She gathered her jacket tighter around herself and brushed away the snow to sit on the chair in front of Nikki. She rubbed her hands together to warm them up again while she talked to fill the uncomfortable silence.
"I come from a long line of chirpers on my mother's side. My father is more snarky than chirpy. But I guess I take after her."
"Vy, I'm serious, just fuck off."
She sighed. "Look, Nikki, I know you don't like me. And I totally suck at comforting people. But I'm here and I can see you're not ok. I just want to make you feel better."
"Why do you care?"
"I have no freaking idea because you've been a total… witch to me since we met. My best says that I like to batman. To protect the innocents. Maybe it's what I do."
"It figures you'd be Batman. You're rich as fuck and you're here. I bet that for you this mansion feels like you're slumming it."
"Oh, no," Vy said. "We have far fewer music rooms."
Despite herself, a snort escaped from Nikki's fur clad form. So maybe she wouldn't have to jump into the freezing water to save her.
"I don't know why you're out here, crying. Yes, I am absolutely tactless," she added when Nikki jerked away as if she'd been slapped. "But hear me out. You have a great voice, you are drop dead beautiful, you already had a career before coming here, and being on this show will only benefit it. The question isn't how I can be chirpy. The real question is how the hell aren't you walking on clouds all the time?"
When Nikki looked at her, Vy almost flinched. Her beautiful big black eyes looked haunted. Her makeup was smudged all around them, accentuating the darkness. She had seen disdain and even flashes of hatred in her eyes, but never such deep sadness. Despondence.
"You really want to know? Are you sure you want to see what it's like outside the Disney perfect world you seem to live in?"
Vy nodded. She wasn't able to offer any helpful advice, but she could at least help the ice bitch unload some of the venom accumulating inside her.
"Do you see this coat?" she asked pointing at her Gucci fur coat.
Vy nodded. She had seen it in a recent Vogue issue. Most of the things Nikki had were things Vy had seen in glossy magazines her mother loved. She had recognized the Vuitton clutch and the Chanel shoes and many other high fashion objects that made up Nikki's wardrobe.
"One of the men I dated gave it to me. My shoes, my dresses, everything I own are gifts from men I date. I have never gone on a date with a guy I liked for himself. I can't remember the last time I made out with a guy because he was hot, not because he could get me things. Do you have any idea how it is to know the value of a kiss in jewelry?"
Nikki wore her clothes, as if they were costumes. She had guessed that such pieces were too expensive for an aspiring singer to buy from her fees, but she hadn't expected that Nikki would ever admit how she got them.
"And you don't know why I hate you? It's because everything is handed to you on a silver platter. You have a life of luxury waiting for you when we go back. You have a family who loves you. Do you know what waits for me outside? Of course you know," she said with contempt.
"I see you looking at me with pity. Most people couldn't tell a fake Vuitton from a real one. Most people here are too young or poor to know that I'm wearing an original Armani, but you recognize them. I see you see them and I see that you don't care, because with a snap of your fingers you could have them. And whatever I do to you, you come out on top. In this place we were supposed to be equal, to start fresh and you, you have everything. Even here, you have friends! Which is dumb and crazy and just not right because we're all supposed to compete against one another. But no, you have that, and you have a good man who is in love with you, not just in lust with you, who loves you for you and not because you're eye candy to show off in front of other men."
The chill in Vy's heart had nothing to do with the steady drizzle. Nikki made her life sound like a fairytale. Maybe Carter was right. How could she sing if she never felt this much despair? She drew in a short breath, looking for words to apologize.
"Don't you fucking dare say you're sorry," Nikki snapped. "Don't take the moral high ground and be nice to me. I truly, deeply, sincerely hate your guts."
Nikki jumped to her feet and spat in Vy's face before running back into the house. She wiped her cheek with her sleeve and looked at her arm without seeing it. She replayed Nikki's words in her mind. What would she had done if she wasn't a Cesara? How far would she go to feel safe? How much would she crave all the status symbols she had always taken for granted?
Nikki's tears looked so much like the young actress Leonie had made cry. She didn't give a damn Nikki's designer clothes. She thought she was just defending herself by showing Nikki how little she cared about the trinkets she seemed to value so much.
Andrew
He noticed Vy leaving the room. He couldn't help it. He knew where she was, like a dog knew at all times where his master was. He left the party, and when he got into the main hall, he saw Nikki Dawson appear from the hallway that led to the pool.
He took a step back, and waited for Vy to show up, but as the minutes passed, he began to worry. Maybe Nikki had gone too far with her little cruel games. Getting Vy out of the pool was one of the memories that popped up in his mind at inopportune moments, torturing him. If she fell in the pool in that weather... He rushed out onto the patio. Maybe he should have asked someone to check up on her. The closer he got to the pool house, the more his guilt and concern grew.
Vy was sitting in one of the chairs. Snow covered her beautiful mane, and sparkled in the moonlight.
"Vy?"
She didn't move. Something was wrong with her.
"Vy," he said and touched her shoulder.
She started and her unfocused gaze landed on him.
