MASTER YOUR THINKING
Turn On Healthy Thoughts
CHANGE YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
& BECOME A BETTER YOU.
SIMPLE GUIDE HOW TO OVERCOME THINKING TRAPS
& DISCIPLINE YOUR THOUGHTS
BY ALEXANDER PARKER
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 What’s Healthy Thinking, And Why Does It Matter?
Chapter 2 The Sums Of Our Thoughts
Chapter 3 Thinking Traps, Or Thinking “Sandpits”, If That’s More Your Style (Part 1)
Chapter 4 Thinking Traps, Or Thinking “Sandpits”, If That’s More Your Style (Part Two)
Chapter 5 Thinking Traps, Or Thinking “Sandpits”, If That’s More Your Style (Part Three)
Chapter 6 Escaping The Thinking Sinkhole, Sandpit, And Common Trap
Chapter 7 How These Thoughts Come To Be
Chapter 8 Hanging In The Balance
Chapter 9 What It Means To Be Positive
Chapter 10 The Closing Act
CHAPTER 1
WHAT’S HEALTHY THINKING, AND WHY DOES IT MATTER?
It’s likely that at many points in your life, you’ve wished that maybe you had a better, more positive outlook on things. This is a great example of wishful thinking, mentally scolding yourself but not doing anything to actively change or negate those habits you so detest—that’s a thinking trap, a classic one which we’ll discuss later on. At any rate, before we get into the concepts of thinking traps and how healthy thinking affects different kinds of people, we have to first ask the question: What even is healthy thinking?
Sure, we can piece together what it means in the literal sense—healthy thinking is to think in a way that’s healthy. But what does that mean in the context of our self-doubt, our pessimism which, for some, is like a parasite they can’t quite seem to get rid of. Leeching off their energy and what would be their enthusiasm, pessimistic thinking is the leading cause of unhealthy thinking, whether that pessimism is unintentional or purposeful. Pessimism, in and of itself, can be a tricky and complex topic to cover, one which we’ll tackle later with thinking traps and where they come from.
What healthy thinking is, to be more specific, is the process of clearing your thoughts of reasoning that is bolstered by emotion, thinking that is only emotional and not at all rational, and focusing on the reality of a situation at hand. If that reality means that you have to look at something in a negative light, then so be it, as long as that perspective is as objectively accurate as possible.
As humans, we have this kind of compulsion for the objective, to be as honest and as correct as possible whenever we can be. That being said, you have to understand while undertaking the mission of becoming a healthier thinker, is that you can never be truly objective. Although we would all love to think that we can become the ultimate objective authority, our experiences are shaped by our past and our memories, as well as our genetics—to an extent—as so, therefore, no matter how objective and realistic we attempt to be, there will always be a bit of our outlook that will lean in favor of one thing or another because of our individual tastes and past experiences.
That isn’t to say that the venture to be more objective and realistic is fruitless, of course. If you were to live your life clouded by your emotions only, just moving through life in spur after a spur of the moment, simply acting on the whim of your feelings, you would likely live an unfulfilling life. Living your life lead only by rationale will also likely lead to a similar ending, so the best course is, like many things, the middle road between those two extremes. It’s difficult not to be pulled slightly in one way or another, and to ere on the side of emotion or rationale is inevitable, but what matters is the attempt to be as neutral as possible given your situation. However, also remember that the purpose of trying to remain neutral isn’t that so you can be neutral and apathetic toward things—the point of trying not to be swayed by intense emotion or rationale is making you happier, and more fulfilled, as a person.
What healthy thinking also means is recognizing the flaws in your way of thinking, and correcting those faults while balancing humility and confidence. Having flaws in your thinking pointed out to you enthusiastically can be disheartening at times, but it’s the growth that comes after that criticism that matters more than the criticism itself. It’s the commitment to evolving and becoming a better person that far exceeds whatever shame you might feel when you’re critiqued. It’s difficult, yes, but it helps much more than it hurts.
Now, another question arises from the first—sure, healthy thinking is trying to become a more neutral person for the sake of inner peace, but why does that matter to any individual? If I feel that I’m positive enough as it is, why should I care about healthy thinking?
For one thing, if you believe your way of thinking is perfectly healthy and neutral as is, you probably wouldn’t be reading this book at all. However, there is also an issue that comes with positivity. As I said, with many things the best road is the one placed in the middle of two extremes. On one hand, we often discuss how damaging pessimism can be to the ego and to the self as a whole, but a subject not nearly as discussed is the dangers of being too optimistic. This is also a subject we’ll touch on in later chapters, but for now, keep in mind that any extreme in this context is likely one that will damage you emotionally in the long run.
At any rate—why does healthy thinking matter? This is a question raised by those who are either content with themselves, or by those who know that their way of thinking is deeply flawed but are either too prideful or too apathetic to take that first step forward and actually be active in your own change.
