by Kane Jewell Ruse McCall Anthony McKay Sax Slayer Michael Burke Logan
No way.
Her spoon dropped. The ice cream slid sideways onto the table, then dripped off the side of it onto her lap, pooling in a little brown puddle of melted bliss on her sweatpants.
The naked men from her bathroom argued in front of her, searching around the table and the window, looking under the wires that used to hold the stockings, and lifting the pine tree air freshener, sending a fresh, cool breeze her way.
The brightly colored thongs the boys had sported were gone, dropped in their rush to the dining room. And where they had been… nothing. Not one little blasted thing. Not a Vienna sausage, not a mini corn dog, not a hot dog, and certainly not a kielbasa. Their boy parts were just… gone. They were blank.
She vaguely noticed the blood had been washed from the one guy’s face, and somewhere between here and the bathroom, their stockings had disappeared. Now she couldn’t tell the two apart. She sat back in the chair, blindly reaching for the spoon and squishing her hand in the melted ice cream on the table instead.
“Well? Is he right? Isn’t there supposed to be something there?” Number One asked Abby, pointing at his blank groin.
She nodded, still looking for the spoon.
“What’s supposed to be there?” Number Two asked.
“A dick, of course.”
Chapter Three
“What’s a dick?”
“You know, a dick! A cock. A penis. A trouser-trout. A fish-finder. A deep-sea diver.”
Their whispers and incredulous looks as she spouted each term were almost comical… almost. Clearly they’d never heard of any of them. She expected the Twilight Zone music would start any time now.
“Seriously?” Abby stopped searching for the spoon to look at the men in front of her. “Okay, what the hell is going on? What kind of sick joke is this? Who are you guys and where did you come from?” She waved her hand vaguely at their missing parts. “And what’s up with… that?”
“I think I can explain, miss.”
The strange, husky voice from behind the men threw her for a loop. She glanced at the still-locked door and the closed windows. “Where the hell did you come from?”
She stared as the new addition stepped out into the room. His pale skin had a faint translucent sheen, sometimes green, sometimes gray, depending on how you looked at it. He was a bit shorter than the average man, yet still taller than she was. But it was his wickedly pointed ears that really stood out to her. The rest she could deal with, but those? Great. Now I’m going to be abducted by aliens. At least maybe I’ll get a good probing before I’m screwed.
“I’m Henry Elvenstein. I’m an Elf from the North Pole. Yes, that North Pole. Santa’s workshop and all that.” He held up his hand when she sputtered. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Santa doesn’t exist, Elves don’t exist and magic doesn’t exist. Got it. Been there, done that, got the weirdo-fest T-shirt to prove it. Now if you’ll excuse me a minute, I have to deal with these two.”
She went to the kitchen to get another spoon, determined to eat her ice cream before the entire thing melted. Screw the psychos, they weren’t getting any. Pinching herself to wake up, she cursed when nothing changed, took her spoon and dug in to the ice cream.
“What were you two thinking? I created you to do one thing! And you screw it up! You were supposed to satisfy her every need. That’s it. How difficult is that?” His whispered voice kept rising higher and higher, and Abby watched the guys’ shoulders droop lower with each of the Elf’s words.
“We’re sorry. We tried to satisfy her. But she says we’re missing parts.”
The other man nodded, then pointed at his blank groin.
“Where are your underpants? Why did you take them off? Go put them back on, then she’ll be happy.” The Elf shooed them away to find the thongs. “There, that should solve all the problems.”
A tap on his shoulder turned him back around.
“She says it’s a dick we’re missing.” Number One pulled his thong on.
Number Two joined in. “Yes, a cock. A trouser-trout, a…”
“Wait a minute! Stop right there.” The Elf turned to look at her, his eyebrow raised to an alarming degree. “That is what you’re missing?”
“Well, not me. It’s what they’re missing, though.”
“They didn’t have those in your magazine. I thought human men came with something else.”
