,” before I leaned towards Hert and kissed him saying, “I Love You, I’ll be right back.”
Inside The Store, I walked straight to the book section trying to quickly find a Baby Book of Names.
Finally, I spotted it on the shelf. When I reached out and grabbed it, I heard voice behind me.
“Hey there,” I heard, feeling HIS breath on the back of my neck, I dropped the book.
I wanted to run away but I froze. Walking around me, HE picked up the book.
Standing uncomfortably close, HE questioned, “What do we have here?”
Turning my shoulder away from HIM I didn’t answer.
Flipping my hair off my shoulder, HE insisted, “Now I know why he’s marrying you. Maybe I’ll pay him a visit to congratulate him.”
Horrified at the thought, I cringed urging, “Don’t…don’t do that.”
HIS disgusting smile widened as HE suggested, “Then maybe I’ll come see you.”
Trying to shake it off, I finally got my feet to work and I turned to walk away.
Before I could, HE grabbed my shoulder hard and ordered, “Don’t walk away from me.”
Frightened, I jerked, muttering, “Don’t touch me.”
I broke free and walked as fast as I could to the door shaking my hands and trying to put HIM out of my mind.
My heart was pounding as I made it back to the car. Hert was standing on the passenger side waiting to open the door.
As I got closer, he asked, “You didn’t get the book?”
Shaking my head, I lied, “I couldn’t find it.”
Sliding into the passenger seat, I watched him walk around and get in before we headed home. I could feel Hert’s stare. I refused to look at him staring straight ahead.
“Renni are you okay? You don’t look so good,” he asked with great concern.
Still facing forward, I lied again, “Yea, it was crowded in there and I just want to go home.”
Hert held out his hand. I half-heartedly took it feeling guilty. I wondered if I would have to tell Hert the truth at all. It would be right for me to tell him but definitely not now. There was no sense in us both being upset and I doubted Hert would just let it go. If I could just make it home and shower, I would be okay. I hated HIM. I hated myself more for ruining what had started out as a perfectly wonderful day.
Back at home, Emerson was in the kitchen when we walked in.
Smiling, he questioned, “Well?”
With a proud voice Hert proclaimed, “It’s a girl!” showing Em the ultrasound picture.
Interrupting, I said, “I’m going to take a shower.”
They both looked up nodding and smiling, going straight back to their celebration. Knowing I made the right decision, it would have been wrong of me to tell Hert about the incident with HIM.
Upstairs in the shower, I could still feel HIS hand on my shoulder. I let the water run on my face as I cried, hoping my eyes wouldn’t be red and puffy. Getting out, I wrapped a towel around me and went to my closet. Pulling out a long sundress, I put it on. Remembering Hert saying Em had planned a special dinner, I thought getting all dressed up might distract me. I walked back to the bathroom to get ready. Deciding against makeup and while figuring out what to do with my hair, I couldn't help but notice how well I filled out the top of my dress.
When I stepped out of the bathroom, I found Hert standing in my room.
“Wow!” he exclaimed, looking me over.
I gave him a little smile, pleased at his reaction to me. As he walked closer, I was expecting more, only getting a kiss on the forehead.
Hert wrapped his arms around me and suggested, “Let’s stay up here for a little while, Roberts will call us down when dinner is ready.”
Thinking that was a little strange, I agreed, sitting on the end if my bed.
Sitting next to me, Hert put his hand on my belly asking, “Well do you have any names in mind for our little girl?”
Astonished that I actually did, I replied, “I always liked the name Sophia.”
Smiling, he said, “I like that. What about a middle name?”
Placing my hand on top of his, I stated, “I think we can figure that out later. So you like Sophia?”
With a serious face he informed, “I love her.”
Filled with emotion, I was teary eyed.
I rubbed the sides of my belly saying, “Sophia Herterand.”
It sounded perfect. With one hand still on my belly, Hert placed the other under my chin, kissing me softly.
Em called up the stairs to us. Standing up Hert held his hand out to me.
As I took it he pulled me to my feet saying, “Are you ready?”
Confused, I asked, “For dinner?”
Laughing a little, Hert answered, “Yea, dinner.”
We walked down the stairs hand in hand. In the dining room the table was set for four. Emerson and Jackson walked in. Hert pulled out my chair as we all sat down.
While Fidora served us, Emerson began the conversation, “I wanted us all to have dinner together tonight because I don’t know when we will all be able to be together like this again.”
Instantly I had a pang of regret when I realized how I had squandered the years on HIM, years I could have spent with us all together.
Em continued, “My parents will be here next week. I am leaving with them, after the wedding.”
We all sat quietly for several minutes before Jackson proclaimed, “So ya’ll are having a girl!”
