by A M Russell
‘So we were just gone for three weeks; like the letter told us.’
‘It helps if you’re booking time off from work. Main base itself doesn’t operate with the slippage to any degree that’s noticeable.’
‘And the folding up thingy?’ I asked.
‘That I grant you was a shock to me too. You don’t see something so you don’t look for it. After a while it becomes automatic. They just let you straight through. The illusion of a place reached by conventional means is intact. Perception is lazy; when the thing is familiar. You simply don’t notice.’
‘I do.’ I said
‘That’s probably why they tried to get you off the expedition before you started.’
‘Aiden thought that too. I just didn’t open the other letter.’
‘You see things don’t you?’
‘George tell you?’
‘Yeah. He told me to pay attention. That’s was right before everything got really weird yesterday.’
‘In what way?’
‘It started snowing. Then the sun came out and it was red hot; really baking! It was like that for just half an hour. Then the temperature plummeted again. I mean it really dropped right out the bottom of the bulb; as if we had stepped into a super-fast deep freeze. It was right when you were at the ice lake, probably about to leave.’
‘What about Marcia?’ I asked suddenly.
‘We have not heard from her. But as you gathered George and some of the others have been pulling apart in the operational sense for some time. I mean people come and go all the time. But it’s getting harder to get new people who haven’t already been given “special instructions”.’
‘What made you work for this lot?’
‘The pay was good. And I needed something until my own business takes off.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Too much info for now Davey. I’d rather concentrate my energy on getting us where we need to be. The turn off is coming up soon.’
I hadn’t noticed, but the headlights were on, and darkness was gathering as we arrived at a quiet street full of large terraced houses. We drove down a side alley and into a large garage. The door tipped downwards and slid into place. Stark lights flooded in.
We had gathered in a big farmhouse style kitchen. This house was very quiet. We all sat in kitchen chairs. My mind reverberated with the sense of the good fortune that had got us here.
Jules came back in: ‘Have you seen the size of the upstairs? The bath is huge.’
I went to investigate. Everything had been provided. I spent a few minutes clipping the beard down to size and then had a bath. It took longer than usual, with my right arm out of action. I heard the plink-plink of the tap dripping. As I moved ripples spread across the mirrored surface. I ran some more hot water in turning the old-fashioned taps with my toes. It was perhaps the craziest moment that day. I thought I heard them all talking to me. But it was just the sound of the flowing water; like warm rain. I rubbed my face with the flannel; the impression of voices faded as I switched off the tap. After a long soak I eased my battered body out, and stood on the thick textured blue rug. As I rather haphazardly dried myself, I examined the various injuries on my leaner and harder frame. I was glad no one could see me, and not for reasons of modesty.
There was a towelling robe left on the chair for me. I put it on and went downstairs, joining the lads in the kitchen.
We all drank coffee. Then Jules found beer in the fridge; ‘Whose house is this?’ he asked. Violette was upstairs at that moment doing whatever girls do when they are high but don’t find it enjoyable.
‘It’s Dr Rhodes brother’s house. He works abroad mostly.’ Sam took the bottle Jules passed him an expertly popped the cap off with a small bottle opener.
‘Is this his beer I’m drinking then?’ Jules waved his bottle at Sam.
‘No. We had this planned for some time.’ Sam looked doubtful, ‘I really don’t think I should say anything else. Tomorrow we’ll all meet with George.’
‘Is it far?’
‘Actually it’s walking distance from here. Next to a park. I’m sorry but I really don’t know what else they’ve got in mind.’
‘That fine....’ I said, ‘let’s lighten up a bit.’
‘More beer?’ asked Jules.
‘Yeah… make it two. Lord have mercy on me but I missed this!’
‘You liar!’ Jules pointed at me, ‘You go to that crappy bar. You told me that. Good bottled stuff is not what they serve.’
‘Oh?’ said Sam.
‘Cocktails!’ said Jules, and we all laughed helplessly.
Violette came back in wearing a long kimono style robe. She went straight to the fridge.
