"Surely no judge would hold you responsible if your child got kidnaped?"
"It wouldn't take much to tip the scales. I haven't exactly been a model citizen."
What had he done to make a judge even consider taking his own child away from him? Troy kept throwing hints of his past in her direction but Jill couldn't put enough parts together to make a whole story out of it.
He sat back on the couch, one arm over the back of it, resting exactly where she would have to put her head if she sat in the space he'd cleared for her. Still, even though Troy was a little less overwhelming with a shirt on, he exuded too much frightening masculinity for her to just sit next to him. Making the best of a bad situation, she turned and went to her kitchen. "I don't think I'm going to get back to sleep tonight. Do you want another beer?"
"I'd kill for a cup of coffee."
The word kill conjured mental images she didn't want to explore. "Coffee coming up."
She boiled water in the microwave, then poured it over spoons full of instant coffee. When she'd finished, she put the two cups on a tray together with restaurant packages of sugar and artificial creamer and carried them out.
Troy leaned back in the couch, his hands behind his head, his eyes closed.
She stared at him for a few long seconds. His shoulders were so broad they seemed to engulf her couch. His arms showed the cut of hard muscle, muscle she'd felt against her body when he'd grabbed her.
"Are you still awake?" She whispered the words, uncertain which answer she wanted.
"Have a seat," he answered.
She looked at that tiny spot on the couch next to him. Even though she'd probably end up regretting it soon enough, she deserved a treat for the fright he'd given her. She sat on the couch, near enough to Troy to feel the warmth of his body radiate next to his but far enough that, at least, she wasn't touching him.
"So what's your problem with Annie, anyway?" she asked.
He tensed. "We don't have problems. We're still getting to know each other."
Something hard and sharp angled into her hip. She bent down and pulled out a stack of hardback books. They certainly weren't hers. She scrimped to buy paperbacks.
Curious, she glanced at the front covers. "Raising the perfect child? Sounds like pretty heavy reading."
If she hadn't known better, she would have guessed Troy blushed. "I wasn't there for Annie when she was a baby. I've been trying to learn what to do."
She flipped through the pages of the top book. It was filled with detailed questionnaires, many of which Troy had filled out. "Maybe it's none of my business, but shouldn't you have spent time with her from the start? Every father has visitation rights." Except, of course, for the ones who lose those rights for neglect or abuse. Or those in jail.
All of a sudden, his closeness felt a lot more intimidating.
Troy's face tightened to a mask. "There were reasons ..."
Jill waited, determined to hear everything he was willing to tell her. She wanted to believe him more than she would have thought possible. Not just because he was a man staying in her house, but because she'd seen the genuine concern in his eyes when he looked at Annie.
He cleared his throat. "My job required that I travel a great deal. That's why I wasn't able to spend much time with Annie. I shouldn't have married Liz in the first place. But," he hesitated, "it seemed like the honorable thing to do."
So Annie was a love child, Jill deduced. "Even if you're moving around, you could still have arranged for summer vacations together."
He shook his head. "I have no earthly idea why I'm justifying myself to you. I wanted to see her. I just couldn't."
***
Troy picked up one of the coffee cups Jill had brought and blew on it, wafting away the steam clouds that gathered on its surface like Jill's dynamite had wafted away his house. He had no clue idea why he'd told Jill so much. He couldn't even blame his gabbiness on fatigue. He'd trained himself to work with very little sleep. Often doing so had meant the difference between living and dying. Since Annie had come into his life, he wasn’t in a hurry to die.
Jill sat close enough to him that the heat radiating from his body reflected back from her skin. She took a sip from her coffee mug, made a face, and added cream. Somehow, through all of that, she managed to avoid touching him. With the small amount of space available on the couch, that had to be a conscious effort.
"All right, let's not talk about Annie." Jill smiled at him, but something in her expression told him she was far from happy.
Maternal instinct, he reminded himself. Jill probably saw herself as Annie's protector from a wicked ogre of a father. Well, that analysis wouldn't be too far off.
