Count Orlok: The Bloody Truth about the Greatest Vampire to Ever Un-Live

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Count Orlok: The Bloody Truth about the Greatest Vampire to Ever Un-Live Page 2

by Justin Blasdel

PRAISES TO THE LIVING

  ALL

  STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS

  LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS

  THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT

  NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.

  VILLAGER 1

  I KNEW A MAN

  FROM GREAT BRITAIN

  HIS SKIN WAS WHITE AS SNOW.

  HE SMILED AND LAUGHED

  AT THE COLD, COLD DRAFTS

  "IT'S MUCH COLDER UP NORTH, YOU KNOW?

  BUT A BANSHEE CAME CALLING HIS NAME

  FROZE HIM LIKE AN ICICLE, "WHAT A SHAME".

  ALL

  STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS

  LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS

  THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT

  NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.

  VILLAGER 2

  THERE WAS THIS RUSSIAN

  HAD A BIG DISCUSSION

  ABOUT DIGGING UP THE DEAD.

  "GOLD'S NO USE,"

  HE DEDUCED

  "TO A CORPSE THAT'S MOLDED LIKE BREAD."

  BUT HE DUG UP SOMETHING EVIL THAT NIGHT.

  WE FOUND HIM IN THE MORNING, DEAD OF FRIGHT.

  ALL

  STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS

  LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS

  THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT

  NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.

  VILLAGER 3

  A GIRL FROM ROME

  SET UP A HOME

  FOR PATRONS TO HER LUST

  DRANK ALL OUR WINE

  THAT CONCUBINE,

  "I OWN THESE MEN FROM BUST TO THRUST!"

  A SWEET-LOOKING DEVIL KNOCKED AT HER DOOR.

  SHE OWNS HER OWN COFFIN NOW, THRUSTING NO MORE.

  ALL

  STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS

  LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS

  THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT

  NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.

  THOMAS applauds the VILLAGERS.

  THOMAS

  A lovely folk song. And now, you have a man from Germany who wishes to be fed. I will pay, and I promise not to ridicule your simple, superstitious beliefs.

  VILLAGER 1 gets a plate of food and a cup from out of the boxes/bar and places them on the table. THOMAS sits down in front of it.

  THOMAS

  (Breaking character) No silverware? How am I suppose to eat with no silverware?

  VILLAGER 1 goes back to the box and takes out a fork. HE notices it's dirty, so HE licks it and wipes it on HIS shirt before giving it to THOMAS. This was unseen by the actor THOMAS, so HE eats heartily.

  THOMAS

  Ahh! Thank you. I must be at full strength if I am to make a sale.

  VILLAGER 1

  Where are you going so late at night?

  THOMAS

  To my client's castle, of course.

  VILLAGER 2

  Who's your client?

  THOMAS

  Count Orlok.

  VILLAGERS gasp.

  THOMAS

  What?

  VILLAGER 5

  You do not know the demon of which you speak.

  THOMAS

  Who? Count Orlok?

  VILLAGERS gasp.

  VILLAGER 5

  Do not say his name, or you tempt the beast to appear in the flesh!

  ORLOK enters, wearing a coach driver's outfit. HE waves at the audience, motioning them to keep silent about HIS evil trick.

  ORLOK

  He'll suspect nothing. (to VILLAGERS and THOMAS) I am here for Thomas Hutter. I am his coachman and will drive him to the wonderful, wealthy, handsome Count Orlok's castle.

  ELLEN (OS)

  Wait!

  The actress ELLEN enters onstage and rushes to the table and grabs the silverware.

  ELLEN

  (breaking character, to ORLOK) I'll take these away. I know how allergic vampires are to silver.

  ORLOK

  Are you crazy?! Silver is for werewolves! Garlic is for vampires! That is one of the oldest rules! How could you ever mix those two things up?! (to audience) It is another lie created by Hollywood, and only the foolish could ever believe something so stupid! Only a moron would attack me with a spoon and fork!

  ELLEN

  Oh...okay. I'm..I'm sorry.

  The actress ELLEN exits, crying.

  THOMAS

  And there she goes.

  ORLOK moves to go after HER.

  ORLOK

  I didn't mean to yell so loudly. Sweet Ellen, I--

  THOMAS stands up.

  THOMAS

  (In character) I am Mr. Hutter, and I'm ready to go.

  VILLAGER 5

  No! Don't! If you leave for that cursed place, you will never come back alive!

 

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