by Melissa Marr
And of the sea…
She wondered if that was why she felt this way – touching him was the same as touching the sea. She ran her thumb over his knuckles. His skin was no different than hers. Now, at least. The thought of him shifting into something else, something not-human, was almost enough to make her let go again. Almost.
“I won’t hurt you, Alana.” He was speaking then, murmuring words in a rhythmic way that was so very not-human.
She shivered. Her name had never sounded so beautiful. “People don’t use names with every sentence.”
He nodded, but his expression was guarded, carefully empty. “Would you prefer that I don’t? I like your name, but I could –”
“Never mind. Just…I don’t know…I don’t like this.” She gestured at their hands, at him, and back at herself, but she held on to him as they left the coffee shop. She was so tired, so confused, and the only moment of peace she’d felt was when she’d touched his skin.
Once they were outside, she shifted topics again. “Where will you stay?”
“With you?”
She laughed before she could help herself. “Umm, I don’t think so.”
“I can’t be too far from you now, Alana. Think of it as a leash. My reach only extends so far. I can sleep outside.” He shrugged. “We don’t exactly stay in houses most of the time. My mother does, but she’s…like you. I stay with her some. It’s softer, but it’s not necessary.”
Alana though about it. She knew her mother wouldn’t care: Susanne was utterly without what she liked to call “hang-ups,” but it felt like admitting defeat to let him crash on her sofa. So I tell him to sleep outside like an animal? He is an animal though, isn’t he? She paused; he stopped walking, too.
What am I thinking to even consider letting him in my home? He wasn’t human, but an animal. Who knew what sort of rules he lived by – or if he even had rules or laws. She was no different from her mother: swayed by empty words, letting strange men into her haven. But he’d trapped her. And he wasn’t the only one who’d tried. Something odd was happening, and she didn’t like it. She let go of his hand and moved away from him.
“Who was the guy at the bonfire trying to give me his skin? Why were both of you…He said you were worse and …” She looked at him, at his face. “And why me?”
Murrin couldn’t speak, couldn’t process anything beyond the fact that his brother had tried to lure away his intended mate. He knew as soon as it happened that Veikko had taken Murrin’s Other-Skin and laid it where Alana had found it, but he hadn’t thought Veikko had approached her, too. Why did he? Veikko still had rare bursts of pique over Zoë’s leaving, but they’d talked about it. He said he understood…so why was he speaking with my Alana?
Murrin wondered if he ought to assure Veikko that Alana would be safe, that she was not like Zoë, that she would not be lost in a potentially fatal depression. Perhaps he was trying to protect Alana? And me? That would make more sense to Murrin, but for the almost certain fact that Veikko had been responsible for putting Murrin’s Other-Skin in Alana’s path. No other selchies had been on the shore.
None of this makes sense…nor is it something to share now.
It was far more complicated than Alana needed to deal with on top of everything else, so Murrin quashed his confusion and suspicions and said, “Veikko is my brother.”
“Your brother?”
Murrin nodded.
“He scared me.” She blushed when she said it, as if fear was something to be ashamed of, but the open admission was only a blink. Alana was still angry. Her posture was tense: hands clenched, spine straight, eyes narrowed. “He said you were worse, and that he’d be back. He –”
“Veikko – Vic – is a bit outdated in his interactions with…humans.” Murrin hated having to use the word, but it was unavoidable. He was not what she was, would never be what she was. It was something they needed to acknowledge. Murrin stepped closer. Despite her anger, she was in need of comfort.
“Why did he say you were worse?”
“Because I wanted to get to know you before I told you what I was. None of this was intentional. My Other-Skin was…” He paused, considered telling her that he suspected that Veikko had entrapped her, and decided against it. There were many years in which Alana and Veikko would be forced to be near each other; with a simple omission, the strife of her resenting him was avoidable. “It was not to be there. You were not to be there. I was coming to meet you, to try to date you as humans do.”
“Oh.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But…”
“Vic thinks I am ‘worse’ than others in my family because I am going against tradition…or was hoping to.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “He thinks it is worse that I would try to court you and then reveal myself. Not that it matters now…”
“How is that worse?”
“I’ve been asking that question for years.” He held out his hand. “It is not what I will teach my children…one day when I become a father. It is not what I wanted, but we are together now. We’ll work it out.”
She took his outstretched hand in hers. “We don’t have to stay together.”
He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer for a moment. Then he said, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I don’t do relationships, Murrin.” Her fingertips stroked his hand absently.
“I didn’t mean to trap you, but I’m not eager to let go, either.” He expected her to argue, to grow angry, but like the sea, her moods weren’t quite what he anticipated.
She smiled then, not like she was unhappy, but like she was dangerous. “So I guess I need to convince you then.”
She really is perfect for me.
* * *
Over the next three weeks, little by little, Alana’s doubts were replaced by a tentative friendship. It doesn’t hurt to be nice to him. It’s not his fault. She started telling herself that they could be friends. Even if she couldn’t get rid of him, she didn’t necessarily need to date him, and she definitely didn’t need to marry him.