"Great. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
She shrugged. "Not much to tell."
Troy laughed. "You're what, twenty-five and you manage a construction crew and you don't think there's an interesting story there? Let me guess, your parents left you a trust fund and you're doing this for fun."
Jill waved her arms at the trailer. "Yeah, sure. That's why I'm living in this palace."
"You're ducking the question."
She stared at his child-rearing book for a moment but her eyes didn't appear to focus. "My father worked construction. For a while he had his own company. I thought I'd like that too."
There was something here she wasn't telling him. "Is that why you went into the business of blowing things up?"
She laughed. "Don't go looking for some deep inner meaning. There are a lot of people in the construction industry. Not as many handle explosives. A girl's got to go where the money is, you know."
"Funny, Liz used to use almost the same exact words before our divorce." She'd generally used them to avoid spending time with him on those few occasions when he was back in the States.
Jill brought her coffee cup to her lips, then stilled, staring out into space.
"Jill. Are you out there?" Annie's voice cut through to the parts of his heart he'd been sure were completely dead until she'd become a part of his life.
"I'm here, honey."
Annie ran from the bedroom and threw herself into Jill's open arms.
Troy snared Jill's coffee mug as it started to tumble from her hand. He put both cups on the coffee table and twisted to watch the two females.
Their coloring and facial features were nothing alike. Jill could have been the perfect surfer-girl. Her golden hair was shot through with lighter highlights. Her slender figure curved in all the right placed but with muscle.
Annie, on the other hand, was the image of her mother. Her pale white skin contrasted with jet-black hair and emerald eyes. Her facial features were small and distinctive. She had her mother's tiny bones and long limbs without a spare pound of flesh. She'd make a perfect model. In fact, her grandparents had already found her an agent in the days it had taken him to fight his way out of a Congo jungle and make his way back home. He'd rather eat nails than allow them to force Annie into the world that had sucked Liz in, chewed her up, then spit her out in small pieces. Whether he’d have that choice was still in the air.
"I had a bad dream," Annie confessed. "When I woke up, you weren't there."
"Don't worry.” Concern filled Jill’s face. “I'm here. When you're ready to go back to bed, I'll go back with you. You can sleep in my bed if you're afraid."
Surreptitiously, although he halfway suspected he could walk across the floor on his hands without either female noticing, Troy picked up one of the child-rearing books Jill had been making fun of. Nobody had asked him to write any books on how to raise children and he'd be an idiot not to take advantage of the experts. Just as he'd never turned down a local guide when he'd been leading a merc squad into unknown territory.
He turned to the index. Nightmare. The instructions were quite clear. "You shouldn't lie down with her," he paraphrased. "We're supposed to put her back in her own bed alone, not let her sleep with you."
"That's ridiculous," Jill said.
&
nbsp; "It says so right here." He held the book out to her, pointing to the significant passage.
"Annie has been through some of the most traumatic events I can imagine. She's lost her mother and now she's lost her house. Tonight she's sleeping in a strange room and she wakes up to find the person she expected to be there with her has vanished. She needs to be held, not punished."
"Who said anything about punishment?" One thing he'd learned as a warrior. Punishment had to be administered in small doses. His men--mercenaries like him--couldn't be controlled solely with fear. He'd learned to mix a little fear with a lot of support. "I'm just suggesting we follow the directions. These authors know about children. Which is more than I can say. And," he added, "more than you can say either."
***
Annie hugged herself closer to Jill, and Jill responded by clasping her arms even tighter. "It's all right, Annie. Your daddy is trying to do what's right. But you don't have to go back to bed until you're ready."
Troy's face darkened. "I'm responsible for Annie, not you. Why don't you let me handle this?"
Annie must have felt somewhat better because she twisted to face her father. "I don't want you to handle me, Troy. I want to stay here with Jill."
"We're just here with Jill for the night," he said. "Tomorrow, we'll find someplace new to live."
