Maggie fought for composure. She really wished Amanda’s thing for red would work, because she was wearing a red shirt and she needed fortification. Right then and there, she wanted to wrap her arms around Tru and never let him go. He looked genuinely concerned for her.
“Let’s just say not everyone could have a great family like yours.”
“Oh, believe me, mine wasn’t that great. Everyone has family problems. I had a doozy if you’re worried about some kind of family skeleton.”
She couldn’t believe he came that close. What would he think of her? She’d never been a chicken. “You know why I am so drawn to Jenna? Besides that she’s a great kid.”
He shook his head.
“I was a runaway when I was around her age. My dad left when I was in seventh grade and my mom, well, home life had always been a struggle even with Dad home. He wasn’t the most reliable guy, my dad.” A real loser, nothing more than a crook who involved his young daughter in his cons. She didn’t say anything about that. She couldn’t. The letter in her pocket weighed heavy on her soul. “He actually went to prison for all sorts of crimes. Theft being the main one.” She finally admitted it, giving him a satirical smile. “He was a real winner.”
His gaze was unwavering and kind. “I’m sorry. You deserved more than that.”
She didn’t really know what to say, but now that the floodgates had opened, Maggie kept talking. “My mom, she kind of spiraled out of control. It was hard. She drank, and we moved from apartments pretty often. It was very . . .” What was the word? “Hard. Let’s just say Mom loved her drugs and her revolving door of boyfriends. I was—” she broke off on that note, not certain she could tell Tru, but she saw his fear for her there in his gaze. “It was bad. I never knew from day to day if I was going to have a place to sleep and if I was going to be safe if I went to sleep.” That had been the worst. She looked away on that note.
Then added, “I spent a lot of nights curled up in the corner of the maintenance room of the apartment house or some other corner I could find.” Tru’s eyes had hardened.
“So you ran away? Was it because someone finally hurt you?” She could hear the struggle for control in his voice.
She shook her head. “I knew it was a possibility, that it was only a matter of time before something happened. I knew it was up to me. No one else was looking out for me and so I had to have the courage to leave. I stuffed a backpack full and walked out and never looked back.”
He just stared at her for the longest time, his fist curled up on the counter beside the coffee cup. His eyes glittered. “How did you make it?”
“I was just barely seventeen when I left. A little older than Jenna. I’d been creative and lucky and had managed to live unharmed until then. So I was able to get a job at a coffeehouse. No one was looking for me. I didn’t matter and so I was able to get odd jobs . . . but I lived on the street, hiding out in bathrooms and a few other places.” She didn’t mention Shane. Couldn’t tell him that she’d gotten mixed up with a bad guy who’d ended up robbing a convenience store. Shame ate at her. Had followed her all these years. She’d run away from him and changed her name after that. But she’d never forgotten it. Shane had been caught and had gone to jail.
His expression hardened. “You had to live on the streets? What happened?”
She smiled. “Like I said, I got a job in a coffee shop. The owner, a very nice woman, let me have all the hours I wanted so I worked most of the time for a few weeks. If I was there, I wasn’t on the street. I went to church, too, and met Amanda there. She happened to be sitting in the pew when I sat down beside her. Which was a God thing.” Maggie would never forget that moment. Amanda had smiled at her, offered her name and asked Maggie’s. For some unexplainable reason, she’d felt amazing hope in that moment. Without even blinking an eye, she’d told Amanda that her name was Maggie Hope—she’d been using that name ever since she’d run from Shane. It had just come out of thin air the day she’d started using it. She didn’t tell Tru any of that.
“When the service was over, I was walking down the road, my backpack on my shoulder with everything I owned inside. Amanda saw me and pulled over and asked me if I’d like to go eat lunch with her. And from her act of kindness, I found a roommate and best friend.”
Tru traced the line of her face. “I’ll have to thank her sometime. I’m glad you were safe.”
Maggie had never told anyone her story. Amanda knew she was a runaway and that her home life held threats that made not being there her safest bet. But other than that, no one knew she was a runaway. And no one knew Maggie Hope wasn’t her original name.
And she’d told Tru almost everything. Why?
Because she’d come to trust him.
She laughed shakily, grabbed her lukewarm coffee, and moved past him. Needing space between them desperately.
Needing to think.
She walked back outside and Tru followed. This time she bypassed the swing and walked to the edge of the deck to lean against the railing. The stars glistened down on her and the air felt so clean, much better than the stifling memories.
“I hate that you went through that.”
She shrugged. “I lived. And it could have been worse. I’m one of the lucky ones. I worked, got my GED, and managed to get through community college.” In order to do all of that she’d first officially changed her name to Maggie Hope.
“That’s amazing.”
“Yeah. My mom died that year. Overdosed.” She didn’t say how deeply guilty that had made her feel. How sad and guilty. If she’d stayed, could she have helped her?
The very thought haunted her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah.” Maggie knew she’d done what she had to do. She stared out at the night. The turmoil conjured up by thoughts of her past eased a little as she stared into the still darkness. The cry of the coyote seemed more of a lonely cry to her now rather than spooky.
