by F Stone
“Well, I know he wouldn’t laugh. God only knows he’s forgotten how.”
“Oh no, he hasn’t. We were playing in the ocean yesterday and he — ”
Lorna grabbed Sidney’s arm. “You were what?”
“Oh, well, I kind of forced him to go swimming and we, that is, he — ”
“Playing? Swimming?”
Sidney nodded. “Uh huh.”
“We’re talking about this Sam, right?” Lorna pointed to Sam’s office door.
“Yes.”
“Sidney, if you don’t tell him, I will.”
Sidney gasped and shook her head. “Oh, god no. You mustn’t say anything. You promised you wouldn’t say a word to him, Lorna.”
“Wouldn’t tell who what?” barked Sam, standing at his now open office door.
The two women jumped.
“Oh, nothing important.” Sidney smiled nervously. “Just girl talk.”
Sam continued to scowl. “I doubt it. Lorna, step into the boardroom. Sidney, you sit here and don’t move. I mean it!”
Sidney zipped over to her usual interrogation chair while Lorna and Sam walked into the boardroom and shut the door.
“Sit down, Lorna. You look like a wreck.”
“Oh? You hinting that perhaps I should be scuttled?”
“Relax. I mostly just want Sidney to take my orders seriously. She tends to disregard rules.”
“I see. She holds you in quite high regard, Sam.”
“What did she mean about you not saying anything?”
Lorna waved her hand in the air. “Oh that. We were talking about her love life.”
Sam nodded and stood up.
“Lorna, I’m counting on you to keep an eye on Sidney over the next few days. I’m flying to New Seattle as soon as we dock in Pearl Harbor. And please play nice with Commander Moon, okay? No pushing his buttons.”
“Captain, a girl has to have some fun. But try not to worry about anything while you’re away. Visiting your boys?”
“Yeah. You go get some rest.”
He returned to his office to find Sidney still firmly seated. He sat down in his chair behind his desk and leaned back. Suddenly, he started chuckling as if he’d just remembered the punch line to a joke.
Sidney blushed. “Something on my nose?”
“No,” he said, still chuckling. “It’s incredible. You continually manage to turn this ship and its crew inside out. You better pick up your breakfast. Get what you want from the buffet and bring your tray out to the veranda. You can eat there while I have my meeting with the officers. Once you’re done, Bridges will take you back to your room, er, cell.”
She picked out a few things for her breakfast and went with Sam onto his veranda. She was fatigued from lack of sleep. The morning air was cool, and Sidney shivered in her blouse and shorts. Sam retrieved their picnic blanket and gave it to her.
“Could I stay out here this morning? I’d like to sleep in your hammock.”
Sam thought for a moment, studying her eyes. He shook his head.
“I’ve almost lost you too many times. Not going to take any more chances than absolutely necessary. Understood?”
Sidney no longer felt tired or hungry. Sam’s response had lifted her beyond those mere annoyances. She looked into the dark brown eyes that held her heart captive.
Resisting the urge to reach for him, she obediently responded, “Yes, Captain.”
Exhausted, Sidney slept the rest of the morning in her cell. She woke shortly before lunch and began her usual daily routine of washing and tidying. She laughed at herself. In the past, her routine was a far cry from the meticulous efforts she’d now adopted. Sam’s influence was strong. His order and discipline had given her a sense of security.
Sidney sat down on her bed and surveyed her room. It was spotless and tidy. It was definitely not her room. Her bedroom in her small, modest home on the island was in the loft. Her bed and furniture were made out of willow. The walls, made of straw bales and stucco, held in the warmth and protected her from the winter storms. By now the dust bunnies on the storage shelves and rafters had probably given birth to countless offspring. The sun would be shining through the small window in her bedroom that overlooked the forest. Chickadees and pine siskins would be upset with her not having refilled their feeding station with their favorite seeds. She could hear their chatter and see the fluttering of their wings as they hovered over empty trays.