"What's wrong? What happened?"
She seemed to be in a dreamlike trance. She was looking through him, as if he wasn't really there. He was about to pick her up in his arms and take her back inside when she shook herself.
"You were right."
He barely heard the whisper, but it was a sign that she was all right. He sat down on the chair opposite her, in the shape left by someone else. Summer, he guessed.
"About what?"
"People. Options."
"Nikki?"
She nodded. "I couldn't understand. She seemed to hate me so badly."
"Whatever she told you, take it with a grain of salt. She might be trying to mess with you."
Her gaze focused even more on him. He tried to ignore the warmth in his chest when Vy looked at him as if he had something interesting to say.
"No... What she said... She wouldn't... No... Could she...?"
"I don't know what she told you, and I don't need to know. But keep this in mind, there's never a good reason to hate someone."
"Come on," she said. "That's like saying there's never a good reason to love someone. You don't need a reason, you just..."
Her voice died and she looked away. She bit the inside of her cheek and immediately released it. He was getting used to seeing the signs that Vy regretted saying something she shouldn't have. But this time she seemed unable to make light of it.
"You just love them," he finished her words.
She squeezed her eyes closed. The sudden blush became visible in the bright moonlight. He reached over and brushed the snow off her cheek. Her skin was warm and smooth and he shouldn't be touching it.
"It's going to be fine. You and Bryce will find a way to make it work."
She tensed even more, but she didn't pull her head away. He tried to guess what impulse was she fighting to pull away or to lean into his touch. His hand trembled, and she turned around. The cold metal of his wedding band touched her skin. She jerked away as if he had electrocuted her.
"You're frozen," she said.
She was too close. Physically and emotionally. He was frozen. Numb. Dead inside. Except when she was next to him.
"I'm fine," he said.
<
br /> She jumped to her feet and reached down to grab his hand.
"The hell you are," she said. "You're in a shirt and it's snowing."
She pulled him up. "Come on. You have to get inside."
Not we. You. Come with me. No. He couldn't say the words even if he could pretend he just asked her to come back in the house.
Chapter 15
Vy
She stayed there, in the middle of the stage, not quite able to believe that she had lost, and not quite able to feel sorry about it. She wanted the crown, but Helen needed the money that came with it.
"I'm happy," she whispered in Helen's ear when they hugged.
"I'm sorry," Helen said.
"Don't you dare. You deserve it."
She stepped away to allow Helen to shine. That was her night, and she was happy for her friend.
She wasn't much of a hugger and she was grateful to Carter for not covering his disappointment with a hug. She accepted his kind and meaningless words with the shadow of a smile. He had taken her all the way to the final, and she lost him the title. Knowing that she had squandered all the effort he put into her training burned deeper than losing the title.
When the cameras went off, the celebration spilled into the massive TV set next to the stage. All the contestants from that edition had come back to take part in the season finale. IBC organized the party on the set of a small town from their popular soap opera. Now the fake main square was decked up with glittery decorations that put her in mind of the New Year's Eve party they organized each year in the Great Unification Square.
She slipped away from the party as soon as she could, neither expecting, nor wanting anyone's comfort. Carter wanted to win with a ferocity that had fueled her pride. Whatever he had said, it had been for the cameras.
She found the silence she needed in an empty changing room. Costumes that a few hours earlier were flying around, now hanged on racks, neatly arranged on one side of the room. Before and during the show, this place buzzed with activity. Makeup people with their brushes and colors worked their magic, covering up signs of anxiety and sleepless nights. The long table in front of the mirrors glistened under the makeup lights.
A color palette forgotten on the far end ruined the neatness. Vy closed the lid carefully and pulled open the table drawer. She added it to the stack of other eye shadow pallets. Through the haze of unshed tears, she saw that one of the brushes was the wrong way around. She picked it up but she dropped it back when the door opened.
"Why did you leave?" Carter asked.
The bastard had followed her. She hoped she could prevent the tears from sliding down her cheeks.
She didn't need his pity. In public or in private. She didn't need Andrew King to tell her that Carter didn't care about her. Carter only cared about himself. This had been just a game to him. To all of them. He didn't wait for an answer, nor said anything else. He crossed the room and gathered her in his arms.
She tried to pull out of the embrace, but his skinny arms were unexpectedly strong. He held her so tight she could hear his heart beating. He pressed his mouth against her temple.
"Let it out, Vy. Let it all out."
The combination of his unexpected embrace and the touch of real emotion in his voice triggered pushed her over the brink. Bitter hot tears sprung from her eyes and in a few seconds, she was full blown crying into his shirt.
"I let you down."
Her voice sounded strange, muffled by his shirt and by the snot accumulating in her nose. He started rocking her side to side, and for the first time in as long as she had worked with him, she heard genuine warmth in his voice.
"You're going to be fine. You were magnificent tonight. The best of them. You're even better than me, you know that?"
She snorted at that last part, smearing his shirt. Tim Carter admitting that someone was better than him. Had hell frozen over?
