by Claire Adams
“Alright,” I said because I couldn’t think of much more. Then it occurred to me. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be better once I know what’s going on. It’s part of the reason I want to get out there so quickly. His kids are on their own in this. I need to help out if I can. And if I can get there in time to speak to Rog, I want to be able to do that.”
“If you want me out there, Dad, I’ll leave this afternoon. I just need to get Eric up here to mind the animals. The rest can wait.” I was just setting things right on the farm after losing so much money before, but if Dad needed me, I’d get out there as fast as I could, the farm be damned.
“No, let me get clear on the situation first. I’ll call you after I do. I just wanted you know what’s going on.” He paused before asking the next question, though I’d been expecting it since he mentioned the potential funeral. “Your mother and I can pay for your flight if you need us to.”
I clenched my jaw and stared hard at the ground for several seconds before I answered. “I don’t need y’all to do that. I can handle my own flight.”
“Alright, son. I’ll call once we get to Colorado and see what’s going on with your uncle.”
“Give everyone my love.”
“I will. Bye, Cash.”
“Bye, Dad.”
He hung up, and I did the same, resting the phone back into its cradle on the wall. I leaned back on the counter, my hands squeezing the edge, my eyes focused on the floor. I was picturing Uncle Rog, not just from last Christmas, but from all the times he’d come out to the farm when I was growing up. He was older than my father by about eight years, but he’d always acted like one of the kids, taking us all out for ice cream, buying up fireworks to set off on the Fourth of July, running after us in the field during a game of tag, slightly out of breath from the 50 or so extra pounds he’d carried as far back as I could remember. Whenever I’d heard Uncle Rog was coming over as a kid, I knew I was close to having a good time. The man had to be nearing the end of his 70s by now, and he’d had a good life full of family and friends. His wife had died a few years earlier in a car accident, and it had been tough for him to get past that devastating loss. He and Aunt Dorothy had been married for over 40 years. But his kids, my cousins, saw him through, and he started visiting his siblings and their families more. Hell, I’d had him out to the ranch about a year and a half ago. We’d gone out riding every day, and he’d helped me on the ranch as much as his age would allow. He was an honest, decent man who’d be missed by everyone who knew him.
“Cash, is everything okay?”
I started and looked up to find Hailey in the doorway of the kitchen, dressed in a long nightshirt that reached almost to her skinny knees, her hair pulled back and twisted into a tight knot on the top of her head. She had one hand resting on the doorframe and the other fidgeting at her side. As always, her glasses were in the middle of sliding down her nose.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said, still whispering. “I heard the phone and wondered if everything was alright. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it this early since I arrived.”
“That was my dad on the phone,” I said, and her pretty eyes widened a little. “He told me my uncle had a heart attack and wasn’t doing too good.”
She brought a hand fluttering to her mouth, her eyes getting even wider. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged that off, uncomfortable by the change in her attention. I didn’t mind her looking or laughing at me, but pity was completely different. That stung.
“They don’t know what’s going to happen and want me to be ready for the funeral when it comes.”
Her face fell into an even more tragic expression, her face scrunching so it looked like she was close to bursting into tears. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said she was feeling pain from some internal injury I couldn’t see.
“Are you okay?” she asked, taking a single step into the room. We were still a few feet apart.
I nodded. “Yeah.” As soon as I said it, I realized that I was. Uncle Rog was a great man who had lived a long, mostly happy life. I was sad to see him go, but satisfied that he had done what he needed to do in this life—he’d married a great woman, raised his children, and worked at the same company for 35 years. We all had our time, and this might very well be his. I could be at peace with that. When the time came, I’d get on a plane to Colorado so I could pay my respects to my uncle and support my father in the loss of his older brother and friend.
“I don’t really know what’s happening yet. My folks are flying out there today and should know more by the afternoon. There’s a possibility that he won’t pull through.” Every word I spoke seemed to pain her even more. I didn’t how else to tell her all this without just coming right out with it.
Her face tightened, her glassy eyes seeming ready to leak tears down her face, and I had to stop myself from crossing the kitchen and taking her into my arms. This wasn’t her uncle, I reminded myself.
“Do you think you’ll be okay out here all by yourself?” I asked her.
Now she looked scared as well as upset, her eyes so wide I expected them to pop out of her face. “I can’t take care of the animals. Eric showed me some things, but not much. I’d hate for something to happen while you were gone.”
I smiled a little as I shook my head. “I know you can’t keep after the animals. I’d never ask you to do that. It’s too big a job. I’ll get Eric up here to make sure they’re fed, watered, and exercised. He knows how to do just about everything on the farm. He might ask your help, but it won’t be anything you can’t handle.” I let my smile widen at her obvious relief. “You can always say no if you want to. Eric won’t take offense.”
She tried to smile too, but it only made her look even sadder. She was likely to break a man’s heart looking at him like that. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”
I shrugged and stood up straighter, dislodging my ass from the countertop. “There’s no telling. Couple of days, I’d wager to guess. Just long enough for the funeral and to help with whatever needs doing at my uncle’s house.”
She nodded. “Okay. I’ll be alright here. I can always call on Eric if I need help.”
