‘Of course I’m sure! I know how I feel and I don’t want you to kiss me! So please let me go.’ She didn’t want to hurt him again, but if he didn’t stop this then she might be forced to do so. Yet even as the thought ran through her head, Jacob forestalled any attempts she might have made to push him away. Capturing her hands, he eased them behind her back to bring her into abrupt contact with his naked chest as he smiled into her shocked face.
‘What you want is convincing that I am right.’ He ran his hand up her body from hip to breast, his fingers smoothing deliberately across the soft curves before he stared meaningfully down at where her nipples were thrusting against the thin cotton blouse in blatant response to his touch.
Colour flooded her face and she looked away. ‘I hate you, Jacob,’ she said hoarsely.
‘Maybe, but that isn’t what you are feeling most right now, is it, my sweet little coward? It isn’t hatred which heats your blood and makes your body respond so eagerly.’ His head came down and he took her mouth in a harsh kiss which made no concessions. His lips were unrelenting, demanding a response. Helen twisted and turned but it was impossible to free herself from the iron-hard grip of his hands, just as it was impossible to evade the seeking mouth which covered hers. There was no softness in the rawly savage kiss, no tenderness, and something inside her cried out against the cold deliberation of it.
Tears slid from her eyes, running down her cheeks to slide into the corner of her mouth, and Jacob must have tasted their saltiness because he drew back abruptly, his face set as he studied her. Helen could hear the rasping sound of his breathing mingling with her own, and the sounds filled her with pain. Jacob could only feel contempt for her to kiss her that way and, although she claimed to hate him, it hurt to realise it.
The thought made the tears flow faster, and she heard him utter a rough exclamation before he drew her to him and held her with a gentleness she had never expected after that rough assault. ‘Don’t cry. I can’t bear to see you crying and know that it’s my fault!’
His lips skimmed her temple, pushing the heavy fall of hair aside to brush her skin in a caress which sent a tremor shooting through her. Jacob must have felt it because he let her go at once, his face bleak. ‘I would never hurt you physically, Helen. Surely you must know that I could never do that!’
There was such stark pain in his voice that she replied instinctively to soothe it. ‘I know that, Jacob.’
‘Then why are you trembling?’ He got up abruptly and walked across the darkened room, then came back and slammed his fist against the top of the table in a gesture which shocked her. Jacob never lost control and to see him doing so now made everything seem suddenly unimportant, everything apart from telling him the truth. She owed him that much at least.
‘I—I’m not afraid of you, Jacob. It wasn’t fear which made me tremble like that.’ Her voice was so low that it barely disturbed the silence, and she thought he hadn’t heard her at first as he stood there, his shoulders hunched, his whole body rigid. Then suddenly he knelt down on the edge of the quilt, his face just inches away from hers as he stared straight into her eyes with an expression in his which made her breath catch, made the blood swell in her veins.
‘Then what was it, Helen? Tell me!’
His voice seemed to vibrate through her whole body until she felt dizzy with the sensations it aroused. Through a haze she watched him move closer, so close that if she reached out her hand she could have smoothed the frown from between his eyes, could have laid her hand against his hard, warm chest and felt his heart tapping out a rhythm as fast and as furious as the one beating inside her. And it was that realisation which pushed her into doing something which, deep down, she knew she would come to regret.
‘Not fear, Jacob, but desire.’
There was a moment, just one, when the words seemed to hang suspended, when she had the feeling that Jacob didn’t dare believe them, then it was gone as he came down beside her on the quilt and took her into his arms. This time his mouth was warm and mobile as it took hers, his lips inviting rather than demanding a response, and Helen found herself unable to refuse. She had accused Jacob of being emotionless but there was such emotion in the way his mouth moved over hers while his hands stroked her body that she felt almost overwhelmed by the intensity of it.
