“Yes.”
She stared at him. He stared back, solid and sure of himself, smelling cleaner than anyone else in the room, looking more confident than anyone except maybe Conroy. She bit at her lower lip for a moment, then said. “Good. Then go home. You’re next door. You can watch out from there. We need rest.”
Dayn stiffened.
She should use him. “Can you warn us if the fighting comes this way?”
He gave her a quick nod, unhappy and barely acquiescent, and started for the door.
“Oh, and knock when you want to come back.”
He reeled as if her words had slapped him, but he went. She let out a long sigh, feeling a little flash of triumph inside the horror of Hugh’s death and the awful fight. Then she reset Dayn’s door access so he’d have to knock.
Marcelle blinked at her, her mouth open, but no words came out. Finally, she stammered, “Who . . . who was that? Where . . . where are we?”
Marcelle’s diction was nearly always perfect. A sign of how much stress the fighting had put on them all? Onor was looking at her with intense curiosity as well. “This is my hab,” Ruby said. “I live here.” She sighed.
Marcelle looked around with interest and Onor frowned but said nothing. Marcelle asked again. “That man. That wasn’t Fox?”
“That was Dayn; he’s used to watching over me, but he lost track a few days ago.” She felt herself grinning and saw Marcelle grinning back. The slight bit of laughter escaping their lips sounded both manic and stressed, and like heaven.
As soon as she regained some self-control, Ruby assigned a door guard and a few nurses and left Ani in charge of making food. Conroy found tasks for everyone else: checking weapons and clothes, stretching, and preparing to leave if they had to. Then he pulled Onor aside and the two of them whispered in a corner.
Ruby sat down in the middle of the room and put her hand on Lya’s back. Lya still cried, soft sobs that made more movement than noise, and she didn’t look up at Ruby or acknowledge her presence. Ruby felt the sobs through her hand and arm, and focused down on her breathing to keep from joining Lya. There was no way she could afford to look weak, not now. She hummed a bit and then sang quietly, choosing songs that everyone would have heard since they were children instead of songs she’d written.
A few other voices took up the songs with her, the group slowly coming to be more matched up emotionally, the familiar melodies and words acting to calm and unify. As soon as she felt like most of the fighters were more composed, she asked. “Conroy, what do we do now?”
“Wait.” He held up his journal. “We’ll get orders soon.” The look he gave her was approving.
“Do you know what’s happening out there?”
He glanced down at the journal, then said, “Not really. Lots of battles. Nothing conclusive.”
Ani brought in plates of toast and two carafes of stim, looking apologetic. “This is what we have. We can each have a piece and a half cup.”
“I should have stocked the larder a bit better,” Ruby joked.
Ani shook her head.
While they ate, Conroy talked tactics and debriefed them, his voice calm.
Ruby got up to help Ani take the plates back to the kitchen and then they went to the privy together. The mirror showed that she looked as bad as she ever had on this level—maybe worse. When she started running her fingers through her tangled hair, Ani handed her a comb.
“You are forever helping me be beautiful,” Ruby commented as she took the comb. “Thanks for sticking with me. What do you think of gray?”
Ani ran water into her cupped, clean hands and splashed it on her face before answering. “It’s . . . fierce.”
“Fierce?”
“You know. Everything feels more intense. Scary. More . . . emotive.”
Ruby handed the comb back to her. She stared at the mirror, noting a bruise on her cheek that she didn’t remember receiving. “If I hadn’t met Hugh . . . no, there’s more. If a pair of reds hadn’t beat Hugh the day I met Fox, I wouldn’t have ever known Hugh believed in me, and maybe none of this would have started. I wouldn’t have sung at Owl Paulie’s funeral, and that was the beginning.”
“You would have found us. Or we would have found you.”
“How do you know?” Ruby found a pair of her favorite earrings and put them in. “Maybe it’s me that would have been killed. They kill the people that scare them.”
“You scare them,” Ani said.
“So now you believe me? About people hurting us?”
Ani looked down and away, her face confused and a bit sad. “Yes.” She pocketed the comb and started out the door.