Jill's insides tightened. This shouldn't be a surprise. After all, she hadn't really expected them to move in as permanent guests. In fact, surely she didn't want them to. Her trailer made an ideal home for her, alone. Like a turtle's shell, it moved wherever she needed to be. On the other hand, a part of her wished they would stay a little longer. In fact, a part of her wouldn't be satisfied until she'd made love to Troy.
"You'll just pick someplace else that will fall off the mountains," Annie complained. "I don't want to live anyplace like that. I want to live here, in this trailer, with Jill. You can send us money. Like you did with mommy."
Without thinking, Jill covered Annie's mouth with her hand. "Annie," she gasped.
Too late, those hurtful words were already out. Troy looked as if he'd been punched in the gut. Jill didn't approve of parents who abandon their children even if they meet their financial obligations. From what she could see of Troy, she didn't think he would voluntarily let Annie want for anything. So why did Annie hate him so much?
From the burning glare Annie gave him, Jill guessed that she actually did hate him, at this moment, anyway.
Annie struggled away. "Grown-ups always gang up on us kids. It isn't fair." She ran back to Jill's room slamming the door behind her.
Troy stood and followed her. An artery pounded in his neck, making a lie out of his smile.
He reached Jill's door and opened it almost too carefully as if controlling the violence that made up so much of who he was. "We don't slam the door, Annie." He spoke softly, but with a solemn fierceness that Jill wished she could imitate when she dealt with recalcitrant suppliers.
"Don't hurt me!" Annie darted back out of the bedroom and ran to Jill, wrapping her arms around Jill's thighs. "Don't let him hurt me."
Chapter 3
"Are you guys hungry?" Jill looked way too healthy in her halter top and cut-off jeans. Healthy and sexy.
Troy wondered if he'd made a mistake moving to California. Maybe he should have headed someplace like Afghanistan where the women could be counted on to completely cover their bodies.
"I was thinking we'd go out someplace," Jill continued. "Wouldn't that be fun?"
Troy pulled a towel through his hair. He'd just slogged through his regular ten mile morning run and was suffering more than he should from his cut-short sleep. "We don't need to impose. I've got food in the--"
"Please Troy?" Annie interrupted. "I don't want cold cereal. I want chocolate milk and pancakes and bacon and scrambled eggs and waffles."
"All of that?" Despite the circumstances, he had to laugh. Even when they'd been dating, Liz had picked at her food. During the few months when he'd tried to settle down and be a good husband, she had refused to let him bring food into the house. Even when Troy had carried home something for himself, Liz had accused him of sabotage. Whatever else Liz had done, it didn't look like she'd passed her eating disorder to their daughter.
"And maybe a cup of coffee," Annie concluded. She gave Troy a slant-wise glance and he knew he was being tested.
"We don't want to stunt your growth," Troy rose to the challenge. "According to Child Rearing and Nutrition, coffee is a bad idea until at least age twenty-one."
"Why don't we decide about coffee when we get there," Jill suggested. "There's a place on the Third Street Promenade where we can get the buffet. That way Annie can have both waffles and pancakes. If that's really what she wants. And we can walk to the beach."
"Will we fall into the ocean?" Fear clouded Annie's face. Troy had tried to explain how unusual yesterday had been but Annie had suddenly developed a fear of the ocean.
"No," he answered.
"Really?" Annie looked to Jill for confirmation that Troy wasn't lying about this as he'd lied about her new house.
"I'm pretty sure it's safe," Jill agreed. "I ate there once before. And that was more than a year ago. If it's still there today, I'd bet it will survive until after breakfast. At least."
Jill's smile lit her face, making Annie laugh. It hit Troy with the power of a sledge hammer to his gut. Jill was the woman who had blown up his house. He had no business thinking about her as a woman. For that matter, he had no business thinking sexually about any woman. He was all grown up and a father now. Not some hormone-struck teenager.
"You aren't doing any work there, by any chance?" he asked.
