I continue reading Jarren’s file. During his incarceration, he was surly and uncooperative and time was added to his sentence because of his behavior. Then there’s a file full of messages between him and Lan. I really don’t wish to intrude on Lan’s privacy, but I need to learn what he was thinking during that time.
It’s heartbreaking. When he first left Xinji, she promised to find a time jump that would keep them close in age. So the fact she didn’t was an utter betrayal. His reply to her message about her marriage and children drips with pain and loss. I’ve another brief moment of sympathy for him. And then, like I suspected, Lan tossed him a bone and started discussing her research. Soon after, Jarren got a job as an archeology tech and helped with the work in the Warrior pits on Suzhou. He also sent lots of messages to his friends Rick and Victoria.
It only took a couple more years for Jarren to get good enough with worming to hide his messages and activities from DES. Then he disappeared—no activity at all. But according to DES’s records during those years, he was a dutiful employee, reporting to work without incident. Of course those records were expertly altered. I wonder if those hidden messages have the details about his schemes. I could ask Q to find them, but I have to do one first.
Good thing in my current state of being, I’m indefatigable. Finding those hidden messages is like a treasure hunt, looking for clues—Jarren’s fingerprints—and digging through the layers of time. Eventually, I unearth one he sent to Rick, testing their new communication path that keeps DES from accessing their messages. I start another file in my cluster—murderer-missives.
Q? Can you please dig out all the rest of the hidden messages that Jarren sent? And see if there are messages between all those members of the looter cohort?
IT WILL TAKE A WHILE.
Okay, thanks. I wonder what I should research next when a message from Beau pops up.
2522:271: Hey partner. What are you doing? If you don’t wake up soon, you’re going to miss all the fun. Q helped me break through the barricades around the silent planets and we’ve found survivors on Planet Ulanqab! A soch-time facilitator named Ceridwyn Trant and her charges are still alive. We’re going to rescue them. Plus Radcliff has one of his genius ideas that you’re going to love. That is, if you’re awake and on your feet.
* * *
<—Survivors!! That’s fantastic news, Beau! I’m trying to wake up. I just can’t connect to my physical form.
* * *
—>That’s funny coming from you. You connect with a thought. Why can’t you do it in reverse? What’s keeping you away?
Huh. Nothing. I want to go back despite the odds of success against these people being unlikely. We might rescue those kids and their facilitator, but they’ll still be in danger. And I’m going to die again. Don’t try to tell me otherwise, you know it as well as I do. And what if the next time I die, I don’t end up in the Q-verse? What if I cease to exist? Dead for real. Beyond scary. Plus I’m super helpful in here, finding all this information. With enough time, I’ll expose all of Jarren’s network. When I don’t answer, Beau sends another message.
—>Giving up is not an option, Lawrence. You’ve never backed down from anything or anyone. So why are you doing it now?
* * *
<—I’m not backing down. I’m being smart.
* * *
—>So it’s smart to have everyone worried about you? To have Niall useless as he refuses to leave your side? To scare your parents? Sorry, partner, that sounds like an excuse. You’re letting everyone down by hiding in here.
I’m not hiding! Of course Beau can’t hear me as I’ve no real voice. Mentioning Niall is a low blow. I know exactly how Niall is feeling and it’s horrible. No one should have to go through that. But that’s the thing. You’ve no control. It’ll happen regardless. People die. He’s going to have to go through it eventually and he’s already gotten a head start. Except I haven’t died, and he’s hoping with every fiber of his being that I’ll pull through, just like I did when he was unconscious. And here I am acting like I died. Because it’s easier than facing the enemy again. Damn it, Beau.
<—Why hasn’t Niall messaged me?
* * *
—>We haven’t told him or your parents that we’ve been communicating with you in the Q-net. Don’t yell at me; it was Radcliff’s decision. But I think the more important question is… Why haven’t you messaged him?
Double damn it, Beau!
<—I hate you.
* * *
—>Love you, too, Lawrence. Now get your ass in gear.
I hope I can. I’ve one last play. Q, can you please help me?
I CAN.
That’s an odd response for Q. Will you?
IF YOU WISH. THERE IS A CHANCE OUR CONNECTION WILL BE SEVERED.
Like with Niall? After Q woke Niall, he could no longer connect to the Q-net. It had fried the sensors in his brain.
YES.
What’s the chance?
SEVENTY PERCENT.
Yikes. That’s huge. There’s no way I can risk it. If I do the looters will win and kill everyone I love.
MESSAGE THROUGH PORTABLE.
But it won’t be the same, will it?
NO. I CAN STILL GATHER INFORMATION FOR YOU.
But no worming into secure databases. No instant connection. No creating escape tunnels through blockades or sabotaging them. No flying.
CORRECT.
Can you do all that with Officer Beau Dorey?
NO. I CHOSE YOU.
Again with that! I’m not that special. Really. If my connection with Q is broken, it will be very obvious to everyone I’ve no other useful skills.
