by M. Sembera
“Did you want me to tell her she was interrupting us?” he asked.
The knot returned to my stomach as I questioned, “Was she?”
Shaking his head, he replied, “No…I’m gonna go.”
Conflicted, I nodded at him as he got up and left.
Turning the TV off, I sighed before walking to the couch. With an ‘ugh’ thought, I laid down. It was nice that when the friendship line started to slip for one of us, the other one popped it back into place. It occurred to me, Jackson and I were spending way too much time together. We were two grown people who were friends and cared deeply for each other. It was only natural, with everything else that was happening, for something to almost happen. As mad as I was at Hert, I still wished he would come back. Even though there was no way in hell at this point, I wanted anything to do with him; it didn’t mean I instantly stopped loving him. In addition to that, having Hert back at the house would definitely limit the close calls Jackson and I had been having. With another heavy sigh, I closed my eyes and decided if I spent most of the day here at the Thomas’ going back to the house with Jackson tomorrow night would be fine.
Chapter 18
Awakened by the smell of breakfast cooking, I walked into the kitchen. Mrs. Thomas was at the stove. Stepping next to her, I noticed she didn’t appear as cheerful as she normally was. Giving her a slight smile, I had a feeling I knew what was coming.
Smiling back, Mrs. Thomas asked, “Did you sleep okay?”
Nodding, I replied, “Yes, ma’am,” before trying to explain, “Last night…”
Holding up her hand, Mrs. Thomas stopped me saying, “You and Jackson are grown and certainly able to make your own decisions,”
Nodding, I hoped that was it.
Turning to me, she informed, “Okay, I’m just going to say it,” and I knew I was fixing to feel bad.
Keeping her voice low, Mrs. Thomas shared, “Jackson is my son and I don’t want him to get hurt.”
Shaking my head, I replied, “I would never do anything to hurt him.”
Nodding back at me, she said, “I saw the way ya’ll were looking at each other. How long do you think it’s going to be before something happens?”
“I care too much about him to let anything happen,” I assured.
Raising her eyebrows, she leaned in close, questioning, “You love him?”
I quietly nodded at her, before explaining, “But it’s not like… I don’t know it’s hard to explain.”
“I see,” she confirmed before advising, “You should be honest with me and just tell me, what is going on with the two of you.”
Shrugging, I replied, “Nothing.”
Shaking her head at me, she questioned, “And ya’ll are just friends?”
It took a moment to answer, “Yes.”
“Okay,” she replied as she sighed with disbelief.
Thankfully Sophia woke up, saving me from further interrogation.
Shaking my head as I got Sophia changed, I knew Mrs. Thomas didn’t believe me. Hell, I didn’t know if I believed me. At this point, I was just happy I was able to have a clear head about the situation. Rationally, there was nothing going on. I didn’t have plans to do anything with Jacks and my only intention was to just be his friend. As far as I knew, he felt the same. Aside from the irrational knot in my stomach, that warned me every time we were on the verge of taking things too far, we were good. I walked back into the kitchen wanting to reassure Mrs. Thomas again. There had to be a way to make her understand that I wasn’t some life ruining adulterer that was bound to hurt her son one way or another.
Mr. Thomas was already at the table eating when I walked in. Mrs. Thomas sat next to him appearing frustrated. I prepared Sophia’s breakfast, sat her in a highchair and joined them.
“Since JP is going into work on a Saturday, do you want to finish your dress today?” she asked me, purposely emphasizing that Mr. Thomas should stay home.
With a heavy sigh, Mr. Thomas asked, “Alight Suz, will you stop being mad at me if I work at home?”
Shrugging with a light smile, Mrs. Thomas replied, “That would make me feel a little better.”
Mr. Thomas leaned in close to her, declaring, “You’re lucky I love you so much,” with a wide smile.
Rolling her eyes at him, Mrs. Thomas questioned, “Is that right?”
Nodding at her, with a self-assured smile, Mr. Thomas kissed her.