Those words didn’t settle right. I could feel them twisting in my gut and stirring up the jealousy I thought I’d successfully put to bed. Eric had done his part and stayed away, but Hailey and I had gotten no closer to an actual relationship. I didn’t like the thought of leaving her here with him. But I couldn’t do much besides worry over it, and I had bigger shit to consider right now. Like my uncle, who might be clinging to life in some hospital in Colorado. Or the farm, which was also clinging to life in its own way, though it was coming back slowly but surely.
“Let me know if you need anything, Cash,” she said, and took another step closer. She hesitated, seeming like she wanted to say or do something else. Then she sprang forward, pulling me into a hug, and I buried my nose into the top of her head, getting a good long whiff of the flowery shampoo she used as I thoroughly enjoyed the press of her body against mine. Now that I finally had her in my arms, I never wanted to let her go again.
After a few seconds, she backed off again, seeming hesitant to do it, though that was likely my wishful thinking.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling awkwardly and cursing myself for how stupid I sounded and felt. It wasn’t like I’d never been hugged by a cute girl before. Damn. “What are you doing up so early, anyway?”
A smile twitched onto her small face as she pushed her glasses up her nose. “I didn’t sleep well, and then when I heard the phone, I thought I’d make sure everything was okay.”
“I need to get out to the horses. They’ve got to be starving by now. If you hear the phone again, can you come find me?”
She nodded. “Of course.”
“Thanks,” I said again and left the kitchen before I said or did something else I’d spend the day chiding myself for. The more I knew Hailey, the harder it was to rela
x around her. It was getting ridiculous.
As soon as I got out to the barn and rolled the alleyway doors open, the sweet smell of hay and horses hit me square in the face and I forgot just about everything but what I needed to get done in the next several hours.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Hailey
A Week Later, Early September
Nothing much had changed on the ranch, even after Cash’s early morning phone call about his uncle. Luckily, the man’s condition had stabilized enough that they moved him out of the ICU. He’d indeed suffered a heart attack, though not as massive as what was first believed, and the situation was not as dire as everyone had initially feared. He was still in the hospital, but was conscious and joking around. Cash had even been able to speak to him on the phone. His parents were staying in Colorado until he was discharged, though they didn’t know how long that would take. I could see Cash was relieved, though he tried to act like we all had our time to go and there was nothing we could do to change it. I agreed with him to a point—when it came time for us to leave this life, there was nothing we could ultimately do about it—but that didn’t mean we couldn’t mourn the loss of our loved ones even as we accepted the fact that they had been taken from us forever.
In preparation for the possibility of Cash needing to hurry to Colorado, Eric came out to the farm on Monday and went around with Cash while he pointed out what would need to be done in the event that his uncle passed away. Eric worked during the day in town but had vacation time he could take that would make it easier for him to keep after the animals and do the minimum upkeep on the ranch. I followed close behind them as they walked the ranch, taking copious notes of everything they discussed for material I could use later in my novel. There also might be a chance that I could help Eric with some of the easier tasks. I was a quick learner, and I didn’t mind getting more than my hands dirty. I’d actually been dying to help out but didn’t want to get in Cash’s way. I wouldn’t have a problem with Eric, who’d likely be happy for me to take care of the little tasks, thus freeing him to handle the big stuff.
Eric seemed like his normal, funny self, joking with Cash and me, shooting plenty of smiles at both of us and flashing his dark eyes around, but things had changed between us in a way that made me realize what Paige said had been true. He’d been vying for my attention, and now that he was finished doing that, we’d gone back to being no more than casual acquaintances. He was still perfectly polite and friendly, but the change was obvious. It was a relief, to be honest, even if it did feel like a slap in the face at the same time. While I’d felt a bit of an initial thrill when I realized two hot men were effectively fighting over me, I’d also been sick with worry over what might happen if and when I chose one over the other. And after the day at the rodeo, I was more certain than ever that I wanted to explore more of a relationship with Cash. Things had been so comfortable between us, and I swore he was going to lean closer and kiss me on that Ferris wheel. There was a moment when we paused at the top, and I looked over at him. His eyes were enormous as he stared down at me. I parted my lips, and he leaned in just a touch…and then the damned Ferris wheel started back up again, jerking us hard in our seats. I could have killed the man operating it.
At the end of the walkabout tour of the ranch, Cash pointing out jobs that had to be done every day and a few that could be done if there was extra time in Eric’s day, we ended up out by the driveway again.
“Glad to hear you don’t have to run off to Colorado right this second,” Eric said, beaming at both of us, his smile brighter than the sun overhead. His blond hair was shining too, like he’d freshly washed it with the nicest conditioners. I’d never seen a man’s hair so radiant. I had to remember to ask him for advice on his routine. Mine had been looking a little lackluster since I’d been out West, not that I’d given it much attention.
“Any word on when your uncle will get out of the hospital?” he asked.
Cash shook his head as he hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his dusty jeans. “Not as of yet.”
“Well, keep me updated. I’m only a few minutes away. See you ‘round, Hailey.” He winked at me, drawing my smile, and turned to get into his truck. We watched him drive off.
