by M. Sembera
After pulling the gauze off of my wrists, I walked back to the bed. Crawling in and pulling the comforter around me, I closed my eyes. I felt Emerson lay back down.
“What are you going to tell him?” he asked.
Shrugging, I questioned, “Who?”
After a moment he replied, “Jackson.”
Covering my face with a pillow, I moaned, “Uh, nothing.”
Pulling the pillow away, Em said, “He is going to want to know what happened.”
With a heavy sigh, I fought thoughts of Jackson kissing my eye, cheek, then wrists and ankles to make them better as I suggested, “When he comes over just tell him I’m still in bed.”
“But Ren,” he started before I cut him off, saying, “Please.”
Emerson begrudgingly nodded before getting up and going into the bathroom.
After Emerson came out of the bathroom, I asked if it was alright for me to stay in his room for a while. I could tell he was very unhappy about me leaving Jackson in the dark. However, he reluctantly promised to say nothing except that I was in bed when Jackson dropped off Sophia. Lying in bed, I took deep breaths. I was anxious for Sophia to get home but enjoyed the feel of just lying in bed also. It was hard to believe what took place yesterday, actually happened. I should be still paralyzed with fear, however, I was so grateful for The Brothers showing up when then did, I actually felt good about the situation. Not to mention, I could back Ramsden into a corner and get him to sign the share transfers papers now. My thoughts drifted to getting Ignacio’s suit jacket cleaned and returned along with an envelope full of money as a ‘thank you’. I wondered if I could call a service to pick up and drop off the jacket.
It suddenly dawned on me, I had to mail out my divorce papers. There was no way I could trust just anyone with them and I couldn’t leave the house looking like I did without causing a stir. With a heavy sigh, I sat up and decided, I would give them to Emerson and get him to ask Jackson to put them in the mail.
I was about two steps from opening the door when I heard Emerson say, “I told you she is still in bed.”
Stepping closer to the door, I listened, hoping Emerson would be able to stop him.
“Here Pea, go with Roberts so I can talk to your mama,” Jackson stated.
Em tried to stop him by saying, “Wait.”
I heard my bedroom door open, then silence.
“I thought you said she was still in bed,” Jackson griped.
Emerson’s voice was low as he said, “She is.”
Holding my breath, I waited.
“What, is she in your bed?” he asked, sounding slightly humored.
When Emerson stayed silent, I closed my eyes.
His tone was instantly solemn, as he said, “She’s in your bed.”
I could feel my heart starting to burn when there was no response from Emerson.
The anguish in Jackson’s voice as he said, “Alright,” brought me to my knees. “See you later Sopha-Pea,” Jackson choked out before I heard Sophia blurt, “Bye!”
The only other sound was the boom of what I assumed was the back door slamming shut.
It took me a moment to come to terms with what just took place. What I’m sure Jackson thought before he left was never my intention. I could rationalize it by saying he assumed I spent the night doing something other than crying. However, it didn’t matter, something needed to happen for Jackson to really step away, and now he could.
Slowly opening the door, I glanced at Em and Sophia, saying, “Hey, Punkin’.”
Sophia took one look at me, stuck out her bottom lip and started to cry. The closer I got to her the farther she tucked her face into Emerson’s chest.
“It’s okay, honey,” I tried to console.
Knowing it was my face that was upsetting her, I let Emerson continue to hold her while I took my time and slowly let her get used to it.
By the end of the day, Sophia didn’t seem to care how I looked at all. Emerson played with her a few times but mostly kept to himself. It was nice just me and her and I thought, when this was over we would be okay just the two of us. When she fell asleep, I was a little sad I had taken the bed out of her room. Making my way to my room, Emerson stopped me.
“Why did you have me do that?” Em asked.
Knowing exactly what he was talking about, I answered, “I didn’t know it was going to come off like we were together.”
Nodding, he urged, “Then call him and explain it to him.”
