by Anna Small
She spun around. Her happiness vanished. “Good afternoon, Mr. Parker.” She peered over his shoulder. Frederick and Susanna were walking toward them but still so engrossed with each other they didn’t look up and see Jeremy. From Susanna’s animated hand gestures, she seemed to be arguing with Frederick.
Twisting her hands in her skirts, Jane stepped away. Why did Jeremy have to be in the park now? His presence would only make things worse.
Oblivious to her turmoil, he indicated the birds. “Funny creatures, pelicans. They never fail to amuse.”
She strained to listen for Frederick’s approach without turning and being obvious. Susanna’s raised voice was apparent, and Jane resumed walking, hoping to put distance between them.
“How do they happen to be in St. James’s Park?” she asked, for want of anything else to say.
“It’s an old tradition whereby visiting heads of state bring a pelican to the monarch.”
Jane gaped in surprise. “They bring birds?” She laughed at the preposterousness of a dignitary presenting a comical pelican at court.
He smiled. “It is all true. I admit I would enjoy watching the ceremony when this occurs. Pelicans at the palace.” He swung his walking stick at the short grass.
She turned to see how far she had walked from Frederick and Susanna. Frederick was indicating a distant spot, and Susanna laughed at whatever he’d said. A sigh escaped her, but she couldn’t help but feel some of her tension ease. Perhaps his good humor would last when he met up with them. Jeremy pointed at the pond as a large white pelican emerged, shaking water from its head. She laughed, but her heart wasn’t in it.
“How are you enjoying London, Lady Falconbury?”
She’d almost forgotten her new title. “I find it…most interesting.”
“Has Falconbury shown you Dornley Park yet? I’ve heard how lovely it is. You’d be happier there.”
She understood his meaning. Her face burned from the memory of the night before. What could his opinion be of her now, after having found her in such shameful circumstances at Lady Harrington’s—hiding from a would-be lover while her husband was out searching the town for her?
“When the session’s over, perhaps we’ll go,” she replied. She forced the tremor from her voice. How she wished she were back in the familiar gardens of home, away from the intrigues of town. She changed the subject. “How is your sister? I have not heard from Lucinda since my wedding.”
Jeremy seemed distracted but responded gallantly. “Lucy is quite well. She speaks of you often. I know she holds you in the utmost affection.”
“I will write her today. Perhaps she can come for a visit.” The idea of being Lucinda’s model again suddenly appealed to her. How she had taken those simple, peaceful days for granted.
He mumbled something in reply and stopped abruptly in his tracks. “I have been remiss in not apologizing to you sooner, Lady Falconbury. My behavior at the assembly ball was reprehensible.” His face flushed.
The apology she had long awaited now meant little. She managed a smile. “You are forgiven.”
“I knew Falconbury was in love with you. I didn’t have it from him directly, of course, but all the signs were there. I wanted to hurt him, because of what he’s done to me.” He stared out toward the pond, his face blank. “I am to be married.” He’d spoken the last so abruptly she nearly tripped.
She blew out a slow breath of air, carefully choosing her next words. “Congratulations, Mr. Parker. My best wishes for a happy future.”
He stooped to pick up a pebble and tossed it into the pond. A flock of ducks quacked in protest and flew to the opposite end. “Should I expect one? A happy future?”
His bitterness surprised her. What also surprised her was a spark of sympathy for him. Perhaps he was not the scoundrel Frederick had hinted he was.
“Are you not in love with your fiancée, Mr. Parker?”
His blue eyes were cloudy. “I have never met the lady. She is the wealthy daughter of my father’s friend. I failed my law examinations and must be pushed into the arms of a well-dowered bride, or else bring disgrace upon my family.”
His words echoed in her heart. She touched his sleeve. “I am truly sorry for your plight. One should not have to marry for anything but love.”
“Like you?”
Her throat dried up. “Yes, like me. Why do you hate Frederick so?” She hadn’t meant to blurt out the words, but there they were. He turned away.
“I don’t hate him. I envy him.” He fidgeted with the carved knob of his walking stick. “He holds much influence over Miss Olivier. I would marry her tomorrow, but for him.”