“I’m getting back to work,” Cash announced, and left to do so without waiting for a response from me. I watched him walk in the direction of the barn, admiring the round shape of his ass moving in his jeans. He was still a little rough around the edges, but that was good too. I didn’t want him too soft.
As soon as he disappeared into the open door of the barn, I went inside the house. I dragged my computer, notebooks, and character sketches out to the kitchen. I desperately needed a change of scenery, as things were beginning to feel suffocating in the guest room.
Today was the day.
I was going to start my novel as soon as I got situated because I couldn’t do it in the guest room. I was too comfortable, too tied up in the bad habits I’d indulged in since I moved here. The room shift was like a breath of fresh air. I could feel how compliant my mind was when I told it to submit and lie still, to focus on the task at hand and just start getting it done. I didn’t even need my notes or character sketches right now. I just needed my fingers dancing over the keyboard.
I fired up my laptop and got started, diving into the story headfirst and not coming up for air again until I realized the light had shifted drastically in the windows, leaving me in hazy duskiness. It was extremely late in the afternoon and hurrying towards evening. I needed to get something going for dinner in a few minutes, but I took a second to quickly review all the work I’d managed to complete. I loved when it happened this way—falling into a hole so deep, I didn’t realize how much I’d fallen until I took the time to look up and saw the light thousands of feet above my head. This is how I always wanted writing to go, and it happened most of the time, if I laid the correct groundwork. I just had to get my research done and put together a great outline. If I did all that, the rest would flow forth effortlessly. Well, mostly effortlessly. My back and butt were killing me after spending so much time sitting still in this wooden chair.
I stretched my back and rolled my head around slowly on my neck, just letting the life come back into muscles that had been locked into the same place for the last several hours. Then I gathered my notes and laptop and took them back to my room, leaving them in a pile on my unmade bed, making sure to close the door behind me so I didn’t give Cash a reason to have a panic attack.
I returned to the kitchen and started to put out the ingredients for what I planned to make for dinner that night. It had been a while since I’d had chicken parmesan, and I was excited to get it going. My mom had a great recipe that I’d put my own spin on in high school. It tasted so good that she’d actually started making it my way.
I heard the door open right after I set the oven to preheat, and I looked back at the door to the kitchen with an expectant smile on my face. Cash always dropped by to say hello and find out what was on the menu for the night before heading to take a shower. He was earlier than usual by about an hour, but that was okay. If I wasn’t finished with dinner, he took a seat at the table, and we chatted about the ranch and books and the strange wonderland that was New York City. I swore he was coming around to my way of thinking when it came to travel. He’d admitted a few times that he might be interested in seeing the other side of the country. I counted that as a victory. Manhattan might be a little busy for him, but he could start slowly with someplace small, maybe stay in a bed and breakfast in a scenic location. There were a lot of those kinds of places north of me. Yes, in my fantasy, we were staying in the bed and breakfast together.
“Hey, Cash, you…” I began as I turned from the stove, a smile on my face, to greet him the way I usually did. My words dried up at what I saw.
Cash was standing in the doorway, drenched in sweat, his face a nearly colorless mask, much grayer than its usual healthy tanned glow. The evenings had been cooling off a lit
tle more as summer came to an end, and the last few days had been overcast and windy, giving us a break of about 15 degrees, but he was dripping sweat and looked near collapse. He slumped against the doorframe, his green eyes unfocused, as though too dizzy to remain standing.
“Cash?” I finally managed to say. “What’s wrong?”
It took him a moment to answer, as though he couldn’t force the words out, or had momentarily lost the ability to access them. “I don’t feel too good.”
That much was clear by his ashen skin and inability to stand on his own. I had no idea how he’d been able to make it inside without collapsing, but he looked like he wouldn’t be able to go much further.
I went to him, feeling the skin of his neck first, which was on fire, and then his forehead, which was no better.
“You have a fever,” I said.
“I’m fine,” he started to argue, but then fell silent. His breathing sounding labored, and he was shivering.
“Do you have a thermometer?”
He looked at me somewhat confused.
“Come on,” I said, and lifted his arm so I could get underneath it. He was just as heavy as he looked, but at least he could walk. I’d never be able to get him to his bedroom otherwise. I’d have to call Eric for help. I might still need to do that if Cash took a turn for the worse and needed to be seen by a doctor.
I helped him over to his bedroom, moving very slowly, not wanting him to lose his balance on the way. I got the door open and stepped inside his private space for the first time since I’d arrived. There had been an aura of mystery hanging about the room simply because I wasn’t allowed in it, but that was dispelled the instant I stepped inside of it and felt along the wall for the switch that turned on the overhead light. There wasn’t much to see here. It was actually pretty boring. Just a queen-sized bed flanked by night tables, and a dresser along one wall. There was a book sitting on one of the nightstands along with a lamp and alarm clock. That was about it. No pictures. No area rugs. No personal decorative personal items he’d picked out himself or received as gifts. Pretty boring, all in all. I had to admit, I was a little disappointed. I’d secretly been hoping he was hiding some sexy fetish in here, not just more of the spic and span same.