“Good,” Ruby whispered to the mirror before turning and following her watcher out of the room.
Ani was already running when Ruby came out of the privy. Fox had come, had found them somehow. Maybe Dayn. She should have programmed Fox out. Stupid.
Fox stood over Onor, looking down and talking to him, although Ruby couldn’t tell what he wanted. Marcelle sat beside Onor, looking up at Fox, her features frozen in fear.
Before she got close enough to hear what Fox said to Onor, Ruby could see that he held a stunner in his hands. “No!” She screamed, hurtling past Ani and skidding to a stop inches from Fox.
Onor kept his eyes on Fox as he said, “There you are.”
“There you are,” Fox said to Ruby, an odd little echo of Onor’s words. “I’ve been looking everywhere.” Fox glared at Ruby, his hand still pointing the stunner in Onor’s general direction. “I was just asking your boyfriend here where to find you.”
“Stop it, Fox!” Ani snapped, coming to stand beside Ruby.
Onor took advantage of the moment to stand, pulling Marcelle up beside him.
“He’s my friend,” Ruby snapped, “And I’m right here in my hab, and I didn’t invite you in.”
Fox looked awry, his hair mussed and sweat dotting his forehead. “You still work for me,” he said.
Ruby let out a bark of laughter. “Surely you don’t think I’m that naïve?”
“That’s why I came. To keep you safe.”
“Put your stunner away.” Ruby kept her voice even. Fox couldn’t know what they had seen happen to Hugh, how much they needed him to put the gun away.
Fox blinked at her, unmoving.
She almost felt sorry for him. Not quite. “Look, I appreciate it all. Thank you. But I have things to do. There’s a battle.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“No. It’s not.”
“Of course it is. I have to keep you safe.”
“Onor’s keeping me safe.”
“I see that.”
“And Ani.”
Fox shook. She couldn’t quite tell what emotion drove him to do that. Some anger, some need to control her. Not all of it. He was scared. She knew him well enough to tell.
She fought an absurd urge to hold him. “Look,” she struggled to control her voice, “I have a job to do here. Without you, I would never have started it, I wouldn’t have known about anything but gray.” Damn it, now her voice was quivering. Surely she was just tired. Exhausted. “I’ll thank you forever. But I want you to go now.” She was breaking up with him, hurting him, forcing it this time. She’d done it inside of herself a long time ago, but this was looking in his eyes. That’s why she couldn’t talk smoothly, why she felt she was repudiating a piece of her soul.
Fox’s eyes darted from side to side, as if looking for a distraction to help him escape.
Onor sidled away from Fox’s stunner. He stood as close to Ruby as possible without touching her. Marcelle stepped between Ruby and Ani, all of her attention on Ani. A guard to guard her from her guard. The irony almost made Ruby laugh despite the tense moment.
Ani didn’t notice Marcelle’s protective stance or how ready she looked, balanced for action. All of Ani’s attention had gone to Fox, and his to her.
Conroy watched, almost amused, and intensely curious. Everyone else seemed
to have melted into the walls. They were still there, their presence given away by rustles and slight movement, but they’d all gone quiet.
Ani and Fox stood locked in a staring contest full of deeper meaning than Ruby understood. Ani’s chin quivered as she tried not to cry.
Ruby chewed at her lower lip, not liking the thick undercurrents she didn’t understand.
“Help me,” Fox said.
The look Ani gave him held a tiny bit of pity. She was taller than Fox, more regal.
“I love you,” Fox said to Ani.
To Ani.
Ruby blinked, even more confused. She held her tongue, watched.
“I can’t,” Ani said, the words barely more than a whisper. “She’s . . . Ruby . . . Ruby has the power to save us all. I can’t leave her.”
Fox dropped his arm. “I . . . see.” His look dismissed Ani then, as if she had been nothing.
Ani took a step back, tilting her head so that she looked over the top of Fox’s head instead of into his eyes.
Fox turned to Ruby, then reached out for her.
Marcelle slid between them, quick and sure, bracing herself so her back nearly touched Ruby’s chest.