Bridges entered her cell and escorted her to Sam’s office. The captain wasn’t there. She continued on to eat her lunch in the boardroom. From the opened window, she heard the crew working to repair the ship. She felt distant and removed from the lives of the people around her. When she’d finished her lunch she returned to where Bridges always waited for her in the reception room. As ever, the lieutenant remained detached and avoided any unnecessary conversation.
“The captain’s orders are that you’re to remain in your cell until this evening.” He motioned for her to proceed to the hallway.
“No exercise on the deck today?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“It’s too dangerous right now.”
As they approached a doorway that led to the deck, Sidney turned toward it instead of continuing down the hallway. Through its window she saw Sam standing with Moon, surveying the deck’s damage and monitoring the temporary repairs. Large gaping holes were being cornered off. Shattered crates were being dismantled and the contents examined.
Bridges ordered, “Keep moving.”
Sidney thought about spending another five or six hours in the dark cell. It was unbearable. “Mr. Bridges. I think I should go to the infirmary.”
She placed her hand over her mouth as though trying to restrain vomiting. Bridges eyed her suspiciously and stepped back. Activating his comlink, he called to the captain, “Sir, the prisoner has requested to be taken to the infirmary, sir. I have her at the door on the midship starboard side.”
Sidney glanced back at Sam. She couldn’t tell if he was more alarmed or annoyed. He walked quickly over and burst through the door.
“What’s the matter? You look fine to me,” he said.
“I am fine. Just want to help. Seems to me there are quite a number of casualties that still need medical attention, and I’d like to help Dr. Duncan. That’s all.”
“No. It’s too dangerous.”
“What do you mean dangerous? Everyone else is working overtime. I can help.”
“Sidney, you’re not trained. You’re just a civilian. The prisoners in the infirmary are savage killers. When they’re turned over to the authorities at Pearl Harbor, you can dance on the deck if you like. Now go back to your cell.”
Sidney stood up to Sam and placed her hands on her hips. “What do you mean just a civilian? I can help those people in ways your trained military personnel can’t. Furthermore, I’ve survived Admiral Garland and Captain Butchart. If you think I can’t handle a few disabled, burned, broken, dilapidated, militant carbon copies of Captain Butchart, you’re terribly mistaken, sir!”
Sam stood erect, unmovable. “You won’t go anywhere other than to my office or your cell, escorted by Lieutenant Bridges. Is that clear?”
“Yes, sir.” Sidney saw there was no point in arguing.
“Bridges, deliver the prisoner to her cell.”
“Aye, Captain.”
On the way, Bridges surprised Sidney by initiating conversation.
“You sure got guts.” At first Sidney thought he was angry; then she heard him chuckle. “Never saw anybody, except maybe Lorna, talk like that to the captain without a severe reprimand.”
Sidney smiled. “Pays to be just a civilian, sometimes.”
“Uh huh. Better watch your step, miss. You get too far away from the captain’s eyes and you could be in trouble.”
Sidney stopped and faced him. “Trouble? What kind of trouble?”
“Someone wants you dead real bad and is willing to pay big.”
; During the breakfast meeting, Sam received the full report from Lieutenant Bridges concerning the pirates’ objective. The patient he’d been interrogating eventually talked. Someone had made a reckless attempt to eliminate Sidney. And the only madman that came to Sam’s mind was Captain Butchart. But he knew someone else must also be involved, someone with money to burn. Wealthy as the admiral was, he’d use only official channels to protect his political ambitions. It was time to have another chat with New Seattle’s Police Detective, Clay Flanders.
As the Nonnah approached Pearl Harbor, Sam asked Bridges to bring Sidney back to his office.
“Everything okay?” Sidney asked once she and Sam were alone.
Sam observed her delicate features and realized that when he’d thought of Joy in the last week, the familiar pain was gone.
“Someone desperately wants you eliminated, Sidney. We have to tighten security. Your access to the deck for exercise may be severely restricted until the Nonnah reaches New Seattle.” Sam shut down his computer and electronic systems, tossing his comlink aside.