Instantly looking down, I smiled to myself. The knot in my stomach was back and I knew why Mrs. Thomas was so worried. Their little exchange reminded me of Jackson and me, minus the kiss. As I sat there thinking of wide smiles and eye rolls, the phone rang.
Mrs. Thomas answered it before handing it over and saying, “It’s for you.”
“Hello?” I asked wondering who would call me here.
Hert’s voice was stern as he questioned, “Why aren’t you at the house?”
Immediately irritated, I snapped, “Why aren’t you?”
After a brief pause, he replied, “I think you misunderstood me, the other night.”
Glancing at Mrs. Thomas, I watched her motion for me to go ahead as I excused myself to the den.
“Oh, I did?” I asked before saying, “Well why don’t you explain it to me then.”
Sounding regretful, Hert explained, “I want to be with you,” before I broke in, snapping, “But only when it’s convenient for you.”
“When it’s convenient for you too,” he added.
With a frustrated sigh, I stated, “Well, I am not here for your convenience. In fact I’m really starting to question why I’m here at all. Now, I am supposed to be working on my dress for The Society Event that you are having someone else take me to. So you can tell me all about your plans to use me for your own personal…benefit, when you get back.”
More irritated than hurt this time, I hung up on him and walked back to the kitchen.
I finished my breakfast and helped clean up the kitchen while Mr. Thomas left to pick up paperwork from his firm. When Sophia took her nap, Mrs. Thomas had me try my dress on to pin the last few alterations. I apologized for making her worry about me and Jackson, reassuring her, I wasn’t going to cross any lines with him. As it got later, Jackson showed up just in time for dinner and to take Sophia and me back to the house. After saying our goodbyes, the three of us headed back to the last place I wanted to be.
Sophia was asleep by the time we made it to the house. After laying her in her crib, I walked back downstairs.
Sitting on the opposite end of the couch from Jackson, I chirped, “So how was your free day?”
Giving me a strange look, he asked, “Free day?”
“You know, away from me,” I said with a laugh.
Nodding he laughed slightly, saying, “Pretty boring but I did get fitted for my tux.”
Finding there was really nothing to talk about, I stood up and said, “Well, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jackson stopped me, asking, “Can I talk to you about something?”
Nodding, I sat back down.
With a serious look, he questioned, “What happened Thursday?”
Leaning my head back, I groaned before saying, “Apparently, Hert and I have different ideas of what a marriage should be like.”
Starting to scowl, Jackson asked, “It’s not because I’m here, is it?”
Shaking my head at him, I assured, “Oh my gosh Jacks, no. It’s because Hert is who he is and I am who I am. It’s just us.”
Nodding, he shared, “I just wanted to make sure.”
Giving him a nod and smile before heading upstairs, I was happy to put his mind at ease.
Chapter 19
Seriously wondering why I kept waking up so early, I rolled out of bed and took a shower. I didn’t feel like doing anything, however, I was wide awake, so I decided to wash a load of clothes. Quietly carrying a basket down the stairs, I tip toed into the laundry room and loaded the washer, trying to make as little noise as possible. Walking into the kitchen, I flip
ped the light on before stepping back into the living room to make sure Jackson was still asleep.
It just so happened that between the way he was sleeping in his undershirt and the light from the kitchen, I could see the corner of his tattoo. I stood there silently debating until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Creeping up to him, I crouched down. Hoping he was a heavy sleeper, I gently pulled the front of his wife-beater so I could see the whole thing. I had to smile when I saw it. It was a knotted heart just like the ones his cousins had, except perched on top of the heart was a wren, The Wren to be exact. Smiling wider, I thought nothing could have suited him more. He was always The Right Wren. Then for whatever reason, I felt the need to touch it. Unsure why at the moment I found that necessary, I laid my fingers on Jackson’s tattoo. I felt his heart beating beneath it for a second before he jerked back.
