I sighed in resignation again. If I can’t have her that way, at least I can always have her by my side. I made sure that we were always touching in some way, sharing contact, letting her know that I was real and I was here. Letting her know, I would always be there for her.
The past few weeks have been hard, like a sinister shadow was looming. I didn’t know who I was without Abbey. She was going to leave the nest and I would be left wondering what to do with myself. Who was I? Who was Mia Jacobs? I had redefined myself twice in my life, once with Valla, and once with the joy of my life that was my baby girl.
Now I needed to discover who I was alone, without them. I needed to define myself once again. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to do that again, I was so tired, damn, getting older was a bitch. I looked over at blondie and smiled, but I would find the strength, especially with her by my side, I could do anything. She was my… my Vicky.
I ignored the evil voice inside me whispering that I was a fool, that I was just a coward, that I was in love with her and just couldn’t say it. It was so different than what I had with Valla. Nobody could ever replace my wife in my heart, but I had room to spare for a new and different love. She put the newspaper down on the coffee table and I reached out with a finger and nudged it around until it lined up with the edge of the table.
I was knocked out of my thoughts when the girls came in the front door and we stood to meet them. I’m not too embarrassed to say that I squealed when we hugged. There are few people in this world I don’t feel uncomfortable with touching, a ‘gift’ of my OCD, but theses girls were definitely on my list. They were my children and my OCD didn’t stand a chance against that.
I smiled warmly as they treated Vicky to the same greeting. It amazed me how much she loved the girls. It is a little weird I know, but when Abbey was born, it was almost as if she had three mothers instead of two. Valla and I would have it no other way, we couldn’t imagine our lives without the little blonde dynamo. Vicky has always loved Abbey like a daughter, even from afar. She never missed a birthday, Christmas, graduation without sending an appropriate gift that had tons of thought and insight to them.
I can see the mothering pride and joy in Vicky every time she looks at Abbey, and I know that Abbey, even though it has been such a short time, has accepted Victoria as a mother figure. She can’t remember her from when she was younger, but that connection is always there. She loves her so much and that makes me extremely happy.
I really need to talk with Vicky and determine just what… we are. I’m anything she needs me to be, anything she is comfortable with. I know that she is far more fragile than she tries to project. It has to be a terrible thing to have a mind that can never shut off… almost maddening. I see that strain sometimes in her eyes and hope that I can help to alleviate it. Sometimes in her sleep she is saying numbers, and names and other stuff, she can’t even get peace when she slumbers.
After visiting a bit, we piled into the cars for their surprise, the girls just wanted to sleep, but I implied that it would be a favor to Vicky if they ran this ‘errand’ with us. I know, I fight dirty, Abs can never say no to Vic. Go me!
We stopped for a quick meal at the XXX Rootbeer stand. I really love that place, it is like an old time burger joint that was frozen in time decades ago. I kept getting lost in my insecurities, wondering who I was, how I needed to redefine myself again, while I nudged Vicky’s napkin so that it was even with the table edge, and lined the french fries up on another napkin, largest to smallest. She blushed profusely when I fed her a french fry. That was a good look on her, I’ll have to do that more often.
Vicky nudged me with a concerned look and I just smiled at her and nudged back. Then before long we had two blindfolded women in the back seat as Vickster navigated to their surprise. I was stuck in ultra-giggle mode at their reaction to the house. We knew they were disappointed that it was beyond their current means.
But we all also knew that neither of the girls would accept help from their parents even though we were all extremely well off. However, in our little conspiracy, we also knew that if we gave the house to them as a wedding gift, they would insult the four of us if they declined. Game, set, match! Being evil is so very much fun. Maybe I should come up with an evil laugh for times like this? More mad scientist like than cackling witch I think.
June showed up, we had asked her if she wanted to be present when we sprang this on the girls, and she said, “No power in the ‘verse could stop me.” I rolled my eyes at the memory of the geek reference. Hey, don’t judge, I like Firefly too. There really aren’t words to describe that young woman. I’ve heard others say it, but she really was a force of nature and I was glad my girls associated themselves with people like June.
