by M. S. Parker
A flare of jealous anger went through me as I thought of what he and that blonde must be doing right now. Had he taken her to a hotel where he'd bend her over the couch and fuck her senseless? Or maybe into the bedroom where he could pay attention to her huge breasts while she was splayed out underneath him? Or, even better, had they not even bothered to leave? If I went back to the restrooms, would I find them fucking there ?
I grabbed the front of Damian's shirt and pulled him closer so I could speak into his ear. “Wanna get out of here ?”
He turned his head, his bright blue eyes lighting up when he saw I was serious. I wondered what he'd do if I reached down and grabbed the front of his pants to find out how much his cock liked that idea .
“Hell yes.” He put his arm around my waist, resting his hand at the small of my back, and we walked towards the closest set of stairs .
When we reached the top, I paused. I needed to let my friends know I was leaving. I wondered what the chances were I'd find them in this crowd, but when I turned towards the bar, they were both still standing there, watching me with wide eyes. It had only been a couple of songs, so I supposed it shouldn't have been that strange they hadn't moved. I smiled at them and gave a little wave. I gestured towards Damian and then pointed to the door. I laughed when Adelle's jaw dropped and Mindy's eyes widened even more. Apparently they hadn't really believed me when I'd told them I could take care of myself. I waited until they had gotten over the shock enough to nod in acknowledgement, and then I took Damian's hand and led him outside .
Three
W e took a cab back to my apartment building rather than the town car Adelle, Mindy and I had arrived in. I knew Adelle wouldn't have minded if we'd taken her car service, but I preferred the cab. The town car seemed a bit pretentious .
Damian had his arm around me in the cab and I leaned against him, but he didn't try to kiss me. I wasn't sure if he was trying to be a gentleman or if he was waiting for me to initiate things, but either way I appreciated it. The cab driver seemed a bit too interested in the amount of leg I was showing and I really didn't want to put on a show for him .
When we reached my apartment building, I glanced at Damian, wondering if he'd make some comment about the neighborhood, but he didn't. Based on the designer clothes he was wearing, he definitely lived in a pricier part of the city, and my dress made it look like I belonged with the rest of the classier set at the club. This place might've been a disappointment .
“My apartment's kind of small.” I felt the need to make the excuse before he even saw it .
He grinned as he helped me out of the cab, and he didn't let go of my hand. “Then it won't take long for you to give me the tour and we can get started on more interesting things .”
A flutter of arousal went through me. That was good. It probably meant I wouldn't push him away like I had Finn. Only a few days had passed since then, but seeing Cade with that other woman had done wonders for me getting over him. I wasn't stupid. There were still things I had to deal with, but I was definitely sure I wanted to sleep with Damian .
Probably.
I was so deep in thought that I barely noticed we'd entered the building and had walked past a couple other tenants on our way to the elevator. When the door dinged, I made up my mind. I was going to do this .
I turned towards Damian and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into the elevator and covering his mouth with mine. I felt surprise stiffen his body for a moment, and then he was kissing me back. This wasn't a hesitant kiss like the one he'd given me at the club. I was taking control of this one. I parted his lips with mine and thrust my tongue between them as I pressed my body so tightly against his that I could feel his cock start to harden. I was just starting to really enjoy the kiss when, suddenly, Damian was torn out of my arms .
My eyes flew open to see a shocked and confused Damian being pulled out of the elevator and shoved back into the lobby. I started to take a step forward when a body entered the elevator, blocking my way. A hand hit the button and the doors started to close .
I looked up into a pair of stormy gray eyes and my stomach flipped .
Cade's eyes flashed as he walked forward, moving me backwards without laying a hand on me until my back was against the wall. He cupped my chin, his grip almost painful. “I meant what I said before. I don't want any other man touching you.” His mouth came down on mine, hard and possessive .
My head told me I should push him away, but my body was already responding. I moaned as his tongue plundered my mouth and my fingers tangled in his curls, tugging at them until he growled. His body pressed against mine and I could feel his thick shaft against my hip. When he raised his head, he kept our bodies together .
“You're mine, Aubree.” He nipped at my bottom lip. “Only mine .”
When he pushed back, I barely stopped myself from protesting. This wasn't real, I told myself. This was some sort of test. It had to be .
Without taking his eyes off of me, he pushed the emergency stop and then crossed that short distance again .
“Mine,” he repeated as he claimed my mouth again .
The moment his lips touched mine, I was gone. It wasn't smart. In fact, it was probably one of the stupidest things I'd ever done, but I couldn't help myself. My body craved his. The need to have him touch me was almost physically painful. I sighed when his hands slid down my sides to cup my ass. I didn't care what happened next, if he was going to simply walk away, having proven that I wanted him but he didn't feel the same or if this was going to keep going until I was coming so hard my eyes rolled back into my head. All I could think about was how his tongue was twisting around mine and how close his hands were to bare flesh .
Then his mouth was gone and I was gasping for air. I blinked, confused. I didn't know why he'd stopped. And then I saw him kneeling down in front of me .
