by Drew Hunt
Whichever way David looked at it, it wasn’t good. He knew he’d do anything he could for Bud. However, the one thing he could never give him was a child. Maybe she had just come to tell Bud that he would be a father, and he would be allowed visitation rights.
“Yeah, and the moon’s made of green cheese,” David said to the fridge.
Deciding he couldn’t sit in his kitchen doing nothing any longer, David wrote a quick note for Bud, left it on the kitchen table, and got in his car. Inevitably finding himself at Corey’s place, David sat in his vehicle for a few moments, trying to work out what he should say. He was about to start the engine and go elsewhere when there was a tap on the driver’s window.
“Why are you sitting out here? Where’s Bud?”
“Sorry. I just decided that it isn’t fair of me to always bring my problems to you. So I was gonna just head on home.”
“Problems? You and Bud seemed okay when you left here about an hour ago.”
“Yeah. But when we got home, Lisa was laying in wait for us, or rather, Bud.”
“Oh, shit.”
Corey persuaded David to go into the house to talk things over.
“Iced tea?” Corey asked, taking the pitcher from the refrigerator.
“Thanks. But maybe I should have something stronger.”
“Huh? That’s not like you.”
“No, but then it isn’t every day that your boyfriend’s ex-wife turns up on your doorstep, heavily pregnant.”
“Holy cow!”
“Exactly.”
“What has Bud said about it? Surely he’s not thinking of going back to the bitch?”
“Don’t know. He said he had to speak with Lisa in private, so I sat in the kitchen staring at the fridge and listening to them arguing in the den until I couldn’t stand it any more. Then I came over here.” Tears began to form in David’s eyes. “I’m gonna lose him again, Corey. I just know I am.”
“Oh, Dave, don’t. He loves you, I honestly can’t see him walking out on you, not after all you’ve done for him.”
“There’s a child involved,” David said, beginning to pace Corey’s kitchen. “I know Bud’s always wanted a family, I was going to suggest we adopt once he got more of his strength back. But Lisa, she can give him a child that would be half his.”
“Assuming he’s the father.”
That hadn’t occurred to David. Maybe Lisa had just come to visit Bud, to tell him that another man had gotten her pregnant. Didn’t Bud say they had a kind of brother and sister relationship? “Could be. Oh, God I hope that’s what it is.” Deep down, though, David knew he was just clutching at straws.
“Try to calm down. Come on, drink your tea.”
David returned to his seat, but was itching to get back up and pace again.
After a half an hour had passed, David’s cell phone rang. Looking at the display, he saw it was his home number. In the note he’d told Bud to call his cell once Lisa had left. With unsteady fingers, David pressed the answer button and lifted the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“David, where are you?”
“At Corey’s. Do you need me to come home?”
“Please, babe.”
“Um, okay then.” David wanted to ask what had happened, what decisions Bud had made, but decided to wait until he got back home to find out.
“Remember, I’m here if you need me. It’s all gonna be all right, just you wait and see.”
David could tell Corey didn’t fully believe what he was saying, but was grateful for his friend’s positive support. “Please call me when you know anything, okay?”
“I will. And thank you. You’re a true friend. I know most other people would have run away long ago from all the problems I dump on you.”
“Silly.” Corey stood and gave David a kiss on the cheek.
“You’re so lucky with Peter. You and he seem to always sail in calm waters.”
“Do you remember telling me that my knight in shining armor would appear when I was least expecting him? And I sure as shit wasn’t expecting my best friend’s boyfriend’s nurse to be my one and only.”
David returned the kiss before leaving Corey’s house, and then he made his way home to face who knew what.
* * * *
Things weren’t as bad as David had feared. As soon as he’d entered the house, Bud treated him to a firm bear hug, which David worried would be injurious to Bud’s health.
“I love you, babe. Seeing that bitch today only confirmed to me how much.”
“Thanks. You’ve made, and still make my life complete.” David wanted so much to know what had gone on during his absence, but decided to wait until Bud was ready to tell him. Fortunately he didn’t have to wait long.
“As you saw, Lisa’s pregnant. She says the kid is mine, but I don’t believe her. That bitch has told so many lies to get what she wants, I can’t trust anything that comes out of her slut mouth.”
David led Bud to the loveseat in the den. They both sat and held hands, David silently praying that all would be okay.
“Lisa said she got pregnant when we went to Palm Springs.”
Despite the scenario already having occurred to David, he still winced at the thought of his Bud having sex with someone else, when he had dreamed of Bud and him making love during that weekend.
Bud had gone silent. David thought he should say something. “But you said you don’t believe her.”
“No. I remember doing it with her, though she said she was on the pill.”
“Um, let’s say for the sake of argument the baby does turn out to be yours…” David screwed up every ounce of courage to continue. Closing his eyes, he asked, “What would happen then?”
David felt the grip on his hand tighten.
“I’m not giving you up, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re my boyfriend, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you.”
David’s relief felt like a huge weight had been lifted from him. Much to his disgust he burst into tears and hugged Bud as tightly as he dared.