It was fun watching the excitement of the girls as they showed June around. Kimi kept looking out the windows to the trees, toward the creek. I grinned, she worked with Roberta in the outdoor gear and guided mountain tour business before she became a rock goddess. She still helps out at Valentine’s now that she is retired from the music industry. You can take the girl out of nature, but you can never take nature out of the girl.
She convinced the girls to take them out to see the creek, leaving me on the upper deck standing next to the object of my affection. Damn.
As I looked out over the property toward the sound of the creek, I took in Vicky’s warmth and strength from our clasped hands. I realized she was staring at me and I turned to her as she asked, “What is it Mi-Mi? Something has been bothering you for weeks now.” Crap, she was always too observant. I guess it is hard to hide things from a certified genius.
I just shook my head slowly debating on whether I should share my recent insecurities. “It’s nothing Vic. I just…” I thought a second and took a deep breath. “I just don’t know who I am anymore.”
She prompted with genuine concern, “What do you mean?”
I squeezed her hand then let it go and ran my hands through my hair in frustration and shrugged. I missed the warmth of her touch so I reached out and grabbed her hand and just played with it while I determined the best way to describe my fears, and said, “It’s s-s-tupid… in college, I lived for m-my relationship with Valla, I loved that woman… still love that woman beyond words. Then after…” My heart hurt, I could still feel it like it had just happened.
I took another deep breath and continued, “Well then I dedicated m-m-my life to making sure Abbey had the best life I could give her, a happy life, a full life.” I remember my promise to Valla on her death bed, it was a promise I was happy to keep.
I looked back to the path that Abbey and the others disappeared down. “But now our baby is all grown up and moving out. I don’t… I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know who I am without her. I’m… glad you are here.” I laced our fingers and thought of my verbal slip. I did feel as if Abbey were Vicky’s baby too.
Vicky said strongly, with surety I didn’t feel, her words coming out at warp speed, “You’re who you have always been Mia. A woman with more strength, more love, more creativity than anyone I have ever known. You weren’t living for Abbey, you were showing her your strength, giving her an example to aspire to. You give so much of yourself to the people around you because that is who you are, it makes you stronger, and that strength defines you. It is what made me fall in love with you and…”
My heart stopped. I don’t know if she meant to make an admission, but the joy in my heart was threatening to burst, I couldn’t have stopped myself even if I had wanted to, and I didn’t. I captured her lips with mine to stop her babbling. She wasn’t the only one in love.
It was heaven, I was heating up in all the best places as she returned the kiss. But then she was pushing me away, there was a combination of fear and lust in eyes that were tearing up. She was desperately whispering, “No no no… I can’t do that to you…” Then before I could stop her, and let her know it was okay, that I loved her too, she was running back into the house and down the stairs. O
h God! What had I done? She’s running again!
I ran after her, but I was too late, she was already outside and pulling away in the car. I collapsed on the lawn bawling. The other women came back out out of the trees on the trail and saw me then ran to my side. Abbey was looking around frantically as she knelt in front of me, pulling me into a hug, “Mom, what’s wrong? Where’s Vicky?”
My shoulder twitched involuntarily to my cheek as I blurted, “Fucked up!” It had been over three years since my last Turrets episode. I didn’t need this now! My shoulder twitched up brushing my cheek again, blurting, “Fucked things up!” I just sat there crying in my daughter’s arms, shoulder spasming to my face and blurting out things about my screw up. Nobody said a word as I weathered the episode. “Fucked up.”
Chapter 12 – Vicky!?
It was almost eleven at night, Leighton and I had just got Brandon settled in his crib and settled ourselves into bed when my mobile rang. I glanced at it on the nightstand, already deciding to let it go to voicemail but then seeing Vicky’s name blazing away on it.
I grinned and snatched it up and answered, “Vicky!? To what do I owe the pleasure?”
She answered in a voice full of pain, it was strained and horse, “Candice…” Then I heard the sound of screeching tires a tremendous crunching sound.
