by M. Sembera
“I said, will you be okay here by yourself or would you like me to stay home?” I slowly answered.
As I caught him glancing to see if I had my wedding ring on, Jackson walked in.
“Are you ready?” Jackson questioned.
Nodding at him, I walked towards the door. I turned, waiting for Jackson to follow and noticed Hert was whispering something to him.
Clearing my throat, I urged, “Come on. I wanna get this over with.”
Smiling wide, Jackson met me at the door and we walked out.
Jackson continued to smile as we headed to the car. He held the door open and I slid in before he followed. Giving the driver instructions on picking up Amila, he stared at me, smiling the entire time.
Finally, I asked, “What Jacks?”
Laughing a little, he replied, “You’re so mean.”
Lightly smiling, I imparted, “I have no idea what you are talking about Jackson.”
“Sure you don’t Ren,” he sarcastically stated.
Slightly smiling at him, I shook my head.
The ride to Amila’s was fairly quiet. Opening and closing my hands I prepared myself for the dinner.
“Are you okay?” Jackson asked.
I quietly nodded at him.
Obviously trying to alleviate some of my nervousness, Jackson suggested, “You wanna stop and get a drink before we get there?”
Laughing a little, I stated, “Not dressed like this I don’t. Besides, I don’t even remember the last time I drank.”
Smiling wide, Jackson offered, “You might have some fun for a change.”
“Yea or I might get drunk and tell those Society Ladies exactly what I think of them,” I replied.
Laughing again, he shared, “Or you might actually have some fun. You remember what that was like. Don’t you?”
I laughed back a little, saying, “Kinda.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’ Ren, what do ya say, we blow off this Society thing and really celebrate your birthday.”
Smiling, I asked, “Is that what Hert was whispering to you? Was he quietly giving you permission to get me drunk?”
Jackson’s disposition quickly changed. He appeared serious.
Crossing his arms against his chest, he said, “No but you know it wouldn’t kill him to relax and have a good time too.”
Curious now, I asked, “So what did he say?”
Jackson smiled, replying, “Oh, look she’s waiting outside.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I thought, ‘oh, you’re gonna tell me on the ride home mister.’
Pulling up at Amila’s house, Jackson got out and opened the door for her. As she slid in, Jackson moved to the seat facing me. Amila looked lovely. I was going to tell her but the second she got in she started.
“Oh my gosh Ren, you look gorgeous!” she shouted.
All I could get out was, “So do you.”
She continued, “I am so excited! Aren’t you excited?”
I wanted to say, ‘No! I hate these things!’ but I didn’t want to spoil her excitement so I just smiled and nodded at her.
“I know you probably think I’m being silly but I am so excited and thank you so much for inviting me to come.”
Raising an eyebrow at Jackson, I said, “Oh, of course,” knowing Hert put her on the list, since I had no say-so in this dinner whatsoever.
Amila continued expressing her excitement the entire way there.
The three of us arrived at the hall. Guests were still trickling in. The driver stopped. Amila and Jackson got out. It wasn’t long before Jackson returned to the car. The driver circled to the back of the parking lot with Jackson and me inside. Yet another stupid rule, the guest of honor and her escort were to be the last to enter the hall. Once inside, she is presented with a purse. The purse and golden envelopes were a long standing tradition for The Society. Each guest was to bring the golden envelope, included in their invitation. A one hundred dollar bill was to be placed inside the envelope and presented to the guest of honor to put in her purse. It was completely ridiculous. Then again, so was The Society.
Sitting in the car waiting with Jackson, I suddenly wished Hert had escorted me instead. Maybe, Jackson was right. The two of us could use some fun. If Hert came with me, maybe we would have a drink and who knows where the evening would have led us. My little fantasy was interrupted when Jackson placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Stay here Ren, I’ll be right back,” he said.
Worried by his expression, I asked, “What’s wrong?” Turning my head to look in the same direction, it took me a minute. Then I saw Emerson.
