She answered with a jerky nod, and he sighed his resignation. Pain clawed her chest, knowing she’d put that defeated expression on his face.
He patted his hip where his phone was clipped. “I have my cell with me if you need anything. I’ll be watching your place from my truck and can be back up here in seconds.”
“Jonah...” An invitation to sleep on her couch again was on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it. She’d given him an opening to deny his intention to walk away at the close of his investigation at the diner, but he’d kept silent. Better that she begin untangling him from her life now.
Nothing had changed, despite the tantalizing glimpses of a better, happier life she might have with Jonah. Depending on a man for her safety, her happiness, her strength, only led to heartache and disaster. Experience had taught her that in the harshest way. She’d be a fool to forget that lesson.
* * *
Jonah was still in his truck, parked just down the street from her apartment, when Annie left for work the next morning. When she spotted him, her pulse leaped like a schoolgirl’s. She’d missed sharing a cup of coffee with Jonah this morning, his hair sleep-tousled, his cheek bearing the impression of her couch upholstery like a tattoo. Being around his easygoing companionship in the early morning hours had started recent days with an optimism she’d not had in years.
Knowing how cramped and uncomfortable his truck had to have been overnight stabbed her with a sharp edge of regret. She acknowledged him with a raised hand but ignored his signal when he waved her over. Turning, Annie hurried to the bus stop on the corner, hearing him call to her, then crank his engine.
Accepting a ride from him to the diner as she had done in recent mornings would be the easy way out. With his investigation winding down, she had to return to doing things for herself, looking out for her own interests, breaking the fragile bonds they’d formed.
“Annie, come on. What are you doing?” he called from his truck as he double-parked on the side street.
Thankfully, her bus chugged toward the stop just as Jonah climbed from his front seat. She couldn’t bear a confrontation.
“I don’t know how to be what you need….”
His rejection last night had gnawed at her all night, kept her tossing and turning through the dark, lonely hours. A heavy ache pinched her chest as she hustled onto the city bus without a backward glance.
What did Jonah think she needed? What demand had she made of him that he thought he lacked? She’d tried so hard not to ask anything of him, not to assume anything about their relationship. And despite her best intentions, she had developed a relationship with Jonah, though she was at a loss as to how to define it.
Her skin prickled at the memory of the sweet pressure of his lips on hers, the pleasure of his kiss. He’d wanted her as much as she’d wanted him, hadn’t he? Had she misjudged what happened at the police gymnasium? After all, she had just suffered an emotional meltdown. Maybe he’d just been offering pity sex. Had she thrown herself at him in some desperate moment of weakness like a cheap tramp?
Her face heated with mortification. Jonah, being a gentleman, had not taken advantage of her and had stopped her from making the next great mistake of her life.
Her heart squeezed, and she blinked back the moisture that puddled in her eyes. If making love to Jonah would have been such a mistake, why did she still long with every fiber of her body and soul to sink into his arms and lose herself in his kiss, his touch? Deep inside her, she knew Jonah would be infinitely gentle, generous and attentive as a lover. That was the nature of the man she’d gotten to know these past weeks, the man she’d learned to trust, the man who’d stolen her heart when she wasn’t looking.
But Jonah had made it clear last night the affection was one-sided.
“I don’t know how to be what you need….”
Stifling the self-pity that nipped at her, Annie dug deep inside her for the shreds of determination and hope that she’d clung to like a tattered blanket since she walked out on Walt almost two years ago.
She’d survived just fine before she’d let Jonah into her life, and she had to do the same again. Though she couldn’t stop him from playing guardian, she didn’t have to indulge the fantasy that he would ever be more than a transient part of her life. As she always had, she’d focus her energy and her life on giving her kids the best childhood she could as a single, working mother.
The bus slowed with a hiss of its brakes, and Annie made her way to the door, giving the driver a polite smile as she stepped down to the sidewalk. Before she’d even walked a block, Jonah’s truck was beside her on the street.
