At the end of the week, she appeared to have something on her mind. Something she wanted to tell me.
“You alright?” I asked, assuming she wanted me to ask.
She moved her hair behind her ear. She had an expression of innocence about her that was unnerving to me.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“I just heard . . .”
“Heard what?” I asked.
“Heard things about you,” she said, not looking at me.
“And . . .”
“I just find it hard to believe. You don’t seem like that kind of person; you seem different.”
“Hmm,” was all I could think to say, wondering what she could have possibly heard that was unbelievable. I had my suspicions.
“What’s different about me?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I’m just pretty good at reading people, and I don’t get a violent or malicious energy from you,” she said.
“Is that right?” I asked and stood up. I was much taller than her; she took a step back.
“You say that you don’t believe what they say, yet, you back away,” I said, observing every nuance of her movement and expression.
“Habit,” she said.
“Huh,” I said and took several steps toward her, this time she held her ground, but appeared nervous.
“How do you read people?”
“I don’t know I’m just sensitive to the energy they give off. Around here it can be very intrusive,” there was a look of stress on her face.
“Maybe you’re just not looking close enough,” I grabbed her hand quickly before she could pull away.
She tugged back and glanced toward the door debating whether to call out. I grasped her wrist and moved her hand to the middle of my chest. Her palm flat against where my heart would be.
“Nothing beats between these walls anymore. Everything you heard. Guess what?” I let go of her wrist, giving a sarcastic laugh, “It’s all true.”
She stepped back quickly and began rubbing her wrist. I turned my back toward her and moved toward my bed, pleased with myself.
“You’re wrong,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Something is there.”
I turned to face her. She continued to rub her wrist.
“It’s painful . . . it’s powerful . . . like it’s caged up, but when it escapes . . .”
“I’d be scared to see that day,” I said with a mild laugh.
“You’d be crazy not to be scared of what’s inside you,” she said and walked away.
Chapter Six: Magnets
My doctor eventually returned to our regular sessions as if nothing unusual had happened. She insisted on picking up right where we had left off. I appreciated getting back to where we were, it seemed I was finally starting to understand some things. Things I didn’t even realize the first time I lived my own story. These few years had given me a different perspective on so much. Things that seemed normal, or exciting at the time, made me realize I should have known all along what was going on. The evidence was right there in front of my face, and I was blinded by my naivety. To relive some events and realize what they really were also brought a sick feeling to my stomach, and sometimes it made me wish I was never able to remember anything. However, there are still pieces missing that I need. Till I can collect all the parts, I must keep going.
“So, how did you and Peyton become so close?”
“It was the weirdest thing, like some sort of cosmic connection. We were just obsessively drawn to each other, like magnets. We were more than friends, more than lovers ─”
“Were you two lovers?” she asked in a parental, questioning tone.
“Aha no, we were not,” I said to be very clear.
“So, you had no attraction to her?”
“Of course I did. I won’t deny that. But I had no intention of approaching her in that manner. I cared too much for her, and I knew she deserved better. I loved her. I did. I gave her everything I could without going to that place. It was like I felt a line between us, and if I ever got too close to the other side, I felt that it was unsafe for her.”
“You two spent a lot of time together?”
“Every possible minute, at least at first. I figured after the accident we would go our separate ways. I didn’t expect anything from her. She had her life she lived with the world, and I had my life I lived with myself, but she went looking for me.”
“She went looking for you?” the doctor was surprised.
“Yeah, I know. I was surprised myself. She was right though. No one really knew her. She wasn’t just the attractive, popular girl who everyone wanted to be or be with. In fact, compared to what she really was, none of that stuff even mattered.”
“What do you mean?”
* * *
I sat in my living room watching TV as everyone else got ready for the night. My brother waited on the stairs impatiently, shoes tied and ready to go. The carnival was in town and tonight they were all heading out. My mom, dad, and little brother were going, but not me.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy their company or even the carnival for that matter. Something in me just didn’t fancy a family night tonight. Everyone had heard the story about the accident, and I had done rather well flying under the radar and avoided drawing attention to myself, and it seemed to be working. I told them I wanted to stay in; they fought me a little, but gave in eventually. Everyone in the town went every year. It was a big thing. My parents were heading down the stairs, doing their final checks before leaving.
“Let’s goooooo,” my brother pleaded in his most impatient and whiny voice. For a ten-year-old, at times he still behaved like a very young child.
“We’re leaving,” My mother said, as she continued to gather her things.
“Ughhhhh,” he sighed as loudly as humanly possible.
There was a knock at the door. I continued sitting on the couch watching TV.
“Are we expecting someone?” my mom said looking toward the door.
My dad said, “I got it.”
I half listened in, wondering who it could possibly be.
“Hello?” my dad says almost as if he was answering a phone. I couldn’t hear what the other person was saying.
“Dani? Yeah, uh . . . let me go get her,” my dad said. I found this confusing because I never had people looking for me. My dad walked into the living room with his thumb pointing toward the door.
