by Bijou Hunter
Opening the door a little more, I stared into his eyes and tried to keep my voice steady. “Do you promise not to hurt me again?”
“I could promise, but I’m not the kind of man who won’t hurt you.”
Sighing, I opened the door a little bit more. “Do you promise you’ll try not to hurt me?”
“Yes, angel.”
Opening the door the rest of the way, I stepped back until he entered. Once I shut the door, I studied his soaking wet jacket and the heavy droplets falling from his hair.
Judd stared at me like he wanted everything and could barely control himself. “You have that look again,” he said as his lips found mine.
Pushing off his jacket, I let it drop to the ground as I stared up at him. “I wanted you to be mine more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
Lifting my lips, I waited a mere second before he kissed me again and I pressed my body against his.
When he pulled away his lips, he frowned. “I got your nightgown wet.”
Judd glanced around and took in the view of my apartment like he hated everything about it. When he focused on me again, I had dropped my nightgown next to his jacket. His gaze washed over me and I waited to be rejected. Instead, he swallowed hard.
“I didn’t tell you that about my family so you’d fuck me. That’s not what I want.”
“You want to be close,” I said, unbuttoning his shirt. “You need to feel like you’re someone else and maybe with me you can. I know when I’m with you, I feel like I’m a different person.”
Judd stared at me as if unsure. “I want you.”
Smiling softly, I pushed his shirt off his shoulders and the wet material plopped to the ground. I let my gaze enjoy the chest I had ached to explore since the day he walked out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Now, I had my chance.
Running my fingers down his strong shoulders, I felt my breath coming out faster. His skin felt so warm under my fingertips and my body quickly responded as I caressed the dark hair on his hard chest. Judd watched me like I was fascinating and my smile grew.
Over his chest was a tattoo of a heart punctured by a sword with the name Zaria underneath. My fingers traced the inked skin as I looked up at him.
“Lots of guys have ‘Mom’ on their chests,” he explained. “I put my mom’s name instead.”
“Why the heart with the blade in it?
Judd’s expression shifted ever so slightly. “She broke my heart years ago and it never healed.”
Staring into his eyes, I nodded. “My parents broke mine too. I want my heart to have something new to heal it.”
Judd showed no reaction, but I could nearly feel him struggling with his needs versus his wants. He needed me to stay with him, but he wanted to fuck. I learned as much when I knelt in front of him and kissed just under his bellybutton as I undid his jeans. Judd kicked off his shoes and I tugged down his pants. Soon, only a wildly unprepared pair of briefs stood between me and what strained against the material. Grinning up at him, I eased off the briefs and sighed at the sight of his arousal.
Judd kicked away the briefs then stood over me, breathing too fast as his hands balled into fists. He wanted to fuck so badly, but I needed more than to have a man thrusting inside me until he was satisfied.
Taking my eyes off his tense expression, I stared at his cock pressed against his belly. So hard and thick, it enticed me to lick away a drop of cum on the tip. Judd’s breathing changed as he pulled me to my feet.
Hands gripping my hair, he kissed me hard and stole my breath. I met his hunger with my own, finally fearless after a lifetime of fear. My body pressed against his, cradling his erection as I ran my nails down his back. Judd’s hands left my hair and cupped my butt, pulling me even closer, wanting me right where we stood. Then, his lips left mine and he stared into my eyes.
Hunger, raw and unbroken, looked back at me. He wanted to fuck me, hard and fast until I couldn’t move. Instead, he stepped back and licked at his lips as I tasted him on mine.
Opening his mouth to speak, Judd said nothing as I took his hand and pulled him towards the bed. My body needed nothing to prepare it for what was next. Never could I have imagined being so aroused from simply kissing.
As I leaned back, Judd pulled back. Watching him walk his fine nude body back to his clothes, I panicked at the thought that he might reject me again. Instead, Judd retrieved his jacket, fished around in the pockets, and returned with a handful of condoms.
“Tell me you want this,” he said in a rough voice. “A woman like you that’s been beaten down by life can’t always say no. You need to say yes, so I know you want this.”
“Yes,” I whispered, needing him inside me. “Yes, please, more than anything I want this.”
Judd exhaled hard and I saw something shift on his face. Moving towards me, he tossed the condoms on the dresser except for one. I watched him wide-eyed as I waited and hoped. Between my legs, the flesh throbbed in anticipation. As if sensing as much, Judd’s gaze lowered to where my legs spread.
Leaning forward as he climbed on the bed, his lips met mine tenderly. I sucked at his tongue, wanting everything because my dream might come true.
Judd pressed two fingers inside me and I pushed down on them, searching for pleasure. I whimpered when he removed them then watched him suck the slickness from his fingers.
“Judd,” I whispered and he smiled like I was magic.
“You look like an angel,” he murmured, his eyes on me even as he removed the condom from its wrapper.
Watching him roll it over his erection, I reached for his chest, teasing his nipples. Judd groaned quietly then he was ready and I smiled. Judd smiled too as he pressed me back on the bed.
Lips at my throat, he tasted gently, yet ended with a nip of his teeth. I sighed as between my legs ached to be filled. Judd wanted to explore a little first. While I ran my fingers through his wet hair, he sucked at my nipple. Softly then a little bite that sent my hips looking for his.