“Annie, I know you’re mad. You have every right to be. But your safety has to come before your pride. Please, get in the truck.”
She waved a hand down the street. “It’s only another block.”
The car behind Jonah honked, but he ignored it. “We need to talk. About us.”
She lifted her chin but kept her gaze forward as she strode toward the diner. “There is no us, Jonah. You made that perfectly clear last night.”
“Annie—”
She flicked a hand to cut him off. “No, it’s fine. You’re right. I guess I just let the emotions of the day get to me. It’s better this way.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, Annie. But I don’t—” He bit out a curse word. “I can’t have this conversation through the window of a moving truck. Annie, please get in.”
“I’ll be late for work.” Sighing, she stopped walking and faced his truck. “We can talk tonight, if you want. But you don’t need to make any apologies or excuses. There is no us. I get that. I’m okay with that. I just forgot that in a moment of weak—” To her dismay, her voice cracked, and scalding tears clouded her eyes. She pressed her lips in a tight line and swung back toward the diner, her steps brisk and clipped.
“Damn it, Annie. You’re not weak. Just give me five minutes to—”
The rest of his plea was silenced as she breezed through the diner’s front door and it closed behind her.
Jonah appeared at his usual seat at the counter within minutes, but Annie left it to Susan to wait on him. By mutual agreement, their interaction at the diner was to remain casual and all-business. The true nature of their relationship might not be a secret if someone was, in fact, following her, watching her apartment, but she decided discretion was still in order.
Annie did her best to pretend the weight of Jonah’s gaze didn’t follow her as she served breakfast to the other customers, but the prickle of awareness told her without looking that he was monitoring her every move. Her hands shook as she poured coffee for her customers, and her stomach stayed in knots. Ignoring Jonah was tantamount to pretending there wasn’t a bull loose in the china shop. She felt his commanding presence in every cell of her body.
“Annie.” His voice thrummed through her as she searched behind the counter for more sugar packets. Cautiously raising her gaze, she met the dark intensity of his eyes and a shudder rippled through her.
“May I...have some more coffee?”
She glanced at his full mug and sent him a skeptical look. “Aren’t you going to be late for your shift at the mill, Mr. Devereaux?”
He returned a chagrined smile, but the unspoken plea in his eyes raked her heart with razor-sharp talons. He hesitated, then his shoulders sagged. “Touché. Then just my bill.”
What had put that hint of pain in his gaze? Was it guilt? Regret? Or something deeper and more personal?
Her throat tightened, and she had to swallow twice before she could speak. “I’ll get your waitress.”
After Jonah paid for his breakfast and left the diner, Annie tried to bury herself in waiting tables, refilling saltshakers and making idle chatter with customers. But her head and her heart were filled with questions about Jonah and the poignant look he’d given her as he walked out the front door.
At lunchtime, Annie glanced toward the door as new customers came in. Ginny and her
husband gave Annie a smile and a wave as they chose a table and sat down. Her spirits lifted, seeing her friends, and she hurried over to their table.
“Wow, y’all are a sight for sore eyes.” She gave them a weary smile as she handed them each a menu.
Ginny cocked a blond eyebrow. “Oh? Something wrong?”
Annie gave Riley a side glance and shrugged. “Just, um...”
Ginny’s husband cleared his throat and slid back to the end of the booth seat. “If you’ll excuse me, ladies. I think I’ll...grab a newspaper from the machine by the door.”
Annie sent the handsome fireman an appreciative grin. “Thanks, Riley.”
He gave her cheek a friendly kiss as he left her alone to talk to Ginny.
Ginny’s gaze followed her husband to the front door, her happiness glowing in her cheeks. “For a guy, he’s pretty perceptive.”
Turning her attention to Annie, Ginny captured Annie’s hands and pulled her onto the seat beside her. “So, what’s up? Would your glum mood have anything to do with the guy you mentioned last time we talked?” She knitted her forehead and waved a finger as she thought. “Jonah? Was that his name?”
Annie tugged up a corner of her mouth in a wry grin. “Riley’s not the only perceptive one.”
