by Addison Jane
My brothers stood with me, silently having my back.
“I’m going to take that as he’s staying with you,” Cara announced a few moments later.
I turned back to her and nodded. “Are we done?”
“You need to sign this,” she answered, placing a couple of pieces of paper on the bonnet of the car and pulling a pen from her back pocket. It took me a second, but I manage to lift my legs finally and walk over. “They’re saying you accept temporary custody until things have been filed, probably through the court. I suggest you talk through everything with a lawyer.”
Clenching my jaw, I took the pen from her hand. “If I don’t sign?”
“I’ll take Gage to a foster home until you either sort out your problems or until you sign over your rights, and he can be adopted.”
“Gage?”
The stern look on her face softened. “That’s his name.”
Of course, it was.
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath, pressing the fucking pen to the paper and scribbling my name across the dotted line. I stood and watched them climb back into their car and roll out of the compound like today was just another fucking day in their life. Like they hadn’t just walked in here and flipped my entire fucking world on its damn head. The first police car followed them out, but the second stayed still for a few moments before driving directly toward us.
Austin rolled his window down, lifting his Ray-Bans off his eyes and setting them on top of his head. Austin’s little sister was Meyah’s best friend. He wasn’t exactly our biggest fan considering Dakota was also now Meyah’s brother’s old lady, the girlfriend to a criminal, but we had a mutual respect.
I stepped up to his window, the stern frown on his face letting me know there was a reason he’d stuck around. But all I could see was Emma’s face before she walked away from me at the hospital this week, realizing now that look of fear in her eyes was completely fucking real.
“What the fuck is going on?”
“I didn’t know the connection,” Austin began, his finger strumming on the wheel. “Otherwise, I would have called you yesterday when it happened.”
“When what fucking happened?”
Austin frowned, obviously realizing suddenly just how little I knew. He inhaled deeply. “’Bout a year ago, Emma’s husband was put away for domestic abuse. Beat the girl almost to fucking death. From what the report said…” he paused, swallowing what seemed like a heavy lump in his throat, “… because he caught her cheating.”
With me.
Those were the words he wouldn’t say but were screaming so loudly in the thick silence.
I wasn’t stupid. I could do math.
“He still denies it, saying it was self-defense. That Emma was losing her shit, and he had to fight her off. Dude was a doctor at the hospital. Important man. Upstanding citizen. Managed to get out a few weeks early on good behavior.”
Pressing my hand against the car, I leaned into it. He didn’t have to say it, but the pieces were beginning to fall. I’d seen it before. Women finally get the courage to put their abusers away. They do their time and walk out with vengeance flowing through their veins. They’ve had time to play it over and over again in their sick minds just how they were going to make these women pay. So when they get out, they know exactly what they want, and they aren’t about to risk the bitch telling on them again.
“Hospital is looking at hiring him back, but they want the investigation over first,” Austin continued with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know if it helps, but she did all this crap last minute… making sure they knew where to find you. That they knew the kid was yours. It was almost like—”
“She knew he was coming.”
I could have stopped this.
Jesus.
I could have stepped in and done something, and that’s what made it that much more painful.
“So, you’re sure it was him?” I growled, rolling my shoulders back.
“I’d put fucking money on it. But we questioned him yesterday, and there’s nothing we can do,” Austin ground out between clenched teeth. “I’ve got a dead girl. Orphaned baby. Missing sister. And a fucking dirty doctor with an alibi.”
“Missing sister?”
Austin scrunched up his nose. “Yeah. Emma had her sister move in with her a little over a year ago. She’s sixteen. We can’t find her.”
“So, you don’t know if she ran, or if he—”
“Exactly,” Austin cut in, his partner looking at him sideways. “I can’t talk much about it. The case is still open.”
“Gotcha,” I answered, rolling my shoulders.
“Shotgun.” I turned, seeing Meyah standing at the door, a little body in her arms, and a bottle in her hand. “I’m going to give him a bottle and put him in your bed,” Meyah announced, the tiny bundle in her arms squirming and wriggling, making these little suckling noises that were doing something to my heart.
Making it race.
“Okay, I’ll uh…”
“Take your time,” she added, offering me a supportive smile before turning away and making her way up the stairs.
Shuffling on my feet, I looked back, but Austin simply nodded before I could say anything, dipping his head and saying the words that I never woke up this morning thinking I could even possibly hear. “I’ll be in touch. Congrats, Dad.”
Fuck.
AVERY
My fingertips felt like they were burning against the cup of coffee in my hands. I’d been sitting here for a good twenty minutes, and it still had yet to cool down. “I wouldn’t give up your day job,” I teased Myth, said maker of the coffee.
“Laken insists on boiling the water and making it herself like this rather than with the machine, so that’s how I make it now,” he answered with a shrug like he couldn’t see the issue. Which was incredibly cute, or would be, if the cup of coffee in my hands wasn’t ninety-nine percent boiling water and able to burn my face off in half a second if I even put it anywhere near my mouth.