First wide eyed then squinting, he sat up, pulled the blanket around his chest and shouted, “What the hell are you doing!?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I kept blurting unable to stop myself from smiling.
I stepped back as Jackson stood up, grabbed his glasses and rushed to the bathroom.
Coming back with a regular t-shirt on, he fussed, “Boundaries…You have no boundaries!”
Laughing, I reminded, “Says the man that a few nights ago was standing in my living room in only his underwear.”
Flustered he argued, “That’s different and I don’t even remember doing that.”
Smiling, I proclaimed, “Then I don’t remember doing what I did,” before saying, “Don’t get all upset. I couldn’t help it. Besides, I like it. It suits you.”
Appearing confused, he questioned, “You like it?”
Nodding, I smiled wide, saying, “Yea, it’s The Wren. Right?”
Standing there he seemed unable to answer. Raising my eyebrows, I waited for him to confirm my reply.
The more I stared at his baffled expression, the more confusing it was until it dawned on me. It wasn’t just The Wren. Suddenly my stomach hurt. It was disturbing and heartfelt all at the same time. The knot in my stomach grew as a panicked feeling washed over me. Shaking my head, I turned to walk away.
Jackson blurted, “Wait.”
Continuing to the stairs, I mumbled, “No…umumm…no…that’s not…nope,” shaking my head the whole way.
I made it to the second step before Jackson stopped me.
“Wait, just listen,” he urged.
Sitting down on the stairs, I shook my head saying, “This is more than I can handle,” before he stopped me, begging, “Just let me explain.”
Turning to him, I listened as he sat on the step next to me and shared, “It’s not what you think,” before stopping to shake his head and continuing to explain, “I’m mean it is…but it’s you…our friendship…everything.”
Feeling slightly less freaked out but still nervous, I asked, “How long have you had it?”
“A while, look I didn’t want you to see it in the first place. I told you it would make you uncomfortable. I don’t want something that was supposed to be personal…” he explained, stopping to give me a look before declaring, “This shouldn’t change anything.”
Nodding, I had to admit he made sense, still I had to ask, “So, how am I supposed to look at you now without thinking about it?” before admitting, “It’s hard enough trying not to look at your scar.”
My heart started beating a little faster as I recalled HIM catching us outside of the doctor’s office and how I felt seeing Jackson laying on the ground.
Thinking about our friendship, I knew he was right. What was a little bird going to do that Hert, Salvador, HIM or years of separation didn’t.
Jackson shrugged, saying, “That shouldn’t bother you either.”
“Maybe not, but it does,” I insisted before I shared, “It makes me feel …close to you, in my heart. Does that make sense?”
Nodding, he smiled and patted the left side of his chest.
Taking a deep breath, I quietly asked, “Will you let me see it again? Please?”
Jackson hesitantly removed his shirt. Looking at his chest, I started to smile. He had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. His stocky frame was firm without being overly defined, giving him a cuddly appearance that was incredibly pleasant to look at.
As he started to fidget, I assured, “You can relax.”
With a heavy sigh, he leaned his back against the railing and said, “You’re killing me, you know that right.”
My eyes memorized every inch of his tattoo as I questioned, “What happens when you find someone and get married?”
“Who says I’m going to?” he asked, pulling his shirt back on.
Tilting my head, I argued, “Oh, come on. As many girls as you’ve been with, one of ‘ems bound to stick sooner or later.”
Appearing insulted, Jackson disagreed, saying, “I already told you, I was done with messing around.”
“What about love?” I asked.
Giving me an odd look, he replied, “What does one have to do with the other?”
Shrugging, I saw his point.
I wasn’t in love with HIM and I gladly would have slept with Hert before any feelings were declared. In fact, it was falling in love with Hert that made me want to wait. Feeling my heart beat a little faster and with the knot in my stomach crushing my insides, I needed to know.
“Don’t you want both?” I questioned.
Swallowing hard, Jackson asked, “Do you want me to have both?”
Staring blankly at him, my mind raced but I had nothing to say. If I said no, what kind of person would that make me? If I said yes, I would be a terrible person.
