by Claire Adams
“She kissed me, Natalie; I didn't kiss her.”
“Oh, is that how it works? So because she made the first move, it doesn't count?”
“That's not what I mean. It wasn't me doing anything. She made a move on me; it was out of my control.”
“Don't feed me bullshit, okay? She has been all over you every chance she’s had, and you're telling me you had no idea that she was about to kiss you? I wasn't born yesterday. I sure as hell know when someone is about to kiss me, so how is it that you don't know? She was practically dry humping you at the bar―could you possibly be more stupid?”
“Natalie, it wasn't me. You act like we were making out in the hallway. You literally walked in at the exact moment she just up and kissed me.”
“Yeah, God knows what would have happened had I not walked in.”
“You can't seriously mean that, Natalie.”
“I do. I'm sick of this crap with you. I've always felt like I wasn't enough, and you just proved that to me. Why can't you just leave the other girls alone? Is that really too much to ask?”
She was revved up, and I could see that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her. She was screaming at me at that point, and the more I seemed to try to calm her down, the angrier she got.
“Baby, please. I'm crazy about you, how can you not see that?”
“I saw enough tonight, thank you very much,” she screamed at me.
It was pointless trying to talk her out of anything, and I didn't think that there was any point in continuing the conversation. She was so angry that she wasn't willing to hear my side of things. I had majorly screwed up, and there was nothing that I could do about it. I should have told Katie to go back to the sitting room as soon as I saw her following me down the hall. But I didn't think she would actually try to kiss me. Boy, had I been wrong. She had caused a huge problem between Natalie and me, and I would like nothing more than to strangle her at that moment.
If things weren't already bad enough at that moment, I turned to see Katie walking up behind us. My mouth dropped open and I was quite literally speechless.
“Katie, what the hell?”
“Can we talk?”
Natalie turned to find her there, and yelled, “Ugh!” She stomped past us and headed back to the house. At least she was going in the right direction, but I was sure Katie had just done far more damage by coming out of the house.
I turned from Natalie and faced Katie, anger emanating from me. “What are you doing out here? Do you really think Natalie wants to see you right now?”
“I thought I could fix things, say something to her.”
“How could you have kissed me?”
“I thought you would like it.”
“Katie, we have been over this a dozen times. We aren't hooking up. Don't you think we would have by now? I have known you forever. And I have a girlfriend.”
“That hasn't stopped you before.”
“This time it's different. She's different, and you probably ruined that for me. What kind of friend are you?”
“Look Jet, I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to hurt you. I've just had a crush on you forever, and I just thought that we would make a pretty hot couple.”
“It's never going to happen. I'm sorry, Katie. I think you're great and really beautiful, but you're not for me. I'm with Natalie; she’s who I want. She’s who I've always wanted.”
She looked heartbroken, but that wasn't my problem. My problem was sitting in the house with my family, and I hoped to God I could fix that.
“I'm sorry, Jet. I really am.”
“Just fix it, Katie. Make it right. I want her to know that I didn't kiss you, that I would never kiss you. That it was you who kissed me, and that we weren’t making out or anything.”
She just nodded, and I walked away from her to go find Natalie. When I get back into the house I found her in the sitting room with my family. I walked up to her and smiled. She took one look at me, dismissed me silently, and went on talking to my family. I couldn't exactly talk to her about my problem with my family right there, and she wouldn't go anywhere with me. I had ruined my own girlfriend's Thanksgiving.
“Is everything okay? Can we talk?”
“No shot. Now leave me alone for the rest of the night.”
I turned away from her and saw Katie come in from outside. She went over to my sister and they chatted amongst themselves. It couldn't possibly be more awkward at that moment. I had no way to fix it and I had to accept the fact that the evening was ruined and try to mend things with Natalie another day.
We spent the whole night apart, but my family was none the wiser. Natalie put on a good show, even though she did avoid me like the plague. I wanted to kiss her or hold her hand, but I worried that if I tried to do anything like that, she would explode in front of everyone. Again, things would have to wait for another time.
We spent the night in the sitting room, chatting amongst everyone and playing a few family games. My mother offered for Natalie to stay the night, but she declined. She walked up to me with her purse and coat in hand.
“I would like to go home now.”
“Are you sure? I thought we were going to stay for a few days. Go sightseeing.”
“I have no interest in that. I just want to go home and be alone. It was a mistake coming here. Can you please just take me home?”
I smiled at her sadly. “Yes, sweetheart, I'll take you home.”
We said our goodbyes to everyone, and headed out the door. I walked with her to the car, and she didn't say a thing to me. I drove her back to her apartment and through the entire 45-minute drive, she didn't say a word. Neither did I. I just didn't have anything more to say, and I thought that she needed a break from me.
I pulled up to the curb in front of her apartment and turned off the car. I was hoping she was going to invite me up, but that wasn't going to happen.
“Goodnight, Natalie.” I smiled as I grabbed her hand before she went out the door. She paused before getting out, and rolled her eyes. She pulled away from me then and got out of the car without saying another word to me.