I sprang up in bed. “Bloody hell!” I was almost screaming in the mobile, “Vicky!? Vicky are you there?!” The line went dead.
Leigh was by my side and holding me as I stared at the mobile in horror. “What is it hon? What’s wrong?”
I looked at him in panic, my eyes brimming with tears, “It’s Victoria. I think she’s been in an accident.” Then I jumped up and ran to the living room and grabbed my purse off the side table by the front door of the condo, with Leigh right behind me. I grabbed my little address book, I don’t know why I’m so old fashioned I keep this thing around.
I was frantically flipping pages while my husband was trying to calm my panic, I couldn’t read anything through my tears. I threw the book down on the floor and yelled, “Bloody hell!” Leigh shushed me and ran his fingers through my hair trying to get me to settle down a bit.
He leaned down and picked up the address book. “What were you looking for love?”
I closed my eyes tightly and forced myself to breathe. “Mia… Mia Jacobs’ number.” I opened my eyes and he smiled sadly at me and nodded once as he looked up the number.
I was whispering to him, “If something has happened to Vicky… she’s my best friend.”
He smiled and nodded. “I know love.”
I shook my head at him. “No, it’s more than that. You don’t understand. She’s the first person in my life to see me as… me. She kind of saved me from a life of mediocrity. I saw myself like everyone else did, the mouse girl. She showed me that I had more strength than I knew and encouraged me to be who I was and not what everyone expected from me. I found you because of her. She’s more than simply a best friend Leighton… she’s… she’s Vicky.”
He nodded in understanding, I knew he could grasp part of what I was saying. Vicky had given me the greatest gift of all, my sense of self-worth. I shoved all of that aside, my best friend could be hurt right now. I held up my mobile in a pleading gesture and he gave me a soft smile and read the number to me. A frantic woman’s voice answered on the first ring, “Vicky?!”
I was shaking my head as I replied, “No… this is Candice Birch. Victoria’s friend.”
She was quick to reply in a stuttering voice, “I know who y-y-you are. Have y-you heard from Vicky? Sh-she… she ran… again.” If things weren’t so dire at the moment, I would have smiled at her voice. Vicky had described her nervous stuttering to me on many occasions and it was just as I had imagined.
I replied quickly, “She just called. I think… I think she’s been in some sort of motorcar accident. I heard a crash.” I thought the line had gone dead for a minute as I was met by extreme silence for a number of seconds.
Then she whispered, “Do you know where?”
I shook my head in helplessness to myself as I said, “No.”
I heard her take a deep breath and suddenly her voice was clear and strong, not a hint of a stutter was evident. “Ok, I’ll find her. I’ll keep in touch with you.”
I nodded, tearing up again, marveling at the strength of conviction in the woman’s tone, “Okay. I’m on my way.”
We said our goodbyes and rang off. I turned to find Leighton gone. I walked quickly into our bedroom and he was already packing our carry-on bags. God do I love this man. I grabbed our passports from the firebox safe while he bought tickets online, and we packed the diaper bag and got Brandon into a stroller then were out the door in minutes, headed for Heathrow.
Leigh drove, I just stared at my mobile the whole way there. It had been an hour and still no word. This must be what a panic attack feels like. I was trying to breathe, marveling at how calm my husband was. I knew he loved Victoria too, she had helped him gain confidence in his abilities when she tutored him at Oxford, it helped him become a successful accountant and we lived well because of it. Plus she helped us find each other.
My mobile rang and I answered instantly, “Mia?” I listened for a minute then whispered in a wavering voice. “Bloody hell, I understand. I’ll be there in ten hours.” Then we rang off.
I looked over at my husband and he shot me a concerned glance. I didn’t want to say it because that would make it real. “She’s at the hospital, in the intensive care unit in critical condition. She suffered a heart attack and wrecked her vehicle.”
He pursed his lips and nodded once and reached his free hand out to grasp my hand as I started crying again. I felt helpless. I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep a wink on the hop over the pond. Brandon was fussy the whole way. I was too worried about my best friend. What had happened? Why did she run again? She had finally gone home.
