Microsoft Word - denialfinal.doc

by Lauren Barnholdt

  Not my problem.”

  “But it will be. She’s gone for help.”

  “Help?” My stomach starts to clench and I feel that familiar chill running up my spine.

  “Raine has very powerful friends and she’s going to be bringing back reinforcements. More soldiers for the next battle.”

  “You’re not scaring me.”

  “And you’re less intelligent than I’d hoped.” He says it without anger.

  I turn away from him and try to clear my head. Walk back to the sink, catching a glimpse of my weary face in the mirror. Almost as tired as Brody looks.

  “Look, I’ll take care of Natalia,” I tell him finally. “I hear what you’re saying, but we’re not going to let Raine and her cronies scare us into not being together.”

  “You can’t protect her, Cam.”

  “Watch me.”

  “Like you protected her at the Homecoming dance?” he says, and his tone has finally escalated. I look at him and his face is red.

  I’m glad he’s pissed off. I feel like I want to punch him. Just to shut him up.

  I have a sudden flash of that night at the dance. Me tied up on the ground while Nat fought Raine and Becca on her own.

  Brody’s right, I wasn’t much good to Natalia when she needed me. In fact, she had to save my ass.

  “Well now I know better,” I tell him. “I can stay away from Raine and make sure—“

  “You can’t stay away from Raine,” he says. He pounds the wall with his fist and his voice gets even louder. “She’s got a lock on you. The best thing for everybody would be if you left and she could chase after you for awhile. But eventually she’ll get you. She has to.”

  I just stare at him. “What are you saying?”

  “You heard me.” His eyes don’t waver.

  “Fuck you, Brody.”

  He suddenly relaxes a little, his shoulders drop and he shakes his head. Laughs.

  “Yeah, fuck me, Cam. You said it.”

  “Just leave us alone,” I tell him. “We don’t want to hear your little theories anymore.”

  “Right.” He starts to leave the bathroom.

  “I don’t trust a damn thing you say, man. You’re just jealous because Natalia’s with me.” I yell it as he leaves and the echoes of my statement bounce around the now empty bathroom.

  I wish I believed that’s all it was.

  **

  I don’t tell Nat about my conversation with Brody. She seems to be relaxing more and more as the day goes on, and I decide it’s better not to burden her with it.

  Although she can tell I’m a little preoccupied, I just play it off like it’s about my annoying math class. Which is slightly true, since I am doing pretty badly in math.

  But I can’t stop thinking about Brody and the haunted look in his eyes, the stuff he told me. I wish there was someone I could talk to about it.

  Aiden, I think. I’ve always been able to talk to Aiden, even if he can be a little naïve sometimes. But Aiden sent me a text this morning that he wasn’t coming to school today.

  I decide to quickly drive over to his house before practice starts. It’ll give me something to do besides hanging out with Lancaster and Brody and making fake, useless conversation.

  When I get to Aiden’s house I pull into the empty driveway and honk my horn.

  I see his little head peer out of the second-floor window. A moment later the front door opens. I get out of my car and walk inside.

  I notice the smell right away. A kind of musty, pungent odor like sweat mixed with a closet full of mothballs. My nose wrinkles but I don’t say anything.

  Aiden is standing there in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and his hair is all mussed.

  “Were you sleeping?” I ask.

  He belches and nods at the same time. “Yeah. Not feeling good. Think I got food poisoning from breakfast yesterday.”

  “Really?”

  He sits down on the stairs and curls up like a little kid. “I haven’t been doing so good the last few days.”

  “I know. But you’ll feel better.” Another wave of that smell hits me. “Might want to grab a shower, though.”

  “I’m sick.”

  “I know. I know. Look, I was coming to talk about stuff but you don’t seem up for it.”

  He looks up at me. “Has Bec Bec said anything to you?”

  “I didn’t see her today.”

  He sighs. “I miss her.”

  “Dude she wanted to kill you, remember?”

  “I know.”

  “But?”

  “But when she kissed me—“

  “Don’t talk like that,” I growl at him.

  He seems taken aback by my tone and I feel bad. The thing is, him talking about kissing Becca reminds me of how it felt when Raine kissed me—and I don’t want to think about that.

  About how much I liked it.

  I shake that thought off.

  Aiden gets up. “I should go back to bed,” he says, coughing. His breath stinks too, I realize. It smells like rancid coffee or something.

  “Do you trust Brody?” I ask him suddenly.

  He looks at me. “Trust him?”

  “Like, do you think he’d make shit up about Nat and me?”

  Aiden just shakes his head. “It’s not always about you and Nat, you know,” he says, and then walks slowly up the stairs.

  I leave the house and close the door behind me. I take in a clean breath of fresh air, and then climb into my car. I drive back to school, trying not to think about the fact that I’m somehow relieved to get away from my best friend.

