by Linda Mooney
Bajud smiled. “She is fine.”
Relief made him hang his head. “Then what do you want?”
“Are you taking her back to Alcatia?”
“She has not made that decision.”
“Not made the decision?” Bajud stared at him. “I thought you claimed her.”
“She is not Alcatian. I must honor what she wants.”
The assistant clasped his hands in front of him. “This side of you astonishes me. I do not know if I should be fearful or wary of this show of caring.”
“Why fearful?”
“Because on those rare occasions when you care, you leave yourself vulnerable.”
“And that makes you fearful?”
“I would rather have you hard, cold, and sure of yourself.”
Neeveer glared at his son. Bajud smiled. “Yes. Like that.”
“Are you saying Merry is a weakness?”
“She completes you. No man can be unmoving all his life, and expect to find happiness.”
When Neeveer didn’t comment, he persisted. “You are happy.”
“If you are finished, you are dismissed.”
“Then let me talk to you as your son. She makes you happy. Have you realized that?”
“She is my seela.”
“She is your life. She gives you life. She has completed you. Hold on to her, Neeveer. Do everything you can to keep her with you.”
“Are you finished?”
“I like her, Neeveer. She has done something that no one has managed to do.”
“What is that?”
“She makes you anxious for the coming day. To the coming night. She makes you look forward to the end of your shift so you can be with her.”
“Have you been spying on me?”
“Observing, the way a son observes his father. The way an assistant observes his commander.”
Neeveer briefly closed his eyes. He made sure to keep his voice low. “She never leaves me. Her voice remains in my ears. Her scent clings to my skin. Her warmth is always inside me. Around me.”
“Why? Have you figured out why she affects you this way?”
“No. But I have figured out one very important thing.”
Bajud smiled slightly, as if he already knew what Neeveer would say next.
“If she chooses to leave, I will not deny her. Even though I will slowly begin to die inside.”
“She brings you that much joy?”
He struggled to answer. The admission was difficult to admit because the feeling continued to be new to him. Exciting, delirious, and often overwhelming. Despite the fact that Bajud was his son and his closest confidante, he wanted to keep his relationship with Merry as private as the ship would allow.
“Yes,” he managed to confess. “Yes, she does.”
Pivoting around, he vanished back inside the control room, ending the questioning and the conversation, but leaving Bajud’s initial inquiry unanswered.
What would he do if Merry refused to return with him to Alcatia?
He couldn’t worry about it. She couldn’t go. The thought was a painful blow to his stomach, leaving him gasping for air.
But until she made her decision, he had to allow himself the agonizing possibility she would want to be returned to her world. And if that was what she chose, he would have to live long enough to fulfill her wish.
Because there would be no living with her gone.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Homesick
Meredith woke up to find herself inside a mobile home. No. As she glanced down the interior, she saw it was more like an RV travel trailer. And a large one. She noticed the driver’s seat at the far end.
At first, she had difficulty remembering how she got there, and quickly realized there was no way she could dredge up the memory. They must have knocked her out and kept her unconscious before bringing her back to Earth.
Earth.
She heard laughter. The sun was out and brightly shining. Sitting up in the narrow bed, she looked out of the huge glass window next to her.
Trees. Lots and lots of trees, and greenery. She was at a park. Not too far away, a woman, a man, and two young children, both boys, were sitting and enjoying a picnic lunch around a wooden table. Meredith stared at the food on the table as her gut clenched in envy.
Watermelon. They’re having watermelon. And hamburgers. And hot dogs. That yellow stuff looks like potato salad. And soda! Oh, dear God, I’ve missed soft drinks!
Getting to her feet, she noticed she was dressed in shorts and a tank top, both in orange. It was the summer. A pair of flip flops sat on the floor, next to her feet.
Her last memory of Earth was the accident. The snow. The intense cold. She had been gone that long?
She placed a hand to her hair. Someone had pulled it into a ponytail. The jeweled waistlet was gone, as well as her shift. She’d been brought back to Earth, and apparently these people had found her and taken her in.
Slipping her feet into the flip flops, she slowly made her way to the front of the RV and paused in the doorway. From here, she could see the lake in the distance, the water glittering in the sun. A sailboat drifted by. The sound of a motorboat echoed beyond the line of trees blocking the rest of her view.
She smelled the charcoal briquettes still smoldering on the portable barbeque grill standing a few feet away. Beside it, someone had left the lid open on the ice chest. She could see the canned drinks packed in ice, and her mouth watered for something cold.
A small breeze drifted over her, bringing with it the added scent of gasoline from the boats on the water. She was home. She was back on Earth, and hot, thankful tears blurred her vision. She swiped them away with the back of her wrist, but it did no good.
She sat down on the steps before she fell. Wrapping her arms about her knees, she rocked slightly as she wept.
She was here. She was free.
And Neeveer was gone.
A sob hitched in her throat. Lowering her face, she cried harder.