“Let’s have dinner,” he said.
Sidney saw that two trays had been delivered to Sam’s boardroom.
As they ate, Sam asked, “Have you given more thought to telling me where you placed the copy of the file?”
She thought for a moment. “Someone will find you and give you guidance. You’ll know that you can trust him. If you’re meant to find that file, you’ll find it without my help.”
“Uh huh. Can you clarify that?”
She shook her head. “You know how to touch the higher dimensions for help. Anything you need to know is available to you.”
She remembered how Greystone had guided her during her early years on the island. There was so much Sam needed to learn, to experience in order to develop a trust in his higher wisdom. But they didn’t have time, so the best she could do was instruct him in the way of the Guardians throughout their meal.
Sam was receptive to her coaching and nodded when he understood and asked for clarification when he didn’t. He was an easy student, as though he’d traveled the path before and only needed to be reminded of the pitfalls and traps. Sidney reached for his hand.
“You’re in a very vulnerable state. Be wary of being deceived by a Dark path. It may appear to be for the higher good. People of fear will attempt to draw you back to old ways. Always ask yourself, ‘Why am I doing this?’”
He nodded. “Come into my stateroom. I need to do some packing.”
Sidney followed. “Packing? Why?”
He led her into his bedroom and went to his closet to pull out uniform shirts.
“I meant to tell you earlier. I’ll be flying to New Seattle tomorrow morning.”
He continued packing, but Sidney jumped and grabbed his arms. She pleaded with her eyes.
“Not to worry, Sidney. Bridges and Lorna will take care of you.”
“I’m not worried about that. I … ”
Sam pulled away from her and returned to his closet. He grabbed his uniform pants.
“No need to worry about anything, at least until the Nonnah arrives in New Seattle. Understood?”
He waited for her response. She stood like a frightened child, her hands drawn up to her chest. Tears brimmed in her eyes. He moved close to her.
“What’s the matter, Sidney?”
She stepped away from him, again and again. “I should have known I couldn’t handle this,” she muttered to herself. Finally, she took a deep breath and approached him. She reached for his hands and held them in hers.
“Sam, I can’t imagine going through a whole day without you.” She touched his face.
“Sidney … ”
“It’s okay, Sam. I know you don’t have the same feelings for me.”
He caressed her arms. “You shouldn’t go making such assumptions. I’ve shut down my feelings for so long, I’m not sure if I’m capable of feeling much of anything for anyone except for my boys. And, well … look, Sidney, I’ll get you back to Dan. So far, you haven’t done anything that — ”
Sidney gasped. “You know about Danik?”
Sam folded his arms across his chest. “Actually, I’ve known about him since the first day. You called for him a couple of times in your delirium. Sounds like he’s pretty special to you.” Sam returned to his packing.
Sidney frowned. “You never mentioned that you knew about him.”
“There wasn’t any evidence to show that he participated in the espionage, other than to deliver you to the base.” Sam grabbed extra pairs of socks and shorts. “Wasn’t all that important.” Sam disappeared into his bathroom to find his travel shaving kit. He hollered from the bathroom. “Anyway, I’m sure he’s going to be relieved to get you back, right?”
Sidney didn’t answer. Sam returned to the bedroom.
“Right?” he repeated.
Sidney smiled. “Uh huh.”
Sam tossed the kits into the suitcase. “So, there’s no problem. You’ll forget about the miserable S.O.B. who kept you locked up and threatened to carry out your execution, right?” Sam straightened up from his suitcase and saw her still grinning at him. “What?” he asked.
She moved close to him. “You’re right about one thing, Sam. Dan is special. I love him.”
Sam turned back to his suitcase. “So everyone gets what they want.”
Sidney grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him back toward her. “There’s something you should know about Dan.”
Sam pulled away and opened his dresser drawer. “Think I have a pretty good idea already except maybe why he let you go off on some damn suicidal mission.” He slammed his dresser drawer shut. “How the hell could he do that?”
