“Yeah, just let me know.” He ends the call.
Clearing his throat, he looks to Sara. “I have to play this Friday. With Skye MIA, they need me to help out on stage.” I only heard one thing in his string of words.
“Skye’s missing?” I blurt.
He looks uncomfortable answering my question, but I couldn’t care less. What if he’s hurt? What if something bad happened to him?
He must see the panic on my face. “Chloe, calm down. He’s okay, Kasey just meant that he’s stepping back. He hasn’t been playing anyway so it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. The new guy wasn’t working. I think Brady’s scared his dick was bigger than his or something. They couldn’t get along. I just need to fill in.” He looks back to Sara. The look on her face is scary. She sucks on her teeth, raises her eyebrows, then checks her nails.
“So, do you know where Skye is?” Sara drags out the word “know.” If anyone in this car knows anything, it’s me and what I know, is that Harley is about to get a serious beating if he doesn’t play this out right.
“Hon, I don’t know anything about Skye. I was just going off of what Kasey said on the phone a minute ago. I told you already, Skye called me to come get him. I grabbed Brady and we went to BAR. I had a couple of beers and then I was back here.” His voice wavers.
I feel like he’s leaving out a few key points in his story, but I don’t have time to ask him because we’re pulling into the parking lot at the doctor’s office. I’ve never met this doctor before, but she is highly recommended by Doctor Jacobs. Sara mutters a “mmm hmmm” before he exits the vehicle.
We enter the building and pass several doors to different practices until we finally find the one for Dr. Adams. I enter first, and as I approach the glass window, I quickly look at my surroundings. Framed photos of ultrasound photos and chubby-cheeked infants line the walls.
“Can I help you?” A tiny brunette asks from the other side of the glass. I give her my attention as she instructs me to fill out the new patient forms, and requests my ID and insurance card. I sit in the chair closest to Sara and start filling out the papers.
“That stuff is so damn annoying to fill out,” Sara states beside me. I glance at her, chuckle then return to my forms.
“Give me that,” she demands.
“What?” I look at her, confused. She snatches the clipboard out of my hands.
“Let’s see, name, address, birthday, phone number.” She pauses for a moment and chews her lip, trying to hold back a laugh. “Sex, none.” Again I look at her in confusion. “Any known medical conditions. Hemorrhoids,” she shouts. My cheeks burn and I try to snatch the forms back from her. “What?” she asks, feigning innocence, and then hands me the clipboard back.
“I don’t have hemorrhoids,” I whisper.
“No, but you’re a pain in my ass, so that makes you a hemorrhoid. Shit, we should’ve used that as your name.”
Harley laughs a full belly laugh and I roll my eyes.
I finally fill out the couple hundred boxes on the papers and take it back to the window.
“Doctor Adams will be with you shortly,” The tiny lady states cheerfully. I smile and return to my seat. My leg bounces anxiously as I wait.
Skye should be here for this. He told me in the hospital he would be here for the baby, but then he left with Jay. I know that we aren’t together, but for him to replace me so quickly is absolutely devastating. Can I handle seeing him after the way he left me sitting in the courthouse? He also didn’t respond to my message and that irritates me, but nothing is going to ruin my mood today.
A little while later, I’m placed in a room, examined and then the moment I’m waiting for finally arrives. A loud swooshing sound fills the room. My heart floods and spills over with a love so fulfilling I couldn’t even begin to describe it. The nurse moves the cold gel covered wand around my stomach before I see a blob on the screen, it was bigger than I thought it would be.
“Chloe, humming bird is perfect,” Sara coos from beside me. I laugh at the nickname I gave my baby the first time I heard its heartbeat.
“She is isn’t she?” My hand covers my bare stomach. The nurse moves the wand around my now slightly rounder tummy, trying to get a better view of my little bird.
“From the measurements, it looks like you are about nineteen weeks. It usually takes twenty to see what the baby is, but your baby is being very cooperative. Do you see that?” Her words excite me, but not in the way I’m accustomed to.
“Yes, what is that?”