No comment from Q, so I consider the pros and cons. If I stay, they’ll keep my body alive and I can come back after we stop the looters. I can message Niall and my parents and explain. They won’t be happy. And Niall… the memories of the nights I spent hoping he’d wake are horrible.
But how would I have felt if he’d chosen not to wake up? Gambled on his body surviving an attack on Ruijin? I’d be angry and hurt, but I’d understand his decision. The greater good and all that. But what if his body died and he was stuck? I’d still be able to communicate, but no kisses, no cuddling, no fun, and no future together. Q chose me, but I’m choosing Niall.
I’m sorry, Q, but I’m going to be selfish and risk it.
NOT SELFISH. HUMAN.
Before I can say good-bye pain knifes through my head. It’s like being hit with twin electrical bolts—one on each side of my head that meet in the middle. The agony stops as fast as it started. I’m aware of walls and light, but it’s all washed out in shades of gray like a photograph left in the sun too long. Another blast pierces my brain. It burns as it skitters through my head. The world solidifies into shapes that have mass and are painted with a pale blush of color. The third searing strike crackles up my spine and into the base of my skull.
Sounds accompany the relief, but I brace for another jolt. Nothing happens. The noise separates into the comforting beep of medical equipment. Sensations return. The weight of the blankets on my skin. The softness of the mattress underneath me. A dull throb in my ankle. An ache in my muscles. Warm fingers laced in mine. I breathe in the scent of sage grass mixed with that distinctive antiseptic smell of the infirmary.
I concentrate and curl my fingers, squeezing Niall’s hand. There’s movement next to me. A light caress on my cheek.
“Mouse?” A hoarse whisper.
It’s an effort to pry my eyelids apart. Even though the light is dim and soft, it hurts. I close them.
“Don’t leave, Mouse. Stay with me.”
The pain in his voice is raw. I’m a terrible person, hiding so long in the Q-net while Niall and my parents suffered. I coax my inner guarding lion from her hiding spot. Then I gather my determination and use it to snap open my eyes.
I meet Niall’s gaze. Then I croak, “Hey.”
A hesitant smile. “How do you feel?”
“Weak, s
tupid, tired, guilty, hungry, and in serious need of a hug.”
“Then you better get one before the doctor arrives and kicks me out.” Niall slides his arm underneath my shoulders and wraps his other around my chest. “We can deal with the rest later.”
It’s the best hug ever. His heat soaks into my sore body and I don’t ever want to move. The hug ends too soon and he pushes up on his elbow. I realize that he’s been lying in the bed with me.
“I can’t be selfish,” he says, climbing out of bed.
His cuts have either scabbed over or sport a row of stitches. Exhaustion clings to him like an invisible cloak. He’s wearing the everyday security uniform with the black tactical pants and gray long-sleeved shirt. Putting on his boots, he straightens and clips on his weapon belt. He has the full complement—pulse gun, kill zapper, energy wave gun, and a flashlight. All a reminder of our tenuous situation. We’re safe for now, but looters can pour from the pits at any time.
Niall gives me a hard stare. It’s not as potent as his father’s but there’s weight to it. “Don’t go anywhere.”
Where would I go? I glance around at the wires and tubes snaking out from under the blanket that kept me alive while I cowered. But then I realize he means back into my coma slash flying with Q. “I won’t.” And it’s possible I can’t, but I’m too afraid to try. I just couldn’t handle it right now if I’m cut off.
“Good.” He leaves, taking all the warmth with him.
I shiver under the blankets, which wakes all the rest of my aches. Shouldn’t one of these tubes be giving me instant pain medicine?
Dr. Bharathi strides in with my parents on her heels. They descend on me. Seems both Bharathi and my father portaled—yes, they’ve created a new verb—over to Ruijin. Bharathi didn’t trust anyone to take care of her patient. My dad, because he’s my dad—biology trumping responsibility in this case.
“Gavin and Drs. Jeffrey and Gage have the evac well in hand,” he says, waving away my concern.
My mom’s in the same condition as Niall. I suspect all the rest of the security team is as well. I’m glad all three are here. After Bharathi examines me, the top half of the bed is raised so I’m sitting up. I ask for hugs—even from Dr. Bharathi—before I answer all their questions as they test my state of mind. I’m sure there’s another brain scan in my future.
Talking is exhausting and I can’t keep track of the conversation. Bharathi asks about my pain and then fiddles with a machine. When Niall arrives with soup, my parents leave with promises to return in the morning. Bharathi says she’s monitoring me and all I have to do is push a button and she’ll come.
Niall pulls the table over and sets the soup on it. I eye the steaming liquid as my appetite wakes up and demands food now. Except the spoon weights a thousand kilos. Elese is not going to be happy about my poor physical condition so I press on and scoop every molecule of the chicken noodle soup into my mouth.
“Why soup?” I ask him when he moves the table away and lowers the bed.
“That’s what the nurses gave me,” he says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I figured, but what is it about chicken noddle soup that is always the first thing you give a patient? Does it have some magical healing properties?”