Tru stepped up behind her, and all of her senses came alive. He touched her hair, his fingers tracing gently down it as if soothing her. “I’m glad you were strong. You did what you had to do. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”
He understood. She turned and found herself surrounded by his presence. Her heart raced. He was all she wanted to think about in that moment.
None of her past mattered right then. None of it.
She got lost in his eyes. Drank in the way the porch light silhouetted him as she touched his chiseled jaw. Her gaze dropped to his generous mouth. “God always has a plan,” she said softly, lifting her gaze to his. Wanting his kiss, and his arms around her.
He gently pushed the hair at her temples away from her face. “Your attitude is amazing. You’re amazing.”
He was going to kiss her. She wanted him to so badly.
“You deserve so much. You deserve to have everything your heart desires. All of your wishes.” The words were earnest, his eyes fierce, when he looked at her again and with a barely there brush of his lips against hers, he backed up. “I have to go. Are you okay here?”
She felt breathless and suddenly confused. Had she shared too much?
“I’m fine.” She wasn’t, but he wouldn’t know that. She followed him through the house to the front door. He didn’t pause until he was in the yard.
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
Maggie felt the ground shifting unsteadily beneath her. “Sure. I’ll be there.” Sure . . . boy, did that sound easy and uncomplicated. Especially since she wasn’t sure about anything.
And he was gone. In his truck and gone, leaving her feeling more alone than she’d ever felt in her life.
23
Tru’s heart pounded relentlessly as he drove away from Maggie.
He ached for her and the desperate situation she’d faced as a defenseless girl growing into a young woman. If he could have found her father in that moment, he’d have broken every bone in the man’s face. Tru wasn’t a violent man, but he had his limits. His anger di
ssipated only because there was nothing he could do about her past. Looking at her now, he knew that she was okay. She’d landed on her feet—her spirit of survival and belief gave her an indisputable hope. And that made her resilient.
She’d even landed a job that enabled her to help other people look past bad situations and find the hope in them.
She was remarkable.
His life had hard times, but nothing like this. Nothing. He was grateful that he and his brothers had things under control even in the worst of times—which didn’t compare to Maggie’s life. The ranch would be solid and on its feet for good if they all kept up the hard work they were doing.
And his cancer when he was six had been found in an early stage. They’d treated him aggressively and he’d handled it by focusing on following in Pops’s footsteps. He’d not been thinking about children or the possibility of not being able to have them. But the difference had been that he’d had family supporting him. Maggie had faced everything alone.
His respect for her compounded. Only adding to the fact that he was falling hard for Maggie Hope, and there was no good that could come of that.
Maggie deserved the house full of kids like she mentioned. He could already see the amazing mother she would be. Her children would never suffer—feeling unloved and worthless as she’d felt. Her children would know that they were wanted and adored every day of their lives.
But not if he were in the picture. There would be no children.
Unless they adopted . . . how would she feel about that?
And what right did he have to even be thinking these thoughts?
He had to get through the rest of this challenge. Help Maggie be a competent rider so that she looked good when that camera caught her cutting and showed it to the world.
And then he’d watch her leave and wish her life every happiness. God had dealt him a hard card. But, looking at Maggie and seeing how she was so optimistic, it gave him the determination to move forward and handle it better himself.
It just wasn’t going to be with her.
The next couple of days just got plain weird.
In the following days, Maggie realized even more than she had that night that in opening up to Tru she’d put a wall up between them that she couldn’t quite figure out. She hadn’t ever opened up to anyone. Except in omitting Shane, the convenience store robbery, and that she’d changed her name, she’d told him everything. And now he was distant.
He was kind. He was patient in showing her what she needed to do with her horse but he was oh, so far away.
He was very careful not to touch her. This she noticed the most because she wanted him to so badly.
She tried not to let it bother her and spent the time in between lessons holed up in her cabin working on her columns. Despite his behavior and the way it worried her, she felt a keen excitement about the column.
It was a cool feeling.
The second day’s lessons felt hard physically and emotionally. She pushed herself to improve on her riding, while at the same time trying to not wear her heart on her sleeve. When they were done with the lesson, she headed to see Jenna. Thinking back on her past as she’d done had really put the girl on her mind. She needed to talk to her. And she needed the distraction.
Peg was the first person she saw as she walked around the corner of the house. She and one of the other girls, Anna, were pruning a rosebush. When Peg saw her, she came her way.
“I’m so glad you’re here. I was going to call you. Jenna hasn’t been doing well over the last few days. She’s going to give birth soon and she’s not ready mentally. Maybe you can talk to her as her friend. Maybe you can help her make the decision that’s right for her.”
Maggie had known in her heart this was coming. Jenna’s heart was so torn. She had confided that she was giving the baby up even if it hurt her because she knew that was the right thing to do. But Maggie worried that it was killing her more than she wanted to admit.
She found her sitting in her room. The tough kid looked as alone as Maggie had felt when she was that age. Maggie couldn’t stand it.