“Well, I can tell you what it’s not,” she teases.
“Just tell us,” Sara screams in excitement.
“You’re having a little girl.”
My heart spills out in the form of tears. I’m having a little girl. Skye’s having a little girl. Then it hits me, hard. Here we are, finding out that we are having a little girl, and he’s nowhere to be found. What did my hummingbird do to deserve this? How could he just walk away from her like that? My sadness is replaced with anger, but that doesn’t stop the tears from flowing.
“Shhh,” Sara cajoles me. She knows where my mind went, she always does.
“He’s missing it. He’s missing it all!” I cry.
“I know, sweetie. It’s going to be okay, you’ll see. You don’t need him. You’ve got this,” she soothes.
“I’m not crying for me. I’m crying for her,” I tell them.
Harley stands wordlessly in the corner of the room taking it all in. He doesn’t ever comment when Sara bashes Skye. He just stands there with this stoic expression. I think this all bothers him more than he’s willing to admit, I can see it in his eyes.
It’s the same look I get when I feel helpless and like something is out of my control. He’s stuck between that proverbial rock and a hard place. He has the woman he loves on one side pulling him one way, and his best friend pulling him the other, I pity him.
“I will give you a few more minutes. Whenever you’re ready, just go to the front desk and Nancy can schedule your next appointment,” the nurse informs me as she exits the room.
I slide up on the examination table and tug my shirt over my stomach. Harley helps me slide off the table to my feet. My balled fists wipe away the tears as I pull my shit together and exit the tiny room.
I watch the naked trees fly past my window on the way to my next appointment. I hate when autumn is coming to an end. Everything looks dead and abandoned, like fresh beginnings aren’t an option. Like the end of the world is near and there’s no going back.
“I’m going to drop y’all off at the doctor’s office and run to the store. I need to get a few things from the grocery store,” Harley informs us.
“Like what?” Sara’s voice is laced with skepticism.
“I’m making chicken scampi and I don’t have all the ingredients I need. I figured I could grab it while y’all were here.” He looks at her like she’s grown an extra head.
“I hear ya, chicken scampi. While you’re out, I need tampons.” I can’t help but laugh at her particular brand of torture. My laughter grows when he looks at her in abhorrence.
“Tampons?” he squeaks.
“Yep. Super plus, and grab the biggest box they have. Oh, and I need hemorrhoid cream, too.” The car jerks but then continues at its normal pace.
“What the fuck do you need that for?” Oh, fuck me, I’m gonna piss myself. He doesn’t know it yet, but he just walked into it.
“Because I have two giant pains in my ass!” She cracks up, no longer able to hold it together. Harley’s grip tightens on the steering wheel.
“You got jokes, huh, babe.”
“No, it’s facts, not jokes. I’m telling you, one day you’re gonna listen to me and when you do, you’re gonna learn something life changing,” she goads him.
“Okay, you two. Stop with the lover’s quarrel. It’s cute and all, but give it a break.” They both laugh.
“Fuck, I forgot you were back there, girl.” Sara turns her
sass toward me.
“Yeah, well, I am. So quit givin’ the poor man hell,” I tell her.
“Fucking traitor,” she spits at me. I don’t respond, I just roll my eyes.
We joke the rest of the way to Doctor Cox’s office, lifting the spirits that the impending winter drug down.
“I will be back before y’all get done,” Harley informs us as he helps Sara into her chair.
I take his place behind Sara while he plants a kiss on her cheek. That’s not good enough for her; she grabs his face, angles his chin, and shoves her tongue down his throat. Their public display of affection leaves me with a deep feeling of nostalgia.
I can feel the emotions starting to mix and settle heavily on my chest and it hurts. It’s so painful, I want to rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it myself. Harley pulls himself away from Sara, his cheeks are tinted a rose color, his eyes never meet mine. He turns to walk away and Sara’s palm meets his back pockets with a loud slap.
I roll my eyes and begin to roll her away. With Sara, I never feel like I need to hold back, she knows the best and worst parts of me. She’s the one person on this earth I’m confident will never leave me, for better or worse. She’s going to be there to the end.