‘What are you doing?’ asked Sam.
‘I am getting some lettuce out for the rabbits.’ She said calmly.
Jules went to her; ‘They’ve already eaten.’ He said, and took the iceberg out of her hands.
‘Yes… of course they have. I thought the grass looked short and neat up there.’ She sat down in a chair, ‘you have lovely eyes.’ She gazed at Jules intently.
‘What do you think we should do for Dr Rhodes?’ I said with a serious tone.
‘Just give the lady a drink.’ said Sam, ‘it’s only worth it if you’re a little bit pissed at least.’
‘Methinks Sam has tried it!’ I said.
‘Look mate. I’ve not had a cigarette in eighteen hours. So don’t annoy me.’ He laughed some more. Violette was watching us intently.
‘That’s interesting.’ She said.
‘What is?’ Jules smiled at her.
‘All the sounds are colours in flowers and spirals.’
‘It’s a bit like that fairy tale girl,’ I said, ‘with the flowers falling out of her mouth when she speaks.’
‘You must have had a very strange childhood.’ Sam pushed another bottle across the table.
‘I think it’s time to sleep boys.’ She was watching the pepper pot, ‘it’s just too noisy.’ She added.
Jules stood up as she did. ‘Will you be alright?’
‘Yes, of course. You’re coming up with me.’
Jules looked sideways at me and Sam. ‘Just go.’ I said.
‘That’s not an offer I’d turn down.’ said Sam.
Jules looked flushed, ‘I won’t take advantage of her. On my honour.’
‘That I’m sure of,’ I said, ‘I don’t think that you’re the one to worry about.’
Violette took his hand and was pulling him out through the hall door, ‘I need you to stop the mice making too much noise.’
‘Uh. Ok then.’
‘Jules…. Please carry me. The floor is sending out shoots. They may get my ankles.’
‘I can’t Violette. I’m really tired.’
‘That’s ok. Just go in front... stamp on them for me please…. Yes, that’s good. Jules! You’re so lovely! Why are you glowing like that? It’s beautiful.’
‘You ok mate?’ I yelled.
‘I think so.’ Jules called back, ‘It’s nice to see what loopy looks from the other side. It kind of… helps.’
Sam spluttered. ‘She’s a very, very strong willed woman. I think she has decided on her chosen one.’ He swigged more beer. ‘Oh well! It had to happen sometime.’
‘What the….?’ I said to Sam. I was still watching from the door as Jules and Violette ascended the stairs.
‘Do you think Jules can handle it? I mean he’s not really got over what happened earlier.’
‘There are two things I know about Dr Rhodes… One: she can see through us all; and Two: she is not into committing herself to anything without some follow through.’
‘I always thought she was very clever.’ I said puzzled.
‘Clever is not the word for it… she entitled to take her share of the spoils.’
‘Jules is not….’ I was indignant.
‘Whoh! Easy tiger!’ Sam was surprized by my sudden dark tone; he got out the packet of fags; ‘has it maybe
not occurred to you that they actually do like each other a lot? And this is the first time the opportunity has presented itself?’
I sat back. Chastened.
‘After all.’ Sam concluded, ‘she had just, very probably lost her job. And seeing imaginary rabbits sounds pretty sweet and harmless to me. Most people don’t see things that are that cute and fluffy.
‘You’re right.’ I put the bottle down.
‘Do you mind?’ Sam got out a lighter.
‘No... Go ahead.’
He blew a few smoke rings and pulled a glass ashtray towards his side of the table.
We sat in silence. I picked up the salt pot and started to pour it onto the table. I wasn’t really thinking. Just looking at the crystals glimmering on the wooden surface. I poked it into patterns for a while. Wavy lines and swirls. Criss-crossed lattices, little stars and dots. I swept my hand over it. Started again. Curves and rolls, repeated shapes getting smaller and smaller.
‘Don’t get maudlin bud,’ said Sam, ‘it’s not worth the trouble.’
‘I don’t know what you mean?’ I rubbed it out.
