by M. S. Parker
“Do you have any shoulder issues ?”
The question startled me. “No, why ?”
“Because if you did, this wouldn't be a good idea .”
Cade took my arms and brought them behind my back. My wrists crossed at the base of my spine and I felt the strip of fabric wrapping around them again .
“It's not tied,” he explained. “But it will hold. Say yellow if it's too much .”
“I will,” I promised .
I wasn't sure I understood why he thought this might be too much, but then his hands were on my hips, raising me onto my knees. I turned my head as my upper body remained on the bed. When I felt a hand curl around the tie linking my wrists together, I realized what he was going to do .
He yanked me up by my wrists as he snapped his hips forward and buried himself inside me with one thrust. My mouth opened but no sound came out. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe. And then he was pounding into me, each stroke harder than the last as he used my arms for leverage .
I wasn't sure when I started talking, but I became aware that words were mixed with the moans of pleasure. Cade. Fuck. Yes. More. Harder. There didn't really seem to be any sort of order, but they all boiled down to one thing. Every cell in my body was on fire and I never wanted it to stop .
“Come for me, Aubree,” Cade said, his voice breathless. “I want you to come from just my cock .”
If it happened it would be for the first time, but I was so worked up from everything that had come before that I could feel myself getting closer to the edge. The muscles in my arms were quivering, burning. My shoulders begged for relief. My throat was sore. My nipples ached and my pussy was feeling every thrust. I was aware of every inch as he moved inside me, rubbing against my walls, stretching me to the limit .
“Come, Aubree .”
I could feel Cade fighting against his body to maintain control. I could feel him thicken inside me .
“Please, baby .”
I didn't know if it was the 'please' or the 'baby' that got me, but everything coiled together inside me burst at his words. Every muscle tensed and Cade pulled back hard enough on my arms that it was almost too painful. I rode the sensation, letting the waves take me where they would, into the light and the dark, hovering at the edge of consciousness .
“Fuck, yes!” I groaned as my body went limp .
Cade let my front half slump onto the bed as he slammed into me, grinding against me as he came, roaring out his release. He stilled for a minute, his fingers digging into my hips as his cock throbbed inside me. Then he was easing out and lowering me to the blanket. I whimpered as he withdrew, my muscles still spasming as electrical impulses fired from overloaded nerves .
I closed my eyes, hearing Cade moving around before he settled behind me. He wrapped the blanket around us and pulled me against him. I could feel his heartbeat against my back and pulled his arm more tightly around me .
“Thank you,” Cade said as he kissed my temple .
“I think I should be thanking you,” I said, opening my eyes. “That was amazing .”
“Thank you for trusting me,” he said. “Even after everything I told you .”
I tilted my head back until I could see his face. “None of that matters. The past is the past .”
He kissed the top of my head. “I like having you here. It's special. A place just for us .”
“I like that I'm the only person you've brought here,” I admitted. “No ghosts .”
“I don't take clients to my condo either,” he said. “So we have two places where it's just us .”
I like that even better. I may be getting better with the whole not comparing me and Adelle thing, but as a girlfriend, I would be self-conscious in places where Cade had fucked other women. I wanted to put as much distance as possible between that part of his life and where we were headed together .
“Guess this means I have to drop Adelle permanently from my client list .”
I rolled my eyes. “Funny .”
“We'll have to work out some sort of schedule,” he said thoughtfully. “We definitely don't work the same hours and while I can afford to cut back, I will need most weekends ...”
I pulled out of his embrace and rolled onto my back so I was looking at him. A knot was forming in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't funny anymore. “What are you talking about ?”
Cade gave me a puzzled look. “How we're going to schedule time to see each other between your teaching and my clients, of course. I don't exactly work a nine-to-five, Aubree .”
Eight
I stared at him for almost a full minute, waiting for him to give me the punch line, to confess he'd taken his joke too far. Then his eyes met mine and I saw he wasn't kidding. My heart twisted, pain mingling with anger. I sat up, pulling his blanket over me .
“You're still going to be an escort?” The question sounded even harsher than I'd meant it, but I didn't take it back .
“It's my job, Aubree,” Cade said. He sat up, frowning. “I wouldn't ask you to quit your job .”
“My job doesn't involve me fucking other people!” I snapped. I climbed out of bed, yanking the blanket from underneath him. My eyes burned with tears but I refused to give in. Cade would think I was trying to manipulate him by crying. “You said you couldn't stand the thought of another man touching me. How do you think I'd feel, knowing you were doing a hell of a lot more than touching other women ?”
He scowled, his eyes flashing. “Well, I'm sorry I don't have a college degree and a career as a lawyer or doctor to fall back on. You knew what I was. Should've just said then that I wasn't good enough for you .”
My jaw dropped and it took me a moment to find my voice. “When the hell did I ever say that ?”
“Right now.” He climbed off of the bed and folded his arms across his chest. “You tell me you care about me, but you're just like the rest. You want me to be something I'm not. To pretend .”
I took a step toward him, my anger curbed by the pain I could hear in his voice. “I don't want you to be something you're not. I want you to be the man I see in you .”
