PRAISES TO THE LIVING
ALL
STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS
LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS
THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT
NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.
VILLAGER 1
I KNEW A MAN
FROM GREAT BRITAIN
HIS SKIN WAS WHITE AS SNOW.
HE SMILED AND LAUGHED
AT THE COLD, COLD DRAFTS
"IT'S MUCH COLDER UP NORTH, YOU KNOW?
BUT A BANSHEE CAME CALLING HIS NAME
FROZE HIM LIKE AN ICICLE, "WHAT A SHAME".
ALL
STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS
LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS
THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT
NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.
VILLAGER 2
THERE WAS THIS RUSSIAN
HAD A BIG DISCUSSION
ABOUT DIGGING UP THE DEAD.
"GOLD'S NO USE,"
HE DEDUCED
"TO A CORPSE THAT'S MOLDED LIKE BREAD."
BUT HE DUG UP SOMETHING EVIL THAT NIGHT.
WE FOUND HIM IN THE MORNING, DEAD OF FRIGHT.
ALL
STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS
LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS
THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT
NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.
VILLAGER 3
A GIRL FROM ROME
SET UP A HOME
FOR PATRONS TO HER LUST
DRANK ALL OUR WINE
THAT CONCUBINE,
"I OWN THESE MEN FROM BUST TO THRUST!"
A SWEET-LOOKING DEVIL KNOCKED AT HER DOOR.
SHE OWNS HER OWN COFFIN NOW, THRUSTING NO MORE.
ALL
STRANGERS COME INTO OUR LANDS
LAUGHING AT OUR OLD LEGENDS
THEY DISAPPEAR IN THE NIGHT
NEVER AGAIN TO SEE THE LIGHT.
THOMAS applauds the VILLAGERS.
THOMAS
A lovely folk song. And now, you have a man from Germany who wishes to be fed. I will pay, and I promise not to ridicule your simple, superstitious beliefs.
VILLAGER 1 gets a plate of food and a cup from out of the boxes/bar and places them on the table. THOMAS sits down in front of it.
THOMAS
(Breaking character) No silverware? How am I suppose to eat with no silverware?
VILLAGER 1 goes back to the box and takes out a fork. HE notices it's dirty, so HE licks it and wipes it on HIS shirt before giving it to THOMAS. This was unseen by the actor THOMAS, so HE eats heartily.
THOMAS
Ahh! Thank you. I must be at full strength if I am to make a sale.
VILLAGER 1
Where are you going so late at night?
THOMAS
To my client's castle, of course.
VILLAGER 2
Who's your client?
THOMAS
Count Orlok.
VILLAGERS gasp.
THOMAS
What?
VILLAGER 5
You do not know the demon of which you speak.
THOMAS
Who? Count Orlok?
VILLAGERS gasp.
VILLAGER 5
Do not say his name, or you tempt the beast to appear in the flesh!
ORLOK enters, wearing a coach driver's outfit. HE waves at the audience, motioning them to keep silent about HIS evil trick.
ORLOK
He'll suspect nothing. (to VILLAGERS and THOMAS) I am here for Thomas Hutter. I am his coachman and will drive him to the wonderful, wealthy, handsome Count Orlok's castle.
ELLEN (OS)
Wait!
The actress ELLEN enters onstage and rushes to the table and grabs the silverware.
ELLEN
(breaking character, to ORLOK) I'll take these away. I know how allergic vampires are to silver.
ORLOK
Are you crazy?! Silver is for werewolves! Garlic is for vampires! That is one of the oldest rules! How could you ever mix those two things up?! (to audience) It is another lie created by Hollywood, and only the foolish could ever believe something so stupid! Only a moron would attack me with a spoon and fork!
ELLEN
Oh...okay. I'm..I'm sorry.
The actress ELLEN exits, crying.
THOMAS
And there she goes.
ORLOK moves to go after HER.
ORLOK
I didn't mean to yell so loudly. Sweet Ellen, I--
THOMAS stands up.
THOMAS
(In character) I am Mr. Hutter, and I'm ready to go.
VILLAGER 5
No! Don't! If you leave for that cursed place, you will never come back alive!
Count Orlok: The Bloody Truth about the Greatest Vampire to Ever Un-Live Page 2