‘Yeah, you do. It’s the Lady scientist. Everyone’s knows you know.’
‘Oh…’
‘She made a choice. You have to respect that.’
I said nothing, but just stared at the table.
‘I’m sorry it got you this way….. everyone faces something like this, who goes out there. They bring it back with them…..’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve not seen one who wasn’t changed in some way.’ He searched round for another fag, and pointed at me, ‘You have that look. Just like they do… It marks all of you. Even George.’
‘Obsessed?’
‘Perhaps. But there is some mad desire that cannot be answered. You can only solve it by going back… how many times?’ He tried to click the lighter, ‘I saw Marcia before she left. Creepy it was. I saw the girl as well… your girl; of course she is. It’s there, every time you looked back. Violette talked to her. She said something to her, before she left Main Base. I don’t know what…. But I’ve seen it so many times. That look. A strange brightness. She knew she wouldn’t return… a little bit of dying they do. And in the real world the person still goes on; but with a missing piece. Janey is still out here somewhere.’
‘But she’s not her. I mean, not the girl I know.’
‘Of course not. But that’s often all there is.’ He threw the lighter down on the table.
‘I want to be with my Janey…. I want to be there. I wish I’d stayed.’
Sam regarded me with a serious expression. He got up then searching in coat pockets. He looked in the cupboard near the door. It was full of tins. He turned round and stared at me the unlit cigarette between his fingers.
‘You go see her. Make your peace.’ he found the cooks matches by the stove; ‘These cheap lighters… just rubbish. They never last as long as you expect.’
‘See her… What on earth do you mean?’
‘Visit. Call round. Entertain. Interact with.’ Sam said in a lighter tone, blowing smoke over me, ‘are you daft or something?’
‘Yes. Probably. Certainly.’ I reach out for the pepper pot.
‘Don’t do it.’ He said.
‘I won’t. They just look lonely apart.’
Sam sat down and smoked the stick in a satisfied way. ‘This is my only vice. Are you going to stop making a mess now?’
‘I think it looks quite interesting.’
‘Really?’ he took the last drag and stubbed the end out.
‘It reminds me of the snow.’
‘Daffy.’ said Sam and stood up, ‘I’m going to bed.’
I crawled my way up to the unfamiliar room a minute later; there was no footfall of dreams this time. Exhaustion finally knocked me out.
I woke to find someone drawing the curtains open on rails where the rings slid around noisily.
‘You’ll find Tea on the side; and fresh clothes in the wardrobe.’ Jules stood in the way of the window silhouetted against the morning sun.
‘A lovely day today.’
‘What? Are you my mother?’ I peered upwards.
Jules shifted round. He sat down on the other single bed; which had been slept in. He slurped tea.
‘You’re different this morning.’ I sat up blinking.
‘Drink your tea; before it goes cold.’ Jules sipped at his cup, and stared at me with those cat’s eyes.
‘You really are completely different this morning. What happened?’
‘Nothing happened. Not in the sense you might mean it anyway. I just feel happy, that’s all.’
‘Oh… so that’s what it looks like. Don’t use it up all at once.’
Jules came and sat down next to me; ‘Don’t be testy. I’ve got a present for you.’
‘What is it?’
‘If you get dressed and come downstairs I can get it for you.’
‘No; really. What is it?’
‘It’s not a large object. Rather something that has significance directly relevant to your state of mind at the moment.’
‘I’m getting up anyway; if you’re going to talk bollocks.’
Jules shrugged. ‘Sam is on breakfast detail so get down to the kitchen in ten minutes max.’
‘Yes Mother.’ I rolled over.
Jules cleared off. I jumped straight out of bed. I knew that whatever today did involve; freezing temperatures and mortal peril might not be on the list of things I ticked off. On the Things-I-really-ought-to-do-before-I-go-mad list, was “win an argument with a genius”; and “find the perfect woman”.
Perhaps I already was mad, I thought as I fastened the belt on the sand coloured slacks. There was everything I needed. I wasn’t into admitting that an intrigue had been created. Why was that?