He gave a bitter laugh. “Right, the man you want me to be .”
“Who I know you are,” I said firmly .
“You don't know me,” he snapped. “You think because we fucked and I told you some shit about my past that you know everything there is to know about me ?”
“I know enough to know that you're better than this .”
“Bullshit.” He practically spat out the word. “You want to believe that because you think you're too good to fall for a whore. Too precious and pure for someone like me. So you convince yourself that there has to be more to me. The hooker with a heart of gold, right? Some fucking Hollywood fairy tale .”
I clutched the blanket more tightly to me. Why was he saying these things? What had happened to the man who'd told me that he cared about me? The one who'd made me feel things I'd never felt before ?
“If I'd wanted to, don't you think I could've figured something out after nine years?” Cade's face was a cold mask, his words equally as icy. “Don't you think if I had any sort of marketable skill I would've used it to get out of this life years ago?” His mouth twisted. “This is what I'm good at. The only thing .”
“That's not true,” I protested. “You could do anything you want .”
“What if this is what I want?” he asked, his voice flat .
I took a step back. I hadn't even considered that. I'd assumed he'd kept being an escort because he didn't have a reason to stop. My heart gave a painful thump. I thought I would be that reason. I turned away from him so he couldn't see the tears spilling over .
I picked up my coat and pulled it on, wishing I had real clothes to wear. My bra was somewhere around here, but I wasn't going to look for it. I just needed something to cover me. I felt too exposed. It didn't, however, stop me from feeling the slick wet on my inner thighs, or prevent my sensitive skin from chafing against the coat. I wiped the
back of my hands across my cheeks and took a deep breath before turning around .
I had to make him see what I saw. There was no way he wanted this. No matter what he said, I did know him. “You're a talented artist, Cade. And you're smart and sweet ...”
“Smart and sweet?” He sneered. “How fucking naïve are you ?”
I flinched but didn't back down. He was scared. That had to be it. “You could sell your work and I could help you until you get on your feet –”
“Get out .”
“What?” I shook my head. I couldn't have heard him right .
“We're done. Contract ended.” Cade took a step toward me, but there was no desire, no emotion in his eyes. “You got what you wanted, Bree .”
I caught my breath. He'd never called me Bree. Not once .
“I taught you how to fuck, how to seduce a man.” He gave me a tight, humorless smile. “And you got to try to save the whore. Too bad the whore doesn't want to be saved .”
I stepped back. I didn't want to hear this .
“I like who I am. What I do. Why would I want to give up fucking hundreds of gorgeous women and getting paid obscene amounts of money to do it ?”
Each word was a blow and I couldn't stop the tears this time .
“Just get out .”
“You bastard,” I whispered. I turned toward the door, using all of my self-control not to run. I had to preserve at least that much of my dignity. I didn't have much left. Not after I'd bared my heart to him, let him do things to me I'd never considered doing. Shame and humiliation flooded me, mixing with anger and hurt until I wasn't sure I could handle feeling anything else. I needed to get as far away from here as possible. And I needed to forget I'd ever heard of Cade Shepard .
Nine
I barely got out of bed for the rest of the weekend. I didn't curl up on the couch and watch chick-flicks or finish off the half-gallon of ice cream that was in the freezer. I didn't eat anything. I'd taken a shower when I'd gotten home, desperate to rid myself of the smell and feel of his body. I scrubbed myself harshly, trying to get him off, making my outside feel as raw as my insides. I'd taken out my comfy pajamas but then remembered what had happened the last time I wore them. Finally, I'd ended up just crawling into bed naked and rolling myself in my blankets until I'd been unable to move. I got up only when it was necessary and then just fell back into bed and burrowed under the covers .
When I finally crawled out of bed Monday morning, I felt worse than I'd ever felt before. Worse than when I'd had to face the wedding guests and tell them Ronald had left. Worse than when I'd found out my best friend had paid Cade to have sex with me. Worse, even, than finding out Adelle had still been sleeping with Cade. I'd thought I'd had my heart broken by Ronald, but this was beyond broken. I was shattered. It had taken me falling for Cade to realize what I'd been missing with Ronald for a long time. I'd trusted Cade with everything and had been prepared to walk away because he said he didn't get emotionally involved. But then he'd gone and gotten my hopes up. He'd made me think I was something more than a job to him .
I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath. “Pull yourself together, Bree. He isn't worth it .”
A pang went through me as I realized how much that sounded like what he'd said about me and about how he saw himself. It wasn't true though. I didn't think he wasn't good enough for me because of what he did. Good enough had nothing to do with it. He wasn't worth my tears not because of what he'd done, but because he'd chosen other women over me .
I looked in the mirror and winced. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, my face puffy. My hair was a tangled mess that was going to take me twice as long as normal to get through. Worse, though, were the things I couldn't see. The way my body ached as if I'd spent the weekend doing an intense work-out. The phantom feelings of his hands on me. The memory of how he'd felt inside me .