“I miss him,” I pout.
“I know, love, I know.” She reaches her hand back and sets it on my shoulder.
We enter the building and I’m immediately ushered to Dr. Cox’s office. The walls are a soft yellow color, making the room look happy and bright.
“Have a seat wherever you’re comfortable,” Doctor Cox says behind her cherry wood desk. I take the burgundy, high-back chair next to her desk.
“How have you been?” she starts the conversation.
“I’m good,” I reply, only half lying. She looks like she doesn’t believe me.
“How’s the baby doing?”
“SHE’S doing great!” I sit up higher in my chair. This is a topic I can discuss and no matter what mood I’m in, I immediately perk up.
“She?” Her eyes widen simultaneously with her smile. “That’s amazing news. Do you have a name in mind?” she asks. I do have a name in mind, I just didn’t want to make that decision without Skye. But right now, in this moment, with the excitement of having a sweet little girl, it feels right.
“I do. I’m thinking Skylar Cheyenne.” No one’s name on my lips has ever tasted so sweet. My sweet little hummingbird, Skylar Cheyenne. The new love of my life. It amazes me with the amount of love that floods me every time I think about her. It feels like air filling my veins and lifting me up. I feel so light and loved it makes me dizzy.
“That’s a beautiful name,” she comments. “So, is there anything in particular you’d like to discuss today?”
“Not really.” I don’t want to start digging up old bones.
“Well, we need to break some ground. You remember the conversation we had in the hospital about what the judge and social worker agreed to?” she reminds me. Of course, I remember, it’s everything I can do to not think about me slipping up in some way and them snatching Skylar from me.
“Just tell me where you want me to start I guess. I’ve never really done this before.” I wring my hands together, dreading that I’m about to have to relive my nightmare, hopefully for the last time.
“How about you start at the beginning. That’s usually the easiest place to start,” she tells me.
As she suggested, I start at the beginning. My body starts getting fuzzy from describing the moment I laid eyes on Skye for the first time in years. I probably go into detail overload describing how just looking at him would light me on fire. The way his green gaze burned a hole through my heart and soul, then filling the gaping gap with his presence.
I talk and talk and talk, unloading any and every bottled up emotion right into her poor, unsuspecting lap. When she asked me to open up, I’m positive that she wasn’t expecting all of this. I continue to talk, barely coming up for air until she stops me.
“I know we are on a roll, but I have to stop you here. I have another patient coming in.” She sets her pen down on her desk. “How are you feeling now though, after reliving all of that?”
“Well, I don’t feel like I want to die anymore,” I joke. Her face completely goes blank at my comment.
“I think we should refrain from joking about such matters,” she scolds me.
“Sorry,” I respond uncomfortably. I feel like an asshole now.
Clearing my throat, I start over. “I feel like I can move on. It’s almost like it’s been erased, it’s not that I’m denying that it happened, but it doesn’t affect me anymore. I feel free. Does that make sense?”
“Absolutely. You’re no longer living that struggle. You’re finally able to live your future without having to outrun your past.” She’s right. She took the words right out of my mouth. I knew what I wanted to say, but I just didn’t know how to put it into the exact words to express myself, but she got it perfectly.
I don’t know what to say anymore since she just said it all. She just perfectly summed up how I have felt since trial ended.
Doctor Cox walks me out of the office. When we enter the lobby, Sara and Harley both are waiting for me. I say my goodbyes and we leave.
The rest of the evening is spent at home in front of the television, watching reruns of Friends and pigging out on perfectly cooked chicken and al dente noodles covered in cheese sauce. Nothing could make this night better, except if Skye was with us.
“Yo, hoe face! You taking a nap?” Sara shouts, coming in the front door. Harley pushes her to the end of the couch.
“No, just thinking.” I scooch up higher. “What’d the doctor say?” I ask Sara.
