by M. Sembera
No wonder Mrs. Thomas didn’t want Jackson and I together. I was selfish and horrible. Jackson was my friend through my relationship with HIM and even stood by my side after I married Hert. Hell, he even walked me down the aisle. Just the thought of him with someone else hurt. Disappointed in myself, I stayed for a few hours playing with Sophia and Penny before I hugged Mrs. Thomas goodbye and headed back to the house.
Chapter 13
Waking up in tears, I would have taken a nightmare over my dream any day. The feeling of regret laid heavy on my heart when I realized, even my unconscious mind would not allow Jackson and I to be together.
In my dream, I was barely tapping on The Thomas’ front door. I watched the door slightly open. Pushing it to enter their house, I saw no one to greet me. Walking into the living room, I saw Jackson instead of Mrs. Thomas standing there.
“Where’s your mom and Sophia?” I asked.
With a serious expression, he replied, “They went to bring Penny home.”
Nodding at him, I said, “Just tell her to call me and I’ll come back.”
As I turned to leave, Jackson informed, “Roberts called me,” causing me to quickly turn around.
Trying to get a feel for what I was fixing to have to deal with, I said, “Oh yea?”
“He’s worried about you,” he shared.
Deciding Em was going to get an earful when I got home, I snapped, “He’s over reacting.”
His voice was thick with sympathy as he asked, “Why won’t you tell me?”
Taking a deep breath, I cleared my throat and replied, “Tell you what?”
Without answering, he walked right up to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Your eyes are so sad baby,” he whispered, lifting his other hand to my cheek.
Swallowing hard, I didn’t know what to do.
Jackson was talking to me like... Like we were far more intimate than we had ever been. And he called me baby? Eyes that were full of compassion looked directly into mine, urging me to share. The moment was heart wrenching and I couldn’t speak.
Goosebumps covered my entire body as he softly reminded, “I’ll stand beside you no matter what.”
My hands started to shake as I pleaded, “Don’t say that.”
Inching his face toward mine, Jackson whispered, “You…don’t.”
Every muscle in my body tensed as his hand slid off my shoulder and down my back. When he pressed me closer to him, I tilted my head down.
“Jacks,” I breathed.
“Rennillia,” he urged, verbally caressing my name as it came out of his mouth.
In all the years I had known Jacks, he never once used my first name.
Quickly looking up at him with wide eyes, I held my breath. Slowly guiding my face to his, he barely brushed his lips against mine. Without hesitation, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. Remembering all the things that made me feel the way I did about him, I tilted my head back and let him kiss me. His hands slid into the back of my hair while mine were firmly around his waist. A soft slow kiss followed each passionate one until our moment ended.
Pulling back slightly, Jackson whispered, “My Wren.” Sliding his hands from my hair, he smiled wide before saying, “I love you.”
My heart sunk as I remembered why this was wrong. Shaking my head at him, I noticed we weren’t the only ones in the room. Salvador was on my right while Ramsden was at my left. Hert stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders and HE was standing in front of me. As the four of them faced me, I peeked around HIM to see The Brothers holding onto Jackson’s arms as they pulled him away from me. That’s when I woke up.
There was no sense staying in bed. It was nice to get five hours of sleep, instead of the two or three I had grown accustom to over the last few weeks. It was only three thirty, so I decided to pick up my mother’s notebook and see if there was any information I could utilize from it. Turning to where I had left off, I skimmed over her Irish boy comments before turning to the next page. There wasn’t much for the next two pages, just some rambling about my lack of obedience. Moving on, to the next page, I was surprised to find my mother writing about the night of Ms. Herterand’s second attempt at suicide.
Recalling the night I came home and found my father waiting at the door for me, which he never did, and embarrassed the hell out of me in front of Jackson. That wasn’t the strange part. I remembered it well. Apparently, after I went to bed, my father had some visitors, two men to be exact. I didn’t know whether to feel good about it or to be sad. My heart swelled and twisted all at the same time. Sitting very still in my bed, I tried to work the how and why out in my mind. Guilt and insecurity filled me as I forced myself to accept what Mr. Thomas and Gus did for me.
Hopping out of bed, I could not think straight. I had only met Gus once at that time and he didn’t seem to be fond of the idea of Jackson and I. Mr. Thomas had just met me that day. I was a little slow when it came to figuring things out but this one was obvious, even for me. Switching back and forth between how could he and the difference it made, I recalled Jackson saying, ‘I don’t wanna leave you here’ and ‘Get back in and we’ll go back to my house’ after realizing it was my father that left me black and blue. When I refused, he must have gone to his parents. The next day at school he had tried to tell me what he did but there was so much going on I didn’t catch on.
Mixed emotions coursed through me as I quickly got dressed and headed out of my room. I must have been louder than I thought because Hert was standing in the hallway when I stepped out.
“Where are you going?” he asked, looking down at me with an unpleasant expression on his face.
Stopping suddenly, I said, “I’ll be back.”
Narrowing his eyes at me, he questioned, “Do you know what time it is?”
Shrugging him off, I repeated, “I’ll be back,” as I turned to walk away.