Ruby blinked at Fox over Marcelle’s shoulder and then gently pushed Marcelle aside. “It’s okay.”
Marcelle moved slowly, resisting. Once the space between them was empty, Ruby stepped into Fox and kissed him on the forehead. Then she stepped back and stood beside Marcelle. It took a few breaths before she could get out the words, “Thank you.” A breath. “Goodbye.”
He looked stunned, then backed up, stepping around Hugh’s body. “Don’t stay here. The fight’s coming this way. Go to Colin if you won’t stay with me.”
He meant to hurt her with the words. “What else can you tell me? Are we winning?”
“We might have, except I came for you.”
He was lying. He wasn’t going to give her any real information, not now, not in this state. She couldn’t stand the mix of anger and desire in his eyes anymore. “Go,” she told him. “I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”
He left, slamming the door hard behind him.
Ruby felt as if she were being split in two, as if there was a weaker, younger part of her that should be following Fox.
52: The Jackman Cometh
Onor felt light as Fox walked away. Before now, he’d only seen Fox once, for a brief moment the day the sky fell. Even so, he’d known who threatened him as soon as he opened his eyes to find the red-haired man poking his shoulder with a stunner. Cocky, clean, full of himself. But oddly, not brave. Fox’s hand had been shaking even as he pointed the stunner at Onor.
Marcelle wrapped her arms around Onor, whispering in his ear. “I kept thinking of Hugh. The whole time the stunner was pointed at you, I felt the absence of Hugh.”
Onor laughed, giddy for having just escaped death by the hand of his archrival. Maybe this was what it felt like to survive a battle. And Marcelle had been his support. “You’d have never let him stun me enough times for that.”
“No.” Her voice was a whisper.
Onor felt thick tongued. Still, he pushed Marcelle’s embrace aside when he saw Ruby and Ani stepping into the kitchen, looking for a private place to talk. He followed after them, unwilling to let Ruby out of his sight until he got her back on track, got them all under Colin’s or Joel’s protection. “We’re supposed to be finding The Jackman,” he said to Ruby’s back when he’d almost caught up. “And we have to do something about Hugh.”
“I know, and isn’t The Jackman supposed to be finding us?”
“Well, but we’re not on gray.”
“The Jackman always knows where to find you, and Conroy will know when to call the reclaimers.”
“Are you really following Conroy?” Onor asked. “Or are you doing whatever you want?”
“Should we have done something different besides come here?”
“No.” He stared at her. She was mussed up from all the fighting, she had a stunner strapped to her middle, and she looked just like he imagined Lila Red would look, except Ruby was dressed in gray. She felt as far away from him as the dead revolutionary, and almost as ruthless.
Ani interrupted. “We need KJ. I don’t know or trust this Jackman, and besides, he’s gray. We need someone who can lead us all.” Ani stopped, hand to mouth, suddenly realizing the words that had run out of her mouth. “Someone we know.” She looked at Ruby, apologizing with her look, almost pleading. “You could do it, except you’re no warrior. We need someone who knows how to fight. Someone we know.”
Onor chose to ignore Ani instead of argue with her. She’d clearly just chosen Ruby over Fox. Even without being able to read the nuances, Onor had been able to see that. Ruby needed Ani. She needed more than just him and Ani. “I promised Colin we’d find The Jackman.” It felt important to stay on Colin’s good side. Onor might have hated the way he looked at Ruby, but that didn’t mean they didn’t need him. “Colin told me to keep you safe.”
Ruby frowned at him. “You sound like Fox.”
“Colin has resources, and Joel let him take care of you, and then he asked me to.”
Ruby turned in the small kitchen and stood with one hand on her hip, her eyes deadly serious. He knew the look well; he wasn’t at all surprised when she spat, “I’m not doing what anyone tells me, except maybe Conroy for the moment. Because I told him I would. But not Ani. Fox. The Jackman. Not even Colin. Not even Joel, who may someday run this ship. And for sure not Garth, who does run it. I am not doing what anyone tells me anymore. Not. Even. You.”