“It’s ok. I’ll go talk to him,” I suggested.
Appearing concerned, Jackson questioned, “Are you sure?”
Nodding, I opened the door and stepped out of the car.
Slowly walking towards him, I felt relieved, noticing he was not dressed to attend the event. I could only image how awful it would be for Amila if he did.
Walking right up to him, I asked, “What are you doing here?”
His eyes were sad as he replied, “My mother asked me to give you her envelope.”
Holding out my hand, I watched him carefully lay two envelopes in it.
Curious, I stated, “There are two.”
Emerson stepped closer, wrapping his hand around mine, informing, “The other one is from me. Happy Birthday, Ren.”
I moved my shoulder back to free my hand from his but he didn’t let go. Hearing Jackson’s feet hit the pavement, I turned, holding my other hand up to him. Jackson looked unhappy as he leaned against the car watching us.
It took a moment for me to gather my thoughts and decide how to best approach the situation, without making a scene.
I started to speak but didn’t get the chance, as Emerson said, “You’re here with Jackson.”
Scowling at him, I confirmed, “Yes. I am.”
“I thought Hert would have escorted you. Isn’t he back at the house?” he questioned.
Swiftly jerking my hand away, I replied, “Hert is recovering from a car accident.”
Emerson questioned further, “Are you back with Hert or are you with him now?”
Put off by his logic, I stated, “Not that it is any of your business but Jackson is here with me as a friend.”
Pressing the issue, he asked, “What about Hert?”
“What about him?” I snapped.
Emerson’s eyes searched mine, questioning, “How is he?”
Done with the conversation, I stated, “We are still married if that’s what you’re asking. Other than that, I only share personal information with my friends. Thank you for the envelopes,” then turned and walked away from him.
Jackson’s serious expression continued, until I was at his side and Emerson was out of sight. Turning to me, he placed his arm around my shoulders.
“You okay?” he asked.
Nodding, I wrapped my arms around him leaning my head against his chest.
Jackson pressed, “Did he upset you? What was that all about?”
Pulling away, I shook my head, complaining, “It’s just stupid. He thought you and I were together.”
Laughing a little, he commented, “You don’t have to sound so offended.”
Smiling back, I apologized, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. I’m just so sick and tired of that though. Hert’s not any better.”
Laughing a little louder this time, Jackson said, “Hey, the doors are closing. Are you ready to go in?”
Handing him the two envelopes, I nodded.
Jackson slid the envelopes inside his jacket, opening the car door for me.
I shook my head, taking his hand while saying, “Let’s walk to the front.”
Jackson smiled as he closed the car door. Walking hand in hand to the front of the hall, I couldn’t shake Emerson’s question.
Glancing up at him as we walked, I informed, “You know, it just really makes me so mad.”
“What makes you s
o mad?” Jackson asked.
Sighing as we continued on, I explained, “I love Hert. I really love him. I don’t want anyone else. Whether we are together or not, it doesn’t change how I feel and I don’t understand why he can’t see that.”
Jackson stopped walking. Pulling me to face him, he appeared unsure of what he was about to say.
Taking a hard breath, he said, “Listen Ren, I don’t know what all’s going on but I think you’re wrong.”
Confused, I inquired, “What do you mean?”
“He loves you,” he offered.
Questioning him, I asked, “What makes you say that?”
Jackson shared, “I know he still has a picture of you on his desk and I know he watched the clock every day counting down the minutes until he went to see you after work, before his wreck.”
Disputing his theory, I claimed, “He was coming by to see Sophia.”
Finally Jackson said, “If you ask me, ya’ll both need to get over yourselves, because if I had someone who loved me the way you love Hert, I would find a way to make it work.”
I couldn’t believe it. He was right. As Jackson and I continued walking to the door, my mind was racing.