I climbed into the shower, letting the hot spray beat down on my aching muscles. I didn't really have the time to linger, but I pushed it anyway. The sound of the water was soothing white noise, helping to drown out thoughts I didn't want to entertain. I kept my mind virtually blank as I got ready for school, pushing back the thoughts as they came forward, memories of how Cade had commented on my wardrobe. I wished I had enough money to buy new clothes, not because I felt like I needed them but because I couldn't quite stop myself from thinking about how Cade had said I hid behind my work clothes .
“Fuck him,” I said the words to my reflection. I dabbed on a bit more concealer. “He doesn't know me .”
When I was finally convinced that I looked presentable, I was running late, but it had been worth it. I didn't want anyone knowing what had happened over the weekend, and I needed to be able to fool not only the kids and faculty, but Mindy as well. If she saw how completely miserable I was, she'd call Adelle and the two of them would have some sort of crazy intervention or something. I knew Mindy wasn't exactly thrilled about my arrangement with Cade, and while she'd never say 'I told you so,' it'd still be there. And, of course, I had no clue how Adelle would take things. Ever since the whole incident with her canceling her appointments with Cade, things had been a bit fragile between us. We were moving past it, but it didn't make things any less uncomfortable at times .
Maybe, I thought as I quickly gathered my things and headed out, me being finished with Cade would speed up the process. And that, I'd decided, was what I was going to tell them. Cade and I had ended our arrangement because I was done. There wasn't anything else he could teach me. And if Adelle asked if I minded her calling him again, I'd tell her to go right ahead. Cade would never tell her the truth about what had happened and if she wanted to fuck him, who was I to say no? In the end, I wasn’t any different than his other clients. I ignored the pain in my chest at the thought .
Mindy was waiting in my classroom when I arrived, the expression on her face saying I was later than I thought. I almost always got in before her, and she was never ready before me. She was visibly worried .
“I overslept.” I gave her a smile I hoped was more convincing than it felt .
“Long weekend?” She raised an eyebrow suggestively .
That was a perfect segue to share the latest about me and Cade. Even better, there was the possibility that she would tell Adelle for me. I just had to manage to say it without any emotion .
“Cade and I were finishing up our arrangement,” I said nonchalantly. “He says I'm ready to go out and have some fun .”
“That's great!” Mindy practically squealed. “We're so having a girls' night out Friday after dinner. We're going to a club and we're going to get you laid .”
I rolled my eyes and tried to not grit my teeth. “The entire point of this… this adventure was to prove to myself that I could get my own men and don't need help .”
“Of course,” Mindy hurriedly agreed, her eyes falling to the floor. “Adelle and I will stay out of it completely.” She threw her arms around me. “We just want to see you work it .”
Wonderful. Terrific. That's exactly what I wanted. Dancing and flirting with random guys while my friends watched to see if I’d been ‘fixed’. I so didn't want to go to a club this weekend. I didn't even want to go to dinner, but I knew Adelle and Mindy would get suspicious if I tried to call off .
I gritted my teeth and hugged Mindy back. “That sounds great,” I said. “Some girl time sounds like exactly what I need.” That was such a lie, but Mindy bought it .
“We'll talk more at lunch,” she said as she released me. “We'll want to go someplace special .”
I nodded and then made a show of looking at the clock. “Best get back to class. Who knows what the hellions will do if you're not in there .”
She grinned at me and headed for the door. “Lunch. Don't forget .”
“I won't,” I promised. I wouldn't want to go, but I'd do it to prevent her from asking why I bailed. I could do this. I could get through lunch pretending to be happy. I could get through the entire day being fake. An
d then again tomorrow, and the day after that, and however long I had to fake it before it became real .
It was harder than I thought, but I managed. By the time I entered my apartment building, I was exhausted, but no one had suspected a thing. I was so tired I didn't even see the person standing just inside the door until I ran into him .
“Oh!” I stumbled and my hands came in contact with a hard, muscular chest. I looked up into a pair of twinkling green eyes. “I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going .”
“It's okay,” he said. He put his hands on my upper arms to steady me. “Are you okay ?”
“Fine.” I nodded and took a step back to put some distance between us. “Just lost in my thoughts .”
“It happens.” He flashed a brilliant smile at me, a dimple appearing in his cheek. He held out a hand. “Finn Colson .”
“Bree Gamble,” I answered. I didn't even consider introducing myself as Aubree. That name wasn't one I wanted to hear again anytime soon. I shook Finn's hand and tried not to think about how his grip lingered .
“You live here or are you visiting someone? A boyfriend maybe ?”
My smile was actually half-genuine. “Three E,” I said. “What about you ?”
“Not visiting a boyfriend .”
I surprised myself with a laugh .
“I just moved here. To the city, not just the building. All the way from Sacramento.” He gave me a shy smile. “In fact, I was just thinking how I needed to find someone who could show me around .”
I started to shake my head .
“Or maybe just show me where to get a cup of coffee,” Finn continued, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “But I don't need an answer right away.” He stepped around me. “I'm running late for a business dinner, but I hope to see you around .”
“I'd like that,” I answered automatically. I meant to be polite, but as soon as I saw Finn's eyes light up, I knew I'd come across as flirtatious. It looked like Cade had done a better job than I realized. I gave Finn a wave and then headed toward the stairs. The physical exertion would help keep my mind off things .