“What do you mean? What magazine?” Abby flushed when she realized where she’d seen the boys before. They looked just like the centerfold in her sexy magazine, the one she’d masturbated to. And the guy in the centerfold… wore a thong. No cock showing at all, not even a bulge. Oh God.
The Elf shook his head sadly. “Did you boys satisfy her in any way at all? Or was this Christmas trip a complete and total failure all the way around?”
“She asked us to clean her bathroom.”
“Oh? And did you do a good job? Was she satisfied?”
The boys looked at her like lost puppies. She sighed and put the ice cream back in the freezer. It was mostly melted anyway.
Opening the bathroom door, she saw what she hadn’t before. The bathroom was sparkling clean, each and every surface shining. She couldn’t remember ever seeing it that clean.
She reported back to the Elf, her smile brightening the boys’ moods. “It’s great. Yes, I’d say I’m satisfied. They did exactly what I asked them to do.”
“But you didn’t ask them to satisfy you in any other way, did you? Other than the obvious fact of the missing parts, were they… unsatisfactory?”
“They’re fine, Henry.” She touched him on the shoulder, startled to find his skin felt much like hers, if not just a little cooler. “Look at them, they’re perfect. Beautiful. And they’re attracted to each other, not to me.”
The Elf’s ears turned a little greener and he gritted his teeth. She stopped him from marching over to the pair and separating them. “It’s okay, Henry. The lack of a little cock isn’t going to kill me, just like it won’t kill them. Hell, I’ve gone without so long, I’ve probably grown my virginity back, anyway. Let them have their fun, and send them back to where they belong. They did what you asked them to.”
He considered her for a moment, then nodded and pinched his nose, crossed his eyes, grabbed the pair of discarded socks and tossed them into the air where they disappeared in a purple cloud of sparkling mist. When it cleared, the boys were gone, too.
“That’s neat, that you can do magic like that. Have you done it all your life?” She watched his tinted skin darken with shame.
“No. I’m really not very good at it. It gets me in trouble sometimes when it misfires. That’s why I came here. I wanted to do something good for someone to redeem myself. I messed up pretty badly back at the pole.”
“But you did do something good! I can honestly say I’ve never had a Christmas Eve like this before. And the bathroom? Fabulous!” She embellished the word with as much wrist-snapping gusto as she could. “And an Elf. I met a real Elf! How many people can say that?”
“More than you might think, actually. But they usually keep quiet. Especially the delivery companies around Christmas. Santa can’t be everywhere, you know, and we pass those guys a lot of business this time of year.” He sighed, turning the tree air freshener over to blow a fresh, pine-scented breeze into the room. “But I’d hoped the stocking stuffers could help you with your -- other desires. I saw the letter in your room. Sorry I snooped. I know you’ve got to be lonely.”
“Henry, the boys didn’t quite have the equipment or the inclination to satisfy me that way. Not that I would, anyway. I don’t just fall into bed with anyone who asks, you know. But without them being… well, anatomically correct, I guess, it’s kind of pointless to get mad that they didn’t fuck me.”
“I built an anatomically correct female statue once.” His brows slanted down as he stared at her, giving him a rakish look.
Abby felt a shiver sweep over her. “An Elf female or a human female?”
�
��They’re pretty comparable, except for the height and the ears, of course. But the males… they’re a bit more difficult.”
“Oh? Should I ask how?” Again, a strange sensation swept over her, and Abby considered the Elf in an entirely different way.
“From what I’ve heard, male humans have the height advantage, but they’re inferior to Elves in other ways.” His voice deepened and he slid closer to her. “Sexual ways.”
“Oh.” Abby squirmed, her body flushing with heat, pooling to concentrate between her thighs. “Are you doing that?” Her whisper sounded uneven.
“Doing what?” Henry’s grin kept her wondering.
“I feel… Maybe I should open a window.” She moved restlessly in the chair again, but it did nothing to satisfy the growing need she felt.
“Maybe you shouldn’t. You wouldn’t want to scare the neighbors when you cry out.” Henry’s husky, deep voice drew her closer as he dipped his head toward her. The strange, magical things she’d seen him do earlier faded to nothing more than an oddity as he took her mouth, his long-fingered hands cradling her head as he tasted her, kissing gently before claiming her mouth with a hunger that shocked her.