Sidney stepped between him and his dresser. “Because he knows that even in death, we can’t be separated.” She paused and looked into his eyes. “Sam, Danik is my brother.” Sidney placed a brief kiss below his ear, and pulled back slightly with her lips lingering near his mouth. “There’s no one else. There never has been anyone that I love … the way I love you.”
Sam couldn’t speak for the moment. The discovery that Sidney wasn’t involved with someone else had opened up a flood of emotions he’d struggled to hold in check. He wanted to hold her, touch her. His need rose to the surface. It had been a year since he’d felt the burning passion of wanting to be with a woman.
“Sidney, you’re quite, well, special.” He caressed her face. Returning to his suitcase, he went through the motions of checking everything. “Got to admit you’ve flicked a switch in my life. I’d pretty well given up. Somehow, because of you, I’ve found hope. I’m grateful to you.”
He closed the suitcase and placed it on the floor. He had to keep focused on the fact that he was leaving her, would probably never see her again. There was no way to predict how the struggle with the admiral would play out, but he was certain Sidney would never trust him again after this. He had to remain objective.
“I have one request,” Sidney teased.
“Name it.”
“Take me sailing some day, Sam, if we get out of this.”
The request touched Sam. He recalled the vision in which he and Sidney were trying to find a safe place to anchor their sailing ship near the island’s shore beyond the reef.
“Any place special?” he asked.
Sidney gazed into his eyes. “No. Just some place where there’s the sea, the ship, and you and me. No one else, no rule book.”
“Sidney … ”
Sidney walked close to put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. “If you had a choice, Sam, where would you like to be right now?”
What would it hurt? he wondered. He wanted her to feel safe. He owed her that much and more. But he couldn’t surrender his heart. Not now when his sons’ future depended upon him being clear headed. He held her tightly to his chest and whispered in her ear.
“I’d like to take you dancing — a nice slow waltz around the dance floor.”
&nbs
p; He lifted her face to his and kissed her passionately. In a single breath, all the barriers, all the rules, all the fears slipped aside. Sam unfastened the buttons of her shirt and eased the garment over her shoulders. It slipped to the floor around her ankles. Soon his uniform fell to the floor and became lost in the folds of her clothes as Sam and Sidney began their intimate dance.
20. Drowning an Admiral
Saturday, July 13, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii: As the first rays of the morning sun swept into Sam’s bedroom, he woke to find Sidney sitting in her lotus position at the foot of the bed. She was deep in her meditation. The kiss of the sunrise touched her hair and graced the soft curves of her naked body. He saw the glow on her face and thought to himself that she was indeed a goddess — full of magic and mystery.
He shifted abruptly, hoping to get her attention. She slowly opened her eyes. All too soon, it was nearing time for Sam to disembark the Nonnah. Quietly they showered together, gently touching, softly kissing, scarcely breathing.
While Sidney dried her hair, Sam prepared a small breakfast. The tropical breeze washed away his anxiety, but it wouldn’t be easy to say goodbye. He briefly considered taking Sidney off the ship and releasing her into the Hawaiian mists, although he knew he couldn’t. If Admiral Garland discovered he’d set her free, Simon and Nathan would disappear before he reached New Seattle.
By the time Sidney joined him on his veranda, the sunrise was casting a rosy tone on the white walls of the veranda. She sat down on the deck in front of him and quietly began her ritual of giving thanks while Sam poured her a cup of coffee.
“What are you particularly grateful for today, Sidney?” he asked when she opened her eyes.
She patted his knee. “For the love and guidance of the Guardians, for all the trials and tribulations that taught me tolerance and courage, and for all the events that led me to you.”
Sam nodded. “It’s easy to be grateful for the good things in plain view. It takes a higher soul like yours to be grateful for your troubles, the gifts hidden in the darkness.”
Sidney smiled. “Spoken like a true Guardian.”
Sidney became quiet as she nibbled at her toast and cheese. Sam waited for her to speak, but he became concerned that her silence was born of worry.