For a moment, Jane wondered if something invisible had pushed her, because she had to grasp the iron railing surrounding the pond. The cold metal burned through her gloves, but she hung on anyway. “I see,” she whispered.
He took her elbow. “I say, Countess—are you quite well? You’ve gone all white.”
She pulled away and dabbed at her forehead with the tips of her fingers. “I had a dizzy spell. Thank you.” He still looked concerned, so she forced a weak smile. “It is nothing, Mr. Parker.” After a few moments, she said, “You should tell Susanna you love her. Break off your engagement to the lady you’ve never met and marry Susanna.”
Jeremy threw his head back and laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Do you think I have not told her I loved her?”
Her heart fell. “You have?”
“Yes. At least a hundred times. She is the reason why I came to town, despite my father’s threats. But she will not have me. Falconbury—” His words cut off as he shook his head.
An almost painful chill seized her body, freezing the back of her neck and spreading throughout the rest of her. She thought she’d slipped over the railing and into the dark pond. Despite her internal earthquake, she’d somehow remained on her feet.
She was vaguely aware of familiar voices approaching behind her. She turned automatically when Jeremy did and faced Frederick and Susanna. Her hand rested lightly on Frederick’s arm. Just like when we used to walk together. A thousand years had passed since she’d felt as close to Frederick. Susanna waved when Jane caught her eye.
“I’m pleased you’ve found an old acquaintance, Jane.” She released Frederick’s arm and extended her hand to Jeremy. He bowed over it, all traces of his earlier agony gone.
“Good afternoon, Miss Olivier.” He nodded at Frederick. “Falconbury.”
“Mr. Parker! What an odd coincidence we should meet you twice in as many days. I didn’t know St. James’s had become all the fashion of late.” Frederick looked at Jane, and she was unable to read the quiet look in his eyes.
She pretended to share his surprise. “Yes, it is a coincidence.” She gazed serenely at Susanna. “I wish I’d known we should meet all of our acquaintance at the park today.”
Susanna laughed as if Jane had said something terribly amusing and turned to Jeremy. “Mr. Parker, I do wish to thank you, again, for taking me to my aunt’s last night.”
He tipped his hat. “The pleasure was mine, Miss Olivier.”
Frederick touched Jane’s arm. “If you are done with your walk, my dear, I should like to go home. It’s turned cloudy, and I fear a storm.”
“What about the opera this evening?” Susanna interjected. She smiled at Jeremy. “Mr. Parker, do you attend the opera tonight?”
“As fate would allow, I have a box. You are all welcome to join me.”
Jane spoke before Frederick could. “That sounds delightful. Susanna, is a box to your liking?”
A flash of pain crossed Frederick’s face, but Jane pretended not to notice, even though her own misery threatened to pour out of her at any moment. If she could keep up her pretense of not knowing the truth of her husband’s relationship to Susanna, she could live with it. Better than the alternative of leaving him.
Susanna’s cheek stained an attractive pink. “A box is the only way to enjoy the opera. Freddie, would you mind if
Mr. Parker joins us?”
He bowed low. “My wishes are nothing next to yours and Jane’s. Susanna, may we accompany you home, or is Mr. Parker’s barouche conveniently located near this scenic pond?”
Susanna laughed and tapped him on the arm. “Clever, Freddie! Mr. Parker, are you leaving just at this moment, or do you have time to escort me around the gardens? I think the newlyweds should have some time alone.”
He offered his arm. “Escorting you would be the highlight of my otherwise dreadful week, Miss Olivier.” He bowed to Frederick and Jane. “We shall meet again at the opera. Miss Olivier, I know your aunt’s home is on my way to the Theatre Royal. I will fetch you in my carriage, if you prefer. It will save the Falconburys from going out of their way.”
“She shall come with us, but thank you for the offer,” Frederick said in a clipped voice. He gave Jane a pointed look, as if she should go along with his idea.
