by Daniel Hurst
‘That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one facing a prison sentence.’
‘I am if we keep going!’
‘Why can’t you see that this is the best thing for our family?’ Adam asks me, taking his eyes off the road for the first time in a while and looking at me, although his speed remains unchanged. ‘We’re together. We’re having a baby. We can figure everything else out afterwards. All that matters is that we have each other.’
‘Adam, this isn’t some kind of fairy tale where you can just tell yourself everything is going to be alright. This is real life. There are consequences to things.’
‘Yes, there are,’ he says and I don’t like the way he just said that at all.
Is he threatening me?
‘Do you have any idea what it’s like to make one mistake that could cause you to lose everything you ever worked for?’ Adam asks me as he pushes his foot down on the accelerator again. ‘My family. My career. My whole life. Ruined because some idiot was out walking on a country lane after dark and stepped out in front of my car.’
But I’m too preoccupied to answer him because we’re going far too fast for the type of road we are on and my hand is gripping the door handle.
I wish there was some combination of words that I could say to stop him driving and get him to turn around, but I fear that there isn’t. He’s fully committed to this idea of being on the run now, and I’m to blame for encouraging it.
‘What are we going to do about the birth?’ I ask him as he takes another corner slightly quicker than the speed limit recommends. But he ignores my question as if the impending arrival of a baby is just going to be one more minor obstacle in our path towards guaranteed freedom.
‘I could have Samuel any day. Hell, I could have him tonight. Then what do we do?’
‘Don’t worry about that,’ he tells me, and I feel the frustration building up inside of me because he is treating everything as if it is no big deal when it clearly is.
‘Adam, stop this car now and talk to me!’
I suddenly lurch forward, and my seatbelt tightens against me as Adam hits the brakes and brings us to a stop, right in the centre of the road. We’re in the middle of nowhere, and there are no other cars around right now, but it’s still crazy to stop without pulling over to the roadside. But before I can say anything about it, Adam has turned to me and taken me by the hand.
‘I don’t want to go to prison, Laura! I’m terrified! Why can’t you understand that?’
He’s gripping me tightly, and it’s hurting me a little, but I can see how scared he is, and I know that he means it. He is petrified, and here I am just worrying about myself.
‘I understand that,’ I begin, but Adam just shakes his head at me and lets go of my hand. While it’s a relief to not be gripped so tightly anymore, I still miss his touch when it’s gone.
‘How could you understand?’ You weren’t the one driving. You didn’t hear the sound of the body hitting the car. It was awful, Laura. Truly awful.’
I feel bad now because I’ve realised that through all the crazy moments that this evening has presented, what I am going through must pale in comparison to the psychological torment that my husband is experiencing having seen somebody die right in front of him. Forget prison, babies and running for a moment. I’m surprised he hasn’t had some kind of a breakdown after witnessing what he did.
I know I would have.
A couple of minutes pass before one of us speaks again, but I choose my words carefully when they come.
‘How far are we from the cottage?’ I ask.
‘About ten minutes.’
I check the clock on the dashboard and see that it is eleven o’clock now. The later it gets, the more tired we are becoming, and the more likely we are to make bad decisions about our next move.
‘Let’s carry on,’ I say. ‘We need to rest, and then we can talk when we are thinking a little more clearly.’
Adam nods and puts the car back into motion again, driving much more sensibly this time, which is a relief. Samuel hasn’t kicked me in a while either which I’m also glad about because I feel as if I’ve taken enough of a pummelling today and I’m not just talking about from him. My whole life has been turned upside down in the last few hours, and I’m having to figure things out on the fly.
I fear that I won’t know what the best course of action is for some time yet. All I can do is make a decision and see where it leads. I’m trying to protect the man I love, and I’m trying to ensure that he is around when Samuel is born any day now. It’s important that Adam is at the birth because I don’t want to go through it alone.
In that moment, I know what I am going to do. I will go along with this until the time comes for me to have the baby. We will have to go to hospital for that whether the police are looking for Adam or not, but hopefully, we can be together for the birth before they take my husband away. Whatever happens, I expect it will become much clearer then.
Right now, I just want to get to a bed and try and get some sleep.
But do I think it’s possible to rest with all this going on in my head?
Not a chance.
8
LAURA
I spot the outline of the cottage through the gloom as we trundle down the dirt track towards it. It looks beautiful during the day, but right now, it doesn’t look like anything special. Right now, it looks exactly like Adam told me it would be.
Empty.
We are the only ones around for miles in any direction, and I know that because of our previous visits up here and how long it took to get to the nearest village. It is usually so relaxing to come to a place like this, but now, our stay promises to be anything but.
Adam brings the car to a stop just outside the cottage, and I stare at the pretty stone-build through the windscreen. It’s not a large property by any means. There are two levels to it but only three rooms on each. There is a living area and kitchen downstairs with a small pantry coming off it leading to the back door, and two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs.