The truth is, healthy thinking isn’t something that’s only meant for those who feel that their thinking is overly unhealthy, or whose thinking has the potential to ruin them from the inside out. No, healthy thinking is something that can benefit absolutely everyone and anyone, no matter how much you may think your thinking is already in “perfect” shape, or at least not so unhealthy that you would need to read a book on how to better it.
The brain is the most hard-working organ in your body, easily. Not only does it manage to make us into sentient, strange beings that can talk and breathe and eat and build cultures, but it also allows us to think. Not only that, our brains allows us to be aware of our own thought processes. We understand our own thought processes to some extent, anyway—and are able to analyze them, break them down and make them better. Our brains allow us to be creatures so complex that we aren’t at the mercy of Mother Nature or fate to make us better or teach us lessons about life. We have our own power to teach ourselves things, to learn and apply that information to every aspect of our lives. This is an insane thing to think about; the power of our brain, but it’s that very power that allows us to think about it in the first place.
So, really, the power of healthy thinking is the same power our brain gives to us—the power to be aware and to edit ourselves whenever you really want to. That power is something we always take for granted, assuring ourselves that our faith, or fate, will carry us along in life and that we don’t really have to rely on our own thoughts to do much. We thinking we rely on our thoughts much, much less than we truly do. Not only are our thoughts an integral part of us as beings, but that is what makes up our sentience, our constant stream of information. The only time we experience “silence” in our brain is when we’re so focused on something that all of our thoughts go on the backburner for a little while. For the rest of our human experience, we have a nearly constant stream of internal speech going through our heads, feeding us information that maybe we didn’t even know we had access to in the first place. Some of the thoughts we experience, we feel, aren’t even ours. W
hether those be meddlesome intrusive thoughts, or simply thoughts that we don’t really identify with, random strings of information that were more impulsive and deliberate, those thoughts can sometimes cause doubt in ourselves and in our thoughts themselves. This discord between us and our thoughts which creates a rift between our physical selves and our mental selves can be incredibly problematic when it comes to connecting deeper with ourselves, our spirituality, or even experiencing heart-to-heart-connections with other people. Those connections can be damaged or strained when we have a poor connection with ourselves. Healthy thinking can help both make a connection stronger and prevent those things that can cause that damaging rift in the first place.
As you can see, healthy thinking is something that impacts us all in many ways. It’s something that can have an extraordinary effect on the way we perceive the world around us, how we interact with other people, and it’s something that has the incredible power to insanely shift our world view.
To be able to think healthy is to be able to take a step back, so to speak. It’s the ability we each have in all of us to take a deeper look at ourselves—a look that can be both harshly critical and soberingly realistic at the same time. Looking at things this way helps us act on our desires instead of simply lying around and pondering about them, thinking to ourselves that we should act instead of getting up and taking that action. It’s those same healthy thoughts which put our plans not only into motion, but which keep those plans alive, keep us motivated, keep us efficient, and most of all, which keep us not only happy but healthy as well.
Chapter 2
The Sums of Our Thoughts
More than we so often realize and register, our thoughts and feelings play a massive role in the way we live our lives as people on a daily basis. The very reason that we wake up in the morning, after all, is decided by our first conscious, waking thoughts. Why we do the things we do, the path in life we go based on those decisions, and the destinations in which we end up, are decided mainly by our constant stream of thoughts which, every day, we have to pick through and sort out which thoughts we feel will help us succeed that day and onward. Every thought we have, although it may seem dismissible, is something that may have taken an infinite amount of past choices and thoughts to be created. Even impulsive thoughts, and the thoughts we hate most—the ones we bury deep inside us and try to push down in the hopes that they never surface to rear their ugly heads—are thoughts and manifestations of our identities that we can’t ignore. Rather, we can’t ignore them and still be healthy functioning people in the long run. Many people have all kinds of different ways to deal with their thoughts, many of which they may not want. Some people choose to journal their thoughts in some way, whether through a kind of video diary or from written entries—this method helps with being able to express your thoughts in a more concrete way, which will, in turn, allow you to address those issues more calmly and with a clearer goal in mind. Video diary entries in particular, or any other kind of verbalization of issues or unwanted thoughts, help with clearing the mind of stress or other troubles. Of course, there are infinitely many ways that people go about dealing with their issues with their thoughts, and some try to deal with those same thoughts by ignoring them and receding almost into a state of denial.