“Well, don’t forget, I was in a quandary over what to do about Riley not that long ago. I recognize the look.”
Annie toyed with the string of her apron. “What look?”
“The one that says you are crazy about this guy, but you’re scared to death to take a shot at being happy with him.”
Annie leaned back against the booth seat and frowned. “Who says I would be happy with him? What if what I really
need is to forget about having any man in my life and concentrate on raising my kids?”
“Is that really something you want to do alone?”
“No. But Walt didn’t leave me much choice in that matter.”
“Sure he did. He divorced you. You can give the kids a new father. Question is, is that what will make you happy? Is Jonah who will make you happy?”
Annie idly traced a crack in the tabletop. “Ginny, we’re getting way ahead of ourselves here. Jonah hasn’t even said he wants to be more than my guardian until this mess with—” She caught herself and glanced toward the counter where Susan was ringing up a customer. She lowered her voice. “This other mess I told you about. I still have that hanging over my head.”
Ginny leaned closer, matching Annie’s quiet tone. “Maybe it’s time you went to the police with your suspicions and the information you’ve found.”
Annie shook her head. “Not yet. Jonah has a plan and I trust him. When he’s got everything he needs for the police to make their arrests, then he’ll turn it over to the authorities. But he’s afraid if we involve the cops too soon, the people involved higher up will close shop and go into hiding. Or cut their losses some other way to protect themselves. Jonah already suspects that is why Hardin was murdered.”
A frown dented the bridge of Ginny’s nose. “Annie, I don’t like you being involved in this. Get out. I’ll help you get another job. You don’t have to stay here if—”
“I can’t quit now. We’re too close to catching the people behind this thing.” She cast another surreptitious glance toward Susan. “Besides, leaving the diner won’t end the threat to me. I have reason to believe these people know I have information about their operation. That threat doesn’t go away just because I quit. You know the saying, keep your friends close—”
“And your enemies closer,” Ginny finished for her. “Oh, Annie. Please be careful.”
She nodded. “I will.”
Ginny’s worried gaze clung to hers for a few more seconds before she shifted in her seat. “And what about Jonah?”
“What about him?”
“Do you love him?”
Annie sputtered, and her face grew hot. “I—I—”
Ginny grinned. “You’re blushing. I think I have my answer.”
Annie averted her face. “Ginny, I don’t know how to feel about him. And after last night, it may all be a moot point anyway.”
Ginny tipped her head. “Why? What happened?”
A rock lodged in Annie’s gut. “He all but told me he’s not interested in a future with me.”
Ginny squeezed Annie’s hand. “What exactly did he say?”
“That he can’t be what I need him to be.”
Ginny arched an eyebrow. “Ah. He’s afraid.”
“Afraid?” Annie jerked her eyebrows into a frown. Fear was the last thing she’d ever associate with Jonah. And yet...
She thought of the haunted look in his eyes this morning, the uncertainty in his voice when he begged for a chance to talk.
“Afraid of what?”
Ginny leaned back and shook her head. “Could be almost anything. You know him better than I do. Maybe he’s afraid of hurting you. Didn’t you say his size and his fighting skills scared you? Do you think he’s worried about—”
“Oh, no.” Annie vehemently shook her head. “He would never hurt me or the kids.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Annie heard them echoing through her head, heard the certainty in her voice and waited for the niggling of doubt that never came. When had she come to this conclusion? When had Jonah convinced her of his trustworthiness and honor? How did she know in her heart of hearts that she was truly safe with Jonah in every way?
She didn’t know how or when she’d known. But she was sure of it.
Ginny’s bright blue eyes lasered into her. “Maybe it’s not physical pain he’s afraid of causing you. Maybe he’s afraid of commitment or failure or letting you down. He could be worried about breaking your heart—or you breaking his.”
Annie inhaled sharply. Had she let Jonah’s brawn and rough-around-the-edges appearance blind her to his Achilles’ heel? Jonah had told her about his history with his father, his grim childhood, the pain of losing his mentor last year. Could her tough-on-the-outside protector be hiding a vulnerable heart?