  Chapter Three

  Natalia

  So here’s the thing. The day actually hasn’t been that bad. The mental list I made in the car this morning? It’s kind of come close to coming true. No sign of Raine or the Triad. And when I see Brody in the hall after sixth period, he gives me a nod of acknowledgment, but other than that, he hasn’t said anything to me all day.

  Of course, it’s not all perfect. Santa Anna is buzzing with the news that Cam and I are a couple, and I’ve been getting whispers and stares in the halls all day. Two sophomore girls even came up to me in gym and asked if it was true. But that’s to be expected, and I’m hoping it’ll die down in the next couple of days. Besides, when it comes to all the things that could have happened or gone wrong today, the Santa Anna rumor mill is the least of my worries.

  “So what should we do?” Adrianna asks on our way out of school. “We could go to my house. We could talk and start our homework.” She looks less than thrilled at this possibility.

  “Or we could go to lunch,” I say.

  “We already ate lunch.”

  “Fries and Diet Cokes don’t count as lunch,” I say, dodging two freshmen who are rushing to their bus. “Oooh, or we could go to the mall. I’ll treat you to a new lip gloss.”

  “Stila?” Adrianna asks. “To make up for the fact that you ditched me at the dance?” But she’s smiling.

  “Sure,” I say. “And if you work it right and guilt trip me some more, I might even spring for one of those soft pretzels.”

  “And a cherry slushie?”

  “Fine,” I say, mock rolling my eyes. “You talked me into it.”

  We’re talking and laughing on our way to Adrianna’s car. It’s an unseasonably warm day for October, and I pull off the navy blue sweater I’m wearing over my uniform and tie it around my waist. I turn my face toward the sun, letting the breeze move over my skin. I take a deep breath and for the first time since Saturday, just for a second, I let myself think that everything’s going to be fine.

  “So you and Cam,” Adrianna says.

  “Yup,” I say, “Me and Cam.” Just saying his name with mine gives me butterflies in my stomach. I think about yesterday, about being at his house, about how amazing it was.

  “You’re going to have to tell me all about how that happened at the mall,”

  Adrianna says. “We might have to actually sit and have a coffee.
”

  “Of course,” I say. Although something tells me that the truth – I saved him from Raine trying to basically kill him and/or put some kind of weird spell on him– isn’t going to go over well. I’ll have to stick with the tried and true, we ended up alone and confessed our feelings story. Definitely not as dramatic, but –

  “Shit, shit, shit!” someone yells.

  We’re in the student parking lot now, and the girl from this morning, Hadley, is standing in front of a beat-up old white car. She’s got the hood up, and she’s bent over, peering into it with a frustrated look on her face. And she’s swearing.

  “Hey,” Adrianna says to her back. “Dead battery?”

  “I have no idea,” Hadley says. She straightens up, then pushes a strand of her light brown hair behind her ear. There’s a small smudge of car grease on her cheek, and her uniform is a little rumpled. But while on anyone else it would look messy, on her it just looks… I don’t know. Sexy. Like she’s on one of those calendars. “Sexy Girls Of Car Maintenance” or something.

  “I’m Adrianna,” Adrianna says. “You’re the new girl, right?”

  “Yeah,” Hadley says. She holds her hand out. “Hadley Graham.” She nods at me. “Nice to see you again, Natalia.”

  “You too,” I say.

  She looks back at the car and sighs. “So I guess I’m going to have to call Triple A. Or have my dad come and take a look at it.” She bites her lip.

  There’s a burst of voices behind us, and I turn around to see Brody and some of his friends from the football team walking by. Our eyes meet, and he gives me another nod. I nod back at him, relieved that, at least for the time being, he’s going to be leaving me alone.

  But then something else bubbles up inside me. Guilt, maybe? But why would I feel guilty? Brody lied to me. He tried to scare me. He said he was trying to protect me, and he didn’t. He fed Cam to Raine when him and Cam were supposed to be friends.

  “God,” Hadley says, watching the boys go by. “How do you guys get anything done around here?”

  “What do you mean?” Adrianna asks.

  “First Cam, now those guys,” she says. “All the guys here are so good-looking.”

  “Yeah, well, be careful,” Adrianna says. “Some of them aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.” I know she’s thinking about Lancaster and the fact that he got wasted at the dance and totally ruined the night.

  “Really?” Hadley asks, her blue eyes sparkling with interest. “Spill.”

  “It’s a long story,” Adrianna says. A look of disappointment crosses Hadley’s face, and Adrianna must notice it too, because she says, “But we’re headed to the mall if you want to come with us. I can tell you all about it.”

  Adrianna looks at me, her eyes asking if it’s okay. For some reason, I want to say no. I know it’s silly and petty – Hadley seems really nice, and she’s new. I know how it feels to be new. Hell, I’m still new. And it’s silly not to like her just because she made a comment about Cam being hot. Cam is hot.

