In the Fast Lane

by Audra North

  This is about him being proud of you.

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” Al paused, and Ranger could see his father’s throat working. “I never stopped loving you, either. But I never got your mother back. I know that, if I’d been a better husband, she never would have left. And that kills me every single day. At least, though, with you, I was … I was lucky enough to have you come back into my life.”

  Lucky enough? What the hell?

  “Wait—” Al shook his head. Everything about this felt suddenly wrong. “If you had been a better husband? You think you’re lucky that I came back into your life? But I hate—”

  He broke off. He’d been going to say he hated his own father. But now that he was standing here, looking at the man, seeing that sadness creep back into Al’s face and hearing Kerri’s words in his mind, he wasn’t so sure anymore. “What are you saying?”

  “I was a fool, Ranger. For letting your mother go without a fight. For trying to punish her for what I saw as a slight against me.”

  “What the fuck? You know it was your fault? You let me hate you”—this time,he said it, letting the word go with all the pent-up intensity of three decades of pain—“like I’ve never hated anyone in my life, and all of a sudden you’re deciding to go Dr. Phil on me and share?”

  Al leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and looked up at Ranger with the don’t-bullshit-me look that Ranger knew all too well. “You and I both know you wouldn’t have believed me.” He snorted. “If you’d even bothered to listen in the first place.”

  Ranger thought about how blind he’d been about Al even up to this morning, when Kerri had said those words—This is about him being proud of you—and it had shaken something loose that he hadn’t even realized had been blocking him for so long.

  He ran a hand threw his hair and blew out a harsh breath. “Fine,” he admitted. “I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have thought you were trying to manipulate me.”

  Al tightened his mouth in a wry smile. “And now?”

  “I still think you’re trying to manipulate me.” Ranger couldn’t help but grin at the look on Al’s face. “But it might be for the right reasons. Frankly, I don’t know you well enough to be sure. What you’re telling me, well … Mom always said that you didn’t love her. That you didn’t care.”

  “It probably seemed that way, yeah. I was awful.” Al opened his hands in a small shrug, then let them fall together again. “She left me because I worked all the time. I never spent time with her, even when she told me it was all she wanted. The week before our third anniversary, she said if it kept up, she’d leave me and she’d take you with her. I was so used to buying my way through problems that instead of cancelling a business trip that didn’t even matter, I bought her a new car.”

  He gave a wry smile. “She packed that car and drove it back to her parents’ house in Tennessee. When I came home, she was gone. No trace of either of you. She left a note, but I didn’t see it for what it was—a plea for me to see sense. A final chance, for real. Instead, I got angry that I had failed, though I didn’t realize at the time that it was disappointment in me and not her that was fueling my anger. I called her and told her that I wouldn’t come after her and take you if she agreed not to push me for child support.”

  Ranger blinked. “That’s—”

  “Despicable. I know. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize. I kept meaning to. But every year, it got worse. I became convinced that I wouldn’t be able to go back, that the chance was smaller every time. But really I was just scared that she would reject me. Even if she had, I should have gone to her.” He gave a heavy sigh. “I didn’t realize … I didn’t know how bad things were for you guys—with money, I mean. Your gran and pops had always done all right and I thought you’d be okay. I never would have handed her an agreement like that if I’d known…”

  He trailed off, shaking his head. “I know it’s no excuse. But I wouldn’t have let you suffer like that if I’d known. I would have at least made sure you had enough food to eat and clothes to—”

  “If you didn’t know then, when did you find out? And how?” Ranger was baffled. He’d never talked to Al about this stuff.

  “Your aunt called me up the day after you graduated college and laid into me something fierce. Said she’d promised your mom all those years that she’d stay quiet, but as soon as you started being the one to support your mother, and not the other way around, she figured enough was enough. She told me—” He stopped, swallowed hard, and took a deep breath before continuing. “She told me all the ways in which I’d failed you, and that I could never make it up to you or your mother for what I’d done.”