She opened for his questing tongue, groaning deep in her throat as he left his mark everywhere he tasted, everywhere he touched, leaving her with the distinct awareness of peppermint and passion. It felt different. He felt different, but she couldn’t tell right off how.
He pulled back and watched her expression as he touched her, exploring with a sexual confidence that few men could pull off. She didn’t know if it was an Elf-thing or a Henry-thing, but it definitely turned her on. The feelings that swept over her told her he knew exactly how to satisfy her every need, in every way. She practically purred as he ran his fingers down her body, flipping her shirt up to expose her breasts.
“Ah, you’re beautiful, Abby.” His pointed tongue flicked out, wrapping around her breast in a way no human tongue could, then sucking her nipple in deeply. He had her gasping for breath and on the verge of coming. No man had ever…
“Stop comparing, Abby, and just enjoy.” His chuckle rocked her, vibrating deep as he played with her breast, then moved to the other to treat it to the same delight. He slid her sweats off and ran his hand back up the inside of her leg until his fingers dipped into her juices, then plucked and soothed the slick folds around her clit, heating her desire to just below the boiling point.
Abby shook her head, pushing his hand away before she exploded. “No, Henry. Not like this.”
He stepped back. “Don’t you want to be pleasured for Christmas?” His flush showed her he was just as affected by their closeness as she was.
“Henry, I don’t want you to satisfy me like you’re giving me some misguided Christmas present. I’m not a child to be given a toy so I’ll be happy all year long. I want you in every way possible, to please you as well. I don’t know how it is where you come from, but I’m not the kind of girl to just lie there. I like to give as well as receive.”
“That wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I planned this, but if it works for you, let’s do it.”
“Oh, wait a minute. Are humans and Elves… compatible? I mean, do the parts fit?”
“It seems to me they would be, but you’ll have to judge for yourself.” He dropped his clothes and advanced on her, backing her up against the wall. His hands grasped each of hers, holding them still as he pressed against her, his cock trapped between them.
She loosed her hand and reached for him, laughing in delight when his cock jumped at her touch. Abby looked up to see him smirk at her reaction. She knew it, the rat! He knew he was hung like a friggin’ horse, and he enjoyed every minute of her trying to figure out how she was going to cram that massive cock inside of her. But first, she was going to taste him.
“Do Elves taste different than humans?” She grinned as she dropped to her knees, grabbing him and licking the tip of his cock. Again, the taste reminded her of peppermint and passion -- a potent combination. She swirled her tongue as she took him deeper into her mouth, sucking as the mint taste sharpened, leaving her mouth frosty cold and burning hot at the same time. She looked up at him in question.
“I guess it depends on how you cook them.” He grinned and grasped her head to pull her back to his cock, fucking her mouth as she sucked, dragging her teeth lightly across the head when he pulled out. Reaching to twist his nipple ring, Abby gasped when a burst of purple shot through her, and she felt a twisting sting on her nipple as if he’d done the same to her. Yet his hands were nowhere near her tits. Damn! I like that!
He smiled at her reaction to his magic and pressed her back up against the wall, grabbing her ass and lifting her easily, setting her right on the edge of his erection and holding her there. She felt the thick head enter her, spreading and stretching her tight around him as she slid slowly down, inch by pleasure-filled fucking inch, until she felt she was either going to scream or explode if he didn’t do something. Something faster. Something more. Abby wrapped her arms around his neck and tightened her legs around his waist as he settled in to a heart-pounding rhythm that rattled her both inside and out. The burning, minty sensation of his skin set her clit on fire as she rocked against him.
He lifted her, still inside her as he took her to the bedroom, laying her on the bed. She groaned as he pulled out, inch by inch, the pronounced ridges of his cock jump-starting every nerve she possessed into moistened overdrive.