One night, she woke with a start in the middle of the night, shivering and thinking of Murrin. They were friends. Okay, he was crashing on her sofa, and he did share her meals, but that wasn’t a commitment. It was practicality. He had nowhere to go. He couldn’t sleep on the beach. And he bought the groceries, so he wasn’t mooching. He was just…a good friend who was always there.
And he makes me happy.
She went into the living room. Murrin was standing in front of the window, eyes closed, face upturned. The expression on his face was one of pain. She was beside him before she’d thought twice about it.
“Murrin?”
He turned and looked at her. The longing in his eyes was heartstoppingly awful, but he blinked and it was gone. “Are you ill?”
“No.” She took his hand and led him away from the window. “Are you?”
“Of course not.” He smiled, and it would’ve been reassuring if she hadn’t seen the sadness still lingering in his eyes.
“So, what’s up?”
“Nothing.” He gestured toward her bedroom doorway. “Go ahead. I’m good.”
She thought about it, about him being away from his family, his home, everything familiar. All they talked about was what she wanted, what made her happy, how she felt. He had just as much upheaval, more even. “Talk to me. We’re trying to be friends, right?”
“Friends,” he repeated. “Is that what we are going to be?”
And she paused. Despite the weirdness, she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable anymore. She touched his cheek and let her hand linger there. He was a good person.
She said, “I’m not trying to be difficult.”
“Nor am I.” He leaned his face into the palm of her hand. “But…I’m trying to be careful.”
She put her hands on his shoulders and went up on her tiptoes. The touch of her hand against his skin was enough to make the world settle into that wonderous sense of completion that it always did. Over the last
couple of days, she’d let her fingertips brush against his arm, bumped her shoulder into him – little touches to see if it was always so perfect. It was. Her heart was racing now though.
He didn’t move.
“No promises,” she whispered, and then she kissed him – and that feeling of bliss that she’d brushed with every touch of his skin consumed her. She couldn’t breathe, move, anything but feel.
* * *
Murrin watched Alana warily the next day. He wasn’t sure what had happened, if it meant anything or if she was just feeling sympathy. She’d been very clear in her insistences that they were friends, just friends, and that friends was all they ever could be. He waited, but she didn’t mention the kiss – and she didn’t repeat it.
Perhaps it was a fluke.
For two more days, she acted as she had before The Kiss; she was kind, friendly, and sometimes brushed against him as if it were an accident. It never was; he knew that. Still, she didn’t do anything out of the ordinary.
On the third day, she flopped down next to him on the sofa. Susanne was out at a yoga class – not that it would’ve mattered. Susanne seemed inordinately pleased that Alana wanted him to stay with them; Murrin suspected Susanne wouldn’t object to him sharing Alana’s room. It was Alana who set the boundaries – the same Alana who was currently sitting very close, staring at him with a bemused smile.
“I thought you liked kissing me the other night,” she said.
“I did.”
“So…”
“I don’t think I understand.”
“We can pretend what we are is friends…but we’re dating. Right?” She toyed with the edge of her shirt.
He waited for several breaths, but she didn’t say anything else. So he asked, “What about your plan to convince me to leave?”
“I’m not sure anymore.” She looked sheepish. “I can’t promise forever, or truthfully, next month, but I think about you all the time. I’m happier around you than I’ve ever been in my life. There’s something…magical when we touch. I know it’s not real, but…”
“It’s not real?” he repeated.
“It’s a selchie thing, right? Like the urge to pick up the Other-Skin.” She paused. Her next words came out in a rush. “Does it work both ways?”
She was close enough that it would be only natural to pull her into his arms. So he did. He lifted her onto his lap and threaded his fingers through her hair. He let the tendrils tangle around his fingers.
“It’s not a selchie thing at all,” he told her, “but it does flow both ways.”
She started to pull back. “I thought it was just…you know…a magic thing.”
He cradled her head in his hand, holding her close, and said, “It is magic. Finding a mate, falling in love, seeing her love you back? That’s real magic.”
And his Alana, his mate, his perfect match didn’t move away. She leaned close enough to kiss…not in sympathy or misplaced emotion, but in affection.
Everything is perfect. He wrapped his arms more securely around her and knew that, despite his inability to court her before they were bound, it was all going to be fine. She hadn’t said the words, but she loved him.
My Alana, my mate…
* * *
The next evening, Murrin took the bag of pearls to the jeweler his family had always gone to see. Davis Jewels closed in a few minutes, but the jewel man and his wife never objected to Murrin’s visits. Mr. Davis smiled when Murrin walked in. “Let me ring Madeline, and tell her I’ll be late.”
Mr. Davis went to the door, locked it, and set the security system. If Murrin closed his eyes, he could watch the older man’s steps in his memory, and they’d not vary from what was happening in front of him.
When Mr. Davis went to call his wife, Murrin waited at the counter. He unfolded the cloth he carried for such trips and tipped the bag’s contents onto the smooth material.