The greeter opened the hall doors as we walked in. Immediately, all the guests stood as The Society head presented me with my purse. Smiling politely, I thanked her before continuing to our table at the front, where Amila was already seated. After dinner was served, the envelopes were presented. Guest after guest presented me with a golden envelope. Each time they wished me a happy birthday, I politely thanked them.
When the presentation of envelopes was over, I found it hard to sit still. Only thinking of Hert, I impatiently waited for the evening to come to an end.
A few times Jackson nudged me, saying, “Ren,” tearing me away from my thoughts.
Before I realized it, I had a few more drinks than I should have. My head swam with possibilities of Hert and me.
Wrapping my arm around Jackson, I whispered in his ear, “I’m really ready to go. Will you take me home?”
Smiling wide, he whispered back, “Why are you whispering? We can go whenever you’re ready.”
“I’m afraid I’ll talk too loud, I think I’ve had a little too much to drink,” I shared, giggling a little.
Amila decided to stay for a while longer. Jackson informed her, he would come back to take her home. As I told Amila goodbye, I thanked her way more times than necessary for coming to my banquet.
Jackson and I walked out of the hall and into the parking lot. Noticing we were the only ones out there, I relaxed a little holding onto his arm. Finding I needed help making it to the car, when I wasn’t concentrating so hard.
Obviously humored by my intoxication, Jackson cheered, “And you didn’t want to go get drinks.”
Smiling back at him, I laughed, “Oh shut up.”
He opened the car door for me and I slid in. Walking around to the other side, he opened the door and got in.
I slipped my shoes off, curling my legs under me and scooted closer to him.
Unable to keep my composer, I quietly laughed, saying, “I don’t think I’m really drunk.”
Placing his arm around me, Jackson confirmed, “No, but you have a pretty good buzz goin’,” with a laugh.
Trying to keep my volume under control, I whispered, “Hey, hey, I need to talk to you.”
“Yes, Ren?” he responded with a smile.
I asked, “Do you think it would be wrong if slept with Hert, even though we aren’t together?”
Coughing slightly, he answered, “What? Hell Ren, I don’t know.”
Needing approval, I persisted, explaining, “I just want him so bad. It’s making me crazy, having him at the house. Every time I get near him… He makes my whole body throb.”
With a horrified look on his face, Jackson exclaimed, “Damn it Ren, I don’t need to know that!”
Unable to keep from laughing, I begged, “Please Jacks just tell me what you think.”
An odd smile crossed his face as he stated, “I think, I don’t want to have conversations about what Hert does to your body with you, Ren.”
Thoroughly disappointed he was being so difficult, I scooted away from him sighing loudly and pouting.
The driver pulled up in front of the house. Jackson got out first and opened my car door for me. Helping me out, he took my hand and walked me to the front door.
Still pouting, I griped, “Thanks.”
Taking a deep breath, Jackson said, “Look Ren, since it’s your birthday, I’ll tell you what I think but only if you promise never to tell me anything like that ever again.”
Thrilled beyond belief, I nodded vigorously, smiling wide at him.
“Okay Ren, calm down,” he said before advising, “I say go for it. Ya’ll both probly...”
I didn’t let him finish.
Throwing my arms around him saying, “Oh, thank you!” before darting into the house.
Hearing his muffled, ‘Good Luck’ through the door, I was so excited, I thought I would burst.
With only one thing on my mind, I forgot I was a little tipsy. I tripped a few times making it to the stairs. Placing my hand on the banister, I composed myself, knowing Hert would never go for it if he thought I wasn’t fully able to make good decisions. Slowly walking upstairs, I made it to the top. Without nervousness or hesitation of any kind I walked into the room.
Overly sure of myself, I greeted him cheerfully, “Hello there Mr. Herterand. How was your evening?”
With a speculative glance, he said, “Fine. Yours must have gone better than expected.”
I walked to my dresser.
Turning around, I leaned against it, facing him saying, “It was boring. I’m just happy to be home.”
“It may have been boring but I think you’re happy because you’ve had a drink or two,” Hert suggested.