“That girl we gave a ride home from the hospital is here for you . . . Peyton, right?”
Without thinking, I sprang up off the couch so fast I got a major head rush.
“What? Here? Why?” I was confused.
“Well, I don’t know. Why don’t you go ask her?” he suggested.
“Yeah,” I said standing there nodding my head at my dad, “yeah I should.”
I still stood there.
“What are you waiting for, a written invitation?” my dad said perplexed.
“She didn’t —” I started.
“Just go get the door,” my dad said, suppressing a laugh.
I went slowly, thinking he had maybe confused her with someone else. I checked myself to see if I was wearing anything ridiculous. Nothing bad: hooded jacket, jeans, eh the usual, nothing crazy. I opened the door, and indeed, it was Peyton. I stared for a second. She looked amazing, casual, but very nice. She too wore a jacket, and jeans, but made them look much better than I did.
“Uh, hi,” she said.
I then realized I hadn’t said anything when I opened the door.
“Hi, are you feeling alright?” I said, immediately thinking that was dumb.
“Uh yeah, I’m good. You?”
“I’m good, just really good. Were you looking for me or —” I asked still somewhat confused.
“I was. I was just thinking about, you know, what happened and, well, not really, but I was . . .” She trailed off. “Do you want to go to the carnival with me and some friends?”
“The
carnival?” I said, almost laughing. She sighed and smiled.
“Don’t tell me you’re too old for it?”
“Dani isn’t going to the carnival cause she said there are too many people there and —” my brother began shouting loudly from behind me, I quickly closed the door.
“He was dropped as a child a lot,” I said. This made Peyton laugh.
“I wasn’t planning on going. My family is about to go,” I said wanting to be honest.
“Oh that’s totally cool, I just didn’t know. I mean I hear people go every year. I heard it’s kind of a tradition around here, but of course, you know that. Why am I still talking?” she began to look embarrassed.
“You know what? Let’s go. I’ll grab some money and I’ll be right out,” I said. She gave a look of relief.
“Okay.”
I ran upstairs, grabbed my stuff, and bolted down again.
“Hey, I’m going with Peyton to the carnival,” I called to my parents.
“She gets to go before we go?” my brother said in disbelief.
“I thought you weren’t going?” My mom asked in a sarcastic tone. She observed my expression of impatience, “Be back by midnight.”
I almost ran out the door, slowing before I got there. I was excited. I seldom went out with friends. Not that I didn’t have any friends. I just wasn’t very social. Most of my free time I spent doing nothing, rather than hanging out. This was perhaps why I didn’t have any close friends. This was even more unusual because Peyton was well known throughout the school.
That last thought coursed through my head. Why would she want to hang out with me? Was this some sort of prank? Or maybe she felt she owed me something for my parents giving her a ride home. Maybe her parents put her up to it. These thoughts made me uneasy, but it was all I could think of. Something didn’t add up.
“Ready?” she said as I opened the door.
“Ready.”
The carnival was a good thirty-minute walk from my house. For the first several minutes, nothing was said between us. I was so trapped in my head about why she was there; thinking of every possible explanation.
“I like your new hair style. It suits you,” she said sincerely.
“Thanks.”
“Why do you look so worried, Danielle? Don’t tell me you’re scared of rides,” she said with a small laugh.
“Huh? No, not really. I mean some,” I said.
“Oh, good, cause I’m deathly scared of rides.”
“What? Really?”
“Yes, quite scared, but I’m willing to take the risk,” she said with determination. “Your family, they seem really nice.”
“They are, they’re good people,” I said.
“You’re lucky.”
“Yeah . . .” I didn’t know how else to reply. “Why did you come to my house?”
“What do you mean?” she almost seemed as if she wanted to avoid the question.
“Like, I don’t know. Why did you come over tonight?”
“I just felt like it, I wanted to see you. I mean, we did have a near-death experience together, remember?”
“How could I forget, I think normally those come with a few scars.”
“Ha ha, yeah, so I thought as well,” she was quiet for a second. “ That stuff that I told you. You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”
“About you? No, of course not. Is that why you came?” I asked, thinking I had made a breakthrough.
“Oh my gosh Danielle no. Is it so hard to believe that I just want to hang out with you?”
“Well, kind of,” I said honestly.
“It’s just, what happened to us, and the stuff I told you, I’ve never had that kind of conversation with anyone, and definitely not that experience. I just can’t think of anyone else I can be completely honest with and expect them to keep it between just us. For some strange reason, I have that feeling with you. I don’t even know why I told you what I did, I just felt like I didn’t have to hold anything back; like I knew that you would never betray me.”
I walked quietly for a second thinking about her words.
“You’re right,” I said, stopping. She stopped too, and looked straight into my eyes, “I would never do that. Plus, I don’t have any friends to tell, so you’re lucky.” My words lightened the mood. She laughed and gave me a slight slap on the arm.