  “And somehow that made you want to meddle in my life now?”

  Al chuckled. “Yes, as a matter of fact. It did. I agree that I can never make it up to you, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t bother to try. I’ve been watching you and Kerri in the news and been talking to Bit, who said you’d fallen hard for her but hadn’t realized it yet. I figured I’d come out and give you a little push.”

  “Bit told you? You paid him to spy on me?”

  His dad scowled. “Bit did it because he cares about you as much as I do. Haven’t you ever wondered what my connection is to racing? Why I bothered to get in with Hart?”

  Yes. He had wondered, but he’d just assumed Al wanted to punish him by choosing a sport that Ranger was prejudiced against. That he’d thought was stupid and foolish, for stupid and foolish people.

  He’d been so wrong.

  “I knew Jim Hart—Kerri’s dad—back in the day. We grew up together. Bit was a guy from our town, a little older, who tolerated two little kids hanging out, pestering him about cars. When I moved away at fourteen, I left behind a whole lot of memories. Good memories. Jim came from good stock and he was a nice man. I wanted to help his company after he died, so I made an offer.”

  “But Kerri said they turned it down because you told her to wear makeup and look sexy. What was that about?”

  Al waved his hand in the air to dismiss that. “I just said that when I realized they needed more than just a sponsor. Those kids and Nancy were still too raw from Jim’s death. They needed to throw themselves into racing in a way to get over it, not to drift away. Kerri was dating that good-for-nothing, Earl … it would have been a fucking mess if I’d gone in there then. I upped the stakes, told Kerri to sex herself up because I knew it would make her turn down the deal. But when you came back, looking for a promotion, I guess I felt like I had a chance to give you something that I destroyed for myself.”

  “You mean you knew that I would fall for Kerri?”

  Al was silent for a second, then let out a loud, guttural laugh. “Oh, shit, Ranger. No. Hell, no! I think I’ve already proven that my head is for business, not that love stuff.” Al snorted, but Ranger didn’t miss the regret in his father’s eyes. “I meant that I wanted to give you a chance to see what real success looks like. Not just money, but being on a team. Being part of something where everyone works together. Everyone looks out for one another. I grew up with that, and I knew Bit was that kind of people. I failed at keeping that alive when I went out on my own, and that’s what I wanted to give to you. You and Kerri … well, that was all your doing, son.”

  For the first time in his life, Ranger found he didn’t mind so much that Al called him that.

  Son.

  It made him feel like he was a part of something that felt uncannily like success.

  Al chuckled. “I tried not to call and check up on you, but I wanted to know if you were actually spending time with those guys. Letting their priorities become yours. I know you didn’t like it, but I wasn’t doing it to make you angry or to try to sabotage the deal. I wanted you to benefit from my mistakes.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Of course, that’s not to say that I’m not glad about you and Kerri getting together. She’s a smart little thing and stubborn as hell. You met your match in that one.”

  You me
t your match …

  Hell, yes. A whole slew of memories flew through him. Kerri, standing up to him before the press conference the first day he’d met her. Giving him a chance to prove himself. Kissing him. Making love to him. Loving him.

  And he’d fucked it up. Damn it. “I have to go.”

  “So you said. Best get a move on, then.”

  Ranger opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “We’ll catch up soon.” I need to ask you some things. I need to forgive you. I need you to be proud of me. But I don’t have time right now.

  Al must be able to read minds, after all, at least a little, because he started blinking hard and fast and abruptly looked away from Ranger. But Ranger hadn’t missed the sheen of tears in his dad’s eyes.

  He turned to the flight attendant. “It was nice to meet you.”

  She grinned. “Good luck, Mr.—um—Ranger.”

  With that, he bolted down the stairs, hoping that it wasn’t too late.

  Chapter Nineteen

  By the time Ranger muscled his way into the pit, the race was well under way. Kerri was heading into the final ten laps, and Grady was none too happy to see him.