I was surprised when Hert smiled at Jackson saying, “Yea, did you see her first picture? We are naming her Sophia.”
Apparently, proud parent overruled their lack of friendship. Em and I looked at each other shrugging in disbelief at what we had just witnessed. Staying at the dining room table long after we were done eating, laughing over every story that was told, we reminisced over our friendship.
Chapter 17
I woke up to find both Hert and Emerson in my room. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I realized Hert was sitting next to me holding my arms, while Emerson was standing on the other side of the bed with panicked expressions on their faces. Trying to figure out what was happening; I noticed Hert’s lip was bleeding.
Letting go of me, Hert asked, “Are you okay Renni?”
Sitting
straight up, I asked, “Are you okay? Why are you bleeding?” before hearing Emerson’s sigh of relief. I was confused and asked, “What is going on?”
Hert grabbed me hugging me fiercely.
Em answered me saying, “I think you were having a nightmare. You woke us both up screaming ‘don’t touch me’. Hert tried to wake you and you started hitting him saying ‘get off me’”
I pretended to stay confused as I recalled my nightmare. It started out the same as always except this time it ended with HIM on top of me.
Em offered, “I’m going to run downstairs and get you some ice,” as he left the room.
Hert pulled away from me brushing the hair out of my face as he asked, “What were you dreaming about?”
Pretending not to remember, I widened my eyes and shrugged my shoulders.
Gently touching his lip, I offered, “I’m so sorry. Does it hurt?”
Lightening up a little, he responded, “You’ve done worse.”
I had to smile.
Em made it back with a bag of ice and a small towel, stating, “If everything’s alright, I’m going back to bed.”
Smiling I nodded as Hert took the ice and said, “Thanks man,” before Emerson left my room.
Scooting over, I motioned for Hert to lay in bed with me. As he laid down, I took the ice wrapped in a towel from him.
Leaning over him, I held the ice to his lip, asking, “Is that better?”
Hert nodded.
Feeling a sense of remorse over my multiple untruths, I asked, “Are you upset with me?”
Hert gave me a puzzled look saying, “Of course not. I know you didn’t mean to you were asleep.”
I smiled at him moving the ice, and lightly kissing his lip.
Slightly smiling back at me, Hert informed, “I should to go back to bed. I have work in the morning.”
Running my fingers down the side of his face, I presented him with, “I know you should go back to bed but do you want to?”
Astonished by my logic he said, “No, I don’t want to, but….”
Putting my fingers over his lips, I interrupted, “If you don’t want to then don’t,” as Hert started to give me his justification for leaving me, I continued saying, “What’s the worst that could happen? So you stay the night in here. I’m a big girl Hert. Nothing’s going to happen that I don’t want to happen. So you call in sick to work tomorrow and we spend the day together. What is going to happen? Are you going to get fired? I don’t think so. It’s okay to be a little irresponsible sometimes.”
Searching his eyes, I waited for an argument.
With a heavy sigh, he conceded, “Okay.”
I wanted to be excited but I had to ask, “Really or are you going to wait until I fall asleep, then go back to your room and have me wake up to you already at work?”
He answered, “No, I’ll stay and take the day off tomorrow.”
Not being able to help it I needed extra assurance that he meant what he said.
I asked, “Do you swear? Promise me you will.”
Hert’s smile was clear as he promised, “I swear.”
Snuggling close to Hert, I didn’t know what to say. I was shocked he agreed.
“Why tonight?” I asked.
Looking very serious, he explained, “I know you had a bad dream and I don’t want you upset.”
Unsatisfied with his answer, I pressed for more information, "Wait, that doesn't make sense, before deciding there was more to it and stressing, “So now tell me the real reason.”
Still very serious, he admitted, “I don’t want you to go in Roberts' room. I know nothing would happen, but I don’t like the idea of you sleeping with another man, not even him.”
Suddenly my heart was aflutter. Not only at the use of the word man, which reminded me of the first time he came here to see me, but at the notion he was claiming me as his own.
Friendships aside, Hert was serious as he openly shared, “The thought of you lying like this with anyone other than me makes me angry.”
It occurred to me Hert was right. No wonder Emerson couldn’t keep a girlfriend, I always thought he was too nice. Really it was our relationship. Although innocent enough, it was inappropriate. Reflecting back on my first few days here, I recalled the night I was willing to let him kiss me. I could have sworn nothing would ever happen between us, but all it took was the right set of circumstances and we would have made a horrible mistake.
As my mind flashed back, I wondered if Em didn’t kiss me that night because he knew how Hert felt about me. It wouldn’t change anything. Still I was curious. I wondered if when Em said he had feelings for me when we were younger but I didn’t reciprocate was true or if loyalty to Hert was the line he wouldn’t cross.
