May 2 Game 28 88 degrees Fahrenheit
I knew Nolan was going to be our umpire that game. And I’d tried repeatedly to mentally prepare myself for the task of staying focused so the girls on the team wouldn’t suspect anything.
I’d gotten through four innings, and besides an occasional flirty glance or wink, we were both doing pretty well.
Never in my life had I considered what umpires wear a sexy thing. In fact, the only time I’d ever acknowledged their presence was when I wanted to scream at them for making a bad call.
But as I looked over at Nolan standing behind the plate, a shiver ignited goose bumps on my arms as my eyes wandered over his physique. He had thick, tan calves and blond hair that covered them. His black shorts hung loosely around his waist, and a black polo shirt was neatly tucked in. He had bulges in his pockets: the count clicker, a game ball, and a brush for home plate. His mask and vest were black, too, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him.
Our team was up to bat, which meant I had all the more reason to stare in his direction without guilt. Just before the inning began, he took his mask off to wipe his brow, and found my stare in the dugout.
I blushed and trapped my bottom lip between my teeth. But his grin aimed at me was impossible to ignore. He brushed his hair back with his hand and licked his lips, giving me one of his seductive stares that I’d gotten to know so well over the past week.
I shuddered, and my mind went straight to sex—sex in the toilet stall, sex up against a wall next to a mop, sex before Moo Shu Pork and again after the fortune cookie, sex in a dugout...
He was doing this on purpose. He was trying to get me riled up for after the game. And he was succeeding.
I walked toward the fencing in the dugout and turned to face the bench. My hands crept up above me as I grabbed hold of the wire fencing. The girls were all cheering for Wendy, who was walking toward the plate to bat, and I stretched my body against the fence, keeping my eyes on Nolan.
I watched him swallow and narrow his eyes just before he put his mask on. It was then I noticed a brand new bulge in his pants.
Wendy got to first base, and there was a brief moment in between batters that I was able to get his attention again.
He looked almost scared to look over, and I giggled inwardly. I reached for a bottle of water and took off the cap. After taking a small sip and licking the rim of the container, I poured half the bottle over my head, whipping my hair back and forth so that small droplets sprayed around me. Then I poured the other half over my shirt and rubbed it into my chest.
Nolan stumbled backward a little just as Wanda was taking the plate. I laughed and sang a small victory song in my head.
“Jack?”
I was ripped from my erotic daydream and the sound of her voice. Coach Marny was sitting on the bench, not making eye contact with me. She spit on the ground and squinted her eyes to look into the field.
“Yeah?” I sputtered, and cleared my throat.
“Eyes on the game, please,” was all she said.
I nodded and turned toward the infield, avoiding any eye contact with Nolan. My heart raced, and for the first time in years I felt truly nervous. Nervous that I’d been busted. Nervous that the other girls might have seen me. And the amount of unbelievable guilt I’d feel if I got my team in trouble.
After that inning ended, I kept my head down as I walked out to the plate with my glove and mask. He was there waiting for me wearing a playful scowl, but I still hadn’t gotten over the close call back in the dugout.
I crouched down behind the plate and waited for Izzy to throw the pitch.
“You’re going to be in a lot of trouble when the game is over,” he whispered loud enough for me to hear. “I can see your nipples through your wet shirt.”
I smiled, but didn’t respond.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to try and call a game with a hard-on?”
I snickered as Izzy threw the warm-up pitch and the batter walked to the plate.
The rest of the game I denoted slight tension from Nolan’s side, while I was pretty sure he had no idea of the things I was thinking about.
I was faced with questions I had no answers to: Should I sacrifice the only relationship I’ve ever had in order to keep my head in the game? Could I ever truly feel like Nolan was calling a fair game when he was our umpire? Why was it so hard to consider giving him up?
The past few weeks had been some of the best in my life. True, there was a forbidden factor to it all, and I’m not going to deny that part was a thrill. But with Nolan, I’d become a completely different person, on the inside and out. Not only did I like myself, but I wanted to continue embracing, exploring, and getting comfortable with the woman I was becoming.
Not that I’d given much thought to it before then, but I realized just how tough and unsettling the old me was. I was overbearing to my team members, running in circles like a damn helicopter mom.
But within the past few weeks I’d eased up, minded my own business, and stopped pretending like I had something to prove. The truth was that they could all take care of themselves. Their lives still continued, while mine was changing drastically.
After we won the game, I drove home and texted Nolan. I told him to call me later if he wanted.
But as soon as I got out of the shower, I slipped into a deep sleep, completely incoherent or aware of the rest of the world. If Nolan had texted me back, I slept through it.
I woke at four o’clock in the morning to the feel of someone behind me in bed. I turned quickly and saw Nolan’s face lit up by the moonlight.
“Shit! You scared me!”
“Sorry. You didn’t text back. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I smiled. “I’m good. I was just tired.”
“You shouldn’t leave your door unlocked. I could’ve been anyone.”