Starting to smile, he imparted, “Whatever I choose to do with my life is my own personal decision. I’m not resentful and I only have one regret and trust me Ren, it has nothing to do with sex.”
Curious, I asked, “What is it?”
Leaning his head towards me, he shared, “A long time ago, a friend needed me and I wasn’t there.”
My heart started to hurt as I recalled telling Jacks I called around looking for him when I found out my parents died. Then, I remembered telling him when I couldn’t find him I went to HIS house. His reaction caught me so off guard when he found out. At the time, I thought Jackson figured I would have slept with him instead and that’s why it bothered him.
Shaking his head, more at himself than me, Jacks explained, “I don’t even have a good reason I wasn’t around, except that, it never occurred to me that you would need me.”
As the knot in my stomach started to loosen, I wasn’t overcome; however the feeling was definitely there.
Watching him sit there in front of me, being a better friend than I deserved, my chest felt warm. Leaning my back against the wall, I reminded myself, it was better to have Jackson as my friend then risk not having him at all.
“I’m gonna miss you when Hert gets back,” I shared.
Smiling wide, he said, “You and Sophia could always come stay with me.”
Laughing a little, I teased, “Oh yeah, that would go over real well.”
“What are you going to do?” he questioned.
Shrugging, I said, “I’m not sure. He says he doesn’t want to get divorced and wants to come up with an arrangement that works best for both us.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I replied, “No, I wanted a real marriage like…I look at your parents and see all these possibilities but they’re just not there with Hert.”
Appearing sympathetic, he said, “I’m sorry.”
Stopping what was sure to be a little pity party, I questioned, “So, got anymore tattoos?” nudging him with my foot.
“Why did you wanna check?” he laughed, holding his arms out wide.
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes at him.
When Sophia was up and breakfast was made we sat at the kitchen table. After that, the day went on like a normal day. Jackson and I
made jokes and played with Sophia until it was her bed time. I wasn’t really over the whole Wren thing but I was a big enough person to admit it was my fault I saw it in the first place. Jackson was right, it was personal and I did have a problem with boundaries. In the whole scheme of things, we were still friends and the sentiment of his tattoo had nothing to do with want, it was all heart.
Chapter 20
Monday morning started at four thirty for me. With a heavy sigh, I thought, ‘this is getting ridiculous.’ There was nothing to do or get ready for until later in the week. Sophia would be asleep for the next few hours and I knew Jacks was still asleep. It was too early to even call Mrs. Thomas or Amila. Finally, I decided that it would be just too bad for Jackson, if I was up, he was getting up. Prancing down the stairs, I was surprised to see him already awake.
Making my way around, I sat down on the couch. Glancing over, he smiled slightly appearing exhausted.
Concerned, I asked, “Are you okay?”
Nodding, he replied, “Yea, I kept having this dream then I couldn’t go back to sleep.”
“I have crazy dreams all the time,” I shared before asking, “What was it about?”
Shaking his head, he said, “Nothing really.”
Shrugging, I asked, “Alright then, since were both up, what do you want to do?”
After a huge yawn he said, “Nothing I’m going to try and go back to sleep.”
“No,” I pouted, before saying, “I’m awake and you have to stay up with me.”
Giving me an unhappy glare, Jackson laid back down and stated, “Uh, okay,” pulling the blanket over his head.
“You’re not going back to sleep,” I assured.
I could see him nod under the blanket before I heard his muffled, “I’m not sleeping.”
Starting to yawn myself, I was suddenly sleepy. Thinking I would just close my eyes for a minute, I curled up in the little room I had with Jackson stretched all the way out.
A minute turned into almost two hours as I glanced at the clock before freezing in place. Somehow in my sleep, I had moved around enough to stretch out. Which would have been fine, except Jackson had moved too and his arms were around my legs. Still on opposite ends of the couch, seeing him snuggled up with any part of me, made me nervous.