Andrew
There were so many cameras around them, he couldn't breathe. Across the room he saw Bryce congratulating Helen instead of being by Vy's side. He looked around for Marvin, painfully aware that he should do his duty and console him for not winning. His mind was looking for Marvin, but his heart was looking for Vy.
He spotted Carter leave the room and out of instinct, he followed him. He was in time to see the door of one of the changing rooms closing. He stopped in front of the door. Why would he go in? What reason did he have to follow Carter? He'd make a fool of himself to be there.
He could feel her presence beyond that door. Or maybe it was only logical that she'd be the only reason for Carter to be there.
The competition was over. What would Carter do, now that he was no longer her team captain? Would he take advantage of her emotional state? Carter could be a complete jackass, and to a certain degree, sleeping with him could offer Vy some validation at this vulnerable moment. Being rational usually worked, but right then, his blood roared loudly in his ears at the thought that Vy could give herself to anyone else. If she needed that kind of validation, why would he let anyone else offer it to her? After all, he had been her first choice.
He silenced the voices when he opened the door. On the other side, Vy was sobbing, and Carter was holding her, rocking her gently, his lips buried in her blond mane.
"You're even better than me, you know that?" Carter said.
The sound changed at his words. A muffled chuckle arose from Carter's shirt.
Carter met his eyes calmly. Revenge must have been sweet indeed if he didn't even need to gloat over Vy's head. He was getting back at him for Christine, and he didn't even look smug about it. His own eyes must have shown anything other than calm.
He wanted to rip them apart.
Many years earlier, he had done something like that to protect an innocent from a predator. Vy was an adult, albeit a young one, and his reasons were no longer pure. He didn't want to protect her. He wanted her for himself.
Maybe he was insane and in front of him was nothing more than a mentor comforting his student in time of need. Maybe Carter's mind wasn't in the gutter. Maybe Carter wasn't burning for her like he was.
He closed the door without saying anything. His soul withered a little more when he gave up the hope that he would ever be part of her life.
Vy
A current of air gave her a chill. She thought she heard a door closing. Maybe the place was haunted. She stopped crying and Carter released her from the bony embrace. She patted her pockets in vain for a handkerchief. Carter found a box of paper handkerchiefs in one of the drawers and handed it to her. She blew her nose without hesitation. It felt good to be able to breathe again.
"This is an offer for an album with my recording label," Carter said, handing her an envelope.
Vy took the document out and started reading it immediately. She couldn't believe that he would do this after she had failed so publicly.
"We're working on an album but I want to start working on yours, too. You might get a similar offer from Ryann Ford, and I understand if you choose him."
His voice was even, no trace of mockery or pity. She looked up from the document, and stared into his eyes, trying to figure out if he was making fun of her.
"Are you serious?" she asked.
"He's a more accomplished producer than me," Carter said. "Your generation prefers him and if he offers you a contract, you can be sure that you will become far more famous, and a lot faster than you would working with me."
Carter being modest was freaking her out. She had to stop him talking.
"After all this time, you still need convincing I'm like you? If I go on with music, it's not going to be with anyone else."
His mouth twitched. "That's what I did not want to hear. I don't want you to even consider giving up on your talent. Better sing with Ryann than dry yourself out in paperland."
"Paperland," she repeated amused. "You should use that in a song."
"I am very serious. This is your world now. Not Salona. Not politics."
"
When do we start?"
"On Monday."
"I'll be at your studio on Monday morning," she said and offered him her hand.
Carter shook it, solemnly.
"Be gentle with Ryann," he said. "He's more sensitive than he appears."
"Got it."
The smile twinkled in her voice. Carter was showing a more caring side than she had ever suspected of him. She didn't love Ford's music but he had never done anything to cause her to be rude to him. Although she didn't much appreciate the stars he had launched, the mere thing that he considered signing her meant a lot.
"I'll let you fix your makeup," he said.
He even managed to say that without making it sound like an insult. She looked through the drawers for a few essentials - the right shade of concealer and powder, some blush and mascara. She sat down in front of the mirror, and while she was cleaning up the mascara smudged by the tears, Andrew King popped up in her mind.
If she went back to the party, she would be in the same room with him for the last time. The intense pain shocked her. She had worked so hard to not fall for him, and it was all for nothing. The mere thought of never seeing him again hurt more than losing the competition.
She folded the envelope and put it in the back pocket of her jeans. It was time to go home.
Andrew
He watched Carter get drunk on his own, but he didn't remain alone for long. Claire went to his side. All that mattered to him was that Vy wasn't anywhere near Carter.
His team was gathered around him, but as the night went on, they took off to dance, drink or leave the room after they found a suitable person.
"I'm sorry I let you down," Marvin said when they were alone.
"You didn't," he said. "You shouldn't take this as a defeat. You were damn brilliant. Not just tonight. You've been excellent all throughout the show and I want to keep working with you."
They sat in silence for a while. Vy hadn't come back from her talk with Carter, but he noticed that Bryce wasn't around either.
Dark Dream (Love in Illyria Book 1) Page 11