While this state of denial can work for some people, most for at least a short time, there are very few people who can truly push down a string of thoughts forever. There are not many people in the world who can suppress a thought of any kind for very long—this may be why many people say that a thought that is “meant” or “fated” to reach the light of day, will always find its way out. Although this sentiment is dated and relatively vague, it has truth seen by experience. Often, when we have something we think about that bothers us, it’s usually something bothersome because it’s either true or is linked to the truth. The truth that we haven’t come to terms with just yet is that the truth that makes us the most uncomfortable —take, for instance, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Lee’s classic novella about crime, justice, and prejudice in early 20th century America is one that is highly debated, even today. It often tops the charts of literary works most often banned or complained about in schools, most of those complaints citing racism, use or derogatory language, or reference to rape as their reason. Of course, many would argue that the true reason Lee’s classic makes so many people so intensely uncomfortable, is because they all know, in some small part of themselves, that the preachings of the book are still ones that hold true for today. We have far from eliminated the issues so heavily touched on in the book, and yet we now have something of a growing social dilemma wherein one side denies that we have eradicated the hate speech and the ignorance of people which is portrayed so antagonistically, and the other side argues that not only have we more or less eliminated the controversial and offensive topics of the book but that the opposite side is actually bringing back those very same topics for the sake of an argument. This argument goes on and on as it has for many years now, and for many years it will continue, but the point that To Kill a Mockingbird and many other classic and controversial pieces of literature make, is that the truth will always make people uncomfortable as long as that truth is one that those people are embarrassed by. Really, humans are a truly selfish race, doing next to anything to fulfill their pride, restore a damaged ego, and assure themselves and others that they are right in any argument, no matter the cost. By nature, of course, we want to be right for the satisfaction, the gratification, and often for the praise, we receive from our peers and/or our superiors. We all know just how good it feels to be right and to prove an obnoxious colleague wrong whenever we can. We often take responsibility in those selfish things we do, and we enjoy them nonetheless. We understand what they mean about us, but we are able to look at ourselves and judge our actions clearly and without delusion—most of us, at any rate.
But, what does that all mean in the context of healthy thoughts? Really, what it means is much simpler than you might think. Not only do our thoughts, in a sense, define us as individuals, but we also have the power to define our thoughts in return. While yes, our thoughts do have the ability to dominate our lives and our world, we also have the equal power to take control over our own thoughts and to control them instead of letting them completely control us. It’s quite easy, really, to take control of your thoughts—all you need to do is become self-aware to the point that you’re keeping up with your thoughts with observations about those very thoughts in almost real time.
The harsh truth is, we often either give ourselves too much of the harsh truth, or too little. It’s very difficult to actively mediate and somehow manage to find the middle ground between the two states. Every situation we participate in, whether we involve ourselves or are simply watching on the sidelines, have a rather pronounced effect on what we do, what we say, how we feel, and how we act afterward. Even if that incident isn’t necessarily extremely good or tragic, even the most mundane of events can change the trajectory of the rest of our days, if only minorly so. Even in the literal sense, we are affected by everything we do: taking a few extra minutes in the shower to ponder the day ahead and the days behind you will consequently mean you have less time to finish getting ready for your day, and those extra few minutes may actually end up making you late to whatever obligation you may have had for that day. You see, even the tiniest of things that happen to us every day change the way we react.
This also, of course, applies to more introspective situations, more tragic and darker situations which may require more active thought, feeling, and healing. Say, for example, you were in a car accident—the accident was relatively low-speed, and no one was badly injured by the impact. However, you had to take time to physically recover from the said accident before continuing your normal routine. While, of course, you had to take the time to physically recover from that incident, the lasting effects go far beyond the physical. No matter how long you take to recover your body, no matter how long it
takes you to overcome whatever fear or trauma you may have developed with cars because of the incident, you will likely always no have a lasting impression, and shift in the way you react and act when you drive, no matter how minute that shift can become over time. Even years and years later when the incident is nothing but a notable memory, it will have been an incident that forever changed the way you reacted to danger on the road, how cautiously you acted while behind the wheel, and many other things while in a car, driving or otherwise. Any kind of trauma like this that you suffer, whether it be purely physical or psychological, will have a lasting impact on the way you react in the future in situations where the circumstances are connected to your past experiences. It may become a blessing or a curse, but it’s what happens, especially in those with an exceptionally good memory. After all, the better you remember the incident, the better you probably remember the feelings during it. Those feelings, of course, which change the course of your life forever.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be this way forever. Not only do you not have to simply suffer passively while you let everything that happens to you pass you by and leave a scar of which you have no control over, but you don’t have to take a back seat to your own thoughts at all. You play a much more active role in your thoughts than you might actually think, or that it might seem. Not only are you able to, in a sense, control your thoughts, but you can also impact and control how those thoughts affect you. Of course, you will likely always have some idiosyncrasies that will stay with you because of your past experiences, but how you interpret your stream of consciousness is, more or less, up to you. How you let the interpretation of your thoughts affect your judgment going forward is up to you, depending on how aware of your thoughts you really are.
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