We eventually arrived at the carnival; it remained all it had been for years, smaller, but the same. We paid for our tickets and headed in. It was packed with hundreds of people. Pretty much the entire town made it out for this significant occasion. You could smell the funnel cakes being made, and the various animal aromas, and see the dirt kick up and move in the breeze as crowds trekked through. The rides lit up the area with a multitude of colors that danced in the darkness. We zig-zagged in and out of people heading nowhere specific. Then, we ran into Peyton’s friends from school. It was the three girls from outside at the bus.
“Peyton!” they screamed in unison.
“Hey, guys,” she responded.
“Oh, my God, where have you been?” Bailey asked.
I’d figured out from school, the dark one with green eyes was Alicia. The one with brown hair was Bailey, and the short blonde was Patricia.
“Yeah, we haven’t seen you since the accident,” said Patricia.
“Trish, you can’t just say shit like that, she might be traumatized,” said Bailey, “But really, where’ve you been?”
“Just laying low, recovering and whatnot,” said Peyton.
“So you’re okay then?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, let’s have some fun. Oh, shit, there’s a party tonight, at the Stevens boy’s house, and I know Abel’s been asking about you like crazy, girl. Can’t let him hang around too long, I might have to scoop him up,” said Bailey, flippantly.
“Or his brother!” this was Trish.
“Trish, he wouldn’t want you, he’s like six feet tall, you would need a ladder just to get up there to kiss him,” said Bailey.
“Whatever, bitch, he’d probably just think I was the perfect height to give him something else,” she replied with a sexual tone. This made everyone laugh, even me. I was surprised how openly they talked to each other. I would never say anything like that. I was still in the phase where I didn’t tell people who I liked.
“Who’s this,” asked Alicia speaking for the first time, performing a roundabout point at me. I looked at other things, hoping she wasn’t talking about me.
“This is Danielle, the one who was with me from the accident,” said Peyton.
“Ohhhh,” they once again said in unison.
“So, you ran into each other here or . . .” asked Alicia.
“No, I went to her house and got her and brought her here.”
“All right, just asking,” Alicia replied with her hands up in an offensive gesture.
“I love your hair!” said Trish, grabbing my arm and smiling. “It’s so cool. Who did it?”
“Oh,” her words embarrassed me and I ran my hand through it. “I did.”
“Fun!” she said with a big smile, “Do you think you can help me dye my hair, see I have this thing where—”
“Trish, she doesn’t even know you. She’s not going to dye your damn hair,” said Bailey in her commanding attitude that I was already growing tired of.
“Whateverrrr Bailey, you don’t know,” she said, mouthing ‘we’ll talk’ to me. I laughed and winked at her.
“So, party, or what later?” said Alicia.
“Yeah, totally, after the carnival?” asked Peyton.
“Well, yeah, they’re actually here now, so I don’t know when they’re getting started, but probably late.
“We should have a party at your house, Peyton!” said Trish.
“Ha ha, maybe someday,” said Peyton with a look indicating she didn’t think that was a good idea.
“Well, let’s go take on some rides,” said Bailey.
We all headed in the direction
of the activity; they crowded around Peyton in a circle as they walked. I followed behind just outside the circle. I tried to glance over their shoulders and listen in on the conversation, but I began to realize it didn’t concern me. Distance began to be created between us and as the group continued walking, I lagged further behind. Bailey looked back at me, noticing I wasn’t keeping pace with the group, then quickly averted her attention back to the conversation.
A loneliness crawled under my skin, and sadness sank in. Should I try to catch up to them? I felt as if I didn’t belong and out of place. No, I didn’t fit in with them.
I had the option of just heading home, but I needed to clear my head so I remained at the carnival for a long time, figuring I would eventually run into my parents and they could give me a ride home, or I could just walk if I didn’t find them. I passed many booths, and could only smile at all the convincing calls from the people running them. They eased my racing thoughts.
“Hey, good looking, you look like luck is on your side tonight.”
“Why don’t you win something for your beautiful girlfriend?”
“Show us how strong you really are.”
There were also booths selling goods: clothing, toys, jewelry, sunglasses, and much more. I noticed a small booth selling jewelry and feigned interest. I only had ten dollars, so it was unlikely I would be able to buy anything till I could hit my parents up for more cash if I ever ran into them.
There was a small, purple tent, with a light inside, and a hanging wooden sign stating ‘Psychic Readings $5.
I listened covertly to a couple of readings. They weren’t done as you would expect: by an old wrinkly lady. It was a middle-aged woman, with long black hair, and eyes so blue they were not concealed by the darkness. I figured she had to be wearing contacts, for a more intense effect.
Two boys sat inside the tent. I recognized them from school; they were both tall, one with a near perfect muscular build, tanned skin, light brownish blondish hair and a great smile. He was obviously an athlete. The other was tall and thin with equally significant features, glasses, dark brown hair, but much lighter skin.
Manifesting Shadow, #1 Page 8