For how spectacularly amazing that woman was, and for all the strength and confidence she seemed to exude from her hyperactive exterior. A small, fragile, emotional child hid inside. I have seen her on the edge of an emotional and psychological break many times. I can’t imagine the torment she is constantly in, with her mind constantly in motion, unable to stop, unable to prevent herself from remembering all the things that bring her such emotional pain.
There was one fact I know about Vicky, the one fact that has haunted her for the twenty years I have known her. That is that she has always been one hundred percent in love with Mia and Vee Jacobs, and that is the source of all her pain.
Once we landed at the SeaTac airport, we had to stand in the bloody customs queue. I called Mia, but a younger voice answered, she sounded a lot like Mia. It was Mia’s daughter, Abbey. It was two AM here and they didn’t have any more information yet, she was still unconscious and now in surgery for them to work on her left hand that was crushed in the wreck, now that they had her heart stabilized.
She said that a woman named Kim would be meeting us outside of the security area and that we couldn’t miss her, she was an almost six foot tall Native American woman in a bright red shirt who had a commanding presence. She gave me Kim’s number in case we missed each other.
As soon as we got through customs, we hustled down the concourse and out of the security area. My eyes scanned around quickly and stopped on a woman in red who looked like an exotic statuesque goddess carved from stone. Her face was an emotionless mask as she divided her attention between signing autographs and watching the people coming from the concourse. I almost gasped as I realized she was Kimi Solomon from Satin Thunder! Bloody hell!
Her intelligent eyes snapped to mine and she cocked her head slightly. I nodded in acknowledgment and then her emotionless face broke into a dazzling smile as she excused herself from the people mobbing her as she took three long strides and snagged my carry-on from me as she offered a hand. “Candice?” I shook her hand, then she looked over and nodded once at Leigh, who nodded back as he pushed the baby strol
ler. All the emotion drained from her face as she started leading us out to the parking structure. “I’m Kim. Mia sent me to get you.”
I just nodded stupidly at her back like a bloody git. Then asked even thought I had just spoken to Abbey, “Any news?”
She just sadly shook her head as she loaded us and our bags into a rustic Jeep, pulling a child seat out of the back to place in the back seat. “Nothing yet. She’s in bad shape, but Vicky is stronger than most people realize.”
I smiled at the insightful woman and almost whispered, “Yes… but a lot more fragile too.”
It didn’t surprise me when she nodded solemnly in agreement, Kimi didn’t seem the type to miss anything. Leigh reached a hand forward from the back seat to give my shoulder a squeeze, I laid my hand on his and we sat that way in silence until we pulled into the hospital car park.
As we approached the main door, I saw four worried looking women standing there. One could never be mistaken for anyone else in this world, with those beautiful tattoo covered burn scars all down her right side. I’d seen her picture enough on so many album covers, Kim’s wife, Skylar Roth! Then a small blonde woman with a lock of pink hair that reminded me a lot of Vicky gave Kim a frightened, almost desperate hug.
I paused in shock when I turned to the third woman, I blinked a few times. She looked almost exactly like the woman in Vicky’s most-precious belonging, her picture of herself with Mia and Vee. I have seen the picture almost every day the past twenty years. This must be Mia and Vee’s daughter, Abbey. The resemblance to Vee was more than spooky.
Introductions were quickly made, I learned the fourth woman was June, as we all made our way down the hall to the lifts. We went to the second floor and over to the waiting room by the operating suites. Sitting in the chairs were Vicky’s parents who stood quickly and just hugged me before sitting back down, Maira started fawning over Brandon though her face was creased in worry.
There was a woman in there, pacing, and seemingly counting her steps as her lips moved slightly. I knew exactly who this beautiful woman was, with her black hair, with the slightest hint of grey strands infiltrating it, spilling over her shoulders and these piercing green eyes that seemed to look right through me as she stopped and looked up at us. Her eyes were red just like her cheeks from crying.
Lightning Strikes Twice Page 10