  “What the fucking fuck do you think you’re doing here, Colt?”

  Grady was standing at the top of the ladder in the back of the stall, staring angrily down at him.

  “I love her, Grady.”

  Grady stared for what felt like an eternity before he finally nodded and moved away from the ladder. “I’m still gonna punch you as soon as this race is over.”

  “Fair enough.” Ranger hauled himself up and grabbed a headset.

  “—the lead if you think the tires will hold.” Kerri was in the middle of talking, and the sound of her voice was enough to thrill him. Yes. God, yes, he loved this woman.

  As soon as she was done talking, he clicked the mic on and plunged right in. “I love you, Kerri.”

  He heard Grady curse.

  Damn it. He hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that. He’d even composed a whole speech that he was going to give her before he told her.

  “Ranger? Fucking—is that Ranger? Did you—what did you just say?”

  At least she wasn’t shutting him down. He decided to go for it.

  “Yeah, it’s me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave you because—because I love you.”

  Silence. And then … “You love me? Then how—oh for fuck’s sake, never mind. Sign off, Ranger. I’m racing. This isn’t the time.”

  Grady’s voice came through the line, even though he was sitting a foot away from Ranger. “She’s got six laps left and she’s barely holding on to the lead, Ranger. She’s right. Sign the fuck off. You can talk after the race. Right after I punch you.”

  She had the lead?

  “What the fuck, Grady? You’re planning to punch Ranger?”

  More silence. Ranger glared at Grady.

  “I might have made statements to that effect.”

  “Goddamnit, you are both idiots. Now sign off! I’m racing!”

  “I agree with Kerri.” Another voice broke into the conversation.

  What the hell? He didn’t recognize that voice. “Who is this?”

  “It’s Simms.”

  “What are you doing on my channel? Get back on your own! It’s not safe.” Kerri was shouting at the rival driver, and Ranger was starting to think that signing off probably was a good idea. But Simms kept talking.

  “Hey, I’m defending you, here! Colt acted like a dumbass. Even I know that. Grady told me about it.”

  Ranger reached out and smacked Grady in the back of the head.

  “Considering you’re the world’s biggest womanizer, that’s an even bigger insult.” Another voice joined the line.

  “Now who’s butting his pokey ass into my private business? Since when did this become a chat line about my love life? We’re in a race, gentlemen!” Kerri sounded frazzled.

  Fuck. He didn’t want her to lose this race because he’d fucked up.

  “Want to keep it private, darlin’, then don’t blab about it on your race channel.”

  “I’m not the one who—Goddamnit, is that you Riggs?”

  “None other. I’m gonna beat your ass today, by the way.”

  “You’ll have to take me down first, grandma,” came Simms’s voice.

  “Guys! Stick to the talking about the race or do as Kerri says and get off the line!” Ranger sounded annoyed.

  “Whatever. I’ve gotta get off, anyway, ’fore Johnson has a heart attack up on the tower. Ranger, you’re an idiot.” With that parting shot, Ty was gone.

  “I second that, Colt. No man worth his salt gets involved with a lady and then leaves her for his work. Kerri’s like a sister to us, you know. I’ve half a mind to beat your ass down for messin’ with her like that and—shit!”

  “What? What happened?” Kerri screeched.

  Lee’s voice came through then, chuckling. “McFadden did a bump-and-run on Simms while he was being nosy.”

  “Men are the most stupid—”

  “Careful, baby. I might not be the smartest person that ever was, but not all men deserve to be tarred with the same brush just because I messed up.”

  Silence again. That fucking silence was going to kill him.

  The pack zoomed by the finish line. Five laps to go. Was she still listening, at least?