This is stupid! she berated herself. I’m no longer anyone’s prisoner, no longer anyone’s property. So why am I not happy? Isn’t this what I prayed for? Isn’t this what I really wanted?
Why the hell do I miss him?
“Neeveer. Why couldn’t things have been different between us?”
He was gone. She was here. She was being given a fresh new start on life, or she could go back to her old one, but that would entail trying to explain to the authorities where she’d been these past few months. Not to mention, finding out what happened to her car, her belongings…her job.
A screech came from overhead. She looked up to see a hawk or eagle soaring above the trees. Life on Earth had not changed. She had. She had changed. Her homesickness had lessened, but not enough. She understood now that the sights and the smells would have given her surcease. If she could only visit her home world for just a short while, it would have been enough, and she could leave here contented.
Sadly, she knew it too late. Neeveer was gone. He had dumped her here without a goodbye, and without anything to remind her of him.
She could have seen the universe, and she’d thrown the opportunity away, all because she had tried to make Neeveer react the way a man of her own kind would.
Why couldn’t I have been satisfied with the way things were? Why did I have to go fuck things up?
Earth was a frightening and dangerous place to survive. In space, she would have had an Alcatian master fighting to protect her. To keep her. To hold and caress and kiss her. In the brief time they’d known each other, he had begun to mean something to her.
“Love is an Earth word, Merry. There may be no equivalent in Neeveer’s language. But isn’t everything he did for you, weren’t his actions enough to prove to you how he felt about you? Remember what Bajud told you? I am a shock to them. I am something that Neeveer had to have, regardless of the consequences. He went against orders to obtain me. He spent an incredible amount, trying to negotiate for me. And
in the end, he did what he felt was right for me. He brought me home.”
She leaned her head against the side of the open door and squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn’t fall apart. She had to keep herself together if she was going to make it. Rubbing her eyes, she opened them to see where someone had pasted a sticker on the door.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.
Neeveer had set her free, but there was no way she could ever go back to him. Fresh tears coursed down her cheeks. Pressing her forehead to the door, she moaned softly in misery.
*
“Merry.” Someone shook her by the shoulder. “Merry, wake up.”
She lifted a hand to hold the person at bay. She didn’t want to be around anyone. She wanted to be left alone.
“Merry!”
This time, she was lifted and placed against something warm and firm. Something that beat with the rhythm of a muted drum on velvet. Something that smelled of cinnamon.
Gasping for air, Meredith opened her eyes to semi-darkness. She was in bed again, and the irony almost made her smile. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a pale blue orb. As she focused on it, a single drop fell, disappearing below the bed’s horizon.
“Neeveer?”
“What, my One? Why are you crying?”
My One. That was the third time she’d heard him use that term. Her heart twisted with the realization she was still on the ship. She hadn’t been back on Earth, but neither had he abandoned her. Her emotions were in a turmoil, trying to decide whether she should be overjoyed or depressed. In the end, homesickness won.
“I miss my home world,” she admitted softly. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough to tell him. For now.
Grabbing a corner of the sheet, she dried her eyes and wiped her nose. She’d been dreaming. Or having a nightmare, depending on which point of view she wanted to take. Looking up at his shadowy features, she was relieved when he wiped her cheek with his thumb.
“When did you come back to the room?”
“It was late,” he confessed. “I have a lot of work to catch up.”
“Work that you put aside when you chose to chase down and board the whoreship, and go looking for me?” she asked.
The Alcatian chuckled. “Bajud told me you two had spoken. What else did he tell you?”
“Not much more. He said you were his father, and that you were not promised to another.”
She sensed a sudden shift in him, and in his attention toward her. The warm hand that had been at her back was removed. When he spoke again, his tone was definitely colder. “Why would that be an issue with you?”
“Because it would be an issue on my world.”
At the mention of Earth, her whole body shuddered. The hand returned to support her. “How can I help alleviate your sadness?” The caring Neeveer returned. The blue orb dripped again.
“Let me go back to Earth.”
The hand went away. “I cannot. Besides, I do not even know where your planet lies.”
“I have to go back, Neeveer. I miss it so god-awful mu-much.” The tears were returning, along with some hiccups. “I want to feel the rain on my face. I want to hear noisy traffic. I want to eat a hot dog from the corner vendor’s cart. I want to smell a rose.”
There was a moment before he responded. “How does one smell standing up?”
She slapped him on the chest, hard, but it didn’t appear to phase him. “You don’t smell a standing… Oh, never mind.” But the more she dwelled on the innocent question, the funnier it became, until she was forced to roll away from him and stuff the sheet in her mouth. After several long moments of silence, she heard him sigh and lie down. When she glanced over at him, he’d turned onto his side, presenting her with his back. Without thinking, she reached out to stroke the broad expanse, but stopped herself before she touched him.