Jill's smile winked out like a light. She turned toward him, her hands balling into fists. "Exactly what is that supposed to mean, mister?"
Obviously she was sensitive about her work. Troy couldn't blame her. After all, his house was at the bottom of the ocean because of Jill's mistake. Still, it looked like he was the one who was going to have to apologize.
"Just trying to comfort Annie. Maybe it wasn't very funny."
"Is that supposed to be an apology?"
He nodded glumly. In the mercenary circles he'd associated in until about two weeks previously, it would have constituted groveling. "Yep."
Jill shook her head. Then, to his surprise, she started laughing.
She jiggled when she laughed, every one of her slender curves getting into the motion. That got his attention, all right. He'd never been less immune to the pure physical attraction a woman can exert than he'd been with Jill. But there was something more to his reaction toward her than a pure sexual appeal. Jill looked like she should be on one of those beer commercials where people grab a hold on life and enjoy it no matter what. Whatever her weaknesses in demolition, he admired her enthusiasm and pure joy. For the past fifteen years he'd been involved with training soldiers to cling to life by their fingernails. The idea of enjoying life hadn't really come up.
"You know, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. Apology accepted. You've got a lot to learn about people, don't you, Troy?" Jill barely gasped the words out through her laughter.
Troy had never met a woman like Jill. Underlying her sexiness she exuded a pure innocence that appealed to him in all the more because he knew he could never have it. He had lived too long on the dark side of the world. No matter how noble his intentions, he couldn't help corrupting anything he touched. He had to exert all of his self-control to raise his daughter properly and protect her from seeing who he really was. No way could he afford the energy to do the same with Jill.
If he didn't resist the urge to kiss her, to gather her into his arms and explore her body with his mouth and hands, he would drag her into the darkness with him, destroying that which he found most appealing about her.
He forced back the smile that, treacherously, wanted to come out and join Jill's pure joy. "My bank is wiring some money to the Western Union office near here. I can pick it up at
noon. Until then, I'm stuck. Why don't we eat some of the cereal from my car and then I'll take all of us out for lunch a little later?"
Jill looked at him as if he'd suddenly transmogrified into a cockroach. "Breakfast was my idea. It'll be my treat."
"I appreciate the offer but I'm not a deadbeat. When I take a woman out, I pay."
"I don't remember anyone saying anything about a date. Come on, Troy. We'll go out to brunch, look at the ocean and see if we can make Annie feel better about it, and enjoy a couple of cups of coffee. And don't you dare tell me I'm too young for coffee."
Jill's insistence that she wasn't looking for a date left him irrationally depressed. He'd just decided he didn't want her to think of him as a man. It would have been difficult for both of them if she shared even a fraction of the desire that washed through his body every time he looked at her, brushed against her, or even inhaled her light female scent. He didn't even bother addressing her comment about being too young for coffee. Every male instinct in his body screamed that she was exactly the right age.
Troy wasn't used to battling his instincts. He was used to counting on them to keep him alive. Starting now, he'd have to learn how.
***
She had to be insane, Jill finally concluded. That was the only possible explanation for her behavior. Troy had given her the perfect out and, instead of taking it, she'd argued with him. Worse, she didn't even regret it.
"Jill, can I really have chocolate milk?"
Annie looked so woebegone Jill couldn't help sweeping her up in her arms so their eyes were on a level. "I'd like to see who would stop you."
"Annie." Troy's tone indicated she'd stepped over another of his lines.
"It's chocolate milk, for Pete's sake, Troy. Not poison."
"According to Child-rearing for Self Esteem," children should learn to enjoy milk for its own sake and not have it artificially sweetened with chocolate and sugar products."
Jill set Annie down gently, put her hands on her hips, and turned to face Troy. Before she could speak, Annie scurried behind her, out of harm’s way.
Annie grasped Jill's thigh and peered out from behind her like a frog watching a snake-fearful but unable to do anything but watch.
Dynamiting Daddy's Dream House Page 3