Shit.
Heat flooded my body and I hoped I wasn't wrong about what he was going to do .
He looked up at me as his hands slid up my calves, over my knees and then to my thighs. When he reached the hem of my dress, I half-expected him to hesitate and ask if it was okay. He didn't and I realized he was trusting me to stop him if I didn't want it .
Fuck that .
I swallowed hard as his fingers curled around the waistband of the silk panties I was wearing. He pulled them down and I started to step out of them. I only managed to get one leg out, however, before he was shoving my legs further apart and pushing up my skirt, exposing my bare pussy .
My eyes rolled as his tongue made a long pass across my folds before dipping between them. I moaned as his talented mouth pleasured me. The shock of seeing Cade and my body's instinctual reaction to his possessiveness had already set me on edge, so it wasn't long before I felt that familiar sensation twisting low in my belly. I ran my fingers through his hair and he looked up at me without taking his mouth away .
The sight of those eyes darkened with desire, that gorgeous face pressed against me...he sucked on my clit and I came. I made a breathless sound and closed my eyes, my hips twitching as he continued to work over my sensitive flesh .
A finger slipped inside me and I jerked. Cade groaned as my fingers tugged at his hair, but he didn't let up. He made slow, even strokes with his finger even as he licked around my opening, caressing the quivering flesh until I cried out and came again. My eyes closed as I struggled to absorb the myriad sensations coursing through me .
“Fuck!” My hands slapped against the elevator wall as a second finger was slid inside my pussy. I gasped in air, each breath deep enough that, if I'd been able to think about it, I might've worried that my breasts would pop free of the top of my dress. At the moment though, I could care less. I could've been stark naked up against that wall as long as Cade didn't stop .
He crooked his fingers and I wailed. I clapped a hand over my mouth, stifling the sound before it got too loud. It didn't stop my climax from crashing over me, making my knees buckle. Cade put his hand on my
stomach and his shoulders against my knees, holding me in place as his tongue circled my clit, then dropped down to tease around where his fingers were stretching me .
“Please,” I gasped, dropping my hand. “Please, Cade, no more. It's too much .”
He looked up at me again and shook his head. He took my swollen clit into his mouth and gently sucked it as I thrashed and writhed, nonsensical sounds falling from my mouth until another orgasm rocked through me. This time, however, he granted me relief, removing his hand from between my legs and standing, wrapping his arms around me and holding me until I stopped shaking .
I clutched his shirt, pressing my face against his chest and breathing in his scent. I knew I was going to have to deal with this soon, but at the moment, I needed to regain my composure before I could do anything that required coherent thought. And I just wanted to enjoy the feel of Cade's arms around me, his hand running through my hair .
“That's my girl,” he whispered. His voice sent a shiver down my spine. “My Aubree.” He kissed my forehead .
Reluctantly, I pulled away from him. I caught a flash of something across his eyes, but I didn't say anything. No matter what I said, it'd start a conversation that I didn't want to have in the elevator. I pulled my panties off of my other foot, then tugged down my dress. As I reached around him to hit the button to get us going again, I shoved my panties into Cade's back pocket. I felt him tense and when I straightened, I saw his eyes were warm again .
I tried not to sigh out loud. What the hell had I just let myself get into ?
Four
N either one of us said a word as we walked the short distance down the hall to my apartment. My hands were shaking and my head spinning, but I didn't ask him for help. I wasn't sure I could handle him touching me, even just a brush of fingers by accident. Not until I knew what was going on .
I felt his eyes on me as I struggled to get the key into the lock, but I didn't look at him. I needed to be in the safety of my own place before I could risk it. What had happened in the elevator was proof I couldn't control myself around him .
I walked inside and left the door open behind me, hoping he'd read that as an invitation. When I heard the door close, I knew he had. I walked over to the far side of the room before turning towards him. He stopped a few feet away, and I was grateful for that. My insides were in knots and every inch of me was tense again. Despite everything that had happened, I wanted him, but I wasn't sure my heart could take it. The only thing I did know was that I wasn't going to speak first .
“I don't know any other way to say this than to just come out with it .”
It took me a moment to realize why his voice sounded strange, but when I did, I was surprised. He was nervous. My strong, confident Cade was nervous. My heart did a little somersault when I realized I'd referred to him as “my” Cade .
“I tried to go back to how things were before, but I couldn't.” He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back off of his face. “I even had a client earlier this week .”
I looked down. I didn't want to hear about that .
“But I couldn't do it .”
My head came back up and my eyes met his. There was no mistaking the honesty I saw there .
“And I don't just mean mentally,” he said. “I kept looking at her, trying to convince my body that I found her attractive, but it wasn't happening. I couldn't see anything but the ways she wasn't you .”
I felt a flare of hope and tried to squash it. I needed to hear him out. He'd told me he cared about me before. For all I knew, this was just going to be him talking about how he needed to get me out of his system .
“For the first time since I started doing this, I couldn't...perform.” He took a step towards me. “I didn't want her. I wanted you .”