Chapter Nine
Natalie
I could barely concentrate on photography class that day. We had another opportunity to go into the darkroom, and normally I would have been stoked, but I barely even smiled that whole day. Brenda had finally asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and I had just shrugged. The last thing that I wanted to discuss with anyone was my boyfriend’s infidelity. If you even wanted to call it that. I was aware that he hadn't full on cheated on me, but I definitely felt like he encouraged Katie's affections and flirted with her, which caused her to eventually kiss him, and that was bad enough.
It was easily the worst Thanksgiving I had ever had, and I wished that I had just declined the invitation. It was obvious that Jet and I weren't meant to be together, and I wished even more that I hadn't agreed to go out with him. He had turned out to be a far greater disappointment as a boyfriend than I had ever imagined.
I didn't want to even think about that day, but it was hard to get that image out of my head. I hated seeing him even flirting with Katie. Training had almost killed me, so seeing her actually put her lips on him was just too much to bear. If I could forget it and forgive him, I still don't think I would ever be able to get the image out of my head, so how was I supposed to move on with him? He had turned out to be just like Tom, and it had broken my heart.
I wasn't stupid. I knew he wasn't making out with Katie, but it didn't matter. She had touched him and he had allowed it. Not only that, but her affections had always been encouraged by him during training and God knows where else, so it was inevitable for her to have kissed him. He put himself in that position, and I wasn't about to forgive him about it.
It had been three days since that dinner, and we had not spoken once. It hurt, but I refused to talk to him about it. I knew I would have to eventually, but I wasn't ready. He had been texting me nonstop, and calling at all hours. He had
even messaged Julie to try to get her to convince me to talk to him. She had put in her best effort, too, because she really had wanted us to talk, to work things out. She and I had even tussled about it, but I didn't think it was any of her business, and I wasn't going to be forced to do it. I wasn't ready to talk to Jet, and I couldn’t care less about how heartbroken he was over the whole thing. He had broken my heart, and I didn't particularly like him at that moment. He would just have to wait until I felt ready to deal with him.
What did I want? I had no idea. I thought I had wanted Jet, but we had been together at that point for about four seconds, and it was too soon for us to be having any kind of problems. We should have been living in bliss. The first year of a new relationship was always the honeymoon stage, and already we were having problems. They weren’t little problems, either. I should not have had to deal with another woman so soon into our relationship. It wasn't right, and I felt sick about the fact that it was there.
It hit too close to home from me. The fact that Tom had cheated on me; the thing he had done for so long. I had spent years with Tom, and still he had betrayed me. That's why this bothered me so much. I didn't think I could deal with another relationship where I couldn't trust the guy I was with. How could I be with Jet after what had happened? Katie would always be around, because she was one of his teammates, and apparently part of his family. So if we stayed together she would always be around, I would have to deal with that girl forever. Screw that; I didn't have to do anything. I deserved better and I wanted to be with a guy who understood that.
I was intensely insecure; I knew that. I knew that my feelings had a lot to do with the fact that she was so beautiful and so fit, and everyone on the team loved her. Even Jet's own roommate had wanted Katie and Jet to get together. So how was that supposed to make me feel? Fucked up, that's what. I felt fucked up. That one kiss had brought out every insecurity that I had, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Someone whom I had deemed better suited for Jet had kissed him. He hadn't pushed her off. He hadn't done anything, and it had made me feel like shit.
I was better off with someone more like me―not the most popular guy on campus, because when it came right down to it, there would always be hot girls after Jet. Always. He was a handsome guy, my guy ... or so I thought. But I would have to always deal with situations where other girls were trying to get a piece of him or try to steal him away, and I didn't think I could handle it.
Class ended, and I couldn't remember one thing that the professor had talked about during the whole class.
“Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee and talk about things?” Brenda asked.
“No, I don't. In fact, I have to go home and work on my creative writing project. I'm starting to get behind and I don't want to.”
“Natalie, you really don't seem like yourself. I think it would be good for you to talk about things. I know you're upset about Jet, but talking about it can really help.”
“I understand, and I do thank you for your concern, but right now I don't want to think about Jet at all. I have stuff to do, and right now Jet is just getting in the way of that.”
“Well, if you change your mind just give me a call, okay? You know where to find me.”
I smiled. “Thanks Brenda, I really do appreciate it. I just can't deal with it right now.”
I walked out of class and walked back to my apartment. When I arrived, I could hear the shower running and knew that Julie was home from class as well.
I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. I took a slow sip of it, and wished that I could run a bath and relax in some hot water. But that was going to have to wait.
Heading to my bedroom, I heard the shower stop running. I opened my door and closed it behind me. I went and lay down on my bed, trying to get focused on writing my project. It had been really stupid of me to put so much of my focus on Jet when it came to my art projects. Now I was in distress over Jet, yet I had to work on projects that involved him. I didn't know what I was thinking, and the funny thing was that Julie had warned me against doing just that.