* * * *
David’s relief was to be short-lived. The doctors had finally consented to Bud’s frequent and ever more demanding requests to be allowed to drive again. Sometimes David would accompany his man, at other times Bud asked to go alone. On those occasions David tried not to believe that Bud was going to see Lisa and her baby boy, Adam.
David was beginning to grow concerned at Bud’s longer than usual absence, when the telephone started ringing.
“You’re the faggot who’s been sniffing round my Bud, ain’t ya!” the angry voice accused before David could speak.
“Uh—”
“This is Lisa, Bud’s wife.”
“Ex-wife,” David corrected.
“The judge hasn’t made it final, yet.”
David didn’t know that, and was momentarily nonplussed.
“I’m just calling to tell you that I’ve given him an ultimatum.”
“Huh?” David was still reeling from Lisa’s last comment to realize that Bud had indeed spent the afternoon with her.
“I told him I wanted him to get an apartment with me and help raise his kid.”
Choosing to ignore Lisa’s last comment, David returned to her previous one. “You said something about an ultimatum, what the hell could a bitch like you hold over him?”
“Surely an intelligent teacher like you could have worked that one out. I told him that if he don’t agree to the apartment, I’ll put the brat into foster care.”
“What? Why? You don’t love Bud, and you obviously don’t love your child, either. God, you’re such a bitch.”
“Why, thank you, sweetie.”
“And what’s to stop Bud from getting his son out of care and raising him himself?”
“Because, honey, Bud wouldn’t agree that he was the father, so his name isn’t on the birth certificate. And if he tries to get the kid back, I’ll throw so much mud at him, no judge would ever let him raise a d
og, never mind a kid.”
David’s rage had risen to such a level he found it hard to speak. “Why? Why the fuck are you doing all of this?”
“Because I can. Now you tell that worthless shit-hole he’s got three days, otherwise I’ll be leaving Adam with the Sisters of Mercy.”
The next thing David heard was the dial tone. He was frozen, the handset still pressed to his ear, unable to believe the conversation he’d just had.
Evening drew in, the lights of the city began to come on, but Bud hadn’t come home. David didn’t know what to do or whom to call. Because of the earlier easing of tension in Bud and David’s ever-turbulent lives, Corey had agreed to go stay with Peter at his apartment near the base for the remainder of the summer.
David didn’t think he could call the cops. After all, despite his injuries, Bud was still a member of the Marine Corps, supposed to be able to defend his country, let alone himself. So David could do nothing but wait.
* * * *
David woke with a painful stiffness in his neck. His left arm seemed numb. Becoming more aware, he realized he’d fallen asleep in the armchair. Looking through the window, an action which jarred his neck, it was daylight. Consulting his watch, he saw it was a little after 6 am. Hoping Bud had come home sometime in the night, David got stiffly to his feet.
Bud was nowhere to be found. David thought of using the caller ID to call Lisa back, but because of the early hour, and the likelihood that Adam would still be asleep, he decided to wait. He wasn’t sure Bud would have stayed there without telling him. Though he remembered Bud had already visited once, and most probably more than once, without informing him. The knowledge that the lies had started up again caused David to begin crying. “Why, Lord? Have I been such a bad person that I have to always suffer like this?”
* * * *
An obviously hung-over Bud came home a little after 10 am. David didn’t know whether he wanted to shout, cry, hug or slap Bud for worrying him so much.
“I—” Bud stood in the kitchen, a totally lost and beaten expression on his face.
All David’s anger melted away. Shouting at Bud would be like scolding a puppy who already knew he’d messed on the carpet.
“I had a call from Lisa,” David finally said.
“She told you?”
“About her ultimatum, yes.” David wanted to ask what Bud was going to do, but feared the answer too much to enquire.
“She’s a fucking manipulative bitch.” Bud became animated, though he seemed to pay for his outburst because he immediately brought up his hands to cradle his head.
“Bud, you know you shouldn’t drink because of the damage done to your liver.”
“Don’t start. I can’t deal with it just now.”
“I’m sorry. Do you want anything to eat, or are you just going to go straight to bed?”
“Bed.” Looking down at David, Bud continued. “Last night, I came to a decision.”
David’s insides tightened.
“It’s not easy to choose between the man I love with my whole being, and a defenseless and innocent child.”
David wished Bud would get on with it and pronounce his sentence of death.
“David, you mean way too much to me to give you up. So Lisa can just go fuck herself. You can call her and tell her if you want.”
David stood dazed, watching Bud’s retreating back as he shuffled toward the bedroom. He wanted to jump for joy, but he knew that would be inappropriate. Under such circumstances no one could claim to have won anything. David’s anger rose. How could anyone, not least the person who had given birth to a child, be able to just toss it away? Surely as an orphan herself, Lisa must know what it was like to grow up without parents? David’s only consolation was that because Adam was still a baby, he had an excellent chance of finding people to adopt him.