“I’m not a doctor, but I suspect it’s due to having a combination of protein, carbohydrates, and broth to help it go down. You’ve been getting all your liquids through a tube, so your mouth and throat are dry.” He gives me a sly smile. “That and the fairy dust they mix in it. I hear it’s imported from Planet Tinkerbell.”
“I knew it!”
“Not many people know, so keep it on the down low.”
I laugh. “I will.”
Niall’s good humor fades. He takes my hand in his. “You scared me, Mouse.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why in the world would you apologize?”
“Because I was hiding in the Q-net.” I explain about my adventures. “It’s just so…overwhelming. We’re outgunned. It’s just a matter of time before they catch up to us and we’re all dead. I thought why not save time and pain and just skip to the end.”
“What made you come back?”
“You.”
Niall kisses me. “Thanks.” Then he kicks off his boots, hangs up his weapon belt and joins me in the bed. “Looks like we both had our freak outs, so we should be good.”
I snuggle against him. “Mine lasted longer than yours.”
“You’ve always been an overachiever. Don’t worry, I’m okay with it. I don’t mind being in your shadow.”
“At least my shadow is well behaved and won’t try to kill you.”
“I appreciate that.”
I’d laugh but a yawn just about cracks my jaw.
“Go to sleep, Mouse.”
I struggle to stay awake, but my energy runs out. I sigh and fall asleep in Niall’s arms.
In the morning, Bharathi does another exam and I’m given solid food. Ruijin had a recent resupply. And had gotten the next generation of accelerated healing meds. It’s cool stuff. Niall and the rest of the team’s stitches are removed. He insists they do his in my room.
That’s sweet, but it reminds me of why I’m in this bed in the first place. When they’re finished, I ask him, “What happened after I fainted?”
“There was some confusion because your injuries didn’t seem that bad. One of Pingliang’s medical staff examined you and determined you were probably bleeding internally.” He pauses. “I may have freaked out at that news. Morgan organized everyone and we portaled to Ruijin.” He huffs with amusement. “You should have seen their faces. Total shock, even though we sent a message that we were coming, they still didn’t believe us. At least they humored us and went to Pit 9 with their surgeon and a gurney. I imagine they were composing a scathing report in their heads about the prank while waiting for us.
“Morgan says that when she arrived with you in her arms, they just stood there staring at her, grappling with what just happened in front of their very eyes. By the time I portaled to Ruijin, you were being wheeled away.”
“What about the people from Pingliang?”
“They’re finally all here. The base is packed. Security is taking shifts in the pits, keeping an eye out for the telltale green glow—it appears soon after the portal is established. They’re also on alert for any shuttles or missiles heading this way.”
“I can help with setting up alarms,” I say automatically, but I might not be able to do any of that anymore.
“Relax, Mouse. We believe if they come it’ll be through the pits.”
“It’s not that.” I explain about the seventy percent chance. An alarmingly high percentage.
“You can find out pretty quick right now,” Niall says.
“I know it’s just…”
“Just what?”
“I’m terrified to find out if I’ll never be able to fly again. Or if my extremely selfish act caused us to lose one of our meager advantages over the looters.” Or if I lost a friend. Weird, I know.
“Do you think you made the wrong choice?” he asks. His tone is carefully neutral.
“Of course not.” I hug him tight, proving it.
“Can’t…breathe.”
I relax enough to allow his diaphragm to do its job. But I keep him close. Because I can!
“I’m very glad you were selfish, so that makes me selfish, too,” Niall says. “And I’d bet there are a number of other people who feel the same way.”
“My parents.”
“Yes, but also my dad, Morgan, Elese, Beau, Bendix…do I need to keep going?”
“No. I agree we’re all very selfish, but that’s not going to help when we’re all very dead.”
Niall breaks away and meets my gaze. “This isn’t you. Why so pessimistic?”
I tell him about the failed navigator cohort. “Nine of them! They’ve been planning this for years. We can’t beat them.”
“But we have, Mouse. We’ve upset thei
r plans, figured out what they’re doing, and stopped them from killing all the people in Pingliang. Nothing’s changed except now we know exactly who we’re dealing with, which gives us an edge. Along with the fact they don’t know we’re using the portals, giving us another advantage.”
All true statements. Plus they’ve made mistakes. Still…I’m not as confident as before. Before what? The attack on Pingliang? Memories of the shadow-blobs erupting fill my head. Just dumb luck we were there and able to close the rift. Or was before when I’d been connected to Q? Did that give me my confidence?
“We’re not beat, Mouse,” Niall says. “And our survival is not dependent on your connection to the Q-net.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do.”
That takes a great deal of pressure off. I take in a deep breath and close my eyes.
Q? Are you there?
There’s no response.
Sixteen
2522:272
Do you know the expression that silence is deafening? I always thought it was an odd thing to say since silence really doesn’t harm your eardrums. And it’s quiet. Well now I understand what it means. The lack of…anything makes you question that something must surely be wrong. I must be deaf, therefore I can’t hear the clamor that is surely going on. That must be going on.
In this case, it means I’m cut off from Q. I’m deaf to it.
Defending the Galaxy: The Sentinels of the Galaxy Page 25