I pulled out my notepad and reviewed what I had written a few days ago. I had been writing for a few days, and I had written everything right up until the Thanksgiving dinner. I had included everything that had happened so far, and the whole thing just made me sad. I considered ripping it up and starting from scratch, but it would be too much work. I would have to come up with a new story, and I didn't think that I could do it. Especially with my current state of mind. It was too much work. But I didn't think that I could deal with the ending that I had, either. I wanted to change it―not have the ending be as it was. This was my work of fiction and I wanted it to be incredible, not just another lame ass story about a guy who cheats on his girlfriend. So I went to work on it. I changed how the Thanksgiving dinner ended; there was forgiveness. There was love at the end, and the guy never strayed again. He stayed with the girl he was with, and eventually fell in love with her. They lived happily ever after, as they say.
Too bad reality didn't work the same way. Ugh, I was already sick of my own attitude. I had to get out of the funk I was in. Really, what was I going to do? Was I going to grab Julie once again and return to the bar to drown my sorrows away in drink? No, I was done with that. I would move on, and I would grow from my experiences. In the end everything would work out just the way it was supposed to.
I set my story aside and sipped the wine. I loved Julie's choices of wine; they were specialty wines and types I never would have chosen myself had I gone to the wine store.
My phone chirped, and again it was Jet, asking if we could talk. I shut my phone off and leaned against the pillows on my bed. There was a knock on my door, and Julie peeked in. She was wearing a black silk robe and her hair was tied up in a towel.
“Hey, how ya holding up?”
I smiled. “I'm okay.”
“Are you really?”
Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. Julie hurried into the room and sat on the bed beside me. She took me in her arms for a big hug, and it was the perfect tight hug to make me feel better.
“It's okay, Natalie, everything is going to be okay.”
I sobbed into my friend’s shoulder, feeling a combination of foolishness and relief. When my tears finally stopped falling, I pulled away from her and wiped at my eyes. I could just imagine what I must look like.
“God, I'm sorry.”
“Don't be silly, Natalie, it was probably the best thing for you. I don't think I saw you cry even once over Tom. It's okay to be sad, but it's also okay to forgive and move on.”
“Do you think I'm being an idiot about Thanksgiving?”
“Of course not. What happened that night was wrong. You definitely shouldn't have had to deal with that sort of nonsense. And Katie? That girl just needs to get slapped.”
I laughed. “Well, it just seems like you are on Jet's side.”
“No, darling. That isn't the case at all.”
“Then why do you want me to talk to him?”
“Look, Natalie. What happened was shitty; there is no doubt about it. But I think maybe you're being a little too hard on Jet. Katie, I think, is the one who is at fault here, and maybe Jet shouldn't have let her fawn all over him, but I don't think this is a case of cheating at all. She did something wrong, Jet just happened to be there. You haven't directed any of your anger toward her at all, even though she did the kissing. Instead, you won't even talk to Jet. Don't you think you have tortured him enough? Let's be honest, all guys make mistakes, but I think he's paid his penance, don't you?”
“I don't know. I just don't want to go through what I did with Tom again.”
“I don't blame you, but I don't think that's what happened here at all. I think that you have this picture in your head of walking in on Tom and Lisa, and you think it’s the same thing as Thanksgiving, and it's not. Tom was a willing participant in that, and he stayed with Lisa afterward. Jet didn't cheat on you, and he's
still trying to work things out with you. Isn't that worth something?”
I put my head in my hands. “Oh God, I just don't know what to do. I'm so messed up.”
“It's okay, Natalie. You don't have to figure everything out right now. It's okay to wait until your head clears. I'm just worried you're throwing away a good thing for the wrong reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jet is crazy about you, and I think you know that. Do you really want to lose him over the fact that some girl he doesn't even like kissed him?”
“She's so beautiful. I don't understand why he doesn't want her.”
“Natalie, you're beautiful too. He wants you because you are beautiful, and you're smart and talented. Katie doesn't have anything on you. Yeah, she may be a tough girl that all the boys like, but she isn't you, and I think she learned that the other night.”
I smiled. “Thanks, you're the best.”
“Anytime, girl. Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and that means you deserve to be with a guy like Jet. Cut the guy some slack. At least hear him out, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Now, I was kind enough to run you a hot bath after I got out of the shower, so grab your wine and go relax.”
“That's the best thing ever. Thanks, Julie.” I hugged her again and picked up my wine glass. I was going to sit in that hot bath and not think of a single thing for the rest of the night.
The second round of the nationals for Jet was that night, and it was all I could think about. I knew it was a special night for him, but I just couldn’t bear to go and watch him with things the way they were between us. I didn’t know what I to do, and I struggled all day during my classes. At that point I was not even sure it would do him any good to see me there; it could throw him off his game, confuse him so that he missed something important. But I was also torn by the idea that if I didn't go, he could lose as well. People under stress behave far differently than usual, and maybe Jet wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly without me ringside, cheering him on. Those were the thoughts that haunted me for an entire day.