To say David walked on eggs around Bud for the next couple of days would be an understatement. Bud was sullen and uncommunicative. David was certain Bud had stopped taking all his meds but didn’t dare bring up the subject, fearing Bud would explode. The tension in the house grew ever higher as Lisa’s deadline approached. Neither man could face food. Although David went through the motions of preparing it, both of them would just sit at the table and simply move it round their plates.
Finally, after what passed for lunch on the third day, David felt an overwhelming need to escape the house with its oppressive atmosphere.
In his younger days, David had enjoyed going for walks. Getting out and about had always been the best way he’d found to relax. However, his teaching responsibilities, as well as the slothfulness that middle-age brings, had reduced the time he’d spent walking. If he didn’t put in such long hours at school, he knew he’d love to get a dog, which would give him a reason to go out. But he knew it wouldn’t be fair to a dog to keep him enclosed in the house or yard all day.
Finding himself in a park just outside his subdivision, David began to amble along one of the seemingly haphazardly arranged walkways.
Spying a bench overlooking a children’s play area, shaded by tall trees, David, knowing he didn’t need to get home any time soon, decided to sit a spell. It must have been at least ninety degrees, even higher in direct sunlight, and David thought he’d earned a rest.
David watched as a group of younger kids, some of whom he recognized from his classroom, played a lazy game of tag, it being too hot to do anything too energetic. Another group of children were being pushed on the swings by a parent or older brother. A third group over to David’s left appeared to have congregated by a merry-go-round.
One father, a particularly handsome example of the species, kept bending down to lift his daughter from the base of the slide. David had a perfect view of the guy’s butt. The tight cut-offs left very little to David’s over excited imagination.
David wondered why most of the adults were male, a quick count revealing only two women who were busy talking to each other on a nearby bench. Then it hit him. The men were probably divorced fathers who only got to spend time with their kids on weekends.
The deduction caused David’s mind to flash back to Bud and Adam. David knew he would have to do something to remedy the intolerable situation which had developed. He only knew of one solution. Getting to his feet, David slowly trudged back home, his heart heavy, his mind screaming at him not to follow through with his plan.
“Hi, babe.” Bud’s quiet and unenthusiastic greeting only served to make David more determined.
“Bud. Come sit with me in the den, I’ve got something I need to tell you.”
Bud nodded before following him into the room, which David considered to be the most comfortable and least formal space in the public part of the house. Sitting on the loveseat, David indicated to Bud to sit next to him.
“This…situation can’t go on. You’re unhappy, which makes me unhappy.”
“I’m sorry, but I—”
Squeezing Bud’s hand in reassurance, David said, “I know.” Looking into the brown eyes that were usually so full of life and laughter, David only saw pain and unhappiness. “Bud, I’ve come to a decision. And oh, God, it’s the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. But deep down I know it’s the right one.”
“What?”
“Bud, I want to break up with you.”
“Huh?” Bud’s eyes opened in shock, he tried to withdraw his hand, but David held on. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he said, raising his voice.
“You need to be with your son, you know you do. Given the sort of background you came from, not being raised by your parents, you can’t let that happen to Adam. You know you can’t.”
“That’s my decision, not yours! I chose you, damn it! You can’t run my life for me, decide what I should and shouldn’t do.”
“You’re right, but I can decide things that affect me. And having you live here when in your heart you want to be with your son, that—”
“How the fuck do you know what’s in my heart?
Battling not to cry, and to keep his voice calm, David ploughed on. “I love you, so I know what’s in your heart. You’re staying with me because you think it’s the right thing to do. You feel you owe me for forgiving you, for nursing you back to health. That’s so admirable, and believe me I love you all the more for it. But you can’t stay living with me. It just wouldn’t work. In a month, two months, a years time, you’ll come to resent, even hate me.”
“I could never hate you.”
“Not now maybe, but think about it. Every time we have an argument, and, babe, we do disagree from time to time, you’ll come to blame me for the fact that you aren’t getting to see Adam.”
“I’d never do that.”
“Maybe not now, but in time. Hell, this past couple of days has been impossibly strained between us, you know it has.”
Bud remained silent.
“I don’t want to lose you. God knows you’ve made one hell of a difference to my life. But your son, that innocent little boy, he needs you more.”
“But Lisa. I don’t love her. I—”
“I know. You’d have to do it for Adam’s sake. I know it’s far from being ideal, and trust me I’ve seen plenty of examples of two parents staying together for the sake of the child, and it usually ends up with the kid being more confused and unhappy than if the parents had split up.”
“There you are then.”
“No, you don’t understand. It’s different in this case. Lisa holds all the cards. If you don’t go back to her, then she’ll put Adam in foster care. Do you believe that she won’t follow through on her threat?”
Bud shook his head in the negative. “She’d do it all right.”
“So, there’s no decision to make. I’ve got to give you up so that little boy will know what it’s like to have a wonderful, loving and caring father. I’ve always known that you’d make one hell of a good dad. Now’s your chance to prove me right.”
“But, I don’t want to lose you.”