‘Helen—sweet Helen. You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this!’ There was a raw ache of need in his voice which tugged at her emotions and she arched towards him, wanting to give him all he sought. He murmured something softly under his breath then slowly laid her down on the quilt, his eyes filled with a desire he made no attempt to hide as he bent over her and kissed her cheeks, her chin, the smooth curve of her jaw before letting his mouth stop on the delicate curl of her ear while he nibbled kisses around its rim.
Helen felt a wave of desire surge inside her and she clung to him, letting her fingers smooth over the strong muscles in his back and shoulders, feeling them clench under her touch. Deliberately she smoothed her hands across them again, loving the smoothness of Jacob’s skin, the burning heat beneath, the long shudder he gave which told her more clearly than anything just how he felt. Jacob had always been so strong and in control before, and now this sudden vulnerability he betrayed excited her almost beyond bearing.
She shifted on the tumble of quilts and blankets and heard him groan roughly as his hand ran down her body to still her movements. ‘God, Helen, don’t do that! You’ve got me so het up I can barely think!’
She smiled against his cheek, letting her lips feather small kisses along the faintly rough skin of his jaw before lifting her head to press more against the smooth curve of his brows. ‘My, what a confession, Jacob! I never thought I would live to see the day when you admitted you weren’t fully in control!’
He laughed aloud at her blatantly provocative teasing, his hand covering her breast as he teased the already rigid nipple through the thin barrier of shirt and bra. Helen gasped at the sensations which spun like silk through each limb, soft yet dangerously seductive. ‘And I never thought the day would finally come when I might make that admission!’
He kissed her again, his lips so achingly tender that she never wanted the kiss to stop, and clung to him when he tried to move away. He smiled down into her eyes, then smoothed another fleetingly sweet kiss against her mouth before dropping his gaze to her blouse as slowly, one by one, he worked the buttons free. Helen lay quite still, scarcely breathing as the final one opened and Jacob lifted the two sides of the shirt apart then unfastened the tiny clip at the front of her bra and smoothed it away from her breasts. He stared down at her for a long moment then lifted his eyes to hers, and something inside Helen seemed to swell until it filled her with warmth as she saw the expression almost of reverence in his glittering gaze.
‘You’re beautiful, Helen, so very beautiful. Just as I always knew you would be.’
‘Jacob!’ His name was soft the way she said it in that whispery little voice, yet it seemed to hold a wealth of meaning. It made no attempt to hide the desire she could feel inside her but issued an invitation which Jacob wasn’t slow to hear. His face went still, his eyes blazing in the dim light from the torch, every hard muscle in his chest and shoulders clearly defined as though he were holding himself in check. Then with a low groan of part defeat and part triumph he slid down beside her on the quilt and took her into his arms, his hungry mouth and clever hands teaching her about feelings and sensations she had never known existed until then.
And later when Jacob drove them both towards dizzying, magical heights to find a completion which left her shuddering helplessly in his strong arms, Helen knew that, whatever she felt about this man who was her husband, it wasn’t hatred.
CHAPTER TEN
DAWN broke in a blaze of colour, as though nature was trying to atone for the havoc it had wrought the night before.
Helen stood on the veranda watching the sky turn from crimson to gold. The beach was littered with debris carried ashore by the
storm and fronds of the palm trees which the wind had ripped off. Jacob’s yacht had been beached and was lying on its side, the mast split in two, a huge gaping hole in the once spotless white hull. The storm had caused a vast amount of damage to the property and undoubtedly to the rest of the island, but eventually it would all be cleared up. If only it were so easy to clear up all the other reminders the storm had left behind. If the night hadn’t been so fraught and tense, then would she have made love so willingly with Jacob? Surely that had been the reason why she had acted the way she had!
‘It’s a real mess, isn’t it?’
She hadn’t realised that he had woken up and stiffened at the sound of his voice, her face colouring hectically. But when she finally summoned up the courage to glance at Jacob as he came to join her, she realised that he had been referring to the storm damage to the property.