“Wait,” he blurted before asking, “Why are you so insistent on taking over if it’s making you sick?”
With a loud groan, I turned back and snapped, “I’m not insisting I take over, I am taking over and why would you think it’s making me sick?”
“You look like… You don’t look good. You hardly eat and I can hear you in the middle of the night, I know you’re not sleeping,” he shared before saying, “You leave for hours and don’t talk to anyone when you get back.”
Giving him a stupid look, I replied, “I eat and anything having to do with me and a bed has absolutely nothing to do with you.” Stopping to take a breath, I finished by saying, “And I’m sure it probably never occurred to you but there is nobody here I want to talk to, Scott.”
Without giving him a chance to delay me further, I hurried down the stairs and out of the back door.
It took me a few times of reaching up to knock on Jackson’s door before I actually did. Without a clue as to how my presence would be received, I knew I had to speak to him. Letting him know, how much I appreciated the person he was, the person he had always been, was something I had to do.
The moment he opened his apartment door, he asked, “What are you doing here?”
Drawing in a short breath, I replied, “I need to talk to you.”
He stared at me before saying, “Come in.”
Making an effort not to reach out and touch him, I stepped into his apartment.
Appearing put out to have me show up in the middle of the night, he walked to his couch and sat down, offering, “You wanna sit?”
Slowly shaking my head, I glanced toward his kitchen, noticing my centerpiece was no longer on his table.
Shrugging off my answer, he questioned, “What do you want Ren?”
In an effort to get this over as soon as possible and be on my way, I answered, “I know what you did for me, with my father, and I wanted to say thank you.”
Looking away, he asked, “Is that it?”
Feeling I owed him more than a simple thank you, I replied, “I think I understand why you neve
r told me and I’m sure I would have been upset if you had, back then. I’m still not sure how to feel about it.” Stopping a moment to keep my eyes from watering, I cleared my throat and continued, saying, “Nobody’s ever…” Looking up, I shrugged before I said, “So, thank you.”
Crossing his arms across his chest, Jackson kept his focus away from me as he stated, “You’re welcome.”
As my voice cracked and my eyes welled up with tears, I assured, “I just wanted you to know, I…I’m…I appreciate what you did.”
Jackson’s expression was a mixture of hurt and anger as he questioned, “Are you done now?” I gave a slight nod before he said, “Me too.”
Nodding again, I couldn’t say another word.
Turning to walk out, I wanted to at least say goodbye but it wouldn’t come out. Somewhere inside me, the knowledge that I had hurt him beyond repair, forced me out the door. On my way to my car, a barrage of memories assaulted my heart. By the time I opened my car door to get in, tears were streaming down my cheeks and my regret was flowing just as strong. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I covered my face with my hands and cried.
After struggling to pull myself together, I rubbed my face with the front of my shirt and took a deep breath. Before I started my car, I glanced over and saw Jackson standing next to it, holding the trunk we received from The Society Ball. As I opened my door, I watched him step back and wondered how long he had been there watching me cry. I got out and opened the back door, allowing him to set the trunk in the back seat. When he did, I closed it and started to get back in the driver’s seat. Feeling his hand on my arm, I turned and faced him.
Taking my face in his hands, Jackson rubbed his thumbs under my eyes, saying, “This is hard enough, please don’t cry.”
I could feel tears pool in my eyes as I nodded.
“I can’t let you go like this,” he said before urging, “Come back inside.”
Without a word, I shook my head at him.
A heavy sigh proceeded his words as he questioned, “You know this isn’t what I wanted don’t you?”
“I know,” I replied before asking, “Are you still willing to sign your shares over?”
Taking a step back, he replied, “If you need me to.”
Nodding at him, I gave a weak smile before saying, “Hopefully we can get it tended to in the next few days.”
Jackson nodded back then turned and walked back to his apartment door. I watched him stop for a moment before he shook his head at himself and went in.
It was almost five by the time I made it back to the house. When I walked in, I saw Hert sitting at the kitchen table.
I tried to walk right past him, but there was an urgency in his voice as he said, “Renni,” that stopped me.
Taking a seat at the table across from him, I gave a ‘what do you want’ glare as I cleared my throat.
“We need to talk,” he started.
Rolling my eyes, I asked, “About what?”
“Do you remember why I was leaving to take over?” he questioned.
Scowling, I asked, “When I first came back here?” he nodded as I replied, “I remember that you were going to leave but guess I don’t really know why.”
Hert glanced away for a moment before informing, “In order for me to have control without the majority share, I have to go.”
Suddenly, I was outraged, “What? Why?”
Taking a breath, he replied, “That’s just the way it works.” He took a moment, then revealed, “Renni, I was ready to leave. I wanted to go. Then when you walked into the dining room and looked at me. You…” quickly cutting him off, I assured, “I know I was there,” sad for the feelings I had the moment I saw him that were no longer in me.
“You never know what’s going to happen with all this, why don’t you wait, before you just decide…” I started before he stopped me, saying, “I want to go.”
My eyes welled up with tears as I remembered every thought and feeling I had for him before it all went so horribly wrong.