Mr. Davis finished his call and opened his mouth to speak, but whatever he’d intended to say fled when he looked at the counter. He walked over, glancing only briefly at Murrin, attention fixed on the pearls. “You’ve never brought this many…”
“I need to make a purchase as well this time.” Murrin gestured at the glass cases in the store “I am…marrying.”
“That’s why the necklace. I wondered.’ Mr. Davis smiled, his face crinkling into a maze of lines as thick as the fronds of kelp, beautiful in his aging skin. Here was a man who understood love: Mr. Davis and his wife still looked at each other with a glow in their eyes.
He went in the back of the store and brought out a case with the pearl necklace. It was strung with pearls Murrin had selected over many years.
For Alana.
Murrin opened it and ran his fingertip over them. “Perfect.”
Mr. Davis smiled again, then he took the pearls from the cloth over to his table to examine them. After years of buying pearls from Murrin’s family, the man’s examination of the pearls – studying their size, shape, color, and lustre – was cursory, but still a part of the process.
The order of the jeweler’s steps was as familiar as the currents to Murrin. Usually, he waited motionless while the man went about his routine. This time, he stared into the display cases.
When Mr. Davis came over, Murrin gestured at the rows of solitary stones on plain bands. “Help me select one of those?”
The jeweler told Murrin how much he’d pay for the pearls and added, “I don’t know how much of that you want to spend.”
Murrin shrugged, “I want my wife to be pleased. That is all that matters.”
* * *
Alana wasn’t surprised to see Dreadlocks – Vic – leaning on a wall outside the coffee shop where she’d been waiting while Murrin was off on a secret errand. She’d thought she’d seen Vic several times lately. She didn’t stop though. She wasn’t sure she knew what to say to him. When she’d seen him watching, she thought to ask Murrin about him, but she wasn’t sure what to say or ask.
Vic matched his pace to hers and walked alongside her. “Would you hear what I have to say, Alana?”
“Why?”
“Because you are mated to my brother, and I am worried about him.”
“Murrin doesn’t seem like he’s very close to you… and he’s fine. Happy.” She felt tightness in her chest, a panic. It was so unlike what she felt when she was with Murrin.
“So you haven’t seen him watching the sea? He doesn’t ache for it?” Vic’s expression was telling: he knew the answer already. “He can’t admit it. It’s part of the…enchantment. You trapped him here when you stole his Other-Skin. He can’t tell you he’s unhappy, but you’ll see it in time. He’ll grow miserable, hate you. One day you’ll see him staring out to sea…maybe not yet, but we can’t help it.”
Alana thought about it. She had seen Murrin late at night when he thought she was asleep. He’d been staring into the distance, facing the direction of the water, even though he couldn’t see it from the apartment. The look of longing on his face was heartrending.
“He’s going to resent you in time. We always do.” Vic’s mouth curled in a sardonic smile. “Just as you resent us…”
“I don’t resent Murrin,” she started.
“Not now, perhaps. You did though.” Vic toyed with one long green strand of his hair. “You resented him for trapping you. It’s a cruel fate to be trapped. My mate resented me, too. Zoë…that was her name. My Zoë…”
“Was?”
“I suspect it still is.” He paused, a pensive look on his face. “But in time, we resent you. You keep us from what we deserve: our freedom. I didn’t want to be angry with my Zoë…”
Alana thought about Murrin being trapped, being angry at her, resenting her for keeping him landbound. The bitterness in Vic’s eyes wasn’t something she wanted to see in Murrin’s gaze.
“So what do I do?” she whispered.
“A mortal can’t be tied to two selchies…just lift up my skin. Murrin will be free then.”
“Why would you do that? We’d be –” Alana tried not to shudder at the thought of being bound to Vic. “I don’t want to be your…anything.”
“Not your type?” He stepped closer, as predatory and beautiful as he had looked at the party when they first met. “Aaah, Alana, I feel badly that I bungled things when I met you. I wanted to help Murrin as my brother helped me. If not for him, Zoë and I would still be…trapped. I’d be kept from the sea. Murrin unbound us.”
“It’s cool that you want to help him, but I don’t want to be with you.” She repressed another shudder at that thought, but only barely.
Vic nodded. “We can work around that detail. I won’t ask what Murrin has of you…I don’t seek a wife. I need to fix things, though. Maybe I didn’t know the right words when we met. I can’t say I have the kind of experience that Murrin has with mortal girls, but…”
Alana froze. “What do you mean?”
“Come now, Alana. We aren’t exactly built for faithfulness. Look at us.” Veikko gestured at himself. That self-assured look was back. “Mortals don’t exactly tell us no. The things you feel when you see us…hundreds of girls…not that he’s been with every one of them…What you feel is instinct. It’s not really love; it’s just a reaction to pheromones.”
Alana struggled between jealousy and acceptance. Vic wasn’t telling her anything that she hadn’t thought. In some ways it was just an extreme version of the logic behind the Six-Week Rule.
“I owe him this,” Vic was saying. “And you don’t really think you love him, do you?”
She didn’t cry, but she wanted to. She hadn’t said those words to Murrin, not yet, but she’d thought about it. She’d felt it. Am I a fool? Is any of it real?