One of the swinging doors swung open, Meyah slipping in through it and offering Myth a tight smile. One that said, ‘You’re relieved of your duties. It’s my turn to watch the crazy bitch.’
“Is Shotgun okay?” I couldn’t help myself. My gut was tightening and twisting, tied up in damn knots, wondering whether I’d said too much this time.
Whether I’d pushed him too far.
One look at that baby boy, and I saw me.
The one person who loved him, who he could rely on, stolen away by this monster. Then, just being left floating with the tide, not knowing if someone was ever going to fish you out and keep you from drowning in the waves.
Some days it still felt like I was floating, but Shotgun had been my anchor. The club too—the place where I finally felt like I wasn’t going to be washed away when the next storm came thundering in. Though the clouds were beginning to grow a little darker around us, and I figured we were about to test just how much stress that anchor could hold.
Meyah slipped into a chair opposite me, leaning forward on her elbows, but before she could even answer the first question, another one slipped out, one that had been itching at the back of my mind since we were at the hospital with Holly. “Who was she? Emma, I mean.”
If Meyah was surprised by the question, she didn’t let it show. “She was a friend me and Dakota knew from school. She was doing nursing, and we called her on the odd occasion when someone got hurt. If you haven’t noticed, these boys aren’t the biggest fans of the hospital system.” There was a slight catch in her voice, and I suddenly realized that Shotgun wasn’t the only one hurting.
“Geez, Meyah, I’m such a fucking idiot,” I scolded myself, reaching across and grabbing her hand. She let out a laugh, but at the same time, the flood of tears released with it, and she quickly dabbed at them with her sleeve. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It’s just a shock, I think,” she whispered softly, her eyes staring off into the future. “It wasn’t like
we were besties or anything, but Emma, she was one of the good ones. And to think not only was she in trouble and we didn’t help, but that she felt as though going through that alone was a better option than just coming to one of us.”
“People do strange things when they’re scared.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, meeting my gaze, the soft look in her eyes sharpening quickly. “Don’t be one of them.”
It was like a punch in the gut, and now I was unable to turn away, to look away, to hide.
“He’s going to need you. Someone strong. Someone who’s going to step up and not run away.” I wasn’t sure if she knew who she was talking to because I wasn’t exactly known for being the stable one. “If you can’t be that person for him, then walk away.”
Ah, there it was.
Technically, Meyah was the top old lady here at the club, so it was up to her to set the record straight when it came to women messing with her men. She had been here since the club in Phoenix was created. She had grown up within the Brothers by Blood MC. It was in her blood and ingrained deep within her heart to protect these men at all costs.
“When it comes to raising children inside the club, these men need someone to have their back,” Meyah continued, her voice stern but gentle as though she was trying to give me the facts but without scaring me off. “They love hard, they make the most amazing fathers, but there isn’t going to be any dress-ups and coochie coos. That’s all private for them. At the clubhouse, there is a certain way they need to be. Need to act. This is their job, and it’s our job to support them, so they can do that.”
My heart was beating faster.
My leg bouncing under the table.
Shotgun was strong, but she was right, he would need support. He is the leader here. He has so much shit on his shoulders already, and he hasn’t even had the regular nine months to prepare for what his life might look like. It’d just been thrown at him, and for a man who likes to control shit like he does, this is going to throw him.
I licked my lips, already feeling a little tingle shooting up my spine, one I knew well and was desperately trying to fight. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not exactly old lady material. What I did out there…”
I talked back.
I called him out.
In front of his brothers.
In front of people who weren’t a part of the club.
I had disrespected him.
She laughed softly, leaning back in her seat. “You definitely weren’t subtle about your feelings toward the situation. But it was what he needed to hear. And that, my dear, is why he is in so fucking deep with you. These men don’t want an old who sits down and shuts the hell up. They want an old lady who isn’t afraid to call them out when they get stuck in their head.”
I shook my head, the denial still very real.
“They want an old lady who will help them make those hard decisions and have their back after.”
Hearing her talk again and again about him wanting me was stirring something in my stomach that made me scramble from my seat and run for the kitchen sink. My gut twisted, and what it thought was me about to be sick was actually me fighting against my own body’s natural urge to breathe.
Struggling to suck in a deep breath of air.
A panic attack.
Fight it!
Just run, get the hell out of there.
You’re in too deep.
You care too much.
If you don’t walk away now, this might be the one you don’t survive.
“Avery…” Meyah murmured with a deep concern. She was looking toward the doors, probably wondering if she should talk to me through it or if she needed to run for help.
“It’s… okay…” I hissed through each wheezy breath, my heart thumping so slow but so hard that I thought any moment it could fucking stop. “I just need to get out of here,” I muttered, forcing my shaking legs to carry me toward the swinging doors.
“Avery, stop! Just sit down,” Meyah pleaded, following me out, her voice full of concern watching me falter and catch myself several times. “Shotgun, do something!”