“They think they can repair the nerve damage with surgery, but it’s not a definite. I’ll still have to do physical therapy, but it’s doable.” Her nonchalant tone has my eyebrow cocking. I’m not sure why she’s not happier about the possibility of regaining her legs. I make a mental note to ask her later, but Sara doesn’t make me wait long.
I pull up off the couch and walk to the bathroom, Sara follows. While I’m relieving myself, she stays in the doorway.
“What’s up with you?” I ask. We are definitely way more comfortable with each other than we should be.
“I don’t know. Just don’t wanna get my hopes up, ya know?” She half smiles.
“I know, honey. Just like with me, it’ll all work itself out.”
“Yeah, I reckon so. We’ll see.” I clean myself and wash my hands. She backs out of the door so I can exit.
There’s a knock and then Brady’s loud mouth bellows across the apartment.
“Where’s my bitches. Daddy brought the bacon!” Since the trial, he and Kasey have become permanent fixtures around here.
“Shut up, dude,” Kasey’s shy voice scolds him.
“Who the fuck let you in here?” Sara sasses Brady.
“I got the key you left under the rug for me, sweetie.” He passes her and plants a kiss on her cheek, taunting Harley.
“You’re a dick,” Harley tells him from the kitchen.
Brady saunters across the room toward me. I just stand there; he’d chase me down if I moved anyway.
“How’s Uncle Brady’s sweet pea today?” he baby talks to my belly. His hands are placed on each side of my tiny bump to hold me in place.
“Has mommy been feeding my sweet princess?” His ear goes to my stomach, his voice goes silent.
“She hasn’t?” he gasps. I roll my eyes, place my hands over his to remove him but he doesn’t budge.
“Uncle Brady thinks we should go get you some yum yum. Does my princess want Chinese or Mexican?” He listens to my stomach again. “Okay, sweetness. Chinese it is.” He kisses my stomach causing me to cringe. This is his routine. He comes in, pisses Harley off, talks shit to Sara, and then talks to Skylar.
“Get in the car, sunshine, it’s time to get some grub. My niece is starving.” He smirks.
“I just ate,” I arg
ue
“Apparently not enough, let’s roll.” He starts guiding me toward the door. I don’t put up too much of a fight because honestly, the sandwich I just ate isn’t hittin’ on much.
“Come on, Harley. I’m starved, let’s go, too,” Sara demands.
We all pile in Brady’s car and head into town. With each passing mile, my stomach gets louder and louder. Brady looks into the rearview mirror with a smug, I told you so look that makes me want to smack his face. And believe me, my fingers are twitching, the urge is so strong, but the fact that he’s buying supper tonight makes everything all right.
I’m having a little girl! FUCK, a little girl. That’s what my mind keeps shouting at me ever since Harley texted me a picture of the ultrasound two months ago. That tiny black and white blur in the photo made it real for me. Before, when I would think about the baby, it was just that. I absolutely adored and loved that child with a love that rivals what I shared with her mother, but it didn’t feel real.
But now, looking at that picture, it’s real, it’s life changing. Looking at that picture, I felt my soul shift. No longer am I Skye, the young, outgoing guitar player. Never again will I be just Brady’s friend, Chloe’s boyfriend—well, ex now—I won’t be the guy in the band. No, now I’m someone’s dad, their protector, comforter, their mentor and friend. I could actually feel the transformation happen.
I was like the Grinch, my heart grew three sizes larger than what it originally was that day, and that sweet angel filled every inch of it. A father’s love is a different kind of love, it’s all encompassing, all consuming. Every action I take is motivated by my love for her and the life I want to provide for my child.
Brady walks in the loft and catches me staring at my phone for the millionth time since I received Harley message.
“Dude, you ready?” he asks.
“Yep,” I say, pushing off the counter and pocketing my phone. Today we’re meeting with the DA at the storage building that houses what’s left of Tom’s possessions outside of town. I finally broke down and called him a week ago to see if he could use his resources to help me find the money. I’m not going to tell him exactly what’s going on, but want see if he can’t dig up affiliates and whereabouts around the time they got in over their head.
Forever & More: The Friend Zone series Page 20