The words were spoken to Onor, but even Ani flinched.
Stung, Onor backed out of the kitchen and stood just outside the door. Ruby wasn’t going to let him be her keeper, and she really never had, anyway. She’d grown past him for sure now.
He paced. Stepping around people, not stopping to talk to anyone except Conroy. “Do we have orders yet?”
Conroy eyed the kitchen door. “I wish.”
Onor stood, waiting, bouncing a little on his toes, wishing he knew what Ruby and Ani were saying behind the closed door. Ruby was a force, an energy that drove him to be brave because she was brave, to question because she questioned. He had orbited her since the day they met. Maybe he would have to be content with watching her back. But if that was what he was going to do, he best not get tangled up with anyone else.
Even Marcelle.
He searched the room until he found Marcelle covering Hugh’s body with a blue blanket she’d taken from Ruby’s room. Doing what needed to be done, even the hard part of helping Lya stand up.
Before Lya had made it to her feet, a knock at the door startled Marcelle to attention. She looked at the door, then turned to stare at Onor. When Onor heard The Jackman’s familiar voice on the other side, he raced to open the door and usher him in. The Jackman looked gaunt, almost hungry, and full of purpose. “Gather them up,” he said to Conroy, not stopping to greet anyone. “We’ve got to go.”
Onor remembered Ruby’s last words to him, about how she wasn’t going to obey anyone, but he went to get her anyway. “The Jackman’s here. We need to go.”
He saw her begin to refuse, but then she rushed past him, stopping in front of The Jackman. “What’s happening?”
The Jackman looked Ruby up and down, taking in her gray clothes and the way her red hair had gone half-tamed at best. When The Jackman spoke, he didn’t even sound like he hated her anymore. “They’re killing people. We’ve got to rethink this.”
“I know. Hugh.”
The Jackman glanced at the body under the blanket and his face grew even harder. “I see.”
Ruby shook her head. “Who else?”
“Salli and Jinn. Together.” The Jackman paused, looking stricken, almost—for just a second—weak. Then he growled, “They were women, damn it!”
“Yeah. So am I. What are we doing? If we kill each other, who’s going to run the Fire?”
“Someone forgot to re
mind Garth about that.”
Ruby’s eyes lit up with sudden purpose. “I need to find Joel.”
The Jackman stood still, a dumbfounded look on his face.
Ruby shifted into relentless mode. “I need to be at the center long enough to see the whole picture.” She leaned in and grabbed The Jackman by the front of his shirt. “We’re going to win. There’s as many of us as there are of them, and half of them are on our side.”
The Jackman looked into her face. “How do you plan to get near someone like Joel right now?” The Jackman stepped back from her so he could see Onor and Marcelle. He looked at them, one at a time, stopping with Onor. “You too? Is this what you believe? That she—” he sighed.
Onor had never seen The Jackman so torn.
He stopped and stood right in front of Ruby, looking down at her. “I’ll take you back to the cargo bars. The fight has been there and gone. But I won’t take you into the middle of it.”
Ruby shrugged. “Then we’ll find our own way.”
The Jackman crossed his arms and looked at Conroy, not needing to ask his question out loud.
Conroy nodded.
53: The Table
Ruby’s belly screamed hunger and her feet hurt. It seemed like she was always standing or walking lately, and her feet always hurt. She glared at The Jackman’s back, bent now, looking as tired as she felt. He’d kept them walking through random corridors and tunnels and maintenance hallways full of dirty robots.
Maybe he meant to keep her from being any use to anybody. After all, he’d never liked her, and he’d never made that a secret.
Given the way her feet hurt and her belly had started screaming for food again, they’d been walking and hiding and walking a long time. They’d heard fighting, or what might be fighting—raised voices and running feet—twice. The Jackman had deftly turned them away from it.
She could feel the fight. It existed in the way the mood within the ship had changed, in the way they walked differently through the corridors, more watchful, maybe even a bit afraid. There was even a change in the way the ship smelled, although when she tried to find words for it, they weren’t there.
The Creative Fire: 1 (Ruby's Song) Page 32