“No,” I stated before sharing, “It’s for the best.”
With great disappointment in his eyes, Emerson questioned, “How can you say that?”
Taking a deep breath, I shared, “Look Em, I feel bad that I hurt him that way but he’s making bad decisions so I’m helping him make the right ones.”
“You do know who you sound like?” he asked.
Shaking my head, I fussed, “I am not like Hert. This is different.”
Raising his eyebrows, he questioned, “Really? How?”
I started to open my mouth to answer, quickly realizing I didn’t have one.
His eyes filled with compassion as he said, “Ren,” before I shook my head, mumbling, “It just has to be this way.”
Giving him a shrug as I frowned, I stepped into my room.
In my room, I sat on my bed trying to justify what I had done to Jackson. It would have been so much easier to deal with hurting him, if I still thought sex was the most he wanted from me. Feeling terrible from the inside out, I wished we had kept things the way they were. Knowledge can be downright torture at times. With that in mind, I reached over and grabbed my purse, pulling out my mother’s journal.
Chapter 10
Over the week, I had read a few pages a night out of the notebook my mother wrote in. Some of it didn’t really make sense but once I realized she wrote in no particular order, I got the hang of recalling memories from each page. It had actually started to amaze me, the things she knew. Cutting the previous night’s read short when I read, ‘the Irish boy Rennillia is crazy about’, I couldn’t keep reading. I was still sad over how much I had hurt Jackson but held strong to the belief that it was in his best interest and ultimately for the best.
My face had gotten better along with looking grosser every day. Why when a bruise started out purple, did it have to turn green? Why couldn’t it be pink or a cool lavender? Regardless, I had bigger problems at the moment than being ugly.
Practicing my story over and over in my head so I didn’t slip up when I lied about what happened to me, I waited for Hert. Sophia was already in bed and I heard him coming up the stairs. Waiting for him to make it into his bedroom/office, I counted to ten took a deep breath and walked out of my room and into his.
Standing by his desk, I watched him step out of his bathroom and greeted, “Hey.”
“What happened to you?” he instantly questioned.
Shaking my head, I brushed him of, saying, “It’s nothing, I got in a fight.”
Stepping closer, he scowled and stated, “It doesn’t look like nothing,” before asking, “You got in a fight?”
Taking a deep breath, I pretended to be ashamed of myself as I lied, “I had stopped by The Bar to say hi to Gus and this girl was being very rude. I gave her a little shove….and she shoved back.”
“With what a brick?” he blurted.
With another deep breath, I fussed, “Stop, it’s embarrassing enough alright.”
Shaking his head, he gave a slight smirk.
Pleased that he bought my story, I stood there watching Hert unpack his suitcase. I could tell something was wrong. Knowing I was having mixed feeling about the divorce myself, I thought it might be a good idea to talk about it and clear the air.
“I’m not exactly thrilled we’re getting divorce either ya know,” I offered.
Stopping what he was doing, Hert walked to his desk, looked down and said, “Didn’t stop you from sending them out.”
Nodding, I shared, “I actually ha
d Amila take them to the Post Office for me. I didn’t want to leave the house looking like this so Emerson gave them to her to mail.”
“Well that was nice of her,” he said in a sarcastic tone.
Rolling my eyes, I snapped, “Why would you have them drawn up then? Just to be mad about it.”
Shaking his head, Hert walked around the desk and sat down in his chair.
“Everything is falling apart,” he admitted.
With a heavy sigh I leaned against his desk facing him as I asked, “More than just us?”
Looking up at me, he shared, “Someone leaked that Jackson was resigning.”
Confused, I asked, “What difference does that make?”
“We just made this big push for the accounting department. Jackson was the reason it was voted in. Now it looks like The Office is unstable with me running it,” he explained. As I scowled trying to understand, he continued saying, “With the divorce, my position will be in question and …” suddenly stopping him, I questioned, “Salvador could take over?”