  Besides, she just said the same thing about Brody. Maybe her and Brody will get together. And he’ll stop all his craziness, and the four of us will go on double dates.

  “Yeah,” I say, giving her a smile. “You should come.”

  ***

  Hadley calls her dad and tells him that she’s leaving her car at school, and then the three of us head to the mall. We actually have a great time. Hadley’s funny and tells good stories. (The ones about her crazy ex-boyfriend and how she figured out he was cheating on her are especially good.) And with Hadley there, it doesn’t turn into this big thing where I have to keep apologizing to Adrianna for leaving her at the dance. Not that I would have minded doing that, but it makes the whole trip just feel a lot more chill.

  We pick out Stila lip glosses in Sephora, and even let the saleswoman give us an airbrush foundation demonstration. Then we spent over an hour flipping through the discount dress racks at Macy’s while we drink cherry slushies. By the time Adrianna drops me off at home, I’m feeling a lot better about the new girl.

  My mom’s car is already in the driveway, and I walk into the house, glad that she’s there and that we’ll be able to have dinner together. My mom’s a lawyer, and works in Boston, so she has long hours and a long commute. Her being home in time for dinner is rare.

  “Hey,” she says when she sees me. “I hope you’re hungry.” She’s at the stove, stirring something yummy-smelling in a frying pan.

  “Smells good,” I say. I drop my bag on the floor at my feet, deciding I can deal with my homework later.

  “Fajitas,” my mom says.

  “Yum. I’m going to run upstairs and change, and then I’ll be down.”

  I take the stairs two at a time, then throw my uniform into the hamper and pull on my favorite jeans and a soft white t-shirt. I put a light purple zip-up on over it, then scrape my hair back into a ponytail.

  When I get back downstairs, there’s a plate of chicken and vegetables sitting in front of my chair. My mom’s sitting at the table, pouring diet coke into glasses.

  “I’m starving.” I slide into my chair and help myself to a tortilla. “Thanks for making all this. I’ll clean up after.”

  “Deal,” my mom says. She takes a sip of her soda. “So how was your day?”

  “Good,” I say, scooping some chicken onto my tortilla. But something about her tone gives me a weird feeling, one of those “uh oh, your mom is about to bring something up you really don’t want to talk about and it’s going to be really awkward” kind of feelings.

  The last time I had that feeling was when I got my period at the beginning of eighth grade and even though I knew all the biology behind it, my mom said, “Oh, honey, isn’t that so nice!” and then wanted to talk about it. Like, for a long time.

  “And yesterday? How was your day yesterday?” she asks. And then I get it.

  She wants to talk about me. Being at Cam’s.

  “Fine,” I say carefully. I debate whether or not I should take the lead on this conversation, cut her off at the pass before she can start asking me all sorts of embarrassing questions and/or start probing for details about my sex life.

  But before I can decide, she says, “So you never came home last night.”

  “No.” I wait.

  “Or the night before.”

  “No.”

  “You were at Cam’s house.”

  “Yes.” I sent my mom a text telling her that I was going to be staying at Cam’s.

  She replied and said it was fine. But apparently it’s not.

  “I’m not sure exactly how I feel about that.”

  “Okay,” I say, “That’s fair. But just so you know, it’s not like I’m going to make a habit of it or anything.” I consider mentioning that some weird stuff went on at the dance, and that I didn’t feel like being alone. But I’m afraid she’ll ask what kind of weird stuff, and there’s obviously no way I can get into all that.

  “Natalia,” she says, “You went to the dance with Brody, and you somehow ended up spending the night at Cam’s house?”

  “Brody was never my boyfriend,” I say. And then I realize how that sounds.

  Like I was hooking up with Brody, and then dumped him when Cam came along. But I never even hooked up with Brody. Except for one kiss. One kiss that wasn’t even really a kiss. “Look, Mom,” I say, deciding to start over. “Cam and I, we’re together. Brody and I were always just friends. And it’s always been Cam.”

  “What’s always been Cam?”

  “I’ve always liked him.”

  “For the two weeks you’ve known him, you mean?”

  “Yes.” Even I realize that sounds kind of bad.

  “Well, I want to meet his parents.”

  I almost choke on my Diet Coke. “You want to meet his parents?”

  “Yes,” my mom says. “If my daughter’s going to be spending the night over there, I have a right to know what their rules are when it comes to sex.”

 
; Oh. My. God. She did not just say that. “Mom,” I say, “Cam and I aren’t… I mean, I don’t plan on – “

  “Natalia,” she says firmly. “I want to meet them.”

  “His dad lives in Maine,” I try.

  “Well, his mother then. And I should get to know Cam better, too. Invite them both over for dinner.”

  “Fine,” I say.

  This is going to be a disaster. I wonder what Cam’s mom is like. She wasn’t around at all this weekend. Hopefully she’ll be cool with all this.