“Avery!”
I stumbled to a stop at the bottom of the staircase. The way he said my name was like an arrow straight to my heart. A heart that right now couldn’t take any more hurt and was running scared. It was a difficult pill to swallow knowing that there were people trying to love you, trying to care for you, just like you craved someone always fucking would. But anytime they get too close, your first reaction is to shove them away.
I knew things with Shotgun were deeper than I had felt before. What I didn’t know was how natural it was to act like I was his old lady. How natural it felt to stand at his side or to have his back. Or how other people had begun to see it too.
“I need to go out.”
He made his way down the stairs. “Go where?”
“Anywhere,” I said sternly, tucking my shaking hands underneath my arms. “Please.”
His grip on the banister of the stairs was strong, the veins under his skin popping through, making it look like he could rip the damn thing off at any moment. “You going for good?”
“No.”
“You sure?”
Was I?
What really was the plan here?
Like usual, I didn’t fucking have one. My feet itched, my heart raced, and the voice in my head just screamed run.
“Kid goes with you.”
“Shotgu—”
“Listen,” he growled, making his way down the stairs toward me. Maybe I should have been afraid, the narrowed glare in his eyes was predatory and locked onto me. I stood my ground, my heart still racing and my breathing heavy as he drew closer until our bodies were just inches apart. “I’ll give you what you need. You want time out? Fine. Take it. But Kid goes with you because the club still—”
“Owns me,” I snapped, gritting my teeth.
“Has your fucking back.”
The look in his eyes, it almost had me. It almost caught me. Because it wasn’t enough that my fear was destroying me, it was seeing it destroy him too.
That was the level of pain I hadn’t experienced before.
That was new.
“Go,” he ordered, pointing at the open door. His eyes locked on mine, and for the first time ever, it made me second-guess everything. “Go, Avery.”
And as I stumbled out the door, Kid rushed to my side, and I thought I heard something else.
Just come back.
AVERY
“Come on, Avery,” Kid groaned, stomping along behind me. “I’m not prepared for hiking.”
I powered through, like each footstep was a memory, the desert sand shifting beneath my feet as we wound our way up the path. I knew just how deep to dig my feet and where parts of the track were harder than others.
The small hill bordered the edge of our old neighborhood. It was just far enough out so we couldn’t get lost or eaten by coyotes, but close enough that Micah and I could walk there from our house when we were kids.
While most of the local kids used the area for climbing and exploring this particular track we had made ourselves, everyone had known it was ours.
Our special spot.
And the place that now also housed a tiny cross that I dedicated to her.
The path ended, opening into a small round area that had a couple of rocks, just the right height to sit at, our names scribbled over and over and around the red-colored mounds. The little wooden cross jabbed into the ground at the foot of them was on a slight lean, my body instantly sagging to the ground in front of it.
Hey, Mich.
I reached out, straightening the tiny cross, leaning it back against the rocks.
Kid took a seat on the rock beside me, and I leaned my head against his leg. “Tell me about her.”
I instantly smiled. Just the thought of being able to share her beauty, her smarts, and funny jokes with someone new excited me. I wanted everyone to know who she was, what she
was like, how just her laughter could light up the world. “Micah was that one girl everyone wanted to be friends with,” I started, seeing my sister’s smiling face in my mind before she rolled her eyes. “She was smart, beautiful, funny…”
“So, basically you?”
I scoffed loudly, shaking my head. “Me? No. Micah always knew what to say. She always knew what to do. She was that one person who held things together when everyone felt like they were falling apart.”
“Also sounding very familiar,” Kid teased, leaning back against the rock wall behind us. “Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole, but we all know that you and Shotgun are you and Shotgu—”
“Kid—”
“You guys are so perfect, so intertwined.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Is it, though?” he countered, the sharpness forcing me to get to my feet.
He followed. “You’re scared, right? Scared of caring about people and then having to give them up? Scared of giving a shit only to find they don’t?”
“In a nutshell,” I muttered under my breath, wondering why it seemed to sound so silly coming from him, but also so real, so painful, and heartbreaking inside my chest. “You think it sounds stupid, don’t you?”
He let out a burst of laughter, hanging his head and shaking it back and forth. “No, quite the opposite. I think I feel it right in my bones. The idea that someone can mean so much to you, but that they could reject you so easily…” He lifted his hand and rubbed at his chest. I opened my mouth, eager to ask him exactly where this was coming from, but he quickly looked up, clearing his throat. “I mean, losing your sister? Just thinking about losing that one person who has always had your back—”
I let out a harsh laugh. “If only losing Micah was it. Micah was stolen from me. Everyone else found the door on their own.”
“What are you doing here?”
I stood in the doorway, the harsh tone in my adoptive mom’s voice almost breaking my heart in two. I swallowed hard past the lump of emotion that had been trying to choke me for the past few days. “It’s my birthday,” I murmured, making it sound slightly like a question in case she’d just forgotten.