“Ultimately yes, or even Emerson, original shares always outweigh worker ones,” he replied.
Crossing my arms, I recalled Henry saying, ‘Once you’re gone, he won’t have a choice. The Office will be in transition of leadership and Mr. Ramsden will protect its interests during that time’.
“What about me?” I asked before saying, “Aren’t I technically the head of The Office with you acting on my behalf?”
Giving me a strange look, Hert said, “Yes.”
“So say, I got Emerson and Jackson to gift me their shares,” I suggested.
Interested, he waited for me to continue.
Carefully, I added, “And then you if you gift me yours…”
Instantly, his expression was unpleasant as he snapped, “Oh, hell no!”
“Just hear me out!” I urged before saying, “Hert, if the majority share with original shares is head and if we do that, I can appoint you and no one could ever take The Office from you.”
Standing up in front of me, he griped, “You could take it from me.”
Scowling, I looked up at him and asked, “Why would I do that?”
Staring at me, he didn’t have an answer.
Taking a step towards him, I made an offer, “You trust Mr. Ramsden. When he gets back let’s ask him. If he agrees it’s in the best interest of The Office, will you do it?”
While waiting for Hert to answer, I considered a little blackmail might be in order. However, if I was right about Ramsden’s intentions, he would be just fine with my idea.
Continuing to look at him, I wondered what Hert was thinking. Although ‘she’s crazy’ was probably right at the top of the list, I wondered if it was having to answer to me because I would be his boss or if it was a trust issue.
Placing my hand on his arm, I assured, “You can trust me.”
“I already lost you, I can’t lose this too,” he admitted.
The expression on his face and the idea that he felt vulnerable sent a surge of emotion through me.
Moving my hands to his sides, I gave his shirt a little tug, saying, “We won’t be together but we can do this together.”
All of a sudden there was tension between us. Familiar and welcomed, my mind was in one direction now. Looking up at Hert, I gave a soft smile before taking a step back. As his eyes searched my intentions, I gave a slow blink silently granting him permission to proceed. Leaning down, he placed a soft kiss on my lips. Instantly, I grabbed his collar, twisting my hands into his shirt, keeping him close.
Drawing in a deep breath, he asked, “You changed your mind?”
Shaking my head, I offered, “I want you.”
Suddenly, I was seated on his desk and his hands were everywhere they could reach.
Kissing me like it was the first time Hert lifted me up as I wrapped my legs around him. At first, I thought he was off balance because of his leg. With his back against the wall he had his arm holding me in place. My mind drifted to how strong Hert was. Wrapping an arm around the back of his neck, I started to unbutton his shirt with my other hand. Kissing down his neck, as he reached his other hand towards the light switch, I saw something. I heard the faint click of the switch and the room was dark.
Before Hert could wrap his other arm around me, I snapped, “Put me down.”
Quickly letting go, he grunted in frustration. I reached over and flipped the light switch on before pulling the front of his shirt to the side. There were three reddish purple marks on his skin.
“Were you with someone?” I questioned in disbelief.
Hert’s jaw clenched as he stood there staring at me.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I demanded, “Answer me.”
Swallowing hard, he replied, “I didn’t think…” before I yelled, “You slept with someone!”
“I didn’t know you still wanted me like that,” he admitted.
Making a face at him, I fussed, “So when you leave you screw around?”
Shaking his head at me, Hert protested, “It isn’t like that.”
“So what was it like?” I asked before questioning, “Is that what you do while you’re gone?”
“No!” he blurted.
Carefully examining his expression, I asked, “What about when you were gone for our anniversary? After I left, did you then?”
Shifting his eyes from mine, I didn’t need to hear the answer.
Although it probably wasn’t fair to him, all I could think about was, while I was on the verge of being raped and murdered Hert was rolling around naked screwing some hooker.
“Is that why you kept asking if I was with Jackson, to ease your own conscience?” I questioned.