Despite wanting her husband all to herself, she relented. “Susanna must ride with us.” Jeremy looked miserable, so she added hastily, “But perhaps we all may ride together? Would that be agreeable, Frederick?”
His shoulders tensed. “We will stop by your rooms first, Jeremy, then on to Susanna’s aunt’s house. Jane, may we go home now?”
She slipped her arm through his and curtsied to the other couple, who said cheerful goodbyes as they walked toward the gardens. Susanna was careful to keep her arms at her sides, and Jane wondered if she would take Jeremy’s arm once they were out of sight.
Frederick watched as they walked away, and Jane tried to interpret the look on his face. Jealousy? Amazement that his mistress should choose another in so blatant a fashion?
They walked to their coach in silence. He turned to her now and then as if he would speak, but only shook his head, his lips tight. When they were inside the coach, she sat opposite him, as he had the night before. He rubbed his eyes, almost digging at them.
“Do you detest me, Jane?”
She looked up from the rug she’d arranged over her gown. “Goodness, Frederick!” Her heart lurched. She reached across for his hand and squeezed it. “How could you think such a thing? I love you more than anything.”
Her voice broke, and, horrified, she sobbed aloud. In an instant, he was beside her, holding her tightly in his arms. She buried her face against the rough wool of his coat.
“What has happened, Jane?” He held her at arm’s length to look at her face. “Why are you so far away from me?”
She shook her head, unable to put voice to her anguish. Perhaps he wanted her to accept Susanna’s presence and was upset she hadn’t. How did other wives handle such matters? There was no one she could ask since Alice and Lady Brewster had only made things worse.
“If you’d rather not attend the opera, we can stay home.”
Fumbling with her reticule, she removed a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. “I’m fine, Frederick. We can go tonight…if you desire it.” As much as she would have loved the idea of attending an opera a few months ago, she now dreaded it.
He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “I know you are unhappy living here. I hope to remedy that.”
Pouting would do her no good. He would only pity her, and she did not want his pity. “Everything is fine. I am just a little out of sorts.”
“Very well,” he acquiesced, although he didn’t appear to believe her. “You might enjoy the opera. I had hoped to attend many performances with you while we were in London.”
She gave him a wavering smile. “I would like that.”
“This has not been easy for either of us, my love. I knew the demands of my position would be many, but I’d hoped to at least have had a honeymoon.” He gave her a wry grin. “You have not complained once. I leave you alone all day with Alice and Susanna, when all I want is to be with you.”
He bent his head and kissed her. She clung to him fervently but recalled Alice’s warnings about appearing desperate. Just as quickly as she’d embraced him, she broke away. Disappointment flashed in his eyes, but he settled against the side of the coach, drawing her to his side.
“Perhaps after the opera, we may enjoy another evening together.”
A rush of heat suffused her entire being. She clasped her hand over his. “Perhaps.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jane had assumed she’d sit beside her husband, but her plans were ruined the moment they arrived at the theatre. First, some confusion occurred when a friend congratulated Frederick on his beautiful new bride and kissed Susanna’s hand before anyone could explain. Frederick had laughed it off, and Susanna quickly introduced Jane, but the feeling she did not belong returned. Even though the Blakeney jewels adorned her hair, bosom, and wrists, Jane was a pale shadow beside Susanna.
As they walked upstairs, Jane somehow ended up beside Jeremy, while Frederick and Susanna went on ahead. He’d turned once to spot her and frowned when he was unable to wait for her because of the pressing crowd. They reached their box, and he’d brushed a kiss on her forehead but seemed otherwise preoccupied.
While the comedy unfolded on the stage, Jane could only concentrate on the drama in her own life. Surely, everyone in the theatre was staring at box number two. Laughing at the ignorant country girl who’d dared believe in true love. Who’d dared to believe in the sanctity of marriage, but was now attending the opera with her husband and his mistress, with the man her husband believed to be her own lover, on her other side.
The strains of the violins whispered past her deaf ears. The curtain on the side of the box blocked her view, so she dropped her gaze to the playbill in her hands. Her eyes widened as she read the descriptions of the characters: Count Almaviva, the skirt-chasing husband. The Countess, his long-suffering wife. Figaro, the servant the count hoped to thwart.