I laughed. “How did you think I got lucky before you showed up? I mean, a girl’s gotta get some, am I right? Might as well have been any random stranger that walked through my door, for how well I’d get to know them anyway.”
“Before me, eh?”
I smiled, trying to keep my eyes open. “Mmmhmm.”
“Hey, Jack? What’s going on here?” he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear.
My eyes flew open. “What do you mean?”
“Just wanted to know what we’re doing.” He tried to shrug off the seriousness of the question. “You know, how you feel about me.”
I had no idea how to answer. So far I liked everything about him—his mind, heart, pride, body, scent, and of course, his extra curricular activities. But I wasn’t really sure what we were doing.
“I like you, Nolan. But I’m playing with some serious fire here. We can’t continue doing the kinds of things we did at the game tonight. My coach is suspicious. In fact, I considered calling this whole thing off.” I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. “But I don’t want this to end yet.”
He smiled, so I continued. “We have the division playoffs in two weeks, and a lot is riding on them. I need to stay focused. I’ll admit, you’ve been a bit distracting.”
He stared at me with a funny little smirk, but with warmth in his eyes. “Admit it, Jack. You find me attractive.”
“Not until you admit it first,” I joked. “But in all seriousness, I’m already worried that you’re not able to call a fair game if I’m playing.”
“Why would you say that?” he asked, confused.
I shrugged. “Favoritism.”
“Well, I admit, you are my favorite on the team. But if you screw up I’m going to call you on it. In fact, I’d probably take a little bit of pride in shutting down the captain of the team,” he sniggered, “… Show that bad ass who’s boss on the field.”
He still didn’t have me convinced, but I nodded nervously anyway.
His laugh was barely audible as he nudged his chin. “Don’t worry about it, Jack. Turn around and go to sleep. I just wanted to be close to you
tonight.”
His arms enveloped me, and I fell asleep smiling again. Like I had for the past three weeks straight.
Chapter 10
May 15 Division Playoffs 90 degrees Fahrenheit
Division playoffs were held in La Crosse, Wisconsin, which was only a two-hour bus drive. Half the ladies on the team chose to ride it, and the other half of us drove our own vehicles. I usually drove Lou, just to have transportation while I was there.
The heat had been insane that weekend. Most of the girls had sunburn on their noses and cheeks. Coach Marny made sure we had plenty of water and oranges to keep cool, but most of us had headaches by Saturday night due to improper hydration.
Nolan was there, but he hadn’t umped one of our games yet, and so far he hadn’t looked at me once. I was grateful for his discretion, but vaguely distressed as well. I should’ve been grateful that he remained focused on his games, but instead I was worried that I’d done something wrong.
We weren’t staying in the same hotel, and since I’d seen him almost every day for the past several weeks, I was going through slight withdrawal. When I’d see him on the field, my body ached for him, and I looked for any excuse I could to watch one of his games just to be closer to him.
It was official: I’d turned into a chick.
I bunked with Wanda at the Super 8, and the rest of the gals paired up, too. We took up half of the second floor, while the Cougars slept on the other end of the hall.
This was a double elimination tournament, and we’d successfully beat the rest of the division’s teams on Saturday.
By noon on Sunday, we’d blown through the tournament undefeated—which meant the Cougars would have to beat us twice. The winner of this tournament would go on to the World Series in Chicago in three weeks.
I watched as the two team’s coaches walked to the plate for the preliminary coin toss to see who would have home team advantage. Both umpires were there: Nolan at home plate and another black-clad man at second base. The butterflies that usually rattled my gut as pre-game jitters failed to arise, and all I could think about was getting home and back into Nolan’s arms.
That thought warranted another internal eye roll. What had I become?
By the time the bottom of the fourth came, I was in my groove. I still hadn’t experienced my usual adrenaline rush for the game, but I remained as focused as I could with Nolan standing behind me.
“You okay?” Wanda asked as she put on her helmet.
I nodded, finding my Louisville Slugger propped against the fence.
“You sure?” she added.
“Yes Wanda, I’m fine. Why?”
“Just making sure. You seem a little off today. I mean, your game has been awesome, but you…you haven’t picked a fight or scolded any of the girls for their behavior this weekend.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind, that’s all,” I said quickly.
“How did finals go?”
Before I had a chance to answer, Nolan’s voice interrupted us. “Batter up!”
Wanda grabbed her bat and walked out to the plate.
I looked at Nolan and he gave me a wink.
Suddenly I was elated. My butterflies came back in full effect, my attitude completely shifted, and I was able to put all of my efforts and focus into the game. I was happy that Nolan had given me the reassurance I needed, but it was also scary as hell.
At what point did I become insecure? When did I allow emotions to cloud my reasoning? Why did I let myself become a Nolan-addict?
Wanda made it to first base, and I was next up to bat. I swung and missed on the first pitch, but the second I hit into the outfield.
I rounded first and saw Wanda making the run to third. I spotted the ball in the outfield and watched for Coach’s signal for me to keep running. She waved her hand, and I rounded the base to get a clear line to second.