“Judd, now, please.”
“I love when you say my name,” he whispered, kissing me.
My legs opened for him and he angled his cock between my swollen wet lips. Unable to wait, I lifted my hips, searching for relief. I found it as he opened me up with a soft push. A moment passed as I adjusted then he pulled out an inch before thrusting deeper. Moaning, I held onto his forearms and watched him thrust deeper and deeper.
I wanted him all and soon he pushed so deep the base of his cock caressed my clit and I came hard. Crying out, I closed my eyes and thrusted my hips upward for more. Judd filled me then left me just enough to cause a panic before filling me again. Slowly, he pushed me towards another orgasm and I smiled at him as I felt it coming.
“You’re so beautiful,” I murmured, gripping onto him as I came hard again. “The most beautiful thing in the world.”
As Judd stared at me, I knew his control was breaking. His thrusts were faster, harder, almost desperate in their intensity. Holding on, I soaked in the feel of him until he came.
Our bodies shook as the waves of pleasure lingered. When our eyes met though, I knew there was a reason he dropped so many condoms on the nightstand. I held his warm gaze and smiled.
“I want more,” I told him, eliciting a grin.
As hours passed, I lost track of how many orgasms I enjoyed. Lost track of everything except how his body moved inside mine. Again and again, as if we were starving and finally found nourishment in each other’s arms. Long after exhaustion teased at the edges of my thoughts and my body grew tender from our lovemaking, I still wanted everything he would give me.
Despite Judd’s past as a redneck fucker, he was unbearably careful with me. I felt how many times he struggled to restrain the hunger I saw in his eyes. He wanted to simply take, but never did because I was his angel. Every time he came inside me, he whispered his pet name for me and I felt a little more like someone else. Someone I didn’t recognize, but desperately needed to be.
Long after we had sated our needs, our bodies remained together, teasing and testing. Propped up over me, Judd pulled his cock from me then pressed achingly slow back inside. In and out, each time allowing the head to tease my clit before he angled back into me. While the pleasure built, I explored his chest. I’d had many fantasies about touching the hard muscled frame.
On the right side of his stomach was a tattoo of a decorative cross with a black snake curled around it. I suspected it signified evil tainting grace. Was this how Judd viewed us? Was he the devil tempting naïve Adam and Eve? No matter his feelings, I was tainted long ago. Often I felt ruined, but not with Judd. There were moments when I had no past or future. No fear or shame. It was just me and my knight.
Chapter Fourteen
Judd wasn’t sleeping very deep when I crawled out of bed. I didn’t blame him for being restless. Between the raging storm and my loud neighbors, the apartment was loud.
Even with Judd next to me, I couldn’t calm my growing panic. The noise was too loud and I felt like people were watching me. Mostly, I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I had to get away. Hiding in the bathtub with the door locked, I pulled the curtain shut and tried to push away the voices.
I heard them though. Not the neighbors, but the men from the motel. The way they would play their radio loudly outside my room and knock on the door. Tommy would tell me what he planned for me and how flexible he hoped I was and how he would share me because he was a nice guy like that. Hiding in the bathroom then too, I’d cover my ears and pretend Farah was holding me and we were together and safe.
Even promising myself I was safe in Ellsberg, it was as if I was back in the motel. Around the edges were also the memories of the biker gang. How loud they would get in the evenings. How they would play their music and drink until they were screaming and laughing at everything. When they got so loud and drunk, they made me and Farah scream too.
Somewhere in my mind, I understood I was far away from them. Despite knowing I was safe, I felt their eyes on me. They were watching and laughing. Hiding my face in my lap, I struggled to find my way out of the darkness and back to Judd. Instead, I was the ruined girl returned to her dad and told I’d make a good whore.
Judd called my name through the door, but I didn’t answer. I wanted so badly to be someone else. I wanted to be beautiful and special. I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror without shame. I wanted it all, but I was just fooling myself. Just because Farah made her dreams come true didn’t mean I would. Farah was always special, but I never was and nothing had changed.
The pop of the door busting in startled me, yet I kept my face hidden as Judd pushed aside the shower curtain. His hand caressed the back of my head then he whispered my name again. Wanting to ignore him, I felt like I’d ruined our first time by being ruined before he ever met me.
Hearing something like panic or hurt in his voice, I didn’t ignore him. He thought I was angry with him or he had done something wrong when in fact he did everything right. Our first time was only beautiful because of him. I was the ruined thing, but he couldn’t see past his own self-hatred.
Lifting my face, I sighed. “It’s so loud.”
“Why didn’t you wake me if you were scared?”
Shaking my head, I just stared at the wall until a bang from next door sent me an inch off the ground. I turned to Judd and wanted him to understand because I knew he didn’t. His gaze revealed only pain as he recalled our every moment together.
Softly, I wrapped my fingers around his neck and brought him closer.
“When I was younger, men hurt me.” I whispered and Judd tensed. “They would watch when they were hurting me and I feel like they’re watching me now.” Releasing him, I stared into his eyes and added, “It’s not you that’s scaring me.”