When Annie didn’t respond, Ginny said, “Either way, my question to you remains the same. Do you love him?”
Ginny’s query flustered Annie, made her feel trapped and panicky. “I think...I could. I’m happier when I’m with him. He makes me feel braver, stronger, more hopeful.”
Turning up a palm as if to say the answer was obvious, Ginny flashed her a satisfied grin. “Then fight for him. You stood up to Walt, saved yourself and your kids from his abuse and started a new life. After everything you’ve struggled to achieve, don’t give up on the one person who can give you the love you deserve. These past few weeks, you’ve learned you’re safe with him. Now show him he can be safe with you, that you won’t let him be hurt, either. Show him he doesn’t have to be afraid of a future with you. Just don’t let him go without a fight.”
Annie’s heartbeat thundered in her ears. After years of withdrawing to protect herself, of shutting down and pulling in to avoid conflict, could she throw herself into the fray, to put her heart in the line of fire for the chance at a future with Jonah?
As she weighed the risks of such a bold leap of faith, Annie noticed Susan staring at her from behind the front counter. The other waitress gave her a stern glare and then a meaningful hitch of her head to the rest of the dining room. Customers were waiting.
Annie shoved to her feet. “I...need to get back to work. I have tables waiting.”
As she turned away, Ginny grabbed her hand and sent her a penetrating look. “Trust your heart, Annie. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve a man who will cherish you and fill your life with joy. Don’t let what happened with Walt skew your vision with Jonah. I almost made that mistake with Riley and would have blown the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Annie pulled in a deep breath. “Okay.”
“And...can we get two cheeseburgers with sweet iced tea? I’m famished.” Ginny gave her a wide, cheerful grin.
“Of course.” S
he hustled to the order window, scribbling Ginny’s request on her pad. If she’d thought talking with Ginny would help calm her whirling thoughts and confusion, she’d sadly miscalculated.
Trust her heart? Fight for Jonah? She didn’t know where to begin. The realization that she felt truly safe with Jonah eliminated what Annie had believed was her main reason for not getting involved with him. Yesterday she’d almost made love to Jonah at the police station gymnasium. Clearly, physical chemistry wasn’t her problem.
His instincts and interactions with her kids warmed her heart, so she couldn’t blame parental protectiveness for her reluctance. Having experienced his gentleness, his compassion, his loyalty, his honor, how could she question what kind of husband he’d be?
But Ginny had challenged her to do more than admit her feelings for Jonah. Ginny wanted her to act on those feelings, drop her defenses and muster a courage she wasn’t sure she had inside her. What would happen if she let herself love Jonah, gave him her body, heart and soul, and he still walked away when his case here at the diner was solved? That was the issue that scared her spitless. She’d already lost so much.
But wasn’t Jonah worth the risk?
A niggling unrest stirred in her gut, a desperation that lit a fire in her soul. The same inner voice had roused her from the nightmare of her dysfunctional marriage and given her the courage to save herself and her children from Walt.
She’d faced down her demons before when her life was on the line. Tonight, she would put her love on the line for a chance to be happy, a chance to share the kind of love she’d always dreamed of. She’d risk her heart—for Jonah.
* * *
Jonah spent a frustrating day going over the files from Hardin’s bus-station locker but found himself distracted by thoughts of Annie’s sweet kiss. That afternoon, he rhythmically lashed the speed bag at the boxing gym. He’d hoped that exhausting himself with an intense workout would expel the thrum of desire that wound him tight.
Hammering the punching bag should have given his mind something else to focus on besides the wistful longing in Annie’s eyes last night, the musical sound of her laughter as they danced and the poignant ache in his heart as he’d put Haley to bed. Instead, giving his body over to the repetitive motion of his workout gave his brain free rein to review the same images over and over again.
The Reunion Mission: The Reunion MissionTall Dark Defender Page 34