She nodded briefly, turning her eyes away from him, hating the way her heart gave a shuddering lurch as the memories came flooding back, so clear and so strong that she didn’t think she could cope with them now in the revealing light of day. She didn’t hate Jacob, that much she knew, yet something inside her shied away from admitting exactly how she did feel about him. She needed more time to come to terms with what had happened between them, but as she murmured an excuse and turned to hurry back inside she knew that Jacob had no intention of affording her any time.
He stepped in front of her, big and powerful as he stood there and watched her in silence until the colour filled her cheeks. Helen dropped her eyes away from the glittering intensity of his gaze, twisting her fingers nervously against the dusty white fabric of her jeans while she tried to find something to say, words to make Jacob understand how she felt, but whatever she thought of sounded too revealing.
‘You can’t pretend it never happened, Helen. I won’t let you do that.’
His voice was harsh, uncompromising, and her heart started to thump sickeningly hard inside her chest as she heard it. Perhaps if he had shown a touch of compassion then maybe she could have told him how confused she felt, but there was no way she could make such a confession now.
Her head came up and she met his cold gaze, fighting against a sudden wave of pain. ‘I am quite sure that you won’t, Jacob. I’m not fool enough to imagine that.’
His mouth thinned but he replied levelly enough. ‘Then you must understand that it isn’t possible to ignore what we did. We made love last night, Helen, not because I forced you but because you wanted to as much as I did. There is no way that you can run away from that fact!’
‘Perhaps not, but neither does it mean that I want to repeat it!’ His unyielding attitude hurt and she responded to it in the only way she could without breaking down. ‘Yes, we did make love, Jacob, and no, you didn’t need to force me. As you said, I was perfectly willing.’ She shrugged lightly, glancing past him as she fought for the control to carry on when it felt as though her heart was being slowly ripped to shreds inside her. Didn’t Jacob know how difficult this was for her? Didn’t he care? Apparently not.
‘Yet you have no intention of allowing it to happen again at some future date?’ He laughed softly, dangerously as he took a step closer to her. ‘Come on, Helen! Who are you kidding? It won’t be a question of your allowing me to make love to you, doling out favours when and if you feel that way inclined! You wanted me as much as I wanted you, and that desire will be the deciding factor in the future as it was last night.’
His hand shot out, pulling her into his arms so abruptly that she slammed against his chest and lay there for a stunned moment before starting to struggle wildly. ‘No! There won’t be any future occasions, Jacob. Last night was a one-off, and was it any wonder with the storm and everything? Feelings were heightened by the danger we were in and—’
‘You honestly believe that? That the storm was the reason for it?’ He laughed aloud, his face set into lines of mockery as he tilted her face and stared down into her emerald eyes, then allowed his gaze to drop deliberately to her mouth then further to the curve of her breasts under the cotton blouse, and Helen was filled with shame when she felt her body respond immediately to the look.
She wrenched herself away from his hold, panic rippling along her veins before she brought it under control. ‘That proves nothing, Jacob. Nothing! All right, so I do respond to your touch, but any woman would.’ Her eyes shone with scorn. ‘You’re a skilled lover, Jacob. You know exactly what to do to get the response you want, and I am no different from any other woman. But that’s all it was, an instinctive physical response. So please don’t flatter yourself into imagining that it meant more than that, because it didn’t!’
‘I see.’ He leant back against the veranda rail, folding his arms across his chest as he watched her through hooded eyes. His chest was still bare, and against his tanned skin the white gauze on his shoulder made a startling contrast. Even though he’d had little sleep and hadn’t shaved he still looked stunningly attractive, and Helen felt the blood start to run hotly through her veins as she watched him and remembered the intimacies they had shared just hours before.
‘I suppose I could accept that, Helen, if it weren’t for one small fact.’
‘And that is?’ It was hard to hide the nervousness she felt, hard to control the rush of disturbing memories of those hours she had lain in his arms.