Judd sighed. “I want you to get dressed and pack up extra clothes because yours will get soaked. We’re going to my place.”
“I don’t want to go outside,” I said, crying. “They’re out there waiting.”
Judd’s jaw tensed. “Remember in the hotel when I told you what would happen if someone came looking for you?” When I nodded, he continued, “I’ll kill anyone who comes near my angel. Do you understand?”
“I know it’s stupid, but I feel their eyes on me.”
“It’s not stupid. My place is in a quiet building and you’ll feel safer there. Can you get up?”
Nodding, I stood with his help and followed him out of the bathroom. Quickly dressed, I still felt like someone was watching and laughing. The bikers laughed a lot when they made fun of my body. My big knees and bony legs and flat ass. They didn’t think my breasts were sexy. They called them fat milk jugs. I would stand there and cry and they’d laugh more. I could hear them laughing as I followed Judd from the apartment.
His arm around me, Judd carried my bags in the hand next to my shoulder. His free hand held a gun and I looked at it every time I felt the panic building.
Smelling of Judd’s cologne, the SUV felt safe. He turned on a CD and Bob Seger sounded right for my dark mood. Feeling the filthy gazes of the horrible men on me, I knew they wanted to laugh at me again. I felt so sexy when I was with Judd, but that was gone now. I was ugly and couldn’t forget their cruel words.
“Do you know what post traumatic stress is?” Judd asked as we waited at a light.
“Soldiers get that.”
Judd nodded. “Victims of crime do too. My mom has it. Even after years of therapy, she gets in these moods where she can’t be touched and needs to be alone. She’ll spend days in her place with her little dogs and her knitting and won’t talk to anyone.”
“Your dad hurt her?”
“Yeah, and she broke free eventually, but in her heart, she’s still his prisoner sometimes. She can’t ever truly be free, but most days, she’s happy. When she’s not happy though, it’s bad.”
“I know those men were sick fucks and I shouldn’t care what they said, but I feel like they’re here again. I feel like I’m back there and…”
Judd spoke when I didn’t finish. “You need to feel safe. I’ve got real quiet neighbors. Lots of retired people. It’ll settle you down until you feel more like yourself. Pearl will help too.”
“Who?”
Judd gave me a little grin. “You’ll see. She’s going to be crazy about you.”
Soaked from the rain, I began to chatter and Judd shoved the arm rest back so he could wrap me against him. Even smiling at his gesture, I was tired and scared.
My teeth were still chattering when we reached his underground parking lot. Judd’s arm remained around me as we walked to the elevator where he used a security code to get the doors to open. Closing my eyes, I leaned against him as we headed up to the third floor. Soon, we made our way to his corner apartment.
The minute we entered, I relaxed because this was Judd’s sanctuary. He admitted as much as we walked down the short hall to an open kitchen family room layout.
“I rarely have people in my place. I hate it really. My mom and Vaughn come around. The Johansson brothers on occasion. Their dad a few times. Otherwise, I don’t want people in my place.”
The tone he used told me how seriously Judd felt about having a place to himself. Yet, he brought me.
I smiled up at him. “It’s very manly in here.”
Judd gave me a grin then dropped my bag on a kitchen stool.
“I’ve never shared a bed with a woman,” he said, taking off my wet jacket. “No, once I got wasted and crashed at the place of the chick I fucked. As soon as I was conscious, I got outta there. I don’t like sharing a bed.”
Feeling something at my leg, I flinched away until I saw a fluffy white cat. “You have a cat,” I said, stating the obvious.
“That’s Pearl,” Judd explained, leaving me to kneel down and pet the cat that immediately purred.
Judd walked to the kitchen and found us something to drink. “She’s my neighbor’s cat really. When Helen went in for sur
gery, she was looking for someone to watch Pearl because she thought boarding the cat would be too upsetting. I didn’t want to do it, but my neighbors were all smart enough to claim allergies. I still wanted to say no, but Helen looked up at me with her big eyes and what the fuck could I do?”
Grinning at him, I sat with Pearl who climbed into my lap.
“Babe, why don’t you get out of those wet clothes and sit on a couch?”
“What happened to Helen?”
Judd shrugged as he placed the two beers on a coffee table. “She had complications and ended up in a nursing home. I couldn’t take Pearl to the shelter. That was too fucked up and my mom’s dogs don’t like cats. So I kept her.”
Judd pulled me to my feet and lifted my damp shirt over my head. Once he removed his shirt, I noticed him lick his lips as his eyes focused on my nipples dark against the damp bra.
“You’re soaked through,” he murmured, playing with the straps. Suddenly, he frowned and lifted his gaze to mine. “You were upset and…”
“I’m not special like you think,” I told him, feeling ugly under the beautiful gaze he gave me. “You think you’re a bad guy and I’m too good for you, but I’m a filthy whore.”
Judd moved so quickly that I flinched. “Don’t you fucking say those words. Do you understand?” Staring at him, I remained silent and he sighed. “Why the fuck would you say that about yourself?”
“I want you right now,” I muttered. “Even scared, I want to go in your room and feel you inside me. I’m a natural whore.”