She blinked to clear her vision and stared at the names again. The soprano was named Susanna, a girl whom the count was trying to force, bribe, and otherwise cajole into his bed.
Had Susanna chosen this particular opera through mere coincidence? Frederick didn’t seem disturbed by the characters’ obvious resemblance to their lives. His foot tapped along with the exuberant music; his fingers drummed on his knee.
She sank back into her chair, but her spirits refused to soar with the magical notes. The soprano could not enthrall. The tenor’s voice was heavy as lead. Frederick murmured something to Susanna, and she laughed. A private joke between a man and his mistress. She wondered if he had ever shared a piano bench with Susanna in the middle of the night.
The hushed voices of her companions had ceased. She turned when Frederick said her name. “It’s intermission now. Would you like some refreshment?”
“No, thank you.” How could she even think about eating or drinking ever again? The world had ended. She clenched her hands but could not smile. “Perhaps I’ll just walk a bit.” She headed toward the door, and Frederick touched her hand.
“I’ll go with you.”
“Oh no, please.” She forced a laugh but his slight frown indicated he clearly saw through her pretense. “Stay here. I shall return shortly.”
Jeremy stood and bowed to Susanna. “Do you care to take a stroll before the next act, Miss Olivier?”
Her glance at Frederick had been so subtle Jane would have missed it, were she not so focused on the extent of their relationship. Susanna smiled breezily and tapped Jeremy’s arm with her fan. “I think I shall stay here and keep Frederick company.”
Jeremy’s scowl vanished almost as quickly as it appeared. His face a smooth mask, he bowed and swept out of the box. After a moment’s hesitation, Jane followed him.
She didn’t get far. The mezzanine was crowded. She couldn’t see a way downstairs and reluctantly headed back, dreading the second half of the opera where she’d endure another few hours of watching two people in love. She stroked her hand idly over the embroidered silk skirt of her evening gown. Sarah had seen the modiste’s bill and had murmured appreciation over Frederick’s endless good taste an
d generosity. The embroidery resembled Susanna’s gown, in its butterflies and roses design. The lace could have been the same, but she hadn’t studied it before. Why would he choose her clothes based on Susanna’s tastes?
Unless, of course, the gown was meant for the other woman and had come to her by mistake. She preferred simpler styles with less adornment. Susanna’s personality could carry feathers and furbelows. She nearly gasped aloud at the realization. Even her wardrobe was meant for the other woman, carefully selected to accent Susanna’s coloring and style.
A wave of dizziness caused her to grip the molding on the wall. She had no choice but to give Frederick an ultimatum.
Her heart sank with the futility of her situation. Even if she did object, what could she expect? What if he refused to give up Susanna? Would she have to bite her tongue and stifle her heart for the rest of her life? Or walk away from the only man she’d ever love?
It didn’t bear thinking about because she knew she would never confront him. That was not the way of the ton. Of the life she had chosen.
And what had she chosen?
She closed her eyes against an expected onrush of tears, but they didn’t come. She was empty. The few short months of marriage had passed by before she’d noticed, and she was no closer to settling at Dornley Park than she was at flying to the stars. The once vivid dream of sharing her life with Frederick faded as the days passed, leaving her desperately lonely and frightened. Frightened she had tempted fate by daring to believe a man like Frederick could have possibly loved her.
She pressed her hand to her heart to steady its rapid pounding. He and Susanna probably hadn’t noticed her absence. She could stay in the gallery the rest of the night and not be missed.
A soft wailing sound startled her until she realized it was her own heartbroken cry.
Why had he married her? She had questioned it repeatedly before the actual wedding day, not quite believing he would go through with it until the very moment she saw him at the altar. How strange to walk down the aisle toward Frederick. There must be a mistake, she’d thought, unable to tear her gaze from his chiseled jaw and smiling lips. Any moment now, he’ll say it was all a grand joke and walk away. But he’d taken her hand and squeezed it, and she’d never let go.