Deciding since I had Hert in here for the night I would try discovering some of their little secrets.
Sitting up, I asked, “Can I ask you something?”
Raising his eyebrows, he gave a silent what.
I figured I might as well just jump right in to my questions, asking, “How long has Em known how you feel about me?”
Realizing that this was going to take a while, Hert sat up and got comfortable before answering, “A long time.”
Unsatisfied I asked, “Exactly how long?”
Hert gave a deep sigh, “I think when you went on your first date with Jackson. I was mad. Roberts said he was a good guy and I shouldn’t be worried. That’s when I told him.”
Wanting more information, I probed, “What did you tell him?”
Slightly smiling, he replied, “I told him that I loved you.”
Thinking I might be getting close to what I really wanted to know, I asked, “And what did Em say?”
Hert answered me, stating, “Roberts just said that he could see how I would be, that you weren’t like most girls. You were….hey, why are you asking?”
Afraid of being caught, I said, “Well apparently everyone but me knew and I was wondering why Em never said anything to me. Maybe he thought I wasn’t right for you.”
With a smirk Hert disputed, “No, I told him not to say anything to you. That I would tell you when I got ready.”
A little offended, I said, “How come he’ll keep your secrets but not mine.”
Laughing, he explained, “I don’t think it’s like that. I think he would have told you no matter what I said if he thought it was what was best. You know how Roberts is. He’s always trying to do the right thing.”
Slightly changing the subject, I asked, “So why aren’t you and Jackson friends?”
Shrugging, he replied, “Why would I be friends with someone I only knew because you went out with them?”
Feeling hurt on Jackson’s behalf, I said, “Hert that’s not very nice. How can ya’ll not be friends? We did everything together.”
Getting irritated, Hert replied, “Look Renni, he’s your friend and that’s fine. Don’t expect me to be friends with someone who has been your boyfriend. I don’t care if it was for just a couple of weeks in high school.”
I got it after that. Emerson obviously valued our friendships more than anything else. It made sense he wouldn’t risk that for something that might not last.
Feeling the need to get another question out of the way, I asked, “So if I told you I was thinking about asking Jackson to walk me down the aisle with Em would you be mad at me?”
More annoyed than irritated now, Hert said, “That means you already did ask him. And I guess it’s not going to do me any good to be mad, since you will just come up with a reason why it’s somehow right to include him. I’m getting what I want. So I guess you can do whatever makes you happy.”
Immediately put off by his comments, I shouted, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The irritation was back as Hert raised his voice right back at me, “What part didn’t you understand?”
Angry, I fussed, “You say that like I’m asking you to let me go off and do all kinds of crazy stuff. And what is going to make m
e happy is for both of us to be happy when we get married,” then I’m not sure what came over me as I continued shouting, “And oh what is it that you want? Me! Are you sure? Is that even what you still want since everything I do is so offensive! Or is it that you wanted the same thing for so long you’re determined to have it whether you still really want it or not?”
The look of disbelief on his face was all I needed to confirm Hert was going to walk out.
Surprised I could still move that fast, I jumped out of bed and blocked the door before he could make it out. I knew I was wrong for what I said but I also was tired of Hert being so accommodating and understanding.
Breathing heavy and with my heart pounding, I assured him, “Oh you’re not walkin’ away Scott Herterand.”
Hert looked angrier than I had seen him in a long time as he urged, “You need to move.”
I pushed him a little saying, “Or what?”
Visibly hurt by my accusation, he took a step back stating, “Or nothing. I’m just not going to fight with you Renni!”
Infuriated, I questioned, “Why not? Are you going to spend the rest of our lives walking away every time we disagree?”
Exasperated, Hert gave in and let me have it, yelling, “Okay you want to hear what I have to say? First of all I can’t believe you’re going to pick a fight with me over Jackson! You’re lucky I tolerate him at all! The only reason why he went out with you was to get in your pants and he’s been trying ever since! I never understood why you started sleeping over here with Roberts! Do you have any idea what it was like to come over and see ya’ll all snuggled up together? In bed! Then, oh then, you found the biggest loser on the face of the earth and picked HIM to move in with after your parents died! Not me though! Not someone you have known your entire life! And finally you leave him, but no, that’s not easy either because you’re pregnant! Doesn’t change the way I feel about you though. It actually didn’t make any difference to me at all. Still you fought me all the way! You always make things so much harder than they have to be. Like tonight you finally convince me to stay in here with you and this is why? So we can fight? What do you have planned for tomorrow? Huh? Just so you know I have never called in sick before but I am tomorrow! For you! How are you going to ruin that? Or do want to surprise me?”