‘That until last night you were a virgin.’ His soft voice brought her back to the present abruptly. Helen stared at him with a mounting fear, watching the way his mouth curled slowly into a smile which held a wealth of meaning. ‘Did you think I wouldn’t realise that, my sweet? Granted, your response was delightfully enthusiastic, but it owed little to experience, did it? So tell me why, if wanting to make love is purely a matter of pushing the right buttons, so to speak, you haven’t tried it before—with Richard, perhaps? You and he seemed to be close, so surely it would have been a natural progression in your relationship? Yet until last night when the storm struck and I just happened to be around, you were never tempted? Seems odd to me, Helen but perhaps there is something I’m missing?’
‘I—I...’ She stopped abruptly, unable to think of what to say in reply to the taunting statements. Jacob was right; until last night she had never made love to any man, never wanted to, yet she had wanted him with a desire which defied all attempts at logic.
‘You have always professed to hate me, Helen, even last night, but can you honestly say with your hand on your heart that’s how you still feel now?’ His voice was rock-steady as it asked a question which shook her with fear. Her eyes skittered to his face then away as she drew a quick desperate breath, but it did little to stem the feeling that she was teetering on the edge of some great precipice. She felt so confused, her head whirling with questions, feelings, emotions, all mixed up with this sharp fear that one small step could send her plunging over the edge into a situation far worse than any she had encountered so far.
‘Helen? Aren’t you going to answer me?’ He was relentless as he pushed her on and on towards an answer which was whispering at the very edge of her consciousness, trying to make itself heard, but her fear was just too strong; fear that she might not be able to cope with the repercussions once she allowed it into the open.
‘Last night changes nothing, Jacob.’
He pushed away from the rail to tower over her for a moment before starting back inside the house. He paused to look back, the sunlight catching him to turn his skin to bronze, his eyes jewel-bright as they rested on Helen’s face in a look she could feel, before he gave a small, confident smile. ‘All right, Helen, I’ll let it go at that for now. But very soon now you will have to face up to the truth.’ He laughed softly, the breeze carrying the sound and magnifying it. ‘Last night we moved a lot closer to achieving that!’
He disappeared inside the house, and Helen turned away to grip the rail with numb fingers as she stared out to sea and felt the fear inside her swamp her. She didn’t want to face the truth of how she felt about Jacob! He was a ma
n used to power, used to using it to get what he wanted, and instinct told her that it would be handing him a huge amount of power over her, leaving her completely vulnerable to whatever he chose to do. Yet if she stayed with him then he would push her day after day into admitting how she felt, slowly gain that much more power over her life. She couldn’t bear that to happen. Their marriage had been a mistake from the start and now what she must do was rectify it as quickly as possible and save herself from making any more, far more disastrous mistakes!
* * *
It was almost evening when Helen arrived back in London. She took a taxi from the airport to the flat and let herself in, relieved to find that it was empty. Obviously her father was still at the house, and, although she would have to go to see him and explain what she had decided, she wouldn’t need to do so immediately.
Carrying her bag through to the sitting-room, she sank down on to the sofa and closed her eyes as weariness overcame her. Jacob had been out when she had left, trying to arrange some help to clear up the damage caused by the storm. Helen had waited until he had gone then rushed around packing a few things into a bag, all the time afraid that he would come back and discover what she was up to. However, by the time the taxi had arrived to take her to the airport there was still no sign of him.
He must have found the note she’d left for him by now, so what would he do? She wasn’t fool enough to imagine that would be the end of it. No, Jacob would come after her, but suddenly Helen felt too tired to worry about it. At least she’d gained some breathing space to muster her arguments and try to make him understand what a mistake their marriage had been.
Sighing, she got up to take her bag through to her room, then stopped when the doorbell suddenly rang. For a moment panic overwhelmed her before she came to her senses and realised that it couldn’t possibly be Jacob so soon. She had managed to get the last available seat on the flight back to London and there wouldn’t be another free for several days.
Lovestorm (Harlequin Treasury 1990's) Page 13