“Hey,” she said, after giving a light rap on the doorframe.
Jenna had her hands resting on her stomach protectively as she did most of the time. And on the table beside her the book was open to the smiling couple she’d chosen to be the parents of her baby.
The expression in Jenna’s eyes was as grieved as Maggie had ever seen.
Maggie closed the door of the room and went to kneel on the floor at Jenna’s feet. She placed a hand over Jenna’s and felt little Hope move. Bittersweet sadness filled Maggie. The horrible spot this girl was in . . . Maggie could hardly stand it. Jenna would make a wonderful, loving mother. Every child deserved to be loved desperately by their mother. Maggie knew what not being wanted or loved felt like, and it hurt beyond words.
Jenna’s eyes filled with tears that she blinked furiously to get rid of. “I’m never going to know my baby girl. It’s hard.”
“Then don’t do this.” Maggie had never said words she meant more. For weeks she’d said nothing, torn about whether to voice what her heart was thinking and what was best for Jenna and Hope. It wasn’t up to her to encourage this young woman to decide to raise her child when she wasn’t much more than one herself. But now, Maggie couldn’t hold back. Couldn’t look into the pain in Jenna’s eyes and not speak what was on her heart. “Jenna, you love your child more than life itself and your child deserves to know that.”
Jenna brushed the tears away. “That’s true. But I have nothing to offer her and keeping her would be selfish of me. No, I made myself promise to give her the best I can give her, and that’s a good family.” She closed her eyes and a tear slipped out. It rolled slowly down her cheek, breaking Maggie’s heart all the more.
Words that spoke of the maturity of this girl, but . . . “You have yourself, Jenna. Do not underestimate that. Your fierce love of your child means so much. I won’t lie. It would be hard. But you have grit. Look where you are. No one but you can make this decision. Do you know that I chose to run away when I was about a year older than you?” Jenna’s chin came up and her eyes brightened with interest.
“Really.”
Maggie settled on the floor, crossing her legs and cupping her hands together. She told her about the reasons she left, about not feeling like her mother would protect her. Jenna nodded knowingly.
“I’m sorry, Maggie. I mean your mother should have protected you.”
“Yes, but we both know sometimes that’s just not the way life works out. I know now that I shouldn’t have hit the streets alone, but I should have sought out help at a local child protective agency or a women’s shelter. Someone would have helped me. Running and living on the streets like I did only put me in further danger, and there are so many places where girls like us could have gotten help. But it worked out for me. And your choice worked out for you. No matter what, taking that step to find safety takes bravery and courage to carry through.”
Jenna’s brows dipped, and her expression hardened. “That’s why I’m going to do this. I am. No matter how hard it hurts. I’m giving my baby a better shot at the things she deserves.”
Maggie had heard it before from Jenna. And no matter how much she tried to convince her differently, Jenna wasn’t budging. “You love your child, though, Jenna.”
“And that’s why I’ll do this. Because it’s best.”
Maggie tried not to let her emotions take over. This was ultimately Jenna’s choice. She had no right to push. No right.
As she left a few minutes later, promising to be at the birth and support her, Maggie was torn beyond belief.
She went straight to the barn and saddled Stardust. She needed something to take her mind off of the emotions spilling through her.
She did not need to see Tru. Thankfully he hadn’t been around when she’d decided to come to the barn. But as luck would have it, he drove up before she got Stardust saddled.
At that
morning’s lesson she’d forced herself to take his lead and pull back as he obviously had. Opening her heart to him had caused this and she really didn’t understand, and right now she had no patience for it.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, as she led Stardust from the stall.
She walked past him, toward the exit. “I’m riding.”
He fell into step beside her. “Okay. Are you okay?”
“No. But that’s not your concern, so don’t worry,” she lashed out at him and kept on walking. He’d run so fast from her his boots were still smoking. She realized she couldn’t do that to Jenna and that was one reason she’d gone to see the girl. Not that it had done any good.
He reached for her arm. “Hey, hold on. What is going on?”
She glared at him, uncontrollably angry. “Everything. Jenna is going to give up her child for adoption and she’s going to regret it for the rest of her life. And I don’t know how to stop her from doing it.”
“It’s not your call to make.”
She glared at him. “Don’t you think I get that? She loves that baby. She’ll be a great mother.”
“She’ll have a really hard time as a sixteen-year-old mother with no family. You know what that is like. What would you have done if you’d had a baby when you went out on your own? How would you have held a job?”
“I wouldn’t have given it up. I’d have found a way.”
He stared at her, compassion softening his expression. “It’s Jenna’s decision to live with, Maggie.”
“You are not helping me.” He was actually making the situation worse. Tension that she’d bottled up while talking to Jenna welled forth and the best scenario would have been for him not to have shown up.
“Maggie, you’re used to giving out advice through a newspaper. This kid is actually here in front of you. You can’t make a decision for her based on what you’re feeling. You’re too close to it. You’re making an emotional decision.”
Betting on Hope Page 20