  He hoped so. He took a deep breath and tried to remember that whole speech he’d prepared. “Can’t you understand what it means to want something so badly that you go blind to everything else? When I started this job, all I wanted was to prove to my father that I didn’t need his money. I never had. But I’d already proven that. I just hadn’t realized it. And now that I know what I truly want, I’m not willing to let you just walk—or drive—out of my life.”

  The announcer’s voice cut over the track. “Tom Nolan is making a move to get out in front of Kerri Hart. He charges on the outside and—oh! Hart cuts him off!”

  Shit. Time to let her race. But one last thing—“I love you, sugar. And I’m not going anywhere.”

  * * *

  He loved her.

  She’d had to stop talking because she’d seen that fuckbag Nolan coming up behind her, but she hadn’t stopped listening.

  And now it was all she could think about.

  That, and the fact that she was about to win this fucking race. Everyone else had dropped off her channel, thank God. It had just been her and the car for the past couple of minutes, and now she was just coming out of the last turn of the last lap, leading the pack. She was going to win.

  She could see the checkered flag ready to drop. Eye on the flag. Eye on the flag. Lee’s voice came across the channel. “Nolan is coming up fast on your right, but you can take it. Hit it all the way on the straight and it’s your race, Sis.”

  She and Nolan were neck and neck now. She could hear the scream of his engine as they drove, not bothering to look over at him. It was so close, so close. But she would win this, even if it ripped her tires to the rims. She pushed the gas all the way to the limit, making the RPM gauge flip its shit as she and Tom barreled neck and neck toward the finish line.

  “You’re both at top speed, Kerri. Keep it up and you’ll win this one. Five hundred yards. Don’t let up. Don’t let—”

  BANG!

  The sound of metal hitting metal was deafening. Sparks flew up between their cars, coming in through the window and dancing around her peripheral vision. Either he was too close and his spotter had misjudged the distance, or Nolan was deliberately trying to push her off the track.

  “Kerri! Nolan’s back tire is shredding. Pull forward, fast! Gun that sucker or you’re gonna—”

  Too late. Nolan’s car slowed, spun, screeching and scraping as it started to turn into hers. Her own car started turning, too, pulling her to face the wall.

  No. No no no! There was no way she was going to crash out of this race. No way. She and Nolan were both still moving toward the finish line, b
ut the rest of the pack was coming up close behind. Please God. Please just let me cross that line. Please let me—

  Another BANG! Nolan spun, slamming back into her right rear but this time his car was so low to the ground that it caught under her chassis, and Kerri’s car began to flip over.

  “Goddamnit!” Ranger’s voice on the wire sounded strange. There was something in his voice she’d never heard before.

  Fear.

  Too late, she slammed on the gas, trying to pull away, but the momentum only drove her faster into the flip.

  Oh, God.

  The car flew up, rolling side over side, bouncing with every turn. Kerri couldn’t close her eyes. She couldn’t keep from watching as the world tumbled around and around, slamming her body unceasingly. She tried to open her mouth, to say something, even if just to scream, but the impact kept jarring her teeth closed and making her jaw tingle.

  God, please don’t let me die. Please don’t let me die. Not like this, without having told Ranger that I love him.

  Because she did. She might have been mad, but when she’d heard him come on the line, she’d nearly wept with relief. He hadn’t abandoned her after all. She could depend on him. She could.

  It had made her want to win for him, too.

  But now, God. Now all she wanted to do was stop rolling.

  One, two, three—over and over she went, incapable of stopping the juggernaut that her car had turned into. Her shoulders ached. Her head was being jerked around, her neck hurt, and her legs felt like they were on fire as she held on for dear life, and she was starting to feel woozy.

  Something smacked against her helmet, slamming the hard shell into her skull. Ow! That hurt pretty bad. That wasn’t supposed to hurt so bad, was it? Her helmet was supposed to protect her. So why was her head was feeling impossibly heavy?

  Flip. Flip. Flip …

  Her eyes were beginning to close, even though she was fighting it with every ounce of energy she had left. Don’t pass out. Don’t—