Back when Kat first talked about buying this place, she told me she had visualised her family driving up here for the weekends or for a longer break in the summer. She’d pictured them spending the days enjoying long, winding walks in the countryside and the evenings curled up on the sofa in front of the fire watching films, reading books or just chatting over a bottle of wine with her husband, Martin, while their kids were in bed. Her and Martin liked the idea of having an affordable and private place to retreat to whenever the stresses of life got on top of them, and I have to say it did sound ideal and almost too good to be true. Alas, it has almost turned out that way.
Kat and Martin hardly ever come up here unless it is to do some urgent maintenance on the property. They just never seem to be able to find the time to load everything up into the car and make the drive. Essentially, it’s been a massive waste of money for them, although it has been great for Adam and me because we are allowed to use it when we wish. We don’t come here as often as we would like either, but we have been more than Kat and her family, which always felt a little awkward considering they had paid for it but never mind. I do like it here, though. Having a little country hideaway to get away from it all for a few nights is everybody’s dream, I would imagine. Yet here we are, my husband and I, with our luggage in the boot and our minds weary from the drive up, and it now feels like a nightmare to be here.
These were not the circumstances I expected to be at this cottage under, but I’m just glad to have somewhere to rest now.
It’s late, and I’m exhausted.
Adam is already out of the car and grabbing the bags from the boot, but I take my time getting out of the vehicle because my back is aching and I don’t want to make it worse. I’ve been pretty fortunate that I haven’t suffered too many of the negative side effects that can come from being pregnant, but my back has been progressively stiffening up over the past few months and the car journey tonight hasn’t helped t
hat issue. I need to lie down, stretch out and close my eyes. But first, we need to get inside, and I suddenly panic that we have forgotten the key. Fortunately, Adam is one step ahead of me, as he has been for most of the night so far, and he takes out the silver key from his pocket whilst walking towards the entrance to the cottage.
He opens the door, and even though I know there is no alarm set inside, it’s still nice to hear the silence within. I recall a previous conversation we had the first time we visited here when I noticed that there was no security system in place.
‘Your sister never worried about anybody breaking in?’ I had asked Adam as we had walked through the front door.
‘Who would break in?’ he had replied. ‘There’s nobody here.’
It was a good point, and I think about it now as I look around at the dark hills that surround us. I’m not sure if I would be more relieved to see a light in the distance or whether the isolation is a source of comfort.
Adam grabs a few of our bags before stepping inside the cottage and I follow him in, turning the lights on and seeing the interior that I recognise from previous visits. The cushions on the two leather sofas facing the flatscreen TV. The small open-plan kitchen that is mainly for preparing sandwiches or soup rather than cooking a full-blown meal. And the stairs leading to the two small bedrooms and the bathroom on the upper floor, well decorated and neatly presented and all adding up to this being the perfect place to spend a few lazy days away from the hassles of real life.
Of course, it’s a lot more than real life that we are trying to get away from now.
‘It’s freezing,’ I say, rubbing my hands over the arms of my coat.
‘I’ll put the heating on and grab the rest of the bags,’ Adam replies. ‘Why don’t you head upstairs and get yourself ready for bed?’
I nod at the plan and head for the staircase, too tired to disagree or lend my help with the rest of the luggage. Climbing up to the dark floor above, I entertain a brief and nonsensical moment of fear about somebody hiding up here in the pitch-black waiting to jump out at me. But it’s a silly thought, and I push it from my mind, although it’s easier to forget about it once I have turned the lights on on the upstairs landing so I can now see where I’m going.
I’m a little too old to be scared of things in the dark.
I know that there are much worse things to worry about than fictitious monsters.
I reach the bedroom and turn on the light before a loud popping noise almost makes me jump out of my skin. A small yelp escapes from my throat, and Adam must have heard it because he comes running up the stairs to check on me.
‘What is it?’ he asks as he reaches me in the bedroom doorway.
‘The bulb’s popped,’ I say as I feel my heart hammering away in my chest. The last thing I need at this late stage of my pregnancy is sudden scares. If you had asked me a couple of hours ago if I was ready to have the baby then I would have said yes, but now I’m desperate for him not to come yet.
‘I’ll see if I can find a spare,’ Adam says as he takes out his phone. ‘Be right back.’
Adam heads back to the staircase as I enter the bedroom and run my hands along the white linen bedspread, feeling a little flicker of excitement at how comfortable and cosy it feels.
After taking off most of my clothes and making a quick trip to the bathroom, I’m finally ready to crawl underneath the duvet and put my head on the pillow. I can hear Adam downstairs moving things around and bringing the last of the bags in from the car, but my eyes are closed before he can join me in the bedroom.
Sleep comes surprisingly quickly for me, and it’s a relief.
At least it is until the nightmares start.
9
LAURA
I turn around and look over my shoulder, but there’s nobody behind me. I’m not sure why I thought there was, but something told me to check anyway. The sense of dread is palpable, and while I’m uncertain as to why I feel it or what I have done to cause it to enter my life, I know it is there.