I saw the ball fly through the air and realized I still had a long way to run. I heard Marny’s voice behind me, “Down! Down! Slide, Jack!” and I braced myself for the drop.
I slid into the dirt feet first, feeling the gravel burn a hole through my pants, stinging my thigh. But I watched the ball the whole time, and was relieved to see that I’d reached the base before the second baseman could make the tag. It was a close call, but I knew I was safe.
I bounced to my feet and wiped the dirt from my uniform.
“Out!” I heard Nolan’s voice echo through my ears, but since it conflicted with what I knew was the truth, his word didn’t process immediately.
I looked at the second baseman in her bright blue uniform, and her eyes bulged in disbelief. Then my head snapped to Nolan, but he was already walking back to the plate, and the second base umpire resumed his position as well.
“What?” I screamed, and looked at my teammates in the dugout.
Coach Marny crossed her arms over her chest and walked toward the edge of the foul line, spitting out a wad of chewing tobacco. She wiped her mouth and eyed Nolan skeptically.
“Are you fucking blind, ump?” I hollered.
Nolan continued ignoring me and took the clicker from his pocket to reset the count.
Did he do it on purpose? He knew how much was riding on this game for him to make even the smallest of mistakes. Was it a power thing? Did he feel he needed to prove a point?
I looked around the field as the Cougars waited for me to exit the field. Gritting my teeth, I tipped my chin and jogged back to the dugout.
“Dumb motherfucker,” I mumbled, sitting down on the bench and resting my elbows on my knees.
“Brush it off, Jack,” Jessy said.
“But I was safe!” I shouted.
I glared toward Nolan, and he watched me out of the corner of his eye. So I screamed louder. “Open your eyes, ump!”
He snickered, which only fueled my hatred toward him even more.
Had I not been clear of how much was riding on this game? How could he have honestly not seen that she tagged my foot after it was on the base?
Pondering the questions wouldn’t do me any good. Thank God we were ahead, but I couldn’t rule out the possibility that we could still lose. And then I’d really be asking the question of whether or not this game was called fairly.
It was at that point I realized that my entire life was riding on Nolan March. What he said and did every minute of the day impacted my entire future—not just with the game, but with my heart as well.
Within a month, one man had taken my life and flipped it upside down. He’d taken a cold, brash, and focused Jack and turned her into a soft, breakable, and vulnerable Jacqueline.
Fuck that.
I no longer wanted to be a part of the emotional attachment to Nolan. Because no matter how pissed off I was at him for making the wrong call, it had only intensified with how I felt about the man personally. It stung a hell of a lot worse coming from a man that I was falling for.
It came down to a decision I’d have to make between the two. And if we won this game, we were taking the team to the World Series in a few weeks.
I couldn’t quit the team now.
So I’d have to quit Nolan.
And that was going to take bigger balls than those with which I was equipped.
Chapter 11
It had been three days since I’d had any contact with Nolan. He’d tried calling and texting, and knowing the next step would be to ‘stop by,’ I made sure my doors were locked at all times.
I knew I’d have to sit down and talk with him about it. It really wasn’t fair that I was ignoring him, but I was so confused and conflicted that I needed some time to gather my thoughts.
We’d won our game, thankfully. And we were scheduled to go to Chicago in less than three weeks. It was the last week of school, and I’d taken all my finals, so I had very little to occupy my mind, which made my emotions about our situation fester.
I finally got the courage to text him back. I chose a time I knew he’d be home.
Can you come over tonight? We ne
ed to talk.
Within a minute he responded with a ‘yes,’ and thirty minutes later I heard a knock on my door.
Nolan was wearing a white T-shirt and cargo shorts, and his hands were still stained with oil from the day. His tan was darker, his eyes were brighter, and somehow his presence seemed to relax me the second I laid my eyes on him.
“Hey,” he said, giving me a half smile.
“Come in.” I gestured for him to sit in the living room, and shut the door.
I sat down on the floor cross-legged, and propped my weight back on my hands. Nolan was nervous, and I could almost hear a small plea coming from his stare.
“Have you figured it out yet?” he asked.
My head slanted. “Figured out what?”
“That would be a big ‘no,’” he mumbled.
“Don’t do that. I’m trying to keep this respectable. I’m trying to—”
“You’re trying to break up with me,” he interrupted with a sinister laugh.
“I just think we need to take a break until the season is over, that’s all.”
He rose from the couch and walked toward the door. Just before he reached my entry, he turned and looked at me.
“I’m not going to deny that there was a part of me that thought you might change,” he began. He scratched his forehead and continued. “But I’ve spent the majority of my life watching my dad put me and my mom second to the game, when we should’ve been his first priority. And when I saw the look on your face at the game last weekend, I saw the same look my father gave me when I told him I wasn’t going to play ball. The disappointment, the disapproval, the rejection.” He shook his head and stared at the floor. “I don’t want to spend another minute with someone who’s going to treat me as a benchwarmer. So if you think you’re incapable of giving me as much as you give to the game, then this is never going to work.”
Four Play: A Collection of Novellas Page 5