Laughing out loud, I blurted, “Or five!”
Surprisingly, Hert laughed too. Overjoyed he wasn’t angry with me for getting a little silly; I decided to proceed as planned.
Facing my dresser as I took my necklace and earrings off, I watched Hert get into bed through the mirror, thinking it couldn’t get more perfect. When I finished, I made my way to the bed sitting down on the side with my back to him.
Giving my best effort to sound sweet, I asked, “Will you unzip me?”
Hert didn’t answer. Silently, he unzipped the back of my dress. The sound of my zipper shot vivid images to my mind causing me to take a deep breath. Once he was done, I stood up, allowing my dress to slide off of me and onto the floor. Taking another deep breath, I turned facing him.
His eyes grew wide as he said, “A Renni.”
Raising an eyebrow, I responded, “A Hert.”
Giving him a slight smile, I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth.
After brushing my teeth, I washed my face. Taking a moment to look at myself in the mirror, I felt my courage slipping away. Still intent on my purpose, I stepped out of the bathroom. Quickly deciding against pajamas, I walked past my dresser and around to the side of the bed. Feeling the nervousness setting in and the alcohol wearing off, I slid into bed next to Hert, pulling the covers over myself.
Hert appeared as nervous as I felt. Gathering my pillow up in my arms, I laid on it, facing him.
Trying to alleviate the awkwardness I had caused, I asked, “What did you do while I was gone?”
He seemed to relax slightly, saying, “I did some paper work but mostly I waited for you to come home. Did you have a good birthday?”
“It’s been okay,” I replied, thinking ‘I know how to make it a lot better’.
I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “I wish you would have come with me.”
Half smiling, Hert informed, “You know I didn’t give you your present yet.”
Reeling from excitement, I tingled all over thinking, ‘Please, Oh Please let it be what I want.’ Sadly, he opened the night stand drawer, grabbing a present
from inside. I pretended I wasn’t thoroughly disappointed as I sat up. I pulled the covers around myself as he handed me my present. Setting the small box on my lap, I unwrapped it. When I opened the box, my heart stopped beating for a second. I looked up from the box at him and saw him smiling. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
The only thing I had from my mother was a bracelet she gave me when I turned sixteen. It was my grandmother’s. Thin and gold, it had emeralds and diamonds staggered around the chain. Having few memories of my grandmother, it was really my only one and I had always wanted it. When she died, she left it to my mother. On my sixteenth birthday, my mother gave it to me. I wore it every day. Awhile after I started seeing HIM, we got in a big fight. HE grabbed my arm and my bracelet broke all to pieces. I was devastated. I went to Hert’s apartment afterwards. I remembered taking it out of my pocket and setting it on his bar, not really thinking of what happened to it after that. Hert was angry about HIS treatment of me and I didn’t want to hear it so I left.
Too overwhelmed to speak, I just kept staring at it. I didn’t think I would ever see it again, let alone all put back together.
“Do you want to put it on?” Hert asked, still smiling.
Nodding at him, I held my wrist out. I watched him carefully take it out of the box and wrap it around my wrist. He gently clasped it together. I envisioned thanking him. With slow soft kisses, having his beard gently rubbing against my face, while doing so.
“Some of it’s new but they kept as many original pieces as possible. It should be a lot less fragile now too,” he informed.
Finally, I was able to speak, “I can’t believe you had it put back together. I don’t know what to say.”
Hert smiled softly at me, explaining, “Well, I know how important it was to you and I’ve been trying to think of a way to thank you for everything the last few weeks. Now that I’m better, I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you being here for me.”
Instinctively, I reached out touching the side of his face. Every inch of my body congratulated me for the much anticipated caress.
A million scenarios struck my mind, as I felt his jaw tighten under my hand.
Dropping my hand from his face, I replied, “Thank you.”
The realness of the moment was too much for me. There was no way possible for me to be with him, without being with him. I could already feel my heart being pulled out of my chest.