With a slight shrug, he pleaded with me saying, “Renni, I’m sorry. Please don’t…” before he could finish, I cut him off by saying, “Don’t Renni me, we’re not even friends.”
Sparing us both the argument of ‘do you know how many times I could have’ I walked out of his office.
Right behind me, Hert grabbed my arm and asked, “What are you going to do?”
Jerking my arm away, I snapped, “Oh, now you’re worried?” before glaring up at him as I stated, “I, Mr. Herterand am going to go for a drive. Your daughter is asleep. Keep an eye on her. I’m not sure when I will be back so you will be staying home from work tomorrow, just in case.”
“I need to…” he started before I stopped him, saying, “You will do what you are told. I am…”
Emerson appeared from his room stopping me mid-sentence.
Narrowing my eyes, I kept my glare on Hert as I answered Em, stating, “Yes, it is. Scott was concerned that his actions might have serious repercussions.” Then giving a little smirk, I assured, “Trust me you’re not that important.”
Leaving them both in a stunned silence, I stepped into my room.
As I drove through town, it didn’t take long to realize any place I could go, would involve Jackson in some way. I thought about just going back to the house when it occurred to me I could stop and give Ignacio back his suit jacket that was hanging in my car. Laughing slightly to myself, when I recalled the laundry services asking, ‘You want it delivered where?’ when I asked it to be returned. It was probably all over town now, ‘Mrs. Herterand, the recluse, doesn’t leave the house but has her dry cleaning delivered to her car.’ Shaking my head at myself, I drove to The Brothers house.
Ringing the bell next to The Brothers front door, I held Ignacio’s suit jacket to the side. A little sad it didn’t smell smoky anymore, I knew it would have been wrong to keep it just to walk by and smell it to make myself feel better. The door swung open and Fiore stood there staring at me. With no offer to enter their house, I stood outside their front door. Ignacio quickly appeared after his brother stepped away, turning his back to me.
“Mrs. Herterand,” Ignacio greeted.
Suddenly uncomfortable, I gave a weak smile holding up his jacket.
“Please come in,” he offered.
> Stepping into their house, I felt the offer was more out of courtesy than anything else.
Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Fiore stated, “Unannounced,” to Ignacio.
Seemingly ignoring his brother’s agitation, Ignacio asked, “How can we help you?”
Glancing at Fiore before I answered, I noticed, although he did not have on a suit and tie, he was dressed up.
“Sorry for not calling first, I was out and wanted to return your jacket,” I replied.
Glancing at his brother, as if to say ‘clam down’, Ignacio gave a nod and took a step back.
Fiore relaxed slightly. Walking to the kitchen table he picked a set of keys up and disappeared through another door.
Hearing the sound of a garage door opening, I apologized again, saying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about disturbing ya’lls evening.”
Taking his suit jacket from me, Ignacio walked to the coat closet at his left, saying, “Not a problem.”
Watching him hang his jacket in the closet, I said, “I also wanted to say thank you.”
Turning towards me he gave an interested stare.
“I don’t know how much I owe you, I know there was not any notice so,” I started before he stopped me, saying, “There is no charge.”
Confused I questioned, “But?” cutting me off again, he replied, “You did not request our services.”
“I assumed because of our agreement, it was understood,” I offered.
Coming off a bit frustrated, he stated, “You can consider it a favor.”
Walking back to me, Ignacio had a stern expression on his face. As I looked at him, I couldn’t help wondering what was really going on. At the time, I was so grateful they showed up, I never questioned how they knew where I was or why they were there in the first place.
With a slight smirk I stated, “I do believe you lied to me.”
Scowling, he snapped, “Excuse me?”
“You said you couldn’t protect me,” I replied.
His expression changed back to stern as he assured, “Mrs. Herterand, you have a warped sense of safety.”
Taking a moment to mentally agree, I asked, “So, why did you?”
Without skipping a beat, Ignacio replied, “I do not offer information.”