He had returned to the bedroom and hadn’t awakened her because he’d seen she was asleep. He cared enough for her to let her have her rest, instead of waking her and possibly demanding more sex.
He cared enough to buy me so he could keep me for himself.
It was impossible to tell whether his actions up to now were all motivated for selfish reasons, or because there might be some honest feelings attached.
Sniffing, Meredith closed her eyes and snuggled next to him. She was still tired, and a little sore. With luck, when she fell asleep again, her dream would come back to her. If she couldn’t be there in person, her memories would have to suffice.
Regardless, she knew that even if she tried to assimilate into this new culture, their differences were too vast, their cultures were too different, and their lives were too diverse. Even if she wanted to remain here with him, there was no hope of anything permanent happening between them.
He probably wouldn’t understand if she tried.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Location
“I thought I would find you in here.”
Meredith never looked over at him as he entered the room. Instead, she kept her focus on the pale lavender globe suspended almost directly overhead. Bajud didn’t seem to notice the slight, and took a seat close to the door.
“My father is worried for you.”
“Did you know that each globe drips at a different speed? This lavender one drips every seventeen seconds. That yellow one over there drips every four seconds. And that green one… Well, I know it drips, but the damn thing’s so slow, I haven’t been able to count it yet.”
“Did you hear what I said?” the Alcatian insisted. “I said my father is worried for you. He said you are not taking any pleasure from him. That you no longer enjoy it.”
That remark got her attention, and she gave him an irritated look. “He’d tell you something as intimate as that about us?”
“Why not? I am one of the few people he knows he can talk honestly to, and know the conversation will go no further.”
“Good for you.” She rolled over onto her stomach and shoved her arms underneath a large pillow, propping her chin on top in order to watch the red orb on the far end of the room. A minute or two passed before he spoke again.
“He says you are having bad dreams. He has to wake you sometimes because you are crying.”
“They’re not nightmares. I have dreams about my home world. I’m homesick, but I don’t expect you to understand that.” She was being a bitch, but maybe that kind of attitude was what she needed in order for the Alcatians to finally get the point.
“Merry, I think my father would seriously consider taking you to Earth, but we have no idea of where it is located.”
“Don’t you have maps?”
“Of course.”
“Then look for Sol. Look for Earth. Look for the Milky Way galaxy. Want to know the names of the planets in order from the sun? I memorized a neat little saying back in grade school, and I’ve never forgotten it.”
She heard him heave a big sigh. “Merry, we do not have the same names for your planets.”
He was right. She cursed herself for not realizing it sooner. Sitting up, she apologized. “I’m sorry.”
“And I am not as ignorant about missing your home as you tend to think I am. We all miss our worlds, some more than others.”
“But you’re not being held captive. You know you’ll eventually go home. I don’t have that to look forward to. At least, while I was on the whoreship, they promised me a two-year stay, and said they’d return me when it was over.”
He got a pained expression on his face. “Do you think you are a captive here?”
“Aren’t I?”
“You were give free rein of the ship. You can come and go when you please.”
“For how long?” she challenged him. “Look, where are we going?”
“Going?”
“Right now, where are we headed?”
“To the Tars Ambu system.”
“Why?”
The question amused him. Bajud snorted. “To investigate recent pirate activity.”
She held out her arms. “What does this ship do? What are you? Some kind of alien police force?”
The Alcatian thought about it. “I suppose, in a way, you could say we are.”
“All right. I can accept that. So, once we finish here, then where will we go?”
“It depends on what our orders are.”
“But, at some point, you will get to go home, right? You’ll get some vacation time, some down time, to return to Alcatia. Right?”
“I see where this is leading. You are implying that all of us will eventually get to alleviate our own homesickness by returning to our planet. All except for you.”
She moved closer. “I know Neeveer is worried for me, but I can’t get him to understand. I need to see Earth. I need to walk on it. I need to breathe the air and see its beauty. If Neeveer cares anything for me, anything, he must allow me to go home.”
She watched as Bajud thought over what she’d said. In the meantime, she discovered the orange sherbet colored light dripped every eleven and a half seconds.
“Let us say my father agrees to take you back to Earth for a short visit. There remains the question of its location. How can we find it?”
They were back to square one, without a clue as to the answer.
“The vanilla light drips every twenty-seven seconds.”
“Merry, why was the length of your mission two years?”
“I don’t know. Why? What are you thinking?”
“The ship you were on, it provides a service. That means it goes where there is the greatest chance of selling their product.”
She groaned. “That’s what I was told I was, what all of us prostitutes were called. A product.”
“What else did they tell you?”
She shrugged. “Not much else that was important.”
“Were you told why they captured you?”
“Yeah. Because they had a lot of humanoid clientele that needed servicing.”
“Yet you were the only humanoid product on board?”
“From what I understood, yes. There were others there, but they were different species.” She thought about Pudrith and Veleetee, and Gleeth, and wondered what they were doing at the moment.