The same table looked different in the morning light. Sam was of that peculiar breed of young professionals who are capable of all those domestic duties that some ex-students like me find so onerous. We sat down to eat. Sam put a plate in front of me with every item on the English breakfast menu.
‘Mushrooms?’
‘They are safe to eat Davey.’ Sam spooned a huge pile onto his own plate, ‘have you forgotten that you liked them.’
‘I’m not hungry….’ I stabbed a small piece of bacon, and put it back down.
Just then Dr Rhodes swept in looking glamorous in some sort of lilac coloured clingy wrap dress and purple heeled ankle boots. She sat down gracefully and smiled at me.
‘How is the arm?’
‘I didn’t know.’ I felt sullen.
‘Well then I’ll redress it after breakfast before I leave. You have the drugs case Sam?’
‘Yes. It’s here. I brought it in last night.’ He put the plate of breakfast down in front of her.
‘Lovely. I’ll have coffee please Sam.’
I poked the mushroom round the plate a bit more. Dr Rhodes regarded me with a distant appraisal that I found quite a relief at that moment. I was yearning for Janey in a way that hollowed my gut out. Now we were “safe” I had time to fall into deep mourning. Jules came and sat by me. He seemed woefully normal; which didn’t help one little bit. I noticed no exchanged glances between Dr Rhodes and Jules. I found this really odd.
Dr Rhodes sat primly drinking coffee and announced to the rest of us: ‘I will be leaving in half an hour. Sam knows were the house is. I have to go so that the trace on me will be lost. I have a job to do…. A little house visit.’
We all avoided looking at her. I didn’t feel anything, sunk into melancholy as I was.
The doctor unwrapped the bandage from my arm. ‘This may hurt a little.’ She carefully cut away some of the dressing and soaked off the pad. I accepted her ministrations without complaint. ‘There, all done.’ She carefully tied off the new bandage, ‘I think you will have a scar. This is too far along in the healing process for anything to be done about that.’
‘That’s alright.’ I said flatly.
‘Sam has the pain killers. But you need to try to avoid taking them unless absolutely necessary.’
‘You’re going?’
‘Yes.’ She said and putting the tape and bandages back in her kit.
‘Oh.’
‘Just ask Sam if it gets too keen.’
‘Thank you…’ I said, and looked at her.
‘You have been very brave Mr Milnes. Don’t let go of that now.’
‘How can I go on without her!’ I suddenly let it come…. It was dry like a desert. No weeping…. Just emptiness forever.
Violette smiled; ‘Do not be so quick to give up hope. Jules has found something for you. He spent some time last night going through some computer files.’ She looked down with a slight smile, ‘I think you have a very loyal friend. You look for something, and you don’t know what it is. But somewhere in the reams of information is a clue to why Mr Hanson was able to do what he did.’
‘You want revenge!’ I said.
‘No; Justice. That is all. Mr Hanson has…. Annoyed me.’ The cool intensity of her gaze revived me somewhat.
‘What did he find?’
‘It’s better if he tells you himself. He understands better the implications. And I have to go. There is someone I have to talk to.’
She picked up her case.
‘I’ll be back in touch as soon as I have something to tell any of you. And Jules has my home number, if you need to let me know anything.’
She gathered up her coat and left me in the small sitting room. I sat for a while, trying to gather my thoughts. Not a very useful activity.
Jules gave me a jacket. Sam locked the door. It was only a short walk to George’s house. Or was it his house? I was a bit confused.
The lads greeted us with enthusiasm. Oliver was smiling and out of all of them seemed to have regained his original warm and relaxed demeanour in a way that was quite at odds with how I felt. My left forearm burned then. Oliver hugged me. ‘I’m on my way home tonight.’ He said, ‘I really need at least two weeks off. Walking the hills you know?’
‘That’s good….’ I frowned I was already beginning to feel that pull towards “normal”. Home beckoned. That, and proper fried eggs. I shook my head.