“Holy shit, Henry. Don’t stop yet!” She grabbed for his shoulders, missing as he slid down her body to insinuate himself between her legs. Spreading them widely, she felt him part her with his fingers and then his tongue. “Oh God, Henry. Your tongue…” Abby’s loud moan of appreciation descended into guttural, sporadic rumbles. His long, pointed tongue delved deep inside her, sending lightning bolts of hot sensation from her clit to her cervix and straight through every millimeter of skin she had.
Heat, warmth, the delicious weight of pressure where no tongue should be able to reach… Abby writhed under his mouth as he devoured her, grabbing his pointed ears and pulling his face deeper into her as she came, hard. His rumble of satisfaction spurred her further into the bone-deep spasms breaking over her.
“Delicious. Mint and cream taste so good together.” He rose from between her thighs, and she saw his skin was flushed a deep shade of green. The determined sparkle in his eyes as he lifted her with hardly any effort and turned her on her knees ramped up the tension inside of her yet again, when she had barely recovered from the tempest he’d just created.
“You’ve been driving me wild since I first saw you, Abby. I keep thinking of you, like this, taking me inside of you.” His murmured appreciation as he caressed her ass doubled when he slid his cock into her from behind.
He stretched her even farther than before, the silvery spike of pain dragging her pleasure into shades of dark passion she’d never encountered. The added pressure of his moistened finger entering her ass shot a thrill through both passages, flooding her pussy with her juices.
“Oh fuck, yeah,” she grated and pushed back against him, eager for more. The building, burning fire inside ran from her head to her toes, each deep thrust forcing her farther onto his cock. He grabbed her hips in a punishing grip as he fucked her, his furious rhythm pounding harder and faster in staccato bursts of thick pleasure.
She didn’t know how much more she could take. The spinning, lifting sensation of another orgasm rose inside her almost like a runner’s high. She tightened around his cock, flattening her chest against the bed and thrusting her ass higher against him. Her nipples became diamond points of sensation as they rubbed against the rough blankets, yet still the big one she craved eluded her, just out of reach. “More, Henry, I need more.”
“God yes, Abby, I’m close. You feel so good, I don’t know if I can hold on much longer.”
She squeezed her inner muscles around him and felt his cock flex inside her. He pressed deeper, harder, then stilled for a m
oment before she felt it. A flash of purple magic pulsed around them both as he shuddered, finally giving in. The hot minty splash of his cum and his deep guttural groan sent her spiraling out of control, lost in the magic with him, experiencing both what he felt and her own. He grasped one of her nipples, kneading and pinching to take her even further into the sensations coursing through them, ripping a new awareness throughout her body and mind.
They collapsed together, panting as the magic paled, fading to a light glow as Henry pulled her next to him and wrapped her in his arms just as the bells of Christmas morning rang in the sunrise.
“Merry Christmas, Abby.”
“Mmm.” She snuggled deeper into his arms, exhaustion pulling sleep closer every moment.
“Does that mean you forgive me for watching you?” His voice rumbled under her cheek as he pulled the blankets up over them.
“You can stalk me for Christmas any time, Henry.” She heard him chuckle and felt his kiss on her temple as she started drifting off.
“Good, because I have a few toys I’d like to try out with you before next Christmas.” His cock stirred against her side, nudging her from her sleep.
“Toys?” Abby grinned. Sleep can wait.
Epilogue
Several years down the road…
“Henry, do you have that order filled for Mrs. Claus yet?”
“No, not yet, Abby. I know she wants it before Christmas, but UPS only travels so fast, and she ordered last minute! Have Lefty grab another box of those plain brown wrappers from the warehouse, will you?”
“Sure. Don’t forget to toss in those freebies for the Approval Council. They were our biggest buyers all last year. I guess Elves don’t have much to do at the North Pole when it isn’t Christmas, do they?”
“They do now!” Her husband winked as he rushed another batch of orders out for pick up.
Abby checked the company e-mail for more orders of their specialized adult toys. Purple Pleasures was a great success, and Henry’s special magic combined with trying out all of his inventive toys kept her perfectly happy all year long.