I’m walking through the home. Not the cottage in the countryside. My home. The one I have just left behind. The one I miss already.
Everything seems to be in its usual place, but I’m checking anyway just to be sure. I see Adam’s suit jacket hanging on the bannister of the stairs. I spot my selection of celebrity cookbooks on the shelf in the kitchen. And now I’m in Samuel’s bedroom again, or at least what should be his bedroom.
But there’s something wrong. The crib has gone. So too has the changing mat and the array of stuffed teddys that should be sitting in the corner. Then I notice that the wallpaper in here is peeling. The dinosaurs are all deformed. Some have their heads ripped off while others seem split straight down the middle.
This room doesn’t feel like it used to.
Now it feels like a very bad place to be.
I rush out of the bedroom in search of a safer place, but I stop when I hear the sound of somebody knocking on the front door. My stomach churns, and I put my hand to my mouth because I know that it is over.
‘Police. Open up!’ comes the cry from the male officer outside, and I realise that they have come for me.
How did I ever think that I would get away with it? I’m a criminal, and I deserve to be punished. I couldn’t hide forever. They have found me.
Now the time has come to face my fate.
I rush into my bedroom, ignoring the sounds of knocking downstairs and try to pretend like there is still some way out of this. The thought of going to prison terrifies me, and I can’t believe that I was ever so stupid enough to believe that I could escape the law.
I go to the window and look out over the back garden, trying to figure out if I can jump down and make my escape over the fence. But then I see the police officers are already out there on the lawn and they are all looking up at me and daring me to try it.
I open the window and lean out, determined to have a go at escaping anyway, even though it is clear that I’m surrounded and have nowhere to go.
But before I jump, a horrible thought occurs to me. I realise that even if I do escape then this feeling will never end. I will always be looking over my shoulder. I will always be worrying about being caught.
I will forever be chased.
The concept of never being able to achieve peace of mind again is a frightening one, and that is not a life I would wish on my worst enemy. How will I ever sleep if I can’t relax? How will I ever laugh if I can’t let down my guard?
How can I live when I have no life?
I’m halfway out of the window now, but I’ve decided not to jump. I’m going to turn around. I’m going to go back into the bedroom. I’m going to find another way out.
But then I see the police officer behind me. She has her arms raised out towards me and the flash of the handcuffs is like a lightning bolt to my brain.
I freeze. I don’t know what to do. It’s over. I’m caught. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in prison.
Then I feel the windowsill collapse beneath me, and suddenly I’m falling.
10
LAURA
I’m jolted awake by the nightmare, and it takes me a few seconds to remember where I am and how I got here. I look over at Adam in the bed beside me, but he is still sleeping, somehow unaffected by my sudden jerking.
It was just a nightmare.
Or was it?
While I haven’t actually fallen out of a window, I’m not able to draw any comfort from the bad dream being over. That’s because I know why I had the dream, and that reason is very much a part of my reality now. We’re on the run, and the police aren’t just chasing me in my dreams.
They are after me in real life too.
It’s not the first time I’ve had a nightmare about being pursued by the law. I’ve had many experiences where I have woken up in my bed and felt the flood of relief that comes with realising that what I just experienced in my mind wasn’t actually real. I don’t think it’s unusual. We all have nightmare
s about things we are scared of.
Being ill. Being alone. Being chased.
I’ve had several nightmares in my life that involved me being guilty of a crime and having that creeping sense of dread that life will never be the same again. It’s only when I wake that I remember I’m not actually a criminal and I have nothing to worry about. I’m free to live my life, and thank god for that. Except this time the nightmare hasn’t ended by me waking up.
I’m still right in the middle of it.
I don’t feel like I’m able to go back to sleep, so I roll over and look towards the window. Daylight is streaming through the curtains, and a quick check on the alarm clock by the bed tells me that it’s 07:12. Normally, I would spend the first few minutes of the day checking my messages and browsing the internet on my phone, but I can’t do either of those things because one, there’s no signal here, and two, Adam says we can’t use our phones anyway in case the police try to track them.
Great.
I’ve got a mobile phone, and it’s completely useless.
I feel a sudden urge to use the toilet so I get out of bed as quietly as I can so as not to disturb Adam then I enter the bathroom and start my day. It’s much colder in here than it was in the bedroom and not for the first time since waking up, I wish I was at home in my own house. At least I would feel a small sense of ease there. But here, and with what Adam and I have hanging over our heads, I feel nothing but stress.
I flush the toilet and leave the bathroom, heading down the stairs and towards the flatscreen TV in the front room. There might be no signal, but at least there’s a television. I plan to check the news for any reports about the hit and run incident and to see just how bad the situation is. Who knows, maybe we’ll be lucky and there are no reports meaning that things might be okay.
Or maybe not and my husband’s face is going to be on every single channel.