Shaking my head and concentrating on holding back my emotions, I remembered thinking he was what I wanted, needed and most importantly at the time, desired. Crossing my arms across my chest, I sniffled as the tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I don’t want you to go,” I shared, whipping my eyes with my sleeves.
Hert’s jaw flexed as he declared, “Renni, I wouldn’t trade us for the world.”
Shaking my head at him, I inhaled deeply causing my tears to subside. The thought occurred to me, that this was the right thing. We had all been pulled back together time after time because of the circumstances surrounding us. If I really wanted what was right for everyone, this needed to happen.
“What about Sophia?” I asked.
“I will come down and see her but you and I both know, no matter how much I love her The Office will always get in the way of what she needs from me as a parent,” he said before giving a light smile.
Leaning back in the chair, I crossed my arms behind my head and exhaled before lowering them back to the table, saying, “I might still be mad for a while but I won’t stay mad at you forever.”
He gave a slight smirk before asking, “Does that mean you’re going to stop calling me Scott?”
Holding back a smile of my own, I replied, “I might throw it in there every once in awhile to keep things interesting.”
Raising an eyebrow at me, he said, “You know there isn’t another woman like you in the world.”
His comment caused the tone of our conversation to shift.
“Hert, you’re always going to be my favorite,” I assured.
His eyes questioned me as he asked, “Really?”
Shrugging at him, I said, “I don’t know how not to love you.”
Standing up out of his chair, Hert lunged at me. Lifting me out of mine, he hugged me tight.
Holding on, I hugged him back and it was nice. At the moment, I wasn’t angry at him, sad or hiding some irrational need for him. I was still his Renni and he was still my Hert but we seemed to be the non-self-destructive versions of our former selves. Making the right decision, much like making a wrong one, was hard except with the right decision the difficult part happened right away instead of being hit with it later on. When we both let go he gave me a smirk and a little shove. I smiled, sticking my tongue out at him and thought ‘I wouldn’t trade us for the world either’.
Hert had to leave for work, and since he and Jackson were taken care of, I thought three for three might be easier than prolonging a conversation with Em. Giving Emerson’s door a little tap, I didn’t hear him respond. After a minute his door opened with him on the phone and his finger held up to his mouth. I gave him a little smile as I slightly raised my eyebrows at him. Flopping down on his bed after he motioned for me to sit, I watched him carefully as he finished his conversation.
Emerson was in love with Amila, I could tell. It wasn’t what he was saying to her, it was the way he was saying it. It actually made me a little sad, feeling like I had just gotten my Em back and now I was going to hand him over to someone else. Still, he needed a push to do something with his life. Stretching out with my head on a pillow, I waited for him to hang up the phone.
Placing the phone down on the dresser, he gave me a curious look, asking, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Giving him a sly smile, I patted the opposite side of the bed, saying, “Come lay down with me.”
“Are you all right?” he asked, stretching out next to me.
Nodding, I said, “You know Amila doesn’t care who you father was or what you have.”
A bit baffled he agreed, “I know,” before I questioned, “So why isn’t she laying in here with you instead of me?”
With a strange look, Em replied, “Because you came in and laid down.”
Pursing my lips at him, I fussed, “You know that’s not what I’m saying.”
“I think about her all the time Ren. It is still not going to happen,” he sai
d.
Confused, I questioned, “Why not?” before adding, “I know she likes you.”
Sitting up, Em hung his head, saying, “I ruined her life.”
“Oh no you did not, it took both of ya’ll to…” I started to argue before he stopped me, saying, “I am not talking about when we slept together.”
Examining the expression on his face, I was suddenly worried.
How could he have ruined her life? I mean really, this was Emerson. Aside from the short time he was having trouble handling Mr. Roberts’ death, he was a sweetheart. Sitting up, I placed my hand over his.
“Whatever it is, it couldn’t be that bad,” I assured.
Em’s big brown eyes were sad as he shared, “I am responsible for Telli.”
All the air left my chest as I whispered, “What…” in disbelief.
“It was not me but I was there,” he hesitantly replied.
Shaking my head at him, I stated, “You couldn’t have.”
Appearing ashamed of himself, he shared, “I did not plan it.”
Incredibly confused, I said, “Hold on, I don’t understand.”
“After my father died, Mr. Ramsden came to me. I was so mad at everyone Ren,” he confessed.
Remembering how much harder he made it for Hert, Jackson and Telli when Hert first took over, I snapped, “What did you do?”
Quickly shaking his head, Emerson replied, “No, I promise you, I did not do anything.” As I narrowed my eyes at him, he explained, “I am the one that told Hert I was staying at the old building. I told you the truth too.”
Feeling myself getting angry at him, I demanded, “Tell me what happened then.”
Emerson looked like he was going to be sick as he recounted, “I wanted to meet with him. I needed to know… Mr. Ramsden was telling me... Ren, I was drinking a lot at that time,” Stopping to shake his head, he continued saying, “The night you kicked me out, I went to talk to Telli but he wasn’t there. Amila said if I went to him, he might be able to help me.”
“You lost me,” I admitted, before Emerson informed, “I never wanted any of this.”
With a heavy sigh, I stated, “Okay, just tell me about that night with Telli.”