I swallowed hard. I couldn't do this. I couldn't wait for him to give me hope that things had changed, then crush it. “I want you too.” His face lit up and then crumpled as I continued, “But it's not enough.” Seeing the pain I brought to him made my heart ache, but I had to make sure he understood I wasn't going back. “I tried too. I tried to do the casual sex thing. And not just tonight .”
His mouth tightened and I saw the jealousy burn in his eyes, mixing with the hurt there. Heat flooded me as I remembered what he'd said before about how he didn't want any other man touching me .
“I couldn't go through with it then,” I said. “We went back to his place and when he was kissing me, all I could think was that he wasn't you .”
“And tonight?” The question was soft, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer .
“I was planning on sleeping with him,” I admitted. “Because I saw you with that woman at the club and figured you'd be having sex with her .”
He frowned for a moment. “The woman at the...oh, her. She's a pro.” He must've realized that didn't really help matters because he quickly added, “When I told her I was too, she left me alone. No money in trying to seduce another escort .”
“It doesn't matter,” I said. “Because this isn't what I want.” He flinched and I had to force myself to continue. “I can't do the casual sex thing. That's not who I am. And I still can't be with you, no matter how much I want to, not while you're with other women .”
“I'm not.” His voice was firm. “That's what I came here to tell you. I'm done with that life. After experiencing with you what it's like to have that emotional connection, I couldn't have sex with some random person. Not anymore .”
I folded my arms across my chest. No, I wasn't going to dare to hope. I'd let my guard down in the elevator, but he'd surprised me. I hadn't had time to shield myself, to prepare. Now, I'd pulled myself together .
“I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, Aubree.” He moved closer, his gaze holding me in place. “The way you look. The sound of your voice. Your scent.” He reached out and wrapped a curl around his finger. “How you feel .”
I closed my eyes as he ran the back of his hand down my cheek. I couldn't deny the way my skin warmed under his touch, how the heat in my stomach spread through me at the mere thought of his hand in more intimate places .
“Tell me you haven't thought about me,” he said. “Tell me honestly that this isn't what you want and I'll go. That you don't feel the same way I do. You do that and, I promise, I'll walk away and never bother you again .”
Tears burned against my eyelids and I bent my head. I couldn't tell him any of that because it wasn't true. I cared more about him than he did me. I'd been lying to myself when I'd said that seeing him with that blonde had gotten me over him. I wasn't over him and I didn't think I'd ever be. I wasn't just falling for him. I was in love with him .
And that was why I had to let him go .
It hurt now, but it would be so much worse if I let him in and then he realized what he felt for me wasn't that strong. I knew myself better because of him and that meant I knew if I allowed it, I would give myself over to him whole-heartedly, without reservation. I was already his and to admit my feelings would be the final step. Look at how long I'd stayed with Ronald because I'd refused to consider that things were done. And I'd never felt for my ex even a fraction of what I felt for Cade. How depressed I'd been this past week was proof of that. If I let him, he'd own me .
So I stayed silent and let him read into it what he would .
His hands rested lightly on my shoulders and I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Okay then. I'll keep my promise.” He released me. “Good-bye .”
The tears spilled over at the pain I heard in those words and I pressed my hands against my chest. I heard him start to walk away. And then, so quiet that I might have imagined it, I heard him speak .
“I love you, Aubree .”
Five
I felt my heart thump wildly against my palms. He loved me. He didn't just care about me or want to be with me. He hadn't even said that he was falling for me. He'd said he loved me .
My head jerked up, tears streaming down my cheeks. Th
e door was open and he was stepping into the hallway, but I couldn't move. I couldn't even speak. He was going to close the door and disappear. I'd never see him again and he'd never know that I loved him too ...
“Cade!” His name ripped out of me and I saw him freeze. “Don't leave me .”
A shudder went through him but he didn't turn. The fingers curled around the doorknob tightened until his knuckles turned white. “Aubree .”
The agony in that single word, in my name, the name only Cade used, it broke through my paralysis and I ran to him. He must've heard me move because he started to turn, getting enough around in time to catch me as I threw my arms around him and buried my face against his chest. His arms closed around me, tentatively at first, as if he was still trying to process what had happened, then tighter .
“Please don't leave me.” I was crying, as the realization of how close I'd come to losing him hit me .
“Shh,” he murmured as he smoothed down my hair. “I'm not going anywhere.” He moved us both so he could shut the door and give us privacy, but we didn't go more than a couple steps. He rested his cheek on my head as his hands moved up and down my bare back, but there was only comfort in his touch, nothing sexual .
Slowly, I calmed down. He'd stayed. I hadn't said those words yet, but he'd stayed because I'd asked him to. I pulled back until I could look up at him. His expression was blank and I understood why. He'd opened himself up to me and I'd been the one who'd fucked up this time. Well, I wasn't going to wait any longer to fix it .
“I love you, Cade.” I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. “I was just too scared to say it. I didn't think you felt the same way .”
I saw cautious hope in his eyes and vowed that I'd never again do anything to make him think I didn't